40. Neck it out! 

Was giving a grown patient IV Benadryl for a rash and itching on the upper body. The IV was in the right arm so I started to give the medication into the right arm.

The patient panicked when I said I was done. "What do you mean you're done? You only put it in my right arm my left is itching too!"

I calmly explained that putting medication in the IV sends it to the whole body. She exclaimed "you mean it even goes to my neck?" I said yes and she said wow.

notrachelfromglee

39. I love bread! 

Spent WAY too long having to explain to a celiac patient that white bread was still made out of wheat and that's why she was still sick. Nutritionist had already been over it several times and then called me in to try to convince her. Teammaj

38. Please stop Breeding! 

24 y/o female pt with frequent UTIs, I explained that peeing after sex can help prevent them.

She says she always pees after sex, she doesn't want to get pregnant! Had to give her a brief rundown on sex ed and her own body (Her parents made her get bc shots). zorasrequiem

37. Shocked!! 

Had to explain to a patient, and his family, multiple times that although he does have a defibrillator now he still needs to take his heart medicine.... a real headache of a conversation. attractiveepidermis

Just shock me alive boys. Bobblefighterman

36. Just NOOO!!!

Got a phone call in the ER from a diabetic who said her sugar was reading "high" (that typically means over 400 or 500) and I told her she should come to the ER asap, and she asked "Should I drink some sweet tea until then?" Um... NO!!

3pinephrine

That sounds like a reasonable solution to low blood sugar, does she actually not know the difference? Pulsar_the_Spacenerd

35. Punked! 

Got a call from a discharged patient.

"So I'm wearing these depends..."

"...okay."

"Do I need to change them everyday?"

"Uhh yeah... or when they're soiled."

"Okay and should I clean myself up after that?"

"Yes. Yes, please."

We thought we were being punked.

shnich11

34. Alfredo or Marinara?

Working at ob/gyn clinic. Had to explain to a concerned husband that his pregnant wife will not strangle the fetus if she eats spaghetti. That's a completely different system of organs.

omiewise138

Did you then have to explain that, ideally, his wife would have to chew the spaghetti first anyway? Skin_Bank

33. Just Nod....

Painkilling suppositories come in individual foil packets.

After my c-section, the nurse handed me one and said "Don't forget to take the foil off." I looked at her and went "... nooooooooo! Somebody did that?" She gave me this really tired look and nodded. Ouch.

WessenRhein

32. Where was your mom? 

I, a male nurse, had to explain to a 25 year old female what her period was. She came to the ED and was concerned she had cramping and vaginal bleeding monthly.

Thought for sure I was being pranked by co-workers. Nope. HerpieMcDerpie

31. Men are Useless....

Did labor and delivery for awhile. We typically inserted catheters after the epidural.

A lot of women would ask how they could push the baby out if something was in that hole... had to explain to many ADULT women the urethra and vagina are, in fact, not the same hole.

adcable2018

30. Can I get an "A?!"

Not a nurse, but have kind of a funny related story. It was one of those "you know what you call someone who gets all C's in nursing school? A nurse." moments.

Was in the ER with a family member who was basically dying of old age. They had to put a catheter in and asked us to step out.

It took for damn ever. Like way longer than I know it takes usually. When we came back in they had forgotten to close the web browser on the computer. It was opened to a google search of "female urethra."

I could have died laughing when I saw it had it not been a fairly grim situation.

NotA_PrettyGirl

29. It's just Chicken! 

Having to explain to a patient family that they should NOT be bringing fried chicken and French fries to a patient only a day out from a stroke definitely ranks up there. Archturus

28. Not just for Employees... 

It ia weird to me to explain women (I work in gynecology) that I escort to toilet, that they have to wash their hands after they pee. You would not believe how many of them does not wash. bojslo

27. No sex please! 

Paramedic here. Got a couple great ones.

Woman had a fluid retention issue which caused her legs and feet to swell up with all the extra fluid.

Her response to this was... I kid you not... to alternate soaking her feet in boiling water then in rubbing alcohol because it, "made the skin feel tighter." As you can probably imagine the skin had basically rotted off of her feet.

This guy called because of a hard painful lump on his rectum. I take a look. Sure enough it's just a hemorrhoid. Start giving him some basic advice, get some cream, don't strain when you poop, take a stool softener, etc.

As an afterthought I throw in and no intercourse in the rear. And he goes, "what? Really?" Well yes. Putting anything up there will aggravate it.

He sighs dramatically and says, "well I guess no sex for me then!" And stomps away. I can probably come up with a few more but those are the most obvious.

soljwf1

26. Not always a happy ending! 

I had a DNR/AND patient who was clearly going into the second phase of septic shock. Despite explaining that the man is actively dying the wife, who is a nursing instructor herself, made me call the doctor.

The doctor proceeds to order 2 Liter bolus of normal saline and blood cultures. We essentially drowned his veins with fluids and his blood pressure didn't come back up, not to mention causing him unnecessary pain pricking him with needles.

The patient died before the culture results came back. NottheArkhamKnight

25. Wrong End....

A patient came into a&e and said that the tablets given to him where giving him a lot of stomach pain and not helping him. He was prescribed suppositories. The patient was swallowing them... bobyd

24. Take the Shot! 

I'm not a nurse, but I worked at the front desk of a family practice clinic for two years. I received a call on day from a patient swearing up and down that he need a Syphilis shot.

That is an STI and I told him that he needed to speak with his Doc before we could do any kind of shot, but he insisted. I went to to Immunizations Tech to confirm our protocol, and he said the same thing.

I picked up the phone again and repeated the protocol, but they refused to listen. I went to Immunizations Tech and asked if he would be willing to speak to the patient as he wasn't listening to me (some patients like to think that you're just a dumb front desk clerk), and he said he would.

After speaking with the patient for about then minute the Immunizations Tech came to the front desk and explained that the patient actually needed the Japanese Encephalitis shot. I couldn't stop laughing. Deadamisa911

23. Once More with Feeling.... 

Used to work in an ER in Chicago. We treated a kid with the flu that had a fever. Gave him some Tylenol, fever came down, sent him home.

Three hours later the family returned complaining that the fever came back. His nurse had to go explain that you had to give the tylenol AGAIN, and one dose doesn't just magically fix the flu. Organtrafficjam31

22. Not the Poop! 

My wife is a Medical Assistant at a pediatrics office.

She had a parent of a boy who was probably 6 or 7 say, in the most calm and nonchalant tone, "My son really likes to eat his own poop. Is this normal? Is this healthy?"

My wife's jaw dropped and had to tell this mom just how unhealthy it is and how abnormal eating YOUR OWN POOP is. crawlnstall

21. Who doesn't know wine?! 

Not in the hospital but while I was in nursing school my prof had to explain to a peer of mine that wine was an alcoholic beverage.

The student went on to pass nursing school even though we lost almost half of the students we started with. sllaBwithhairontheB

20. Obviously, right?

I had to explain TO a nurse while tattooing her that sticking her finger IN her fresh, bloody tattoo was cross contamination...

ladycoleopterist

19. You ARE the mother.

Not a nurse but I was the idiot. After having my daughter via c section I was out of it completely and then very disoriented.

Nurse comes over to check on us and I asked if I was allowed to pick my baby up. I have never seen a look of alarm like it! She just said "well... Yes...she's YOUR baby."

Durinsfolksdontrun

This isn't a stupid question. I know you haven't given us all the context but there are plenty of reasonable reasons to want to check with someone first.

erial_ck

18. Peekapoo.

I've had to educate patients not to use their stoma (a piece of intestine) to have sex.

serving18years

17. Potassium overdose?

Literally last week we had a guy come into the ICU with a K of 8.8.

Apparently he had had low K when he went to his PCP the week before so they gave him a supplement and he started popping them like candy.

Although it was clearly stated on the bottle not to exceed the recommended dose, he thought he might have a lawsuit on his hands for no one explaining it to him clearly. Cue face palm.

balancedinsanity

16. Really though...

Fun story: My Doctor once had to explain the word 'fat' to me.

I'm a Brit, she was from NZ and I thought she was saying 'fet' and didn't know what that was.

kateh17

I imagine your doctor saying "you know..." puffing up her cheeks and pantomiming a large belly.

karmicnoose

I love it when this happens. I'm from NZ, and I mentioned to my friends in the US that I had been working outside on my deck.

The "e" sound in a kiwi accent sounds like an "i" sound in an American accent.

snuke2001

15. No fun allowed.

Mental health nurse- Having to explain to a patient why he can't have his adult toys while on the ward. Also super fun time searching his property when he arrived on the ward.

mhn18

This is what happens if you keep prescribing CBT.

RaggySparra

I got mercilessly teased when I was doing a belongings search and found ben-wa balls. I was like 22 and had no clue what they were.

I was christened "Perl Wa" and even had a sign on my locker with my new name. Mental health staff are nothing if not fun!

_perl_

14. Good fat bad fat.

So I have a real issue with sticking with a career so am both a nurse and was formerly a private chef. I'm well rounded I guess.

At a family gathering an aunt asked me about healthy diet options. I touted avocados as an excellent source of healthy fat.

Cue shrill, mocking laughter from my now estranged SIL. Sil had maxed out at the high school diploma but told everyone she had gone to culinary school because she took a few elective cooking classes.

"Healthy fat? There is no such thing as healthy fats. Fat is fat. God, you're funny." Total mocking condescension.

I stared at her blankly and said "I'm surprised they didn't touch on diet at all in CULINARY SCHOOL." And then resumed my other conversation.

"Yeah and AS A NURSE I'd think you'd know about diet."

I stared blankly again. "Yes, I do. Google it"

13. Help, but from afar.

My best were all from tele-nursing, covering for an OB office.

I had to explain to a grandmother....that it was NOT normal for the cord to be hanging out of her very pregnant granddaughter.

I had to explain to a girl that her unborn child doesn't "eat when she eats" and that it's ok if she missed a meal.

Another lady was concerned that her unborn child may catch the stomach bug that was going around.

Spikito1

12. Ouch.

For me I hated trying to explain that it's dangerous to reuse your insulin needles. However I use to feel for the low income patients and try to remind them if they just come in we could put some together for them. Broke my heart.

NeghiborHoodMom

11. ...yet.

One of my clients was being treated for a pretty serious abscess on her foot. He doctor wrote nursing orders for wound care, which is pretty standard.

The RN shows up on the first day and the client was utterly confused. The client thought the safest way to treat a wound was to bandage it and to leave the bandages in place until the wound completely healed.

She had never before changed dressings or cleaned a wound while it was healing. And she was very resistant to having her bandage changed. She kept saying, "it doesn't even smell yet!".

[deleted]

10. Oh boy.

That there are people of various ethnicity that would be taking care of them and that "that Muslim doctor" would in fact be just as good as "a white doctor." Patient was not particularly old or even confused.

__REV__

9. Oof, really?

I had a labor patient that had just received her epidural. When I went to place a urinary catheter to keep her bladder drained, her husband said "If you put that in, how's the baby going to come out?"

I've learned over the years that LOTS of guys don't know their female anatomy.

Ginger_mutt

8. To think, these people are out there.

Worked at a veterinary ER practice in college.. had a couple bring in their sick puppy.As we were gathering info about what happened, the wife started giving "raspberries" (blowing with her mouth on the dogs tummy)... but on his "bellybutton." Spoiler alert: it wasn't.

missrose21

7. Correct.

Urine is not stored in your scrotum and I would be very concerned if it was.

Long_live_Broctune

I mean...they're called "peanuts" because pee is stored in the nuts. That's just science.

Extra_Guy

6. VA-GI-NA.

My wife had a patient that said she was having problems with her 'pink lady.'

My wife didn't know what she was talking about, so she asked a fellow nurse, who replied 'she's talking about her snatch, Angie!"

Wife asks other nurse, "what's a snatch?" She was 35 at the time.

TheImperfect1

Why can't people just say vagina? I mean, come on.

MamaDMZ

5. So. Many. Questions.

I'm a pharmacist. I had to explain to a woman how to wipe herself after using the bathroom.

[deleted]

4. Wait for it...

A woman that came in with a broken tib/fib on the orthopedic surgery ward who was on strict non-weight bearing orders to her broken limb was hell bent on getting herself downstairs so she could have a cigarette.

It took two of us nurses to kindly explain to her that she would permanently f*** up her leg if she did so.

Another favorite is the patients who answer "no" when you ask them on admission if they have high blood pressure. Their pre-admission medication list shows they are on Norvasc, Cozaar, etc.

"What are you on this medication for?" "Oh, that's my blood pressure pill. My blood pressure used to be high but not anymore."

Facepalm.

Edit: Just remembered a patient with an infected leg ulcer that we found a raw chickpea inside. The family said it was "holistic medicine." I'm all for people using alternative approaches if they believe it helps unless it is causing actual harm.

sas977

3. Stupid is as stupid does.

My girlfriend works in healthcare - though not a nurse- and the number of people that simply refuse to hear an unwelcome message is unreal.

Example she told me: person has lung cancer. Is told this is most probably from smoking. "Most probably?" Asks the patient.

I then explained that of course there is hardly ever a single thing that can be pinpointed to the development of cancer, but that 86% (might have the incorrect number) of the lung cancers is attributed to smoking and that it is rare to see lung cancer in someone who has never smoked.

Patient walks to family waiting outside and my girlfriend hears the patient literally say "doctor said it's not from smoking."

Attygalle

2. Uhhh...

Super late but my aunt was giving a malnourished 1-month-old an infusion (idk what for) the child was mostly healthy but the mom had HIV. The father asked if the infusion is going to "help him speak" because he "didn't speak yet".

jeansonnejordan

1. Sensing a theme here.

I work in burns, and any burn/trauma nurse can tell you a good portion of their patients are just admitted because of poor life decisions. Here are some conversations I've had.

Don't put accelerants on a campfire/bonfire. (Gas/kerosine/diesel).

Don't go back into a burning house/vehicle/airplane.

Don't put accelerants on bonfires. This includes aerosol cans of stuff. Those blow up.

Don't make meth unless you have an advanced degree in the field.

Don't put accelerants on bonfires. Even if it "Just won't light."

Don't let your pot handles hang over the edge of the stove where your kid can reach.

Don't put accelerants on bonfires, even if you've "been doing it for years."

Don't pick up containers of flaming grease and oil.

Don't put accelerants on bonfires. Diesel is an accelerant.

Don't keep electric cigarettes in your pocket.

If you wear oxygen, don't smoke with it on/in your lap.

Don't burn trash. You don't know what the f's in there. Probably accelerants.

Don't dispose of excess gunpowder by lighting it on fire.

DON'T. PUT. ACCELERANTS. ON. YOUR. GADDAM. FIRE. 🔥🔥🔥🔥