Knowing how to comfort someone is a skill that not everybody has. In fact, some of us outright suck at it.
It doesn't make you a bad person -- maybe you're awkward under pressure, or uncomfortable, or didn't have healthy models of empathy. Maybe you just panic and don't know what to do.
A friend once had a beloved and compassionate coworker panic and offer his computer monitor when she cried at his desk. She was gesturing at the box of tissues next to the monitor, but thanks?
He had never seen her as anything other than totally composed and on the ball. Sure, it was a disaster of a day but she was the one who always saved the day without breaking a sweat. Her actually being shaken was such a shock to him that he kind of shorted out and just started panic-offering her things.
Computer monitors are terrible for tear absorption.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the worst way someone has tried to comfort you?
... computer Kleenex wouldn't even crack the top 25. It's kind of disastrous.
Thanks, Teach!
Interested Saturday Night Live GIF by HULUGiphy"So, have they found someone new yet?"
One of my parents died. My parents had been married twenty-five years. A teacher asked me this question five months after the funeral.
She later told my surviving parent that my depression was because I had to share a room sometimes with a sibling. Not because of my dead parent.
A Music Career
At my boyfriend's funeral a girl he went to high school with came up to me and tried to comfort me by saying she knew "exactly" how I was feeling because she was in love with him too.
They never dated, they weren't even friends after graduating high school.
Now she's made a music career from writing sad love songs about him that make it sound like they were together.
Happy Birthday!
Episode 4 Birthday GIF by FriendsGiphyA few years ago, I caught pneumonia, and a stomach virus at the same time. Needless to say, I was really really sick. I was in the hospital for 9 days, and one of those days happened to be my 27th birthday.
One of my aunts that I don't really know was in town, and wanted to come visit. When she got there, she gave me a card for my birthday, which was nice, but when I read it, it said "since this looks like it'll be your last birthday, I'll say my goodbyes now LOL".
Now, I'm all for dark humor, but at that point I'd already lost 14 pounds from throwing up, I had a 104 degree fever for multiple days, I was delirious and hallucinating, and hadn't slept in days. I was in legitimate fear that I was actually going to die.
Told my mom after I was better that I didn't want to see that aunt ever again.
The Original Owner Of The Book
People say and do some weird sh*t in attempts to comfort others. Myself included.
But the biggest stand out was when my mother was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer (she is doing great now). She received a second hand book called Cooking and Coping with Cancer.
The original owner of the book didn't need it anymore ... because he died of cancer. So his wife thought my mom would like it.
The intention was kind, but it was just a bit depressing.
Prosperity Gospel
When I had my first miscarriage, husband and I were attending a Word of Faith type church.
Their words of "encouragement" were that our baby had died because of some hidden/un-repent sin in my life + my faith wasn't strong enough, and I should just keep praying.
You would think that a church of all places would embrace you in your suffering and loss.
These guys (& gals..) just kind of out-casted us like we would bring them bad luck.
It was a weird time, and after that I found it hard to hang out with any of them or believe most of what they were teaching.
We went on to have a healthy little girl and found a much less toxic church, but to this day if anyone mentions the prosperity gospel to me I have a lot of things to say.
No Dogs Go To Heaven
don bluth 80s GIFGiphyMy wife and I got a dog back before we were married. GREAT dog. Wonderful animal. Very much our first child.
Fast forward a few years and our sweet girl had to be put to sleep. I was at work and upset about it. I couldn't stop leaking a little just thinking about her. My very Catholic friend told me that, if it was any comfort, dogs don't have souls.
WTF?
Panic And Dog Food
I was this person unfortunately. I don't react well with sudden bad news and often say the first thing that comes to my mind out of sheer panic.
I went to get my hair cut in college and as I sat down the small talk started. She asked how things have been blah blah blah. I asked how she had been (it was our first time meeting) and she says "my dog just died."
Immediately the alarms are going off in my head, a man is running around my brain blasting a whistle trying to figure out my next step.
"At least you'll save a ton of money on dog food now."
No... Please no!
Unfortunately it was already said, everyone stopped what they were doing immediately, you could hear a pin drop. She just continued cutting my hair for what was the quietest haircut I've ever got. I couldn't even apologize I felt so bad and so awkward.
I just shut my damn mouth and looked straight ahead while hoping I still had both my ears by the time I left.
"That's What Drug Addicts Do"
My cousin died of a drug overdose, my father called me to tell me the news.
After I got off the phone, visibly upset, I told my husband (now ex) what had happened. He said:
"Well what did you expect to happen? That's what drug addicts do, they die. And he did it to himself, there is no reason for you to shed a tear, get over it."
then went back to playing video games.
I didn't even know what to say to that, and just went to the other room to mourn by myself. It was an abusive situation and I am still in the process of getting divorced 2.5 years later.
- Lil-one
How NOT To Treat A Phobia
I used to have a phobia of scarecrows that began when I had a repeating nightmare where I would be chased by one in a dark cornfield.
A girlfriend I had in high school invited me along on a youth group trip. She didn't tell me much except we were going to a camp the next state over and would be doing things like going to an apple orchard.
The first full day, we all get on the bus, and she tells me that we were going to a corn maze.
She hid this from me as she thought it would help with my phobia given she'd be with me and it was day time... I dumbly agreed and made it through the maze while white-knuckling her hand the whole time.
When we got out, I asked how much longer we'd be at the maze... that's when she told me about how it turns into a haunted corn maze at night... anyone want to take a guess at what the actors were dressed as...
It did not turn out well in the slightest.
I had a huge anxiety attack mid-maze and tried to make a b-line for anywhere not the maze by running in a straight line through the field. I got disoriented, I got lost in the field, I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I was in the literal setting of my nightmare... and there were multiple scarecrows chasing after me.
Imagine the best day of your life.
You're surrounded by people you love, you're at your favorite place, you're eating your favorite food, and you're favorite band is playing a playlist they put together just for you.
Your ex shows up and admits all their faults and ask your forgiveness without asking to be apart of your life. Your current crush pushes them aside and says they've always had a thing for you and gives you a puppy of your favorite breed saying it is a symbol of your new love....
What ever you're feeling in that moment... what I was experiencing was 100% on the f*cking opposite side of the spectrum.
I eventually desensitized myself to scarecrows by watching movies like Wizard of Oz and Batman Begins on repeat. I'd still slap the teeth out of anyone if they try to get me in a corn maze though.
Things didn't work out with that girl.
I'd rather Burger King
On the day my mother died, I got home after looking after my family, dealing with undertakers etc and the first thing my boyfriend said was he needed me to drive to KFC to get him something to eat. He is now my ex. I wish I could say that was the worst thing he did but it wasn't. That crazy thing is, I don't think he ever acted out of malice, which was a bit of a headscrew because half of me was thinking "he doesn't mean it" so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and the other half of me knew that if this was just the way he was, nothing was ever gonna change.
It's not Tinder Time
Funeral GIF by memecandyGiphyWhen my husband died, someone reassured me that I was young and would find someone else.
At the wake. He was literally not in the ground yet.
Shut Up!
During my dad's funeral, when I was a teen, some women told me while I was crying « stop crying, your tears will only multiply and drown your father on the other side ». How about you shut the hell up.
Don't Speak
When I miscarried my son my husband's mother told me "Don't worry, you can always have another baby" I know b**ch, but I wanted THAT one.
It's About Me!
excuse me omg GIF by CBCGiphyBeen dealing with diagnosed depression for a few months now and lots of people including a therapist said "it's been a rough year for everyone."
Those worse off...
Absolutely hate when someone says "there are people who have it worse." Like I know that, of course I know that, but I'm not talking about other people I'm talking about me and how I feel matters just as much as anyone else.
It's called the fallacy of relative privation, or plainly put "There are starving children in Africa that have it worse."
Just cause you can name someone who has it worse than you doesn't invalidate or make your pain any less important.
I'm Awful...
I once said to a colleague, who had struggled to conceive, that the positive was she'd gotten pregnant, so it could happen again. And I have never forgiven myself for being such an insensitive cow. I was desperately scrambling for something positive, and I should have stopped at "I'm really sorry dude, that's freaking crap."
Honestly I can see where you were coming from, you were trying to give a silver lining in the bleak situation. I had a similar situation where I worked in a large company, and I had a weekend off only to come back with a baby shower gift and nappies and wipes to surprise a pregnant coworker.
I started talking to her about baby shower themes while her eyes welled up with tears. I stopped and asked what was wrong, she promptly left the room sobbing and I sat there like a knob until another coworker discreetly told me that she had an ectopic pregnancy and ended up having to get one of her fallopian tubes removed. I sought her out after giving her some time and I apologized profusely. I still think about it a lot.
Just Drown
weird fish omg GIFGiphyThey told me there was plenty more fish in the sea. At her funeral. And it was her uncle.
Foot in Mouth
Imagine saying to someone who lost a foot. "Well, there are people who've lost both their legs." I'm sure there are, but how does that help me when I'm suffering? It's the ultimate selfish behaviour. It screams, "I'm uncomfortable and uninterested in your suffering, so I'm going to belittle it and imply that you should be grateful for it."
Feelings...
"Your feelings are weird, stop feeling them."
I've had "why are you crying that's so pathetic" so now i don't cry in front of people and when i do i have panic attacks.
Just Smile?
"Cheer up, other people have it worse than you."
That's the rudest and most malicious way to tell somebody to get over something.
Yeah, like dude, just because some person is homeless somewhere does not mean my feelings are basically an insult to others.
Just Breathe
Telling me to "calm down" when I'm angry.
Dude my dad does that! He's all like "relax, calm down" but doesn't give me space to do so. I tend to self soothe so I need five minutes to myself but he expects me to just turn off my feelings then and there.
Insane Places...
I just posted elsewhere this, but that is just crazy. My parents are very religious and when she had her first child she was stillborn. And the people from the church told her God had to kill her because she was going to grow up a criminal. Churches are insane places. She went on to have three healthy children... but how do you move on and continue to go to a church with people who talked to you/believe that.
I hope everything has turned out well for you and you're healthy and happy!
B Negative
britney spears wink GIFGiphyToxic positivity. I just learned about this and was thrilled there was a name for why I distrust and don't like people that are aggressively positive.
being 8...
Age 8: I was getting super bullied, on account of being obnoxious, smart, and having zero social outlets aside from school.
One morning I told my dad, in tears, that it felt awful to not have any friends. My dad was 35-ish at the time. His response was to tell me that he doesn't have any friends either. I argued that he went to work all day and everyone there was at least nice to him. He said that only made them acquaintances, and we just have to deal with it.
Edit: oh crap I'm 35 now. And you know what? The last response I'd have to any beleaguered kid is that hey my life sucks too.
It's just the flu...
Pretty much everyone telling me after losing my grandma to COVID that everyone has lost someone, and everyone is suffering. Basically saying w/o saying that no one gives a crap about me and that I need to shut up and deal with it.
Change the Station
I was crying about not being invited to a party in high school and felt like a loser in the moment. My brother just put on the song Creep by Radiohead.
School Daze
I was crying in elementary school, I guess the other kids were mean or something, and my teacher, who, in my eyes, had all the personality and joy of a steamed cauliflower, told me "hey, kids made fun of me when I was your age and I turned out fine!" I wouldn't be surprised if I started crying harder as a result.
New Plan
Luise Kinseher Yes GIF by Bayerischer RundfunkGiphyI'm a Christian, so a lot of people hit me with the: "It's all part of God's plan."
I believe it to be true, but that doesn't make it helpful in the midst of really difficult circumstances.
Let me Be...
I honestly hate when people try to ignore or dismiss my feelings, when they pretend like what I'm upset about isn't there or doesn't matter. Like, I get that to them, they may be trying to send the message that it's no big deal, and that life can go on and maybe they're trying to distract me or something, but it's honestly patronizing and insulting. I'd rather face my mess honestly and process it, then move on. I don't need to be treated with kiddie gloves, and I tend to distance myself from people who can't seem to stop using them, even when asked not to.
Grownish...
I started to get teary and that's when my early 20's male cousin said to my sister (14) and I (15f) in a rather creepy-tone, "You girls have grown up nicely" while we were getting ready for our grandmother's funeral.
Not Now
Well, you can always try again.
This was about 30 seconds after we found out we had lost our twins, after years of infertility treatments, and the heartache of not conceiving each month.
Why Bother?
Excuse Me What GIF by One ChicagoGiphyMy old boss tried to prevent somebody from going to their mother's funeral because, and I quote, "going to their funeral wouldn't bring them back to life, so you might as well be at work."
We covered for that person and let them go.
Cruel
First one that comes to mind is that maybe it's good I can't have children because I'm disabled anyways and maybe it's better if I don't.
"sorry about that"
After my mom died from a 2 year battle with melanoma and lymphoma, someone I know said "sorry about that" and then proceeded to tell me all about their problems with their car and parents and friends for 25 minutes. I couldn't even get another word in. I felt totally like they were competing with me and didn't seem to care about my stuff at all. Really made me sad.
Such Sincerity... :(
Once in college, a girl I was dating and really liked ended things out of nowhere. I shared this with my mom and her response was "Aww she probably just likes somebody else." Still not sure why she ever thought that would make me feel better.
Simple Inhale
paper bag GIFGiphyI was having an asthma attack and couldn't breathe at all, my friend had left to find my puffer from my bag, my teacher came up to me and said "try to breathe, it's not hard just breathe slower."
You're Still Breathing
To set the scene: a job opportunity that has sounded too good to be true was. Our cat had died unexpectedly and my father in law was being moved to hospice. I was on the phone with my mother weeping bc everything was going wrong and her response was "at least you've got your health."
Cry Pretty
"Don't be sad," was told to me at my father's funeral.
Or my favorite, "You're ugly when you cry."
Haha, I should have mentioned that these quotes are from separate events.
"You're ugly when you cry," was just my mom's way of trying to get me to stop crying when I was 5 years old or something. Honestly, it just made me hysterical. Pretty funny to me now though.
Let's test that theory...
Telling me it was God's will when a loved one died.
God wanted that person dead. Great, thanks 👍.
Ugh. So many people said that to me when my mom died. In my head I was like what if I killed you right now, that would be God's will right? I'm still bitter towards people but not that bitter lol.
Hands Off
"Here, let me give you a motherly hug!" From some dumb dirty drunk middle aged dirt bag a month or so after my mom died when I was 20.
Flipped out callin' me a goof, and I was an ignorant little crap, oh yeah it was wild lol.
Jig it Up
jamming adriel favela GIF by Cornelio Vega Y Su DinastiaGiphyAfter our first family cat died, my Irish grandfather tried to "cheer me up" by playing jigs on the accordion.
It had just the opposite effect, even though I appreciated his good intentions.
You can go now mother...
I was in the hospital for weeks after brain surgery and then a staph-meningitis infection. I wasn't allowed to shower, i threw up almost everything i ate and i couldn't walk unassisted/unaccompanied so i wasn't free to roam. I was very depressed, tired and in pain. My mother's friend came by to "visit me" (she was really there for my mom) and the one time she did talk to me, it was to tell me about how her son got into a car wreck of his own doing.
He was hospitalized with very serious injuries including several broken bones and was temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. Her point being "others have it worse." Very crappy thing to hear when you're stuck in the Nuero ICU for weeks.
Just Pretend
I told a friend I liked him as more than that and he told me he didn't feel the same way. When I told my girlfriends, they tried to comfort me by saying he has to be gay. I'm like "no he's not, he just doesn't want to be with me like that and that's okay." But they kept insisting that he's gay because of it. They were trying to make me feel better and not bad about myself, but it just made me mad that my friends were making stuff up about my guy friend.
Cancer is Evil
My mother in law always responds to stories of my relatives' health struggles with cheery affirmations of how healthy she is and how glad she's never had to deal with these things.
When my grandma died.
While my father was dying of cancer.
When my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Her response to hearing other people's troubles is always 'well that's not my experience!'
Locked Out
I have sometimes have panic attacks that leave me in a mindset where I can't fully function as a normal person for an hour or two afterwards, and they're 90% of the time caused my by mother. One time, I got triggered because she was saying specific things about my family and as soon as I calmed down (my mind hadn't recovered yet, but I wasn't crying anymore) she started saying them again, but in a comforting tone and alongside things like "I'm only doing this so you can know the truth."
Needless to say I got insanely pissed off at her and locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.
Time Passes
Mr Bean Waiting GIF by MOODMANGiphy"So it's been awhile, then." It had been six weeks since I lost my grandmother when someone said this to me. Her loss didn't seem real yet, let alone 'been awhile.'
but you still have some coin...
I remember telling my dad I was sad and he told me one of the worst things you can say to someone who is and he said something along the lines of "at least you're not in debt" as if that negates my sadness. It's equivalent to saying "someone has it worse than you so don't feel bad." That night, he bought me a sandwich and he thought that would take care of it. He's emotionally immature and not in touch with this side of things at all. He's a real "focus in the positive" guy, but that, at least to me, is another way of saying "just don't focus on it."
Little Psycho...
My dad had died in my arms and was traumatized by it. I was telling my story and someone yelled "SUCK IT UP YOU'RE A MAN!"
My dad may of died in my arms but I'll strangle the life out of a little jackoff with my bare hands.
But since murdering isn't an option I yelled "OK TELL US YOUR TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE A** WIPE!"
"Well my dog died my mom took it to the vet and put it down. But I didn't cry about it!"
Little psycho.
Sure. Totes same...
Meme Wtf GIFGiphyWhen my mom died.
Coworker told me "I know exactly how you feel because one of my cats died recently."
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The Craziest Conspiracy Theories People Have Ever Secretly Believed
Reddit user streetancient asked: 'What is the craziest conspiracy theory that you secretly believe in?'
It's hard not to get worn out and dispirited by the seemingly unending conspiracy people continue to promote.
It should be noted that even the people who roll their eyes at those who believe these conspiracies might actually believe a conspiracy theory of their own.
More often than not, these aren't the sort of theories that could bring harm to others, though they still might not share their belief in these theories with others.
Even their closest friends.
"What is the craziest conspiracy theory that you secretly believe in?"
Or The Singers Just Wanted To Travel?
"Ireland began deliberately entering bad songs into the Eurovision Song Contest in the 90s."
"After winning it consecutively for a few years it began getting too expensive to host so they sabotaged their chances of winning it."- Houlilala
They Weren't That Cute...
"Build-A-Bear came out with a bunch of new toys that were all the same shade of yellow right after their Minion launch severely underperformed."
"They had stockpiled yellow fabric in anticipation of the Minion toys selling well and getting a big production run and had to find a way to use it all."- everlasting1der
Be Careful What You Ask...
"I believe r/AskReddit is actually a data farming operation that is being used to feed AI algorithms in order to produce more effective propaganda, social control mechanisms, etc… but what do I know…" - Sackerson-502
Search Engine Instagram GIF by GiflyticsGiphyBut Where Do The Beans Go?
"This is dumb, but my mother believes that the coffee grinder machines at the gas station are fake..as in they make a lot of noise just to make you think what your getting is fresh coffee."
"When it's 'grinding' the beans, you never see the beans move."
"We called the gas station and the employee said he doesn't know how the coffee makers work since a 3rd party refills them up or changes the flavors."
"I've called her crazy but slowly i'm getting sucked into it, simply because it's fun."- james_castrello2
Which Would Be More Embarassing?
"Paul Pierce sh*t his pants during the 2008 NBA Finals."
"He sat on the floor apparently injured until he was taken off the court in a wheelchair and returned minutes later completely fine."
"Sitting on the floor and leaving in a wheelchair stopped anybody from seeing his dookie stains."- pierremanslappy
paul pierce GIFGiphyNot Exactly Helping Anyone...
"Micro plastics are making people dumber."- blackbeautybyseven
When They Could Broaden Their Client Lists...
"That the weight loss industry sets people up to fail, because if their products worked they wouldn't have return customers."- Funky_chicken89
What's Important, He's Out There...
"It’s not the cameras: Bigfoot is blurry."- QuillDidNothingWrong
Bigfoot Sasquatch GIF by MOODMANGiphyThe World May Never Know...
"North Korea had an underground nuclear testing site collapse."
"Kim Jong Un then went to China."
"North Korea declared in their state news paper that they have perfected the nuke, and will no longer do any more tests."
"My theory is that Kim Jong Un went to China to ask for help fixing their nuclear disaster."
"Xi told him to deal with it himself and to stop playing with nukes."
"Kim came back to N.Korea like a beaten dog."- Initial-Finger-1235
What Lurks Beneath Midtown
"Occultist architect Ivo Shandor outfitted most of the buildings in downtown Manhattan with a specific alloy which, when activated under the right conditions, would summon Gozer the Gozerian."- Rogue_Wallet
A Connection To Brag About?
"This is dumb lmao, there is a man who lived and worked as a teacher where I'm from in NC."
"His name was Peter Stuart Ney."
"It was during the early 1800s, there's a local legend that lives on that this man was in fact one of Napoleon's right hand men, and fought alongside him even."
"It's been disproven apparently by the French government over the years, it's just funny how this guy was supposedly executed in 1815, just to show up over in NC as a teacher with the same surname and military expertise just 1 year later."
"They say he was a skilled fencer, and he had precise military knowledge even though he was just a teacher for the local school system."
"On his deathbed he supposedly confessed to being one Marshal Michel Ney, the 'Bravest of the Brave', according to Napoleon."
"Wild story but part of me just fully f*cking believes it's crazy enough to be true."
"Records indicated he had shown up in Charleston SC in 1816, just a year after this Michel Ney was executed in France."
"Idk, it's just a crazy story."- actuallyjayft
pizza emoji GIFGiphy...Aside From The Fact That Fairy Tales Are Public Domain...
"Disney only do remakes to retain copyright on the stories."- AndPlagueFlowers
Likely True For Some Of Them...
"All those crazy Boomers have lead poisoning."- octavialovesart
Bodes Well For Online Dating Too...
"The Empty Internet Conspiracy."
"A large part of the population of the internet and, thus, a large part of interactions on the internet are completely fake."
"Just faceless chat bots tooling around; generating social media posts, YouTube comments, and opinion articles on news sites."
"With the rise of AI generated essays and research papers, it's becoming easier to draw lines between those papers and how random news articles can read in a way in which a human would never write."- Karmit_Da_Fruge
Internet Netneutrality GIF by Ryan SeslowGiphyAs long as people keep these beliefs to themselves, and don't try to promote them, then they have every right to believe these rather dubious stories are true.
And who knows, some of these stories are so far-fetched, perhaps the only way they came to prominence was because they actually happened.
Movies can be one of the most entertaining forms of media, but it has to be good.
Seems simple, right?
Some movies are really good. As an avid reader and huge fan of book-to-movie adaptations, I enjoyed the ones that were made well. This included The Count of Monte Cristo, The Hunger Games series, and even Twilight, despite not actually liking the book series.
However, some book-to-movie adaptations were so bad, I wished I hadn't spent time or money on it. The Maximum Ride movie, the two Percy Jackson movies (I can't believe a second one was even made after the disaster that is "The Lightning Theif"), and of course, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."
David Yates, who directed the fifth movie, also directed the sixth. Known for directing darker movies, he decided to go in a funnier, lighter direction for the sixth movie and took away all the magic that made Harry Potter so amazing. Luckily, he went back to his talents for the seventh and eigth movie, but I spent a fortune (or what was a fortune for a teenager) getting tickets to the midnight premiere, and I ended up aplogizing to everyone for taking them to see that movie. I will never not be sorry about that.
Redditors are familiar with the experience of paying money to see amovie and wishing they hadn't, and they are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor Pitiable-Crescendo asked:
"What was the most disappointing movie you paid to see?"
Couldn't Pay Me To See It
"Cats. I couldn’t believe anyone thought that was passable as quality"
– Majirra
"I like the 1990s version with Elaine Paige, but that's because I like the music, Elaine Paige, musicals, stage movies, etc. (Like Newsies and Hamilton are awesome, grew up watching stuff on theater irl like plays.)"
"I wouldn't even watch the 2019 Cats for free, despite the casting."
– Binx_da_gay_cat
Poor Adaptations
"Eragon. It's not even close. My dad and i were huge fans of the series when it came out. We walked out of the movie early and it left such a bad taste in our mouths that we stopped reading the series."
– An_Actual_Pine_Tree
"Was coming in to say the same thing. Read it as a child. What a dumpster fire."
"Coming off Harry Potter I thought adaptations were inherently good."
– magvadis
"I love that r/eragon just acts like the movie was never made lol. I’m cautiously optimistic for the Disney+ remake of Eragon to be released"
– SaltyWitch1393
"As a fan of both Artemis Fowl and Willow, I'd advise you to have far more caution than optimism."
– Flustro
"God I'm so glad I didn't pay money to see Artemis Fowl, that was an irredeemable piece of lazy CGI a**hole. Bad script, bad acting, bad production design, ALL of the dry Irish humour sucked out of it, no personality."
"I feel bad for Eoin Colfer, I at least hope he got paid enough for the rights."
– Charlie_TheRoadQueen
Bad Movies
"The Fantastic Four remake"
"ETA: Fant4stic, 2015 is the one I’m talking about. Realized I should’ve specified that."
– robert_flavor
"Fant4stic? The one where Doom is an ecoterrorist who only appears near the end of the movie?"
– CttCJim
"I remember being 11 and seeing it because i was big on Marvel Ultimate Alliance 1 & 2, and pretty much coming to the realization for the first time in my life that movies could be bad, lol"
– tsushi17
Master Of No Movie Elements
"Avatar: The Last Airbender"
"$17 and change for the IMAX showing when it first came out"
– Spenceresquire
"Okay so it was the most disappointing movie I ever paid for but the best movie experience of my young life. I was in a theater that was literally Shouting "Aang!" Every time they said "Ong". There was booing. There was screaming. The audience made the movie."
– GViceyroy
"There is no movie in Ba Sing Se"
– KaityKat117
Horrible On All Levels
"Pooh: Blood and Honey. Please don't watch it."
– Sure-Mathematician68
"I've loved Pooh and the 100 Acre Wood community my entire life. Also a big horror fan. My friends know this. My best friend had gift certificates to our local theater and decided to treat my husband and I to a double date with her/her hubby. I was so excited. Even dressed up in my Pooh onesie...it was so, SO bad. Like, not even good bad. No clever writing or dialogue. No creative kills. Terrible acting. Terrible effects and makeup and lighting. Wasn't even good enough to be considered "b" or "c" level. Just all around bad. Surprisingly, the theater was actually pretty full too. The majority of audience members were laughing/cringing/booing, but not even in a fun way...the whole experience felt very awkward and forced. At least I didn't pay for it tho lol"
– Eleven77
I'm So Sorry
"A Wrinkle in Time. Took the family to see it one Mother’s Day, I apologized on the way out of the theater"
– Octowuss1
"This was definitely mine. I have never wanted to get up and leave a theater before in my life...ever for the worst of the worst. But A Wrinkle in Time almost broke me."
– MikeCross234
A Positive Result?
"Emoji movie. Don't ask"
– wh0_is_jj
"Wasnt this the movie that got Jordan Peele into directing because he was so insulted after being offered the role as poop and decided to just quit acting?"
– EXusiai99
"I had a former boss that said he watched it at a theater and was glad that it was at a theater with alcohol so that he was drunk watching much of it, but said that it probably would have been better on shrooms."
– SAugsburger
"My favorite thing about the Emoji Movie is that it's the reason Jordan Peele went into directing movies"
– eatenbyagrue1988
Yikes!
"Dragonball Evolution."
– briktop420
"Damn you paid to see it?"
– nctu5150
"So did I. What a waste of time and money. It's been 14 years and I'm still angry about it. Even for a generic teen B-movie it's been subpar. The blatant disrespect for the source material, it's almost as if the writers and director hated dragonball and did the movie out of spite."
– XTJ7
Respect The Source
"The Dark is Rising."
"The novels are a classic series of creepy, weird, Celtic mythology-based collection of nightmares... but for kids (or young adults). I've loved them my whole life."
"The movie is abomination to the extent that the guy who wrote the screenplay said he'd never actually finished the books because they were "boring.""
"It's beyond awful. I was fuming."
– matty80
The House Of Mouse
"As a lifelong X-Men fan, Dark Phoenix. Especially since it came out after Endgame."
– lakersfan1989
"Dark Phoenix was Disney's fault. The film had already been finished (or was already in the final stages) when negotiations began for Disney to buy Fox, which led to the release being postponed. When Disney bought Fox, they changed many things, they did re-recordings and redid a part of the post-production."
"Everything so that it would not overshadow the MCU Movies. Even the flames that characterize Fenix were removed and something else was put in, so that Captain Marvel was the only Heroine with flames and avoid comparisons."
"And I'm not exaggerating, I remind you that Dark Phoenix was going to be a trilogy. Beginning when Jean is possessed by the Phoenix force, Ella and Scott are chased and have to flee, the plot would take them to space and the third film would end as it did in the comics. Jean Gray sacrificing herself to save the universe."
"I can't believe what that damn mouse did to the x-men, he canceled the trilogy and changed the movie so much that it was horrible."
– Soren-J
2 Hours We'll Never Get Back
"Green Lantern starring Ryan Reynolds"
– Mash_Ketchum
"I will always love what they did in Deadpool 2 regarding the movie"
– edwpad
"Went to the midnight showing. The place was packed. Some guy came in cosplay too."
"He was the first to break the awkward silence after by shouting “WTF WAS THAT SH*T!""
– savwatson13
Wish This Didn't Exist
"Batman V Superman."
"Took my family and some friends to see it in the theater. I was hyped. First time seeing bats, Supes and Wonder Woman in the same film? It was going to be an event. You know? Like it’d surpass the avengers first assembling. I was looking forward to it more than Civil war."
"Then the movie was sh*t. I legit apologized to everyone I took for wasting their time."
"Then I saw it again thinking maybe I just didn’t get it and went in hoping for X but was disappointed in Y. Nope. Still didn’t like it."
"Then I heard about a directors cut of the movie that would add more time to it and I knew this was where the money was. I bought it the instant it came out. I watched it twice. Just to soak it all in."
"Nope. Still sh*t, but 30 minutes longer."
"I’m still mad at myself for seeing it twice. Every time since? Well, that’s just me doubling down."
– Finito-1994
Yep. I hated that one too!
Any films to add to the list? Let us know below in the comments.
Money can be the root of all evil.
But it can also be the root of all happiness.
What a pendulum.
There are some things that money simply makes easier.
And so many wealthy people try to downplay that truth.
Wouldn't it be nice to vacation whenever and wherever?
Or imagine getting sick and not caring about a co-pay or even a bill?
Redditor pambannedfromchilis wanted the wealthy to spill the deets on being wealthy, so they asked:
"What is something only a wealthy person would know?"
Tell me the secrets. Just first let me get a pen and paper.
Private Listings
I Am Rich Nene Leakes GIFGiphy"You can opt not to be on those 'wealthiest people' lists - for a price."
draggar
"The number of people that actively avoid those lists is far higher than the number of people on those lists. Also, some people actively manage the amount the list shows."
Ragnel
Call Me
"The phone numbers from people who could help you out of any (even bad) situation."
purevenuscookieslog
"All you need is one person with the right phone number and worth that level of protection."
There is a neighborhood in Colorado Springs with a large number of former generals, nuclear scientists, corporation directors, etc. Within 5 minutes of a burglary alarm going off, the criminal was dead. I can assure you that the Colorado Springs police can't respond that quickly."
jeffh4
HELP!
"The less help you need, the more you get."
manIDKbruh
"You have access to favorable credit lines with better rates than ordinary folk. They just throw money at you when you have money."
dbx999
"Bob Hope used to say 'a bank is a place that'll lend you money, but only if you can prove you don't need it.'"
tommytraddles
Premium Help
"How to fully use a hotel concierge service."
Firebolt164
"Was in Australia at a nice hotel. Wanted to go to Royal Observatory but there were no tickets that evening - only the evening we could make it. Ended up in casual conversation with the hotel concierge. At some, told him how much we were enjoying our visit and he asked if there was anything disappointing."
"I said only that we could not get into the Royal Observatory. He said he’d see what he could do, catching me by surprise having been unfamiliar with what a concierge does before then. That night my wife and I were looking at the Jewel Box through the telescope at the Royal Observatory."
arriesgado
Celeb Encounters
Rihanna Boat GIFGiphy"You can rent celebrities for your private events. Not just musicians, but bonafide actors and actresses."
MediumRareTaint
"I remember a few years ago the founder of Lululemon, Chip Wilson, had the Red Hot Chili Peppers play in his backyard here in Vancouver. We could hear them from the beach below."
madam1madam
If had the money to rent people for private events, Adele would have plans forever!
What is Rent?
Alicia Silverstone My Bad GIFGiphy"Have a friend who is moving to the Bay area. To work for a non-profit. Part-time. She didn't know what her salary would be."
minervazahara
Fly High
"Private jets come with different size luggage compartments."
thinkx5
"I mean, do all cars have the exact same size trunk? No, some are roomy as sh*t and some are teeny. It makes sense that different models from different manufacturers would have different sized/shaped compartments, especially given there are some that seat 4 passengers and some that seat 14."
fireandlifeincarnate
Member-Owned
"The difference between an equity country club and a membership country club."
smurfsundermybed
"Some country clubs have vested ownership (ie 100% member-owned) while others are owned by corporations. It really isn't always a prestige thing, many older clubs in the sticks only came about because they were member-owned and built by a group of families."
"Of course, nearly all of today's old-school elite courses started out as member-owned but that doesn't mean all member-owned courses are elite."
Salamok
"Yeah, this is a good one. Also, the understanding that you can't just walk into most private clubs, write a check for whatever the fee is and become a member. Most of the equity clubs have a white ball/black ball system too, similar to fraternities, where two or three blacks DQ you."
xkulp8
When in Need
"The VIP hotline number at the children's hospital when your kid needs urgent care but there's a big wait in the ER (but your kid isn't sicker than anybody else's kid in the ER), and you won't get to the front of the line. Blew my mind when a very wealthy friend told me he did this for his child (the friend's father was a huge donor to the hospital). More power to him, but there is the wealthy and then there is the wealthy."
off_mode_auto
The Most Valuable
Seth Meyers Time GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"That wealth is not what people see. It's what people don't get to see. That the most valuable asset is not things, but time."
shidored
Whoever said money can't buy happiness is lying.
There is the biggest secret.
We all have things that we enjoy and things that we absolutely can't stand, and that's also totally true of the things that people do around us or do to us.
And women have something to say about men's behavior, how they treat women, and what women would like them to stop doing, effective immediately.
Redditor enkiv2 asked:
"Women of Reddit, what's something specific that you wish men would stop doing?"
Clean Hands Required
"Stop trying to touch me (in any way) with dirty hands. Go clean your talons first."
- isthishowweadult
Know When to Stop Flirting
"If a woman tells you she's a lesbian when you're flirting, it means one of two things:"
"1: She is a lesbian."
"2: She is pretending to be a lesbian so you'll stop flirting with her."
"Either way, you should stop flirting with her."
- BW_Bird
No Unsolicited Pics
"Please stop sending d**k pics to random women online. It's just straight-up creepy and gross. If a woman wants to see your d**k, she'll ask for a picture."
- F**K_INDUSTRIAL
Take Rejection Gracefully
"Stop harming or threatening harm to women who reject them."
- prezzyofthedgc
End All Body-Shaming
"Stop being mean to girls they find unattractive."
- webbrlx
The Alpha Male
"Stop calling yourself an 'alpha' or 'sigma' male."
"You aren’t necessarily hurting anyone by doing it, but no one takes you seriously when you talk like that."
"I think people who call themselves Sigma consider themselves 'lone wolf' types. In my opinion, I think they’re trying to come across as one step less douchey by not believing they exist to boss people around, but it is clearly ineffective."
- aliteralbagof_d**ks
Step Aside
"When you need to get past me, please don't put your hands on my waist/hips/lower back to move me aside. I don't know you. Stop touching me."
- teddybearer79
Don't Make Me Laugh
"Just because a woman is not smiling, it is not your job to change that."
- Idol_Luna
Just No
"No is a complete sentence."
"Sorry, I was bored at work, so this was a bit short. What I meant is, if you are in a relationship with a guy, no would be a short, perhaps cold answer, but I don't think that's what OP meant."
"I meant it as, if a guy bothers you for any reason, like he wants your phone number or any socials you don't want to give him, you don't need to provide a reason, because a simple no should be enough. Unfortunately, a lot of men (yes I know, not all) won't take just a no for an answer and must know the reason, because whatever."
"So, to answer the original question: I wish some guys would just accept a simple no and would stop asking again and again and again for something that has already been answered with a no."
- H**lKaiserFox
Not "Like a Girl"
"Thinking that being a woman is a reason for her mistakes."
"I was one of the only three girls in an engineering course (of 60 people). And if I did a mistake in class, it was because I was a girl. But if my male coursemate made a mistake, it is only because humans are not perfect, and next time he will do better."
- Hezal05
Commitment and Loyalty
"Stop acting like they’re single while having a girlfriend."
- Sea-Dark-4953
Weaponized Incompetence
"Stop practicing weaponized incompetence."
- Kaitzilla
"What does that mean? I’d look it up, but women are just naturally better at researching things."
- orchidofthefuture
Show Some Manners
"Stop spitting on the floor in public. Why do they do it?"
- fruitmachine_future
Better to Be Safe than Sorry
"Stop dismissing our safety concerns and trying to gaslight us out of taking basic precautions."
- Raaqu
Not Everyone Is Compatible
"If a woman says she doesn’t want children, don’t respond by saying she doesn’t know better."
"I don't know where you guys get off of telling a grown woman that she doesn’t know what she wants, but it needs to stop. If she doesn't want children, respect her decision, and date someone else."
- sunny_rain316
We've surely all done something that bothered someone else in the room, whether that person told us or not. But there are certain behaviors that men practice so frequently that women have a response ready, just for this occasion.
While men surely have their annoyances regarding women, they surely could learn something from this list just the same.