There are plenty of reasons why couples might choose to have seperate rooms: one or both snore, they like different mattress styles, opposite work shifts, etc. Some folks just really like sleeping alone.
Seperate rooms don't necessarily mean the relationship is on the rocks, oftentimes it's the exact opposite. The couple have communicated and decided that separate rooms are what they need to be happy.
Reddit user u/Dalewin asked:
Several reasons. I like a clean and minimalistic bedroom, sleeping in a messy room stresses me out, my husband is messy and leaves piles of stuff, mess and visual chaos don't bother him at all. He gets up a 5am, I go to bed late as I am in grad school and am often up until midnight studying. Also, I snore, tend to toss and turn when I sleep, and he is a light sleeper. After his daughter moved out I started sleeping in her room. We no longer argue about his mess or me waking him up all night long, and both get better sleep.
My parents do this because dad gets up with the birds every morning (5am) and mum would always wake up when he did and wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. She says it probably saved their marriage too (although they are the strongest couple I know haha)!
For five years I worked nights. So when we moved to this house I took the little room upstairs. It's big enough for a twin bed and a nightstand. At least it has a closet.
Now I'm on a schedule closer to the family's but I'm keeping my room. I go to bed before they do.
I snore pretty badly and am trying to get it under control. 2nd, we are non monogamous, so we have other partners that we'd like to share our bedroom with, without having to inconvenience the other. So separate bedrooms work for us.
Sometimes my GF and I sleep in different rooms, and the reasons often differ.
Did I eat a big bean burrito earlier? Separate rooms. Just an example.
Also, unless your bed is massive, sleeping with someone next to you can make it more difficult to sleep. Yes, sleeping together is romantic. But getting good sleep is more romantic.
My wife has MS - one of the primary issues she has is vertigo. When I'm in the bed with her, the motion of my breathing/heartbeat/movement really screws with her vertigo while she sleeps.
Also, I snore, so an isolated coil mattress wouldn't quite do it (they aren't total isolation, either, you feel movement) or two beds in one room.
Also, honestly, it spices up the sex life. Adds an element of pursuit and some illicit atmosphere to it, we're sneaking around the house to each other's beds to bang.
My parents slept in separate beds as did my great grandparents. For my great grandparents it was a comfort thing. Grandma didn't like not being able to move around the bed at will. She and grandpa loved each other dearly and she passed not long after he did because she missed him so much.
For my parents it was a couple things. As my dad aged his sleep cycle went weird. He would be able to sleep a couple hours and then be up half the night and fall asleep again about the time my mom was getting up for work. Also my mom has sleep apnea and uses a cpap. It made hella noise back then. Dad was half deaf and the sound still bothered him. Out of respect for each other they decided it was better to have separate bedrooms.
Spouse snores, two 60 pound dogs, and a queen size bed. No room for me and I need dead silence.
My step mothers parents took this to a new level.
He built a second house next door. They lived next to each other for 20 years before they both passed in a short amount of time.
It seemed very odd to me, but it worked for them. At least from an outside perspective. I know images never reflect reality.
Girlfriend's parents do this. They both snore and do it to get away from each other's snoring. I didn't think it was that bad until they talked about having to sleep in the same bed during their trip in Europe. They were at each other's throats because if one fell asleep, the other couldn't.
My grandparents do this. My grandfather built a small apartment on the second floor of their house. They do it because they have different sleep schedules and in general they spend much of the day apart because they like it that way. But they always eat lunch and dinner together, and my grandfather loves to listen to her soft footsteps throughout the day. He calls her “the woman next door.” It’s really cute.
My parents do this
My Mom likes to sleep with the TV on, my Dad snores and steals sheets.
My mother claims sleeping separately saved their marriage
I have a hard time falling asleep without something to distract my brain from thinking. I usually watch a show/documentary or do some repetitive game on my phone to accomplish this. She can’t stand the lights from the screen.
During the Summer I move to another room we call "the wind tunnel". Basically I have a ceiling fan going almost 24/7 and a window fan above the bed I run from 7pm-8am.
She has allergies and easily gets runny nose and sneezes from any moving air. My body temp will skyrocket and I'll sweat like crazy in a room devoid of moving air. So she sleeps in a stuffy no air movement master bedroom and I sleep soundly in the Wind Tunnel.
During the winter I move back, cause then I become the ultimate body warmer for her.
Lol. I do this. I am an absolute terrible person to share a bed with. I snore like a passing semi truck and apparently (I'm told) flail wildly in my sleep. When we first got married I kept waking up to an empty bed. She would join me for an hour until I was asleep, then retreat to the couch. After a week or two I got fed up and just went to the couch first.
Then started several months of us trading off for the couch. Eventually I just went and bought a twin mattress and tossed it in the office. That became my bed. And when we got a bigger house, I just setup in a separate room.
We blended two households. His bedroom was fully furnished and the furniture and closet were full. It made sense for my stuff to go in a different bedroom. We started out sleeping in one room or the other but I realized pretty quickly that, if I ever wanted to get a full night's sleep, it wasn't going to be in the same bed with him. I've been known to call him a sweating, snoring, slant sleeping sonofab*tch after a night of his sweating, snoring, and slant sleeping.
We do a "your place or mine" thing for nonsleeping activities but gtfo when it's sleepy time.
Sleep cycles and she violently tosses around. I've been asked by my commander if I got into a fight when I showed up to duty with a black eye.
My ex once clocked me right in the temple. I had woken up a few seconds before and watched her try to grab the blanket to pull up over her shoulder, miss, and hit me closed fist.
My grandma and grandad do. She likes it freezing and he likes it boiling.
Related but not: My grandparents may share a bed but they do have separate margarine containers. He’s a scraper; likes to keep the top of the margarine smooth. She just digs the knife in. They’ve been married 50 something years and have had this two margarine system for as long as I remember
Not separate rooms, but a king bed and separate blankets. We sleep way better, I am a notorious blanket hog and he’s always hot when he sleeps. Then we can be close when we want to and separate when we need a good sleep
We're both 41, been married 23 years and sleep in different beds. First half of our marriage we always slept in the same bed (of course there was the occasional crying kid who wanted mommy to sleep with them, or falling asleep on the couch or somewhere else).
About ten years ago I spent a year working a midnight shift so I started sleep on our spare bed in the basement. We both realized we had much better sleep separate in our own beds. After I went back to a day shift we went back to sleeping in the same bed and soon realized sleeping apart was more restful. Over time we bought two full size beds and put them in our bedroom (like the old TV shows). It's been great.
edit: so a lot of comments about intimacy. Yeah we have sex, I'd say every bit as much as we ever did in the past. We've been married over half our life so we are really good at knowing when fun time is going to happen. Sometimes we sleep in the same bed, there is no rules we have to sleep separately all the time. Our beds are about a foot apart and sometimes we slide them together, especially when the kids were younger and they'd end up in our room, along with the dog.