Parenting is an arduous, lifelong responsibility (as is growing up and surviving) and it is filled with constant pitfalls. One huge pitfall seems to always be the ways in which to have life's most difficult discussions. Often parents will tend to ramble incessantly as to try and hammer home the point. The more times you hear how wrong was the doing the easier it will be to never repeat the action. That is the belief, but often for the child listening to these talks, they turn into an endless, boring tirade that can often have the reverse effect of the intention.
Redditor u/waifu_with_a_knifu wanted to hear about the most uncomfortable chats people have had with their parents by asking.... What did you do that resulted in the longest "talk" from your parents?
40. It's Electric....
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Mom found one of those electric wires you attach to batteries to light a bulb in physics class in my laundry. She thought I was clamping my nipples with them. nastypizza
- Dad Dijky
39. It wasn't me!
The longest "talk" I ever got from my parents was for something I didn't even do. I'm a pretty chill person that doesn't really blow up and get emotional about most things. Seems like a normal thing but in my family I seriously stand out.
Well one day it got into my parents' heads that I must be a huge stoner or something (I was around 16 at the time). Came home one day to furious parents threatening everything to hell and back. I lost my car was supposedly grounded forever with absolutely no evidence.
They kept it up for like a week before giving up. Maybe they thought I would eventually admit to something? I don't know.
Thing is, I had never smoked a thing in my life, and had stayed out of any trouble for the majority of my life. Still don't know what that whole thing was about. thenipooped
38. Not so Cheers....
My parents thought I was drinking at 13. I wasn't, but that didn't stop them from grounding me for a year. When I got home from school one day my tv, stereo and vcr were gone from my room, I had The Lecture and was grounded for a year. I hadn't had a drink.
That misconception led them to paint me as the black sheep (I was Straight Edge, but they insisted I was smoking, probably doing pills and more than likely sleeping around).
Because they didn't believe me when I told them I wasn't drinking, I never trusted them again— why would I?
It's caused a massive rift that they still refuse to acknowledge. I'll be 46 this year and I still don't drink. A few years back, my parents came over to the UK (where I live— they live in Canada) to bury my uncle.
My father was shocked when I refused a vodka— his words were 'you always liked a drink though.' No. I didn't. Seems 30 years of being wrong hasn't changed his opinion of me. kiki73
37. Blood Ties....
What I did was just exist as my father's offspring. My stepmom purposely, falsely accused me of stealing money from my stepbrother.
She told me she was going to do it to prove that my dad loves her and her son more than me. That 'talk' went on for at least three days.
It was determined that there was no proof I stole it but Id be punished anyway, college was cut off and they took full control of my money until I moved out. Truedeal
36. Lestat made me do it....
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Got mad at a friend in 2nd or 3rd grade, called their house, and left random clips from Interview With the Vampire (that my sister downloaded off Napster) on their answering machine.
Absolutely flipped their parents out once they got home, who then called everyone they knew looking for answers. My mother interrogated me about it and I broke down pretty quickly.
I was given a long lecture about how scared I made the friend's parents, how they were even about to call the police, and how serious what I had done was. chiquitadave
35. Self made Sunken Place....
Not exactly the longest, but I got so good at timing how long my dad's hour-long lectures were that I zoned out for all but the last minute, every time. Spriiiiing
34. Like A Virgin...
Lost my virginity. Snuck over my girlfriend's house. Climbed in a window and had a great night. A neighbor must have seen me and told her parents.
Next day I get called into the house and yelled at. Then we have to drive over to her house to get an hour long lecture from her mom about hormones while her dad sits in a chair white-knuckled but silent. redhighways
33. That's What you think of me?
In elementary school, there was this girl in my class who was, to put it nicely, a little bigger. Someone decided to not put it nicely and write "fatty" on her desk name tag.
For some reason the teacher thought it was me (it wasn't.) He called my Mom and told her about it, and over the next week my Mom spent HOURS talking to me about 1. how that wasn't a nice thing to do, and 2. how she wouldn't be mad if I did it, but I needed to confess. GUESS WHAT, I STILL DIDN'T DO IT MOM! gaylord--
32. The Hard Talk...
i told my parents i wanted to die and they spent hours telling me that i didn't and i was over reacting and that i just had a bad day. chelso17
I had a very similar experience to yours and basically their reaction taught me to basically pretend that I was okay. With no one to open up to I eventually became a stranger in my own home.
Still don't have anyone to open up to, mainly because everyone I know has made it clear in some way that it's not safe for me to reveal my actual issues (lots of stuff to do with sociopathic tendencies).
But I dunno, it's alright. I evolved and just kinda adapted to my new life. It's not great, it's not even really all that good, but it is what it is and the effort required to change anything is so high that I've made peace with what it is. TheArtofDoingScience
31. Road Rage....
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It was an argument as to why I wasn't allowed to go to driving school even though I'm in my third year in college. Whereas my 16-year-old bro got a learner's permit.
Their reasoning? It was because I'm a woman and driving required a clear head that wasn't 'over-emotional.' Not to mention the fact that people would bully you on the road if they found out you were one.
These people I absolutely love will never take me seriously because of something I can't help but be. And it stung, a ton. Their reasoning? It was because I'm a woman and driving required a clear head that wasn't 'over-emotional.' Not to mention the fact that people would bully you on the road if they found out you were one.
These people I absolutely love will never take me seriously because of something I can't help but be. And it stung, a ton. Alot of shouting was involved because I couldn't accept that the pedestal of reasonable thinking I've placed my parents on for so long crumbled ever so slightly that night.
Anyway, I'm still stuck on the bus but I've been working on filing for a learner's permit in secret.
30. Why'd I go to college again?
Casually mentioned once that YouTubers can get paid for their videos and ended up on the brunt of an hour long screaming fit from my crying mother about how her life is sh*tty and how I make it worse every day by mentioning 'dumb sh*t that you know nothing about!'
29. This is how it's done.
It was actually a productive, positive talk. Dad wanted me to devote myself to sports. But I decided music was my life's desire - to be excellent at it.
After much back and forth, Dad finally came around. To my total surprise, he and Mom became unswerving supporters of my career in music and that "talk" made all the difference.
28. Kids these days... and those days...
When I was in 3rd grade, I liked this girl "Melissa T*****". We had a daily trivia question in the library, and kids were able to cut to the front of the lunch line if we got it correct.
My answer, that fateful day, to god knows what question was "Melissa T***** has a nice @ss."
Somehow the librarian found out I was the one who wrote that when they checked the answer. Maybe every other kid had their name on their slip, in case they won.
My mom was very confused with me.
27. Let's be honest - sometimes gifts suck.
I didn't appear grateful for Christmas presents. I will admit, I was disappointed.
What happened is that they had given me things that my little sister had wanted. We are close in age and for most of our growing up we were given the same gifts.
They did try to find things we both might have liked and the same shopping was convenient. By the time we were teens we were different people, so receiving things my sister was ecstatic about and my reaction was less so was kind of stark.
I just took the lecture. My parents did work hard but mostly I was disappointed that they didn't seem to want to know me very well compared to a sister they understood a little better, and the baby of the family.
How could I relay that idea when I was 16? That's something they have tried to change over the years but not without a lot of gentle redirecting on my part.
ETA: I did do worse things as a teen that I definitely got lectures for, but this one was a big one for some reason I still do not understand.
A time where returning and getting new presents should not be a big deal, but I guess they want to think they are good gift givers.
They thought I didn't appreciate their working to provide. I did, and it's not like anyone has to get you a present. You say thank you and move on.
I was a bit of a mystery to them being the artsy-fartsy kid I was and that made me sad at the time...and I still am as an adult in some ways.
26. At least you don't have to wonder how he feels.
Nothing my dad just rants when he's drunk. At least now he just calls me useless garbage and moves on.
25. Next time don't get caught.
I got caught stealing shoes (luckily nothing else) and it was the first time my parents had a sit down with me.
Considering they were divorced on not good terms for a decade and having them in the same room directing their attention at me felt pretty sh*tty.
To be fair though, getting caught stealing was like the last straw where anyone decided to step in on my decisions.
Didn't get a long talking to for this, but my jokes (even today, at 34yo) tend to be pretty dark and sarcastic. Got in trouble for it all the time.
One day my mom said something along the lines of "you have no sense of humor, that's why you have no friends". I told her I do have a sense of humor, it's just that she yells at me every time I make a joke.
My friends, even to this day, think I'm very funny.
23. Agency - earned and respected.
Wanting to kiss a guy when I was 15. I don't remember what I said before hand - probably a quip about how "somebody wants this!" while gesturing to my body - and general filthy jokes that normal (just not appropriate in front of your mother) teenagers make.
I was sat down and lectured, quizzed and accused of everything under the sun, and I was even asked if this guy had "tried anything" - for just wanting my first kiss!
It's so ridiculous how parents and adults vehemently crucify any kind of sexuality from teenagers as if they waited until they were 18 to even think about these things.
Oh no - my parents were adamant (more my mother) that I was to NEVER have sex with a boy. Ever.
22. Plot twist.
The one that stands out was when I came home with a letter saying I'd been placed on Report. So, in the UK that's like getting an in school suspension in the US.
I'd got into a fight with another boy and cursed him out, the cursing him out is what got me in trouble. Very long lecture about how disappointed they were and respect, and etc. etc.
The kid I fought and I hated each other afterwards and eventually he was expelled. Fast forward 30 years later we meet randomly on Facebook and now we're really good friends.
He had a really sh*tty childhood so it's understandable he acted out in school, I wish I'd known at the time.
21. Support - the opposite of this.
I spent a long time trying to work up the courage to finally get help for my mental problems. I filled in a questionnaire at school and got called in to the school counselor who then called my mom and told her I was showing signs of depression.
When I got home I was yelled at about how I will turn out like my aunt and stuff and how Im not really depressed. She went on about it for 12+ hours and I only got a couple hours of sleep.
I woke up to her doing it again and the talk lasted another whole day without more than a few minute breaks. She kept only talking about that for the next 15 or so days but not as actively.
I ended up faking that I was suddenly better to the counselor to finally get out of it.
Now I have debilitating mental problems that may have been treatable if I had gotten help at that time. Tough luck, parents don't always know what's best for you.
20. Oops.
One of my best friends and I went to different high schools, so we'd write each other long notes about life and then exchange them whenever we hung out.
In one of my notes, I wrote about having the house to myself and having my older boyfriend over to "help with my anatomy homework." My dad did my laundry, the note fell out of my pants pocket, it was a godd*mn nuclear meltdown.
19. Moms like this are awesome.
When I told my mother I've been extremely depressed and having suicidal thoughts. Led to the best talk I've ever had with my mother.
Both of us crying our eyes out but her telling me stuff like we will get you the help you need, her reassuring me she couldn't live without me and other things. Was a really long talk, but one I needed and im very grateful to have had.
18. Ouch.
Come home after school. My dad would usually follow me around the house, block the exit and lock me up in a tiny space for about 2 1/2 hours while he forces me to just stand there and listen to his mindless rants about how I'm literally not even worthy of being called an animal.
That is actually terrible.
17. Points for honesty.
It wasn't a long talk, it was pretty much the only talk. Not long after I turned 16 I got a girl pregnant.
After about 3 agonizing weeks of knowing I was going to have to tell them, I did. I did it at like 10pm though.
The next day my dad came up to my room, told me to come down stairs and there my parents proceeded to give me my one and only talk/lecture.
It was basically how they were disappointed in me, thought I was smarter than that and how I was f*cking up my future.
2 weeks later, she miscarried and I wished I had waited an extra 2 weeks to say anything to my parents.
I know it's normally sad, but were you and the girl both super relieved?
YES! No 15 and 16 year old kids are equipped to deal with that but some cases are certainly better than others, ours was the worst.
It's not like were were high school sweethearts who loved each other or anything. If that were the case there's probably more effort and family support to make it work and whatnot.
She and I were just friends with benefits basically. We weren't dating. We had dated the year before for a short time and afterward we stayed friends.
We'd still get together and hang out from time to time and that would lead to sex. It was more a matter of convenience for the both of us as we lived close to each other.
She lived one street over. Her single mom worked evenings so she had the house to herself and my parents pretty much stayed out of my business. We were both very much relieved at the time.
16. The more you know, even if you can't retain it.
I asked what a megabyte was. Resulted in a 6 hour lecture from my engineer father attempting to explain all of computer science to his 8 year old daughter.
:) that one is sweet . Did you follow in a similar field of work ?
Nope! Went into behavior intervention with developmentally disabled children. Definitely learned some computer basics/maintenance though, so I don't need to ask for help with every little thing. Only the medium/big things.
15. Good.
I told them that I don't believe in God anymore. My grandmother got involved. It was messy.
Did this recently sort of on accident. I just kinda figured everyone knew, but I never brought it up because that conversation would not be fun for me. Ooh boy was I wrong.
14. Definitely racist.
Am a female senior in high school. I accused my mom of being racist when she said she didn't want me to have a black roommate in college because my roommate will bring boys to our room who will "do black boy things to me."
We argued back and forth for a little bit. Got yelled at/lectured by my dad two days later for a very long time. In my mind, this proves I won the argument. This was a couple of months ago, but I'm still appalled by both of them.
Yeah you won there. That's just straight racist.
13. Sibling... collusion?
My sister (one year younger than me) had a party at our house in high school while my parents were on vacation. I wasn't even there.
While trying to persuade them that I shouldn't be in trouble since I found the aftermath of the party (beer bottles, etc.) and cleaned it up all night.
It finally came out that I found the aftermath of the party after coming home from a different party at another friend's house around 3 am.
Didn't help my case and got the most 'critical feedback' from my parents for what seemed like hours.
12. What does your browser history say about you?
Didn't clear my browser history when I was fifteen—didn't know you could. This was back in the earlier days of yahoo (dial up was still the only option), and the searches weren't very refined.
So, my search for tickling material (yes, I have a tickling fetish, I'm a switch, feel free to AMA).
So I had to sit there and listen to my mom list off this great list of things yahoo had pulled up and tell her I was "experimenting" and trying to figure out what I'm into and turned out not to be into any of them 🤦♀️Thankfully she seemed to believe me and never brought it up again.
11. Everyone is honest online.
(I am Argentinian and met a really cool guy in konegregate)
Mum: "Whatcha doin'?"
Me: "I'm just talking to some cool guy in this game."
Mum: "WHERE IS HE FROM?"
Me: "He's Brazilian...he recommended me some cool bands...why?"
After that we had a talk of the dangers of the internet...it lasted 1.5 hours.
10. Sometimes never is better than late.
I got married. Just before walking down the aisle, my mother pulled me aside and gave me the sex talk.
As a Pennsylvanian I can't relate to this. You could do hard time for an empty baggy that had a corner dirty from having had pot in it if a cop found it. Getting caught around here was life changing business.
I was walking at 1am in the middle of winter in a rural area when I was stopped. He smelled pot and, like a dumbass, I had my metal pipe on me.
He went easy on me because I told the truth and gave him the pipe. 100 dollars later. Hate that its on my record but I got lucky as f*ck.
8. I don't understand the SnoopChort.
This was just recently. I asked if I could get a Snapchat. The week before I was asking about advice on a relationship. I had to sit through 2 hours of lecturing and the next day I found out I have a therapist. Kind of aggravated.
The crazy thing is that last year my mom came home early from work. I was smoking marijuana in the yard. She just asked me how my day was. I was just like wtf. I never got lectured about that.
Out of interest, whats your situation like where smoking pot is alright, but being in a relationship or getting a Snapchat account is way more serious?
Snapchat has a context of sending nudes a lot, where as smoking weed is legal in a fair number of states.
7. Nobody likes a snitch.
I made a Instagram account about my principal talking lots of sh*t about her. Got suspended for 2 days 1 out of school 1 in school and they were pissed.
How did you get caught?
Some kid snitched.
6. Yeah, jail is the solution.
I wouldn't call it a "talk" I would call it more like "being yelled at for 20 minutes" when my sister said some terrible things to me and I got really depressed and said something kind of dark (along the terms of committing suicide).
My dad heard it, so instead of asking if I was ok he yelled at me because I was "making inappropriate jokes" and if I made jokes like that at school I would get taken away by police to somewhere I don't wanna be.
5. Polite rebellion.
When I was in third grade I was getting bullied pretty badly and didn't really have friends that my mom hadn't basically made by proxy for me.
My little brother was also really settling into his role as the favorite child since he had just started kindergarten.
I also had two teachers (one for math and reading, one for everything else) and the math and reading teacher "Mrs. Dillard" was kind of a bitch. I didn't like her. Basically I was a hot mess of emotions.
One day I had had enough. I didn't even think about what I was doing. Mrs. Dillard had a one-seater bathroom in her classroom (most teachers did in that school), and I asked to use the bathroom.
I found some dry-erase markers and wrote all over the tile walls, the toilet, a canvas bag, some tissue boxes, et cetera. Things like "Poop" "Pee" "Butts" "Fart" et cetera. Maybe even "Crap", which was the worst word I knew. (I was pretty sheltered).
Wrote a couple of kids' names in graffiti style phrasing, like "Joe was here" and "Sam rocks!" Not sure what the logic was there. I misspelled one kid's name. I wrote "Please pee here" and "Please poop here" on the toilet.
I also used an erasable marker to write "school is stupid" on three cubbies in the other teacher's room.
Well they caught me. Went to the vice-principal for the first time in my life, I was a goody-two-shoes nerd. He kept asking me why I did it, I had no idea.
I couldn't own up to it either, I just could not tell the truth. Kept lying and lying and denying and denying, said that I wrote on the cubbies but not the bathroom, so on and so forth. It was some real kind of mental block.
My parents talked to me over and over again over the course of the next couple of days. Interrogation, break, interrogation, break, et cetera.
I just absolutely could not admit to doing it even after they said over and over again that I should just tell the truth.
Well eventually I all but confessed to the whole thing. As punishment I was not allowed to dress up for Halloween, go to my friend's birthday party, or watch TV or play computer games for a month. Wasn't even the worst punishment I'd end up getting in my life.
4. Sports aren't for everyone.
So, my parents made me play football in high school. I hated it, and everyone knew it. My parents, the whole team, and even some of the coaches.
We had this thing where on the last week of summer we had to stay at the school over the weekend and practice multiple times a day.
Some kids ended up trashing the gym real bad, and we had to run sprints first thing in the morning because of it. I was having a hard time, because I'm fat and out of shape, so one of the other kids (who I knew was responsible for the gym) told me to suck it up. That really pissed me off, so I ended up crying. I cry when I'm mad sometimes, you know?
When my mom picked me up on, I told her about it, and she ended up yelling at me for it. She's generally a pretty mild mannered person, but this really set her off, for some reason.
She said that my teammates would harass me behind my back for crying in front of them. So hear I am, thinking I could confide this embarrassing story with my caring mother, getting yelled at for it. Trust completely shattered.
I was always a mama's boy growing up. Never once talked back to her about anything, but I felt the need to stand up for myself, here.
I tried to tell her off for needlessly escalating the situation and that I don't care what people say about me, but I was already in tears, so exactly how well that was communicated is tough to say.
Anyways, when we get home a storm up to my room and closed myself off. My mom ends up coming upstairs a few minutes later and we talk it out.
Ends with us both in tears and the most awkward dinner of my life. We made up in the end, but to this day I just can't talk to her for comfort if I'm feeling down.
3. Forced belief isn't good for anyone.
One day I got home from school and watched a video about people criticizing the religion I grew up in. Half an hour through the video, I fell asleep.
My mother walked into my bedroom while the video was still playing as I slept. Awhile later, I woke up from my nap and my parents tell me to go into their bedroom for a "talk."
What ensued was a couple hours of my parents telling me to stop watching the videos, that there was an "evil spirit" among me, that I needed to repent, etc.
It was a terrible experience that really shook the relationship I had with my parents for awhile. To any theist parents reading this, please don't react this way if your child is doubting. Thank you very much.
2. Doesn't everybody get one?
That time I hit and run (a parked car, not a person) in my high school parking lot. I was caught, campus cops got involved, I was banned from parking on campus for the rest of the year.
That talk lasted like, the whole semester; they just took breaks to eat and sleep and go to work.
1. Demon babies!
Toss up between "kissed one of my friends" in 3rd grade ("You would have been stoned in Old Testament times! You're lucky you're born after Jesus died for your sins so you can be saved from damnation!")...
...and "had my first erotic dream that scared me and I told my mom why I was crying" ("Those types of dreams are caused by demons coming to assault you, if you have sex in dreams you will get pregnant with giant demon babies.")
According to the youth ministers at the Pentecostal congregation where I was raised, if you do anything at all that isn't praying to Jesus every second of the day you are leaving yourself open to demonic possession.