Married Couples Who Sleep In Separate Rooms Explain Why They Came To The Agreement

There are plenty of reasons why couples might choose to have seperate rooms: one or both snore, they like different mattress styles, opposite work shifts, etc...
Some folks just really like sleeping alone.
Seperate rooms don't necessarily mean the relationship is on the rocks, oftentimes it's the exact opposite.
The couple have communicated and decided that separate rooms are what they need to be happy.
Redditor Dalewin asked:
"Married couples who sleep in separate rooms, why do you do this?"
Tidyness
Several reasons. I like a clean and minimalistic bedroom, sleeping in a messy room stresses me out, my husband is messy and leaves piles of stuff. Mess and visual chaos don't bother him at all.
He gets up a 5am, I go to bed late as I am in grad school and am often up until midnight studying.
Also, I snore, tend to toss and turn when I sleep, and he is a light sleeper.
After his daughter moved out I started sleeping in her room. We no longer argue about his mess or me waking him up all night long, and both get better sleep.
Early To Rise
My parents do this because dad gets up with the birds every morning (5am) and mum would always wake up when he did and wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.
She says it probably saved their marriage too (although they are the strongest couple I know haha)!
Night Shift
For five years I worked nights. So when we moved to this house I took the little room upstairs. It's big enough for a twin bed and a nightstand. At least it has a closet.
Now I'm on a schedule closer to the family's but I'm keeping my room. I go to bed before they do.
Open Relationships
I snore pretty badly and am trying to get it under control.
2nd, we are non monogamous, so we have other partners that we'd like to share our bedroom with, without having to inconvenience the other.
So separate bedrooms work for us.
It Depends
Sometimes my GF and I sleep in different rooms, and the reasons often differ.
Did I eat a big bean burrito earlier? Separate rooms. Just an example.
Also, unless your bed is massive, sleeping with someone next to you can make it more difficult to sleep. Yes, sleeping together is romantic. But getting good sleep is more romantic.
Illness
My wife has MS - one of the primary issues she has is vertigo. When I'm in the bed with her, the motion of my breathing/heartbeat/movement really screws with her vertigo while she sleeps.
Also, I snore, so an isolated coil mattress wouldn't quite do it (they aren't total isolation, either, you feel movement) or two beds in one room.
Also, honestly, it spices up the sex life. Adds an element of pursuit and some illicit atmosphere to it, we're sneaking around the house to each other's beds to bang.
Cycles
My parents slept in separate beds as did my great grandparents. For my great grandparents it was a comfort thing. Grandma didn't like not being able to move around the bed at will. She and grandpa loved each other dearly and she passed not long after he did because she missed him so much.
For my parents it was a couple things. As my dad aged his sleep cycle went weird. He would be able to sleep a couple hours and then be up half the night and fall asleep again about the time my mom was getting up for work.
Also my mom has sleep apnea and uses a cpap. It made hella noise back then. Dad was half deaf and the sound still bothered him. Out of respect for each other they decided it was better to have separate bedrooms.
Sawing Logs
Spouse snores, two 60 pound dogs, and a queen size bed. No room for me and I need dead silence.
Neighbors
My step mother's parents took this to a new level.
He built a second house next door. They lived next to each other for 20 years before they both passed in a short amount of time.
It seemed very odd to me, but it worked for them. At least from an outside perspective. I know images never reflect reality.
Earplugs Needed
Girlfriend's parents do this. They both snore and do it to get away from each other's snoring.
I didn't think it was that bad until they talked about having to sleep in the same bed during their trip in Europe. They were at each other's throats because if one fell asleep, the other couldn't.
Scheduling
My grandparents do this. My grandfather built a small apartment on the second floor of their house. They do it because they have different sleep schedules and in general they spend much of the day apart because they like it that way.
But they always eat lunch and dinner together, and my grandfather loves to listen to her soft footsteps throughout the day. He calls her “the woman next door.” It’s really cute.
Habits
My parents do this
My Mom likes to sleep with the TV on, my Dad snores and steals sheets.
My mother claims sleeping separately saved their marriage
Lighting
I have a hard time falling asleep without something to distract my brain from thinking.
I usually watch a show/documentary or do some repetitive game on my phone to accomplish this.
She can’t stand the lights from the screen.
-Syk018
Wind
During the Summer I move to another room we call "the wind tunnel". Basically I have a ceiling fan going almost 24/7 and a window fan above the bed I run from 7pm-8am.
She has allergies and easily gets runny nose and sneezes from any moving air. My body temp will skyrocket and I'll sweat like crazy in a room devoid of moving air.
So she sleeps in a stuffy no air movement master bedroom and I sleep soundly in the Wind Tunnel.
During the winter I move back, cause then I become the ultimate body warmer for her.
Movement
Lol. I do this. I am an absolute terrible person to share a bed with. I snore like a passing semi truck and apparently (I'm told) flail wildly in my sleep.
When we first got married I kept waking up to an empty bed. She would join me for an hour until I was asleep, then retreat to the couch. After a week or two I got fed up and just went to the couch first.
Then started several months of us trading off for the couch. Eventually I just went and bought a twin mattress and tossed it in the office. That became my bed. And when we got a bigger house, I just setup in a separate room.
No Sleepovers
We blended two households. His bedroom was fully furnished and the furniture and closet were full. It made sense for my stuff to go in a different bedroom.
We started out sleeping in one room or the other but I realized pretty quickly that, if I ever wanted to get a full night's sleep, it wasn't going to be in the same bed with him. I've been known to call him a sweating, snoring, slant sleeping sonofab*tch after a night of his sweating, snoring, and slant sleeping.
We do a "your place or mine" thing for nonsleeping activities but gtfo when it's sleepy time.
Sleep Ninja
Sleep cycles and she violently tosses around. I've been asked by my commander if I got into a fight when I showed up to duty with a black eye.
My ex once clocked me right in the temple. I had woken up a few seconds before and watched her try to grab the blanket to pull up over her shoulder, miss, and hit me closed fist.
Some Like It Hot
My grandma and grandad do. She likes it freezing and he likes it boiling.
Related but not: My grandparents may share a bed but they do have separate margarine containers. He’s a scraper; likes to keep the top of the margarine smooth. She just digs the knife in. They’ve been married 50 something years and have had this two margarine system for as long as I remember
Sharing
Not separate rooms, but a king bed and separate blankets. We sleep way better, I am a notorious blanket hog and he’s always hot when he sleeps. Then we can be close when we want to and separate when we need a good sleep
Same Room...
We're both 41, been married 23 years and sleep in different beds. First half of our marriage we always slept in the same bed (of course there was the occasional crying kid who wanted mommy to sleep with them, or falling asleep on the couch or somewhere else).
About ten years ago I spent a year working a midnight shift so I started to sleep on our spare bed in the basement. We both realized we had much better sleep separate in our own beds.
After I went back to a day shift we went back to sleeping in the same bed and soon realized sleeping apart was more restful. Over time we bought two full size beds and put them in our bedroom (like the old TV shows). It's been great.
...Seperate Beds
So a lot of comments about intimacy. Yeah we have sex, I'd say every bit as much as we ever did in the past.
We've been married over half our life so we are really good at knowing when fun time is going to happen. Sometimes we sleep in the same bed, there are no rules we have to sleep separately all the time.
Our beds are about a foot apart and sometimes we slide them together, especially when the kids were younger and they'd end up in our room, along with the dog.
Sometimes a little distance is just what a relationship needs.
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Dating and the search for love and companionship... What a nightmare.
This journey plays out nothing like in the movies.
Every Prince or Princess (or everything in BTW) seems to have a touch of the psycho.
The things people say during what should be simple dinner conversation can leave a dining partner aghast.
Like... do you hear you?
Redditor detroit_michigldan wanted to discuss all the best ways to crash and burn when trying to make a romantic connection. They asked:
"You're on a date and it's going really great. What can another person say to ruin it completely?"
I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Despite the advancement of technology rendering people left to their own devices–literally–to entertain them, there are some leisurely activities that will never go out of style.
Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"

Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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When we first meet someone–whether through mutual friends, at school, or in a new work setting–we generally feel people out to determine if they're worth getting to know.
While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"

Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Children tend to believe just about anything they hear.
That there are monsters under your bed, watching too much TV will make your head explode, and silly faces will be permanent if you make them too often.
The sky is truly the limit when it comes to silly things that children will believe.
Some call it naivitée, other's youthful innocence.
But it's hard not to look back with embarrassment on certain things we believed as a child, that today might simply seem dumb.
Redditor Disastrous_Toe_6548 was curious to learn the multitude of silly things people believed when they were children, leading them to ask:
"What's the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?"
Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
Silly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
So that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
The miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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