Women Who Turned Down A Marriage Proposal Explain How It Impacted Their Lives
Deborah Eilert from Pixabay

Public marriage proposals are such emotional events, even passersby stop what they are doing to applaud the presumably happy couple.

But not all proposals are the romantic milestone everyone expects them to be, especially when "yes" is not the answer.

When a woman ultimately says, "no," the courage it takes for her to turn down a proposal is better in the long run for both people involved.


Wondering about how life resumed for women post-proposal, Redditor Interesting-Cod478 asked:

"Women who got proposed to but rejected it, why and how did your life change afterwards?"

The Ring

"I was dating a guy for two or three weeks (yes, weeks) and he proposed to me. With a ring he had bought for another woman. Which he told me as he was proposing. I said no and kind of slowly ghosted him because YIKES."

thefiercestcalm

Wasn't A Joke

"I guy a went on one date proposed to me because he wanted a green card. I thought he was joking at first. He wasn't. I said no and then goodbye forever"

azick545

"It was honestly hilarious. I was like at least put in some more effort, string me along, etc. But at least he made his feelings apparent quickly and I didn't have to worry anymore."

azick545

"I was proposed to in a pretty nonchalant manner by a fellow student at my local community college. I had just turned 21 and he was in his mid 40's. The class was scuba diving."

"He has some really good reasons for me to marry him. He was completely deaf, so his proposal was witnessed by an interpreter and most of the class. He spoke well but was a little hard to understand at times so he signed and spoke the whole thing while the interpreter stood by to make sure I understood what he was saying and had to repeat a couple things that I didn't catch."

If It Weren't For The Age Gap

"The class was pretty laid back so we were all mostly comfortable with each other. Hanging out chatting after class one day and he gets my attention and says, very matter of fact 'we should get married, here's why' and proceeds to list several reasons why. Some of his reasons were- I could drive his Jeep any time I wanted. It was a brand new Rubicon and I had an older grand cherokee so obviously I love jeeps."

"I could play music as loud as I wanted any time of day, wouldn't bother him. We would never fight because he couldn't hear me anyway. He had a job, collected disability pay, and had his own home so I would never have to work. I always looked so interested in what he had to say. That one was him picking on me because he knew I didn't know sign language."

"He said it would be perfect. I agreed with him that it did sound pretty great, except for the fact that he was the same age as my dad and that was weird."

"I kindly declined his proposal and he joked about me crushing his spirits and how I was the only girl for him. He pretty much dropped it but he would ask me occasionally throughout the rest of the class 'change your mind yet?' Then we'd have a good laugh."

"He was the nicest guy, I think just a little lonely. Always kind hearted and loved helping everyone out. He loved that he was on an even playing field while scuba diving, no one can hear under water. He was fun to be around. Too bad he was twice my age."

"Jerry, if you're out there and remember this interaction, I dated a few guys that were sh*t compared to how you'd treat a lady and I thought about your proposal often. I'm incredibly happy with the boy that I hope to marry someday and I genuinely hope you've found someone that makes you happy and treats you well."

S-Crumby

The Senior Player

"92 yr old man at a nursing home used to ask me and every other woman to Marry him daily. Had this whole sweet old man line 'your the most beautiful woman I've ever seen' , I would reply 'I just heard you say the same thing to that nurse,' 'but you're prettier.' Made me smile everytime. He had forgotten he was already married."

damnit_jen

White Water Rafting Followed By A Proposal

"A friend of mine in another city, had been trying to set me up with her male roommate. He, whom I had never met, had won tickets for white water rafting in BC... about 6 hours away for me, and 3 for him... we decided to do a weekend trip to meet (my friend insisted that he was cool... otherwise I never would have gone without knowing him for a while.
Anyways... I was *very* clear that we wouldn't be having sex, since we had just met, and he agreed, pointing out that he was strict Roman Catholic and would not have sex until married."

"First night we fooled around a bit, but nothing much.... went white water rafting the next day, had dinner and back to the room."

"He very excitedly tells me that he met a priest who was also staying at the hotel, and PROPOSES!!!! With complete seriousness!!"

"WTF!! Everything after that went rather poorly. He didn't understand why I wouldn't see him again after dropping him off at home."

"Did not change my life, other than have a good story...."

DelicateIslandFlower

Sweet Little Suitors

"I worked as a pre-k teaching assistant for a year. The head teacher was married so they called her Mrs. while I was not so they called me Ms. Eventually some of the kids noticed this difference and started asking why head teacher was Mrs. and I wasn't. We explained that she was married and I didn't have a husband. Upon hearing that one little boy loudly stated 'I will marry you! I want to be your husband!' I got 3 other proposals from 3 different 4 year olds that day. Definitely not a serious story, but one that always makes me smile :)"

Careless-Shirt-5723

The Deadbeat

"Okay, my first boyfriend. Started dating in high school, my end of 9th grade year, he was a senior. So he went off to college, lived 2 hours away. Cool, everything was cool. My junior year, he moves back to our hometown. Didn't talked about, I asked him about college. He just said he didn't want to go anymore, then I realize this guy can't commit to a job, like in high school I understood the slack. I ended things with him that summer before I went for my senior year."


"Years pass, I moved to a different city 3 hours away from our hometown. We get in contact again because I was getting over a bad break up. After 2ish years we start dating again. I think he finally has good things going for him, like his future. Well, after dating for like 3 months he moved in with me, I didn't want this, yet his mother was being kicked out of the house they were renting. ( due to non_payment )

About 6 months into him living with me, he's jobless, demanding I pay his car payments, won't clean up anything, and just plays games all day. He asked me to marry him, I said yeah cause people were watching but I promise you, and soon as we get back to my apartment, I give him $40, tell him to go back to his mom's so she could take care of him for the rest of her life!!"

kendralherrington

Atypical Proposal

"Not a typical proposal but I had a coworker, who I never dated or even knew of any attraction to me, ask me to marry him. He said he was up for a job where he'd be making over 100k in less than 5 years. This was back in the late 90s so it was good money for our age back then. He said he'd buy me a house and the car I was in love with at the time (BMW Z3) plus I wouldn't have to work. I said no thanks and then luckily got another job shortly afterwards that set me on my current career path which I wouldn't change for anything."

nerdy_coconut_

The Weapons Expert

"There was a guy I dated for awhile. He was National Guard and had previously served 4 years in the Army as a weapons expert. He had a concealer's permit and always had his gun on him or in his car. He also liked to collect guns."

"He proposed and I declined."

"6 months later I come to find out he went to a party and his gun was discharged in his car. His sister told me it was an accident when he pushed the gun off the seat onto the floor. But I think something is off about the story."

Goddess_of_Wisdom

A Gut Feeling

"We were together two years when he asked. I think we could have been happy and great in a lot of ways but, fundamentally, I never would have been happy."

"He was a very nice guy but had a very overbearing mother that he let run his life. He had no idea who he was or what he wanted. He just let his mother choose his life for him, from his career to his underwear."

"I think he proposed as a last ditch effort to keep me because he knew deep down I was on my way out."

"I was sad about it until I spoke with a good friend of mine who has a sister that married a mama’s boy. She recounted to me how absolutely difficult her marriage was (currently going through a divorce). It was then I realized I dodged a massive bullet."

"Couldn’t be happier now. Last I heard, he’s still a gopher with a law degree and his parents promoted his sister over him. I’m now with a guy that is his own person and makes his own decisions. Very grateful."

myotheregg

Won't Take "No" For An Answer

"We were eighteen, only together for about two months. We were sitting there and they said, 'How would you feel if I got you a ring?'”

"And I thought it best to be honest so I said, 'I think it’s a little too soon for that, but maybe next year that could be nice.'”

"Well, big mistake. They pulled out a damn ring."

“Oh. I all ready got it. I guess I’ll just keep it to myself then if you don’t want it.”

"The next few weeks were a huge string of, 'If you don’t love me and want my ring I’m going to drive my car off a bridge.'”

"At first, I didn’t see it because he resented how involved she was in his life. It slowly dawned on me that while he may resent it, he absolutely could not make any kind of decision on his own. From whether he wanted to attend church or what kind of higher degree he wanted, he left it to his mother."

"When he quit a great job at a prestigious law firm that he liked, to work for his parents as a gopher for 20k a year, it basically ended the relationship right then."

UNWIZARDLY

Identifying Dealbreakers

"I was caught off guard and said yes to avoid making a scene, but ended it shortly after that. We had been together for a couple of years. I wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while. Once I took the time to think it over I realized that his idea of getting married was to capture our life together in a bottle and seal it up so that nothing could ever change."

"The fact that our relationship was the way that it was, but he wanted to married me, made me think that I would be signing up for us to never work on our problems as a couple, and that I had nothing but question marks about how we would navigate things as we both aged. We hadn't discussed marriage so he never should have sprung a proposal on me. I wish I had handled it differently, but it wasn't fair for him to do that."

"After we broke up and I got him out of my house I instantly felt happier on a day-to-day basis because of how much the relationship had been weighing me down, but it wasn't too long after that that my mental health actually really tanked. I spent multiple years suppressing my needs, feelings and desires and blurring my boundaries, so once I had space to actually see and honor those things, it was uncomfortable for me."

"I'm still in therapy working on all of that. I'm in another relationship now, my first one since that breakup, and while every relationship is difficult, I've come into this one with a lot better understanding of what I'm NOT interested in having and what some of my dealbreakers are. I also feel an urge to move a lot more slowly in this relationship than what I felt previously, probably because I've learned to value boundaries so much more."

sbwithreason

For these folks, I do was I don't.

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