I am lucky enough to not have had a toxic mother; my stepfathers, those are different stories. Sometimes I did deserve a punishment or three but actions cross lines fast. Malicious behavior is easy to dish out and too often not recognizable as toxic. Let's look for signs...
Useless
Angry Season 9 GIF by ShamelessGiphyThat i'm freaking useless and can't do crap because I couldn't open a jar of tomato sauce for my mom at 1am.
Peace Out
"We're moving and you're not welcome."
This is what my dad said to me while blackout drunk, after he took my sister's pizza that I made, ate it in front of me, and then threw the pizza at me after I asked him why the hell he's like that and walked away. We were supposed to be moving to a new place the next couple weeks after this fight.
Don't Speak
In my experience, divorced parents that say stuff like :
"Don't talk about that to your [other parent]" "Tell your [other parent] this" "Your [other parent] is trying to manipulate you." "You see what [other parent] did ? I'm not saying you should hate them, but isn't bit messed up that they did that?"
It really screws with the kid's head. If you're ever going through a divorce and have children, please find a way to sort your crap with your former spouse without involving your children more than necessary.
Oprah Winfrey Reaction GIFOof. That is a lot of pain to process and digest. This is proof that everyone really shouldn't procreate. Being a parent is a responsibility you need to be able to handle.
Excuse me?
Excuse Me What GIF by One ChicagoGiphy"So you're saying that I'm a bad parent" in response to any form of help-seeking of constructive criticism was the worst for me.
LIAR
My dad made my mom choose between me or him when I was 15. He was angry I wouldn't give him my email password so he could change it and block me from having any friends after I changed schools.
My mom without hesitation told me to leave. It was winter. I had no coat. I wandered around town then slept under the stairs of the building they lived in.
Eventually that night my father gave my mother permission to let me back in.
I told them about this trauma when I was 25. They both screamed at me & called me a "freaking liar" while I cried. I'll never forget the trauma of my mother telling her child to leave and choosing her husband. Over an email password.
"THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP"
Constantly comparing you with your older siblings, and extremely different treatment. It makes you feel inferior to them and like no matter how much you try or do, it will never be enough.
Omg, this hits the hardest with me, I'm so sorry. The "THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP" makes me furious; parents bullying is so incredibly harmful and takes away a child's sense of security almost immediately. I can't imagine telling my child that after they are trying to share their life with me and are excited to do so. So sorry, I hope you have found your safe place.
OK
Sounds Good GIF by Leroy PattersonGiphyOkay
Over and over again for years and years. Any accomplishment any trial passed any challenge won.
Just "okay".
What have we learned? Not everyone is cut out to be a mom or dad. That may feel like a heard truth but it's necessary. Kids are trying to be the best they can be for you. So just proceed with compassion.
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Here are some crazy, stupid stories from the sons and daughters of Reddit. Enjoy it, or at least try not to cringe.
U/Bac0nLegs asked: What's the dumbest thing you had to convince your parent NOT to do?
First off are the things that are just plane unsafe. These parents are lucky they didn’t get hurt.
Nooooooo.
My dad texted me a few months ago and said that he found mushrooms in his back yard, and that they were magic mushrooms because when he bruised them, the flesh turned blue. That obviously meant that they were safe. He used to do a ton of drugs when he was young.
I quickly told him not to do that, Googled an article about mushrooms, and sent it to him straight away.
I had to convince my 68-year-old father to not consume strange blue mushrooms in his backyard because then he would f*cking die.
You’ll shoot your eye out!
A Christmas Story GIF by filmeditorGiphyI love my dad, but he is not safe with bb guns. He looked down the barrel of one once when it was cocked and loaded.
Just last week I had to lecture my 60 yr old father after he took his new little handheld pellet gun and shot at the stop sign, ended up hitting the neighbors house. Thank goodness it didn't hit a window but still, you cannot go to the road, point a black hand gun at someone's home, fire and expect no one to be upset! I don't care if it's just a pellet gun! He's so lucky they didn't see and call the cops. I hate to say it but it's white privilege at its best.
People Break Down The Best Loophole They've Ever Exploited
Please go to the hospital!
Not to stay home and not go to the hospital after falling on the ice and getting knocked out for a couple hours.
"But I don't have insurance!" she complained, as her main reason. Mom, you should have insurance. At your age? Yeah, you need insurance.
I really can't convince her to go to the hospital in general if she has a medical issue that needs to be checked out. It's a 10-minute drive from her house and yet I can't convince her to go into her car and drive herself there. It's kind of sad, since many other people have to make the same decision: go see the doc and pay tons of money, or live with the affliction because you can't afford it?
It’s amazing how often older people get scammed. Luckily, they have their kids to save them.
Stay away from MLMs and pyramid schemes!!!
I have TWICE had to talk my dad into not giving money to a pyramid scheme. He's not a dumb man, he just gets really desperate and hopeful. There's nothing sadder than having to poke holes in an old man's dream.
I was able to stop my mom from investing in the preacher's investment vehicles once but as soon as I moved away he scammed her out of 12k. He sold her on a stupid "inspired" selection of funds that went tits up within 8 months. Church preachers are super predatory people and I still don't understand how my mom could believe that a man who had no financial literacy or college education and was "reformed" meth addict was trustworthy.
We need Kitboga...
internet asl GIF by Wet CementGiphyI walked in as my dad was on the phone with someone after his computer got that stupid pop up that he had a virus and needed to call someone to fix it over the phone. I'm honestly terrified of how susceptible my parents seem to be to scammers.
My mom's friend did this. It said she had a virus and to call the number. She called and they told her for a mere $400 she could get year long virus protection on her computer. She paid with her credit card. My mom thinks she had doubts right after paying and that's why she called her. She bragged about the new awesome virus protection she'd gotten. My mom told her it was a scam and that she needed to call her credit card company. She didn't believe her. She called more friends, one who was a computer expert, and they all told her it was a scam. She admitted her mistake and called her credit card company. She's normally very smart but not with computers. Unfortunately, she died of Covid this year. No one is sure how she got it.
That is absolutely insane.
My bio dad almost handed over his patent rights to a woman who is conning him $300+ a month for spiritual advice. She's seriously wanted him to sign a contract where she would receive royalties from him for guidance counseling. To break the contract she could choose the gross profit of any 3 months and he would be required to pay 25x that amount. It took the entire family threatening to disavow him if he continued to speak with that woman for him to finally break ties.
Thank goodness his kid is there to protect him.
I had to cry and beg my father not to let his thieving "girlfriend" move in with him. At the time I didn't know she'd literally stolen from him (although he DID know.) I thought she was just a constant source of stress, who he kept giving money to for various outlandish "emergencies."
Later, he admitted that she'd stolen valuable items from his house. Eventually, he wised up and filed charges. He's in a much better place now.
And of course, sometimes we have to prevent our parents from making the dumbest life decisions.
It’s high school romance all over again.
Confused Cbs GIF by Paramount+GiphyUpdating their relationship Facebook status to "It's complicated" anytime they would fight over something as little as what to order for dinner.
And then when people ask about it they're like "I don't want to talk about it, please respect my privacy".
Bad idea.
Elderly mother with Crohn's disease, also very religious, had to convince her not to resume fasting for Lent after she had intestinal issues from something that she did eat... she's 85, it's not an obligation to fast at her age and in her condition. Oi yoi yoi.
Beyond forgiveness.
Had to convince my dad that cheating on my mom for the second time was a bad idea. Came downstairs to hear him talking on the phone in the living room and saying things along the lines of "well it'd just be nice to have someone to spend time with".
He heard me come downstairs and decided to take the phone call outside. The dumb*ss thought that he'd be out a earshot just by closing the screen door to our patio. That sh*t ignited a flame within me so I just sat there at our kitchen table for him to come back inside. Once he did so, I simply asked him, "What in the f*ck was that?"
To which he had the audacity to act as if I was the a**hole for calling him out. He then spent the next ten minutes trying to justify his actions. Needless to say that I've lost a lot of respect for my father, especially when he tries to portray himself as a man of God. There's no forgiveness for something like that. I made the mistake of forgiving him the first time he cheated on my mother, but luckily I caught him before he tried to do it again.
It's insane how susceptible the older generations can be to things like this. Sometimes it's the kids that have to teach the parents, rather than the other way around.
This is definitely a universal experience. Luckily, they have us to make sure they don't get scammed or hurt.
Here are a few funny stories from parents on Tooth Fairy duty, courtesy of Reddit.
Some of the funniest stories come from the kids trying to catch the Tooth Fairy in the act.
Outsmarted.
Once, my son got the bright idea to con the tooth fairy. He made playdoh teeth and left them. As he was totally naive about this, he shared his plan with me. He anticipated untold riches! However, the fake teeth only yielded fake money - chocolate coins in gold-colored foil!
I did that once as a kid with a little shred of popcorn. Since I didn't tell my parents, it was still under my pillow the next few mornings. I figured the tooth fairy wasn't fooled, so I wrote an apology note for trying to trick her.
Everything is explainable by magic.
I have 3 kids and it's not hard to do it without waking them. Once the kid lost a tooth at night and we didn't have anything smaller than a $20 so we told him that means he lost a super special tooth.
The other parents in his class heard about it and were annoyed with us because their kids thought it was the going rate.
When my middle kid got money for his first tooth he tried really hard to loosen another to make a quick buck. He swallowed it at lunch and was so upset but we paid him anyway and told him the Tooth Fairy could use magic to get it.
Logic.
My youngest had the idea that the tooth fairy wears a blue sparkly dress. He would ask me if I was the tooth fairy so I let him look through my closets. No blue sprakly dress.
Next summer was my parents "turn" for a visit and what does my son find in my mama's closet? A blue sparkly dress! Grandma's the tooth fairy!
That’s a smart 3 year old.
My daughter (younger than my son) saw her big bro getting loot for his newly lost tooth. She was maybe 3 years old and wanted in on the action. I caught her putting something under her pillow one evening and said, honey what are you hiding under your pillow? She looked at me and whispered "magic coins". I said uhhh, what? She had placed Chuck E. Cheese tokens under the pillow and when I asked why, she said that if she left some money that a secret fairy would come and leave her some teeth.
Of course, that night I chipped small pieces off a block of Parmesan cheese and dipped them lightly in ketchup "blood", placed in a bag and made the exchange.
A much better deal than being out a five spot every time my kid sheds a tooth.
This is so wholesome.
Years ago, my son decided he was going to catch the tooth fairy on camera by setting up his tablet to record in his room. When I walked in, I saw what he had done and walked over to it and knocked it face down. See, his tablet recorded in 30 second increments. So standing behind the tablet, I took a picture with flash on so it would light up a room like the tooth fairy. Counted to 30 and stepped out.
The next morning I scrolled to find the places with me in it and deleted them before he woke up. The result was a few dollars under his pillow and a video with a flash of the tooth fairy showing up. He was so excited!
Perhaps the funniest stories come from when parents forget to make the switcheroo.
Gotta come up with a good excuse.
schitts creek crying GIF by CBCGiphyWhen my daughter lost her tooth I completely forgot to do the swap and she told me the next morning, I made a letter from the tooth fairy explaining how she couldn't leave her money because of how messy her room was that she hurt herself trying and would come back when her room was all tidy. Gave me time to get some cash and a reason for her to tidy her room.
A serious problem.
I don't have kids but here's the story on how I found out the truth.
I woke up in the morning looked under my pillow and tooth was still there, no money. So I of course told my dad later on and he straight up said "oh crap I forgot" and pulls out some money and gives it to me...
No explanation no fancy story no nothing, I didn't even question anything. But I was pretty surprised
Edit: they never were into the whole Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc. They even said "if you see a fat white man coming down that chimney there's gonna be a serious problem"
Nice save.
My husband and I fell asleep and forgot to take the tooth and leave money a few weeks ago for my 6 year old. My brilliant husband was like "it's because of covid". So we told her the tooth fairy wasn't collecting teeth because of covid and was just sending kids robux (currency in the game Roblox that they play) in lieu of leaving money under the pillow, due to social distancing requirements. I quickly added $10 worth before she logged in to check, and she was thrilled.
I don’t know how they do it, but sometimes kids just manage to not notice anything through the entire ordeal.
That’s slick.
dwayne johnson wings GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphyI'd do it right in front of them without them noticing.
I had a very small velvet beggar's purse type of bag for the kids to put their tooth in when they came out. I actually had two of these bags but they didn't know that. They'd put their tooth in the bag then put the bag under the pillow. I'd have the other bag with money in my pocket.
I'd sit on the end of their bed and talk or read a story for a few minutes. Then I'd say it's time to go so I'd stand up, lean over them to kiss them all over their face and hug them using one arm while swapping out the tooth bag with the money bag. Never got caught.
The Tooth Rat sounds terrifying.
When I was a kid my parents told me about the tooth rat, not the tooth fairy. We left our teeth behind the bedroom door instead of under the pillow. Now I know it was because they tried to test the pillow thing and I woke up.
The best part about being a kid who believes in the Tooth Fairy is when she manages to slide us more money than we expect. I remember getting $5 once and getting so excited! It's the best when the magic is still there.
Of course, we all eventually grow up and find out the truth. But until then, it's fun to believe in something so magical