Things Parents Do That Unknowingly Screw Their Children Over
Reddit user RunningInAHurricane asked: 'What do a lot of parents do that unknowingly screws their children over?'
Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash
Parenting isn't a simple job.
The health, safety and well-being of another human being is on the line. Eventually that human will enter society with all the lessons or traumas of their childhood shaping them.
That's a lot of responsibility.
But even the most well-meaning parents can mess up.
Reddit user RunningInAHurricane asked:
"What do a lot of parents do that unknowingly screws their children over?"
Because I Said So
"Not taking the time to explain themselves on certain topics."
"The whole 'do as I say because I said so' or 'because I had you' is not effective."
~ LiteLit
"Yes! Rules should always have valid rationales behind them. Ones that you can explain fully."
"'Your room must be clean: building habits and routines makes life way easier and keeping a clean house can help reduce the chance of injury from tripping or pests'."
"Bedtime is 8: sleep is very important for our health. If we dont get enough, we het cranky and dont function as well'."
"Yadda yadda. Adjust for age."
"And you can build in safe phrases for times when your kids need to listen and follow directions without question. These are used like this: 'if I ever grab your arm and say "apples aren't oranges" you need to do as i say because it is a matter of your own safety. Once we are safe, I will explain'."
~ Lostintranslation390
Selective Memory
"Forgetting what it was like to be that age, and expecting their kids to react differently to things than them when they were that age."
~ MunkRubilla
"People are quick to forget what being a teenager is like."
"It's hard on the body physically and mentally just from the hormones, all of their friends are going through the same sh*t, and they're also desperately trying to find their place in the world at the stage in between childhood and adulthood."
~ Cautious_Hold428
Critical Thinking
"Not teach them to think for themselves."
"They need to think independently from other people."
"My favorite thing my parents taught me was to not have a hive mind mentality and think things through before believing and using them."
~ GimmiwCoconut
"I'm 24 and recently visited family for a week.
"It's amazing how my mom immediately started trying to make my choices for me regarding what I do, wear, and eat."
"It's not malicious on her part, it's just a force of habit. But my God is it infuriating."
~ DisposableCharger
Failure Is An Option
"They fail at letting their kids fail and figure out how to recover."
"It prevents the kids from becoming resilient."
~ BS623-902
"This starts when they're little."
"You have to let the 2 year old struggle with the toy or puzzle and not just do it for them when they start to cry and get frustrated."
"It's okay for your kids to cry about being frustrated, you don't need to immediately stop it."
~ lexrp
Inside Voice
"Shouting at them instead of having a conversation."
~ therapoootic
"My husband is incapable of just having a conversation with our 15-year-old son."
"He's always shouting because he doesn't like the way our son looks at him or because he feels he's not being shown respect."
"This all boils down to him projecting his frustrations, as he can't shout at people at the office or on the street."
"So he does it at home. It's annoying."
~ DisastrousGarage9052
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
"Not apologize when they’re wrong."
~ Mlaer7351
"I’ve never heard my mum apologise to me ever."
"She’s said many hurtful things to me in the past that I’ve never let go of because she never came to apologise for any of the things she said."
"If she had simply apologised and admitted that what she said was wrong and hurtful, I think that things between us would be so much better."
~ ellie_wxbster
Control
"Might sound a little contradictory but either not disciplining them or disciplining them way too much."
~ RandomRamblings99
"The disciplining too much hits hard."
"I know so many kids with strict parents that became druggies the second they left for college."
"Nobody taught them to have self agency because their independence never existed until they left their homes."
~ Redacted_G1iTcH
"I never had chores to do around the house. I never had a curfew. I was rarely told no."
"I was spoiled to the point where my parents would be willing to pay for my Ubering everywhere because they were too afraid I would get in an accident if I drove a car. I'm 29 and don't have a license and pay for that almost every day."
"Basically grew up like a princess. My mom came to my doctor's appointments and even sometimes made said appointments for me (cause I couldn't make phone calls) until I finally moved out."
"And by that, I mean moved out of the house, country, continent."
"I've been living on my own for over two years now. I'm still alive. They made fun of me, saying I grew up like a princess and because of it, I wouldn't last a day without my family."
"Yes, I'm still very much codependent and talk with them more than anyone else even now—but I proved to myself that I can take care of myself. I'm a different person, and that's the first thing my sibling said to me when we spent some time together recently."
"I'm a full-blown grown-up now. And I'm glad I jumped into it. It was so hard, but I'm getting better at it. Slowly but surely."
~ Ancient_Reply4583
Gimme Shelter
"Over sheltering them."
"You can't protect your kids 24/7 for their whole lives."
"It leads to naive adults that get taken advantage of."
~ Chosen_of_Nerevar
"I think some parents confuse 'trauma' with 'adversity'."
"Trauma can lead to long lasting emotional, social, mental, and physical issues. Consequently, trauma should be avoided at all costs."
"However, adversity can lead to personal growth, perseverance, and confidence building."
"Parents (and society as a whole) need to be able to distinguish one from the other."
~ triton2toro
Parenting is hard work and no one will get everything right all the time.
All anyone can do is try their best.
People Reveal Which Things They 100% Judge Someone For
Reddit user dolphinsR4evr asked: 'What is something you have a hard time not judging people about?'
Oliver Ragfelt on Unsplash
The Bible advises people to judge not, lest they be judged.
Which seems to have been lost in translation for too many purported adherents to its teachings.
On a secular level, we're told to not judge a book by its cover, but sometimes...
Sometimes it's hard not to get judgy.
Reddit user dolphinsR4evr asked:
"What is something you have a hard time not judging people about?"
Parents
"Being proud of being awful and absolute a**holes to their children."
~ YamAnxious
"I (female, 15) was on a train with my mother (female, 50) a couple years ago. We were enjoying our trip, laughing and playing together."
"We were sitting next to a man and his wife. They were about 60 years old."
"He started talking to us out of the blue and he said some things like 'a mother and her daughter shouldn't be friends', 'a daughter should hate her mother bc she's strict', and randomly bringing up his children."
"When we got off the train, we looked at each other and laughed about it, but I actually felt so bad about his kids."
~ justlookawaybruh
Give a Hoot
"Leaving trash in nature or anywhere really. I don't get it."
~ AbsoluteEva
"One of my pet peeves are people who throw their empty beer or energy drink cans off ski lifts."
"The lifties have to hike up the hill with trash bags picking up the litter. The people who do this have no respect for nature or the employees."
~ sretep66
Where Ya Headed?
"People who don't use their turn signals."
~ cutiecakepiecookie
"Even better, the ones who turn on the turn signal after they’re already turning."
~ SomeKindoflove27
"At least in these instances, it might just be a last second 'oh f'k sorry I forgot'."
"The ones who never use it are entitled."
~ GeneralZaroff1
"They shall hence be known as after-turners."
~ bryfy77
"How about the ones that have their blinkers on to move Right but move Left?"
~ MealComprehensive865
"No" Is A Complete Sentence!
"People pressuring others to do something after the other person already said 'no'."
~ Orchid_wildflower
"As someone who just doesn't enjoy drinking, it's so tiring answering the same questions at every single function."
"'No. I don't want a drink. No. I'm not an alcoholic. Thank you for the concern. I just don't want to drink'."
"It's like it's unfathomable for someone not to enjoy drinking."
~ TheDarkKnightFell
"'You’re just having a coke? Why‽‽'”
"Because it actually tastes good, it’s half the price, I can drive home after and I can actually enjoy my day tomorrow.”
~ Majestic-Marcus
"I AM an alcoholic and was amazed at how many people I considered to be friends tried this when I quit drinking."
"'Oh just a few won't hurt', 'you can't really have a problem if it was that easy to stop', 'don't worry', etc..."
~ yerbard
"5.5 years sober here."
"It. Is. Wild!"
"People will straight up try and bully you into drinking like, nah..."
~ jessieesmithreese519
"I gave up alcohol and marijuana last summer. I rarely socialize anymore with people outside my family."
"Seems like everyone in my age group needs some type of substance in order to relax and hang out. I'm especially put off by the wave of women calling wine 'mommy juice'."
~ Mammoth_Monk1793
"I hate how much of this culture's socialization is based around some type of substance use."
"So we can't just hang out and talk? We need to smoke, or drink, or some other bullsh*t??"
~ MrProdigal884
Special Place in Hell
"Poor treatment of pets."
~ Willing-Survey7448
"Buying a $3500 puppy for their kid at Christmas and dumping the dog at the pound a few months later when they realize how challenging raising a cute puppy can be. I will judge you."
"*glances down at purebred husky from pound sitting on couch snuggling with favorite toys….*"
~ lightpennies
"I see that often (I volunteer at our local shelter) and it really makes me angry seeing the people come in and just surrender the dog because they couldn't be bothered to put in the time and dedication."
"Dogs aren't a damn appliance. They are living, breathing beings with feelings."
"There honestly should be a database that those people get added to that prevents them from ever having a dog in the future if that's the reason why they are surrendering a dog (or any other animal)."
"And I get that there are legimate reasons for surrendering an animal (owner dies and surviving family cannot properly care for it, loss of housing and job, etc...)."
~ FirehawkLS1
"I once knew a woman who moved in with her boyfriend like people do. They both had dogs. Dogs did not get along."
"She'd had her dog 4 years and just went, ok I'll take it to the pound and give it up since they won't stop fighting. After only one month."
"Then complained about being sad for her lost dog (that went to one of those, if it doesn't get adopted, it'll get put down, places)."
"Her boyfriend just bought her a new dog to raise and train with his dog."
"I was so disgusted, I am not friends with them anymore."
~ TheMightyBluzah
Move Along
"Being oblivious of how much space they're taking up in public."
"I used to work in a building where you had to swipe your key card to enter through a turnstile, and the system was a bit slow. They were around 400 people working there, you can imagine how there was always a queue."
"Every day there was some d*ckhead having a conversation in front of the turnstiles, completely ignoring the people wanting to pass."
"Every day there was some dude getting to the front of the queue and only then realizing they needed their key card to get through."
"Everybody knew how annoying the process was, how can you care that little about other people?"
"Related: Placing your backpack on a seat in a crowded bus/train, blocking a supermarket aisle with your trolley."
~ thursday-anywhere
Use Your Indoor Voice
"Being extremely loud and bragging in a public place or restaurant."
~ anonnautilus
"I will never forget the time I rode a train late at night and one family took up half the car with their kids. They ran around making an absolute ruckus."
"One older lady politely asked if they could quiet down since 'everyone was tired'."
"The acting matriarch of the group yelled at her, 'Don't you dare tell my kids what to do! Hey, Kids! You can be AS LOUD AS YOU WANT!!!'."
"'Yaaaaay!'."
"I have to imagine they all grew up to be total a**holes."
~ PorkRoll2022
"And that's my neighbor. She encourages her kids to yell and scream, and joins in with them....encouraging them by yelling 'This is OUR HOUSE!'."
"She's actually the first adult I've ever met who had her kids on the lawn on July 4th, whooping and yelling 'USA! USA! Number ONE!!'."
"Yeah, I think we all judge her."
~ Francesca_N_Furter
Don't Be a Richard
"I hate people that feel the need to constantly bring others down and make them feel bad about things they enjoy."
"It's so sad to watch someone's enthusiasm about their hobby deflate because another person decided to be a d*ck about it."
~ ReporterOk4531
"Working with kids, it’s something I try to nip in the bud. Unfortunately, there’s way too many adults doing that to kids."
"My cousins’ dreams were crushed as kids by the adults in my family. Talents went to waste because of that. Even as a child myself, I knew it was wrong."
~ mstrss9
STFU, Tom!
"Man I think of myself as a relatively tough person who generally dgaf what people think of me, but I'm 38 and overweight and I realized I wanted to try roller blading again (this was abt 8 mos after having my third child)."
"This one d*ckhead neighbor was out in his yard and made fun of me to my face as I skated up the road (legit first time roller blading in like 20 years) and I haven't put them back on since."
"I even said 'hey don't give me a hard time, I haven't done this in years!' And he rolled his eyes and said 'yeah I can tell'."
"He made me feel so small and stupid. I'm mad at myself for not being tougher than that idiot's stupid comments."
~ allegedlys3
"He's a bully. So sorry this happened. Can't wait for you to try again. I learned to do pull-ups very late in life. Took me months."
"Everyone at the gym was very encouraging. I would never have made it without the extra support. My family was not as supportive."
"This is me supporting you. Go get em! You got this!"
~ VelcroSea
"Just remind yourself that people who make fun of someone making an effort are the biggest losers on the planet."
"Losers hate to watch people on the path to success."
~ rm-rd
"Yeah--OP, he's the small and stupid one. And if you can manage it, re-rollerblading will be both fun on its own AND a major victory against your a-hole neighbor."
~ Cat_Prismatic
"I hope you put the blades back on and either give him the finger or wear a shirt that says 'shut the hell up Tom' whenever youre outside blading your troubles away."
~ sinverguenza
"To all you subcommenters, you are a lovely group of people and thank you so much for your encouragement! Yeah, f'k that guy."
"When I get the guts up to go try again (I'll prob wait a few weeks til it's not hotter than the devil's taint outside), I will think of y'all."
~ allegedlys3
Well, 💩
"Not cleaning up after their dog. Just get a doggy bag people."
~ jfg1435
"There’s crap all over sidewalks in my neighborhood. I just can’t fathom the mindset of these people that won’t pick up after their dogs."
~ zrayburton
"It's even worse when there's trashcans next to free doggy bags on the neighborhood trail, and you still see dogsh*t all over the place. Zero f'king excuse at that point besides being a lazy pr*ck."
~ Pooonther
"Especially people who own large dogs. Like excuse me this is what you signed up for when you got your large a** dog."
"At my old apartment complex there was dog sh*t EVERYWHERE and it was always the human sized ones. So disgusting."
"If I ever see someone not picking it up I will absolutely yell at them."
~ AudreyFish
Excuse You
"People with no sense of self awareness, so they stop in the middle of walkways, entrances or crosswalks for no reason."
~ progressiveanarchy
"And grocery aisles. At least apologize if blocking the aisle."
~ weaselblackberry8
"Yeah people get way too absorbed in what they personally have going on, and are totally oblivious to their surroundings as a result."
~ zakku_88
"My husband was this person. Absolutely no awareness of the inconsiderate mess."
"When we first took a trip together and he stopped in the middle of the airport and put his bag down I was like… 'I Don't Know WHERE you learned this but you don’t do this anymore'."
"And now he’s learned."
~ BusinessClassBarbie
Abandon Ship
"A parent leaving and ignoring one family to get a new significant other and raise that persons children."
~ blyblotbloidberg
"Generally it is getting a new partner (who doesn’t have kids) AND create a new batch of kids, forgetting the existing kids."
~ VeganMonkey
"This happened to a friend of mine. Thirty years ago his mother walked out, abandoning him and his sister."
"They were both under ten years old. She never contacted them again. She moved on and had more kids with someone else."
"Things like that always kind of surprise me because we’ve all been conditioned to expect mothers to always love and want to take care of their children. Mother love is supposed to be unconditional, right?"
"Sadly, not always. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances, sometimes not. My friend does not really know why his mom left them."
"Nowadays he says he doesn’t care because it’s been so long that it feels to him like she died—but I think he still hurts. Everybody needs a mother sometimes."
"Sometimes people are just sh*tty for no good reason. It’s hard to accept."
~ miniguinea
"Overheard a convo a mom was having with her pre/early teen daughter at a restaurant once. I was their server."
"Essentially daughter had to go live with her dad because they didn't have enough room in moms new family."
"The specific phrase 'I have a new family now' was used. I haven't mentioned it yet, but mom was preggo."
"Lots of tears and mom came across as a complete a**hole."
~ ElbisCochuelo1
Sometimes we as a society are too judgmental.
But there are times it's really difficult not to judge someone's words or actions.
What do you find hard not to judge?
Some people are not cut out to be parents. Some are adamant about not having kids.
But when life circumstances change and a baby is all of a sudden presented in front of a skeptic, there could be the possibility of a 180. Did anyone watch Waitress?
Miraculous change of heart aside, there are plenty of people who are just not at all the parenting type and are not cut out to look after the life of an infant to see it through to becoming an adult.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor SafetySnorkel asked:
"What are some signs you should NOT become a parent?"
These are the wrong reasons for people to decided to have kids.
Feeling The Pressure
"If you're doing it just because everyone else is."
– EllsyP0
"On top of that, if your religion really pushes for it, it's okay to say no thanks. Yes, children will bring great joy and blessings into your life, but uh, I like having free time. And if I think I'll be a bad parent, then why chance it?"
– stealth57
The Wrong Backup Plan
"if you do it in the hopes of 'saving' or 'advancing' your relationship, or if you wish to 'compensate' for perceived lack of personal achievements."
– Comprehensive_Day511
It's Teamwork
"Want to exacerbate the bad things in your relationship? Put a baby in the middle of it. If you weren't getting along before, you sure as sh*t aren't going to get a long better on half as much sleep and quadruple the stress."
– SeeYouOn16
Mental and emotional well-being were mentioned as a prerequisite to parenting.
First Things First
"If you can't look after yourself first."
– whetstonereek
"This is the most important one. You will have a hard time caring for someone else if you are struggeling with life yourself."
– MyNameIsMikeAswell
No Regrets
"In my 50s and life has been a roller-coaster. One thing which can cheer me up a bit when I’m at the lows is remembering: At leadt I don’t have any kids. They would be messed up and angry and it’s likely I’d be facing charges for neglect."
– LanceFree
If your fit the following descriptions, you're definitely not a parent-person.
The Wrong Approach To Raising Kids
"You view your child as a mould in which you can shape, alter, and control, pinning all of your failed aspirations and ambitions on them and forcing them to be something they are not."
"Rather than acknowledging your role as a guide, motivator, and a pillar of support to help them discover and forge their own identity and loving them even more because of it."
– SublimeVibe
Mind Is Made Up
"Not wanting kids."
– W-S_Wannabe
"I’ll take it further:"
"If you aren’t 100% sure that you want kids, and aren’t willing to sacrifice most of your life to do so, even if they end up being special needs or difficult, then you shouldn’t have them."
– justwalkingalonghere
Thinking About A Kid's Perspective
"I tell people this all the time. You need to really want to have kids. It’s hard to be a good parent even if you want them, if you don’t want them it’s impossible. It’s not fair to the children to bring them into this world without parents that are motivated to parent them."
– Salt_peanuts
This can breed resentment once a child becomes an adult.
A Caution
"If you’re thinking of having kids so they can be your retirement plan then please. Don’t."
– Pizzawithchickensoup
"Dealing with this right now with my in-laws. Damn glad husband has a spine though, but it's sad to hear the repeating arguments over and over again."
– kindadeadly
Discussing The Future
"Point blank told my dad to pick out his own nursing home and caregiving services when he retired so we would have a plan when he starts eventually declining. 'We are your daughters, not your caretakers.'"
– acc6494
The best barometer I've had indicating that I'm not capable of being a good parent is my gut reaction to kid tantrums in public.
I often see parents being paralyzed when a child is screaming at the top of their tiny lungs and are too afraid to deescalate the distressing situation for fear of being judged by others.
If you spank them, that's abuse. If you yell at them, you're an unfit parent. If you ignore the circumstances hoping the child would calm down on its own, you don't have a backbone and are regarded as a coward.
I've heard all three judgments mumbled by others who are watching. And I would definitely commit one of my reactions to a wailing kid in a grocery store with all eyes on me.
The fact that I'm too concerned about my disciplinary response, or lack thereof, and what people will think of me instead is a good indication that I still make it all about me.
Yeah, I'm not parenting material, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Anyone raising children can attest to the difficult challenges involved with being a parent.
And despite every intention of getting it right by doing the best job they can, not everyone is a perfect at being mom or dad.
Hopefully, people will be able to look back on their childhood and recognize that everything their folks did for them was all out of love.
If only that was the case.
Unfortunately, there are those who were never meant to be parents and have scarred their children with bad memories.
Curious to hear from strangers about their experiences growing up, Redditor Deviant55 asked:
"What is something that your parents did that you will never forgive them for?"
Emotional scars run deep for the Redditors here sharing their horrific stories.
Staged Christmas Robbery
"Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances."
"He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning."
"I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was."
"Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out."
"Proud as punch I say 'yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about.'"
"YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?"
'oh crap'
"Mum runs upstairs...."
'he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!'
"High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after."
"About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup."
"The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents."
"So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas."
"Those were the days!"
– greenear_1
Losing A Pet
"My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him. He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye."
– Fenrizian
A Recurring Ailmemt
"My mom left my bro and I behind to go be a methhead while lying to people about having cancer. I've confronted her, told her to show proof of the cancer. Nothing. She gets cancer every five to ten years without going to the doctors."
– ShazBishop
Forced To Referee
"Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other."
"So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so."
– Hellsoul0
Warning: These involve stories of abuse.
Step-parent get a bad rap because of these unfit parental figures.
Fake Public Persona
"Similar situation. Mom remarried a verbally and physically abusive DBag. The real kicker is him being a teacher at the local High School and loved by the community. He would choke us and throw us around and tell us we would amount to nothing. Even his own children."
"My mom wouldn’t really do anything about it and we complained to my dad. It really messed me and my brother up mentally. Drove us both into deep depression and anxiety as we got into high school. I ended up being a lot bigger than my step dad and he eventually stopped acting that way because I started standing up to him. Now he is pretty chill but I’ll never forgive him for that, or my Mom. My Mom denies denies denies that it was her fault."
– yaboymilky
These examples only reflect a small number of traumatic experiences contributed by Redditors who were brave enough to share their stories.
There were several hundred more examples, showing that it was not uncommon for people to grow up in unloving households.
Hopefully, they have each found a way to find peace and recognize their courage as they realized they were not alone in their trauma based on this emotional thread.
There's no one way to successfully raise a child.
Tons of books on parenting are available to offer guidance and they are suggestions drawing on different experiences and perspectives.
But who needs books? Not all the answers can be found in them since every situation is different.
Raising children successfully is typically achieved by first-time parents who fake it 'til they make it.
When it comes to talking about the birds and the bees, that's one topic that both parents and prepubescent children tend to be very evasive about discussing.
Sometimes "the talk" is awkward, but other times, it is extremely successful.
Wanting to highlight the positives on the topic,Redditor babyyyylilith asked:
"What is the best sex-related advice your parents ever told you?"
First starters, Redditors normalized various sexual situations.
Unbridled Urges
"My parents didn’t want to have the talk with me so they had our family friend do it. He said and I quote 'your body is going through a lot of changes and your going to get urges to do some weird sh*t. It’s all normal. Unless you are like rubbing dead puppies on your body, then come see us for help.'"
– FireFromThaumaturgy
Dirty Magazines
"When my dad caught 13-year-old me with a Playboy. I was terrified, but he said not to worry, it was normal to be curious. Then he said the wisest thing: 'Just remember, most women do NOT look like that.'”
– First_Drive2386
Dispensing With Stigma
"Honestly, I don't think that having 'a' talk or 'the' talk is the best idea, anyways. My wife and I have raised a pretty amazing young man, and we've never had 'the talk.'"
"We've simply never been afraid of the topic, and have never avoided it (while being proactive here and there as well). So over the years it's been a subject that comes up, and we discuss it just like any other topic."
"I feel that this is a much better idea than building up to a huge moment for 'the talk.' Doing this this just makes it a huge deal that will embarrass you and your child, teaching them that sex is shameful, even if that is not your intention. Besides, how can you cover everything in a meaningful way with only one talk?"
– TomEdison43050
There is a thing as sex etiquette.
Hygiene Matters
"To take a shower before it."
– hoorhay_ng
"and after too."
– Bill_ra16
"My father used to say:"
"Remember, It is better if you take a shower every time you are going to have sex."
"Just before it or just after it?"
"No son. Just instead."
– rmdf
A Medical Expert Weighs In
"Not my parents, but awkwardly and unexpectedly, my family doctor:"
"Teenage boys and even early 20-something men are horny, barely know what they're doing, and barely remember to wash their balls. Don't even let them touch you unless they show through their actions that they genuinely respect you, care about you, and like you as much as you like them. And even then always use a condom no matter if you're on other birth control because babies aren't the only thing you can pick up from sex. And never get with a guy who's hounding you for it."
– blickyjayy
Parents continued being very open about the topic.
The Result
"My dad held up my baby bro and told me that if i wasn’t careful this is what would happen lol"
– Immediate_Sense_2189
"if you're not careful you'll have another baby brother"
– IceFire909
Father Knows Best
"My dad gave me a sex talk when I was in my teens that pretty explicit about how a woman’s body needs attention and time to be ready for sex."
"He also gave me a book called 'the guide to getting it on.' And suggested I read it and he’d answer any questions."
"By the time I was having sex, I felt very confident about how it worked and how to make women feel good."
"I’ve tried to keep building up my skills and knowledge over the years - different courses and books."
"Partners have always been complimentary. I can thank dear ol’ dad for that."
– TheGameForFools
A Woman Backs Up
'how a woman’s body needs attention and time to be ready for sex.'
"As a woman, this is seriously good advice. Too many men learn how sex works from porn and get this inaccurate idea that women can just GO. We need time and prep work. You wouldn't start your car in the winter and automatically expect the geater to blow warm air, women aren't hot immediately either."
– StaunchMiracle15
Mother Knows Best
"My mom: 'Sex is great, but it's absolutely never worth compromising on your values or your self-respect.'""
Directly followed up with"
"Walk away from any guy who tries to pressure or intimidate you into doing stuff with him. Don't waste time with guys who think they're entitled to your body. Don't fall for shallow flattery and be manipulated. Just walk. You are not missing out on anything. "
"As kids, my mom always taught me and my siblings about being compassionate and kind to other people as well as being responsible and honest and respectful all those things parents try get into their kids' heads to help them turn out right. I was 14-15 when my mom sat me down and impressed on me that not everyone in the world has good-hearted and respectful intentions, and that I need to keep this especially in mind when it comes to how people act when romance and sex come into the picture."
"It was a new layer to the lessons she gave me growing up and I took it to heart. It's advice that has served me very well."
– SiliconeCarbideTeeth
Supportive Mom
"My mom: You know what people who practice the pull out method are called? Parents."
"In all seriousness though, my mom answered any questions I had and even helped me get a doctor's appointment arranged when I decided I wanted to be on the pill. I'm eternally grateful that she made it easy to go to her for any questions or advice"
– NightDreamer73
Importance Of Open Conversations
"I was almost exclusively interested in women (as a woman) for my late teen years, so a lot of the time my mom's advice and open conversation seemed irrelevant to me, but it meant so much to me that she had such an open conversation with me about sex and questions that didn't seem important until I started dating a man and told her 'hey I'm gonna sleep with a guy let's talk birth control ' and she immediately booked me an iud installation. Open comfortable conversation with mom is so important, it really sets the tone. If my mom hadn't been pro sex and talk id definitely be a whole a** mom by now."
– whoales
For many parents, teaching their kids about sex is such a taboo subject, and it shouldn't be.
The more the topic is stigmatized, the more it can be confusing for a child going through puberty and feeling shameful about the changes they're experiencing.
That was me. I can't say for sure if it's a culture thing, but sex doesn't seem to be something Japanese parents comfortably talk about with their kids.
This is way off topic but the tentativeness around discussing sex in Asian cultures is fascinating to me, because many depictions of sex in erotica in various forms are some of the most wildly perverse and imaginative visuals I've ever seen.
It's not a stretch to think that Asian pre-teens learn more from anime and manga about sex than from their parents.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you might want to do some research into some of these very graphically suggestive illustrations.
It's a wild journey down the rabbit-hole.