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People Describe The Weirdest Thing A Guest Has Ever Done At Their House

People Describe The Weirdest Thing A Guest Has Ever Done At Their House
Photo by vu anh on Unsplash

I grew up in a household where it was customary to remove your shoes upon entering. To me, it made sense.

I assumed every family preferred not to have gum, spit, mud – and who knows what else – tracked into their homes from the outside.


So, as a high school kid, whenever I forgot to inform friends of the house-entrance protocol, and they walked onto the carpet with their shoes on, my mom would freak out. Hey, if they're not used to doing that in their own homes, I don't blame them for their ignorance.

But there are just some guests whose behavior indicated they did know better.

Curious to hear bizarre anecdotes from strangers online, Redditor alksjs asked:

"What's the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?"

When alcohol and substances were brought into these homes, disaster struck.

Making A Splash

"Brought alcohol after we told them we don't drink/are a dry house.. ok, minor enough, didn't make a big deal about it... but when they spilled all their red wine on our couch and hid it under a blanket, only for the wife to tell us via text after they left.... that really sucked."

LesPaulOnceAndForAll

A Hot Mess

"Got a prostitute over. This was years ago when I lived in a share house. My room mate and a friend of his got drunk. My room mate eventually ended up going to bed and he told his friend to sleep on the couch rather than driving home."

"The next morning we woke up and discovered that he'd called up a prostitute. They had sex in the bathroom and left a godawful mess."

"It was a long time before he got invited over again."

saugoof

Bathroom Paint Job

"My friend's new boyfriend - I'd never met him before - came over with her for dinner. There were 8 of us. He drank a lot. He went to the bathroom before dessert. About 5 minutes after he came back, he spoke to her and she said they needed to go as he wasn't feeling well. They left."

"When the next person went to the bathroom, they came back recoiling in horror. The new boyfriend had puked up his entire dinner - and a vast amount of red wine - all over the bathroom. Everywhere. Walls, floors, all over my full basket of spare toilet rolls."

I cleaned it up. When I next saw my friend, I mentioned it. We had a totally ordinary conversation about it. Later that day, she deleted me on FB and I never saw her again."

"Mystifying."

ilovelucysfeet

Makeshift Urinal

"I had a birthday party for my friend at my apartment at the time. Another friend's husband ended up getting drunk and peeing in my hallway. I was like, 'wtf?' 'Well, the bathroom was full and I couldn't make it to a bush in time.'"

"So, the next time he came over, I gifted him a small potted plant with a handmade 'mens room' sign. Told him that now he has his own porta potty."

michonne_impossible

Snot-Rag Fashion

"This one chick I used to be kinda friends with in middle school came over to my house. We were just sitting on my living room couch watching TV, when she just suddenly out of nowhere lifted the bottom of her shirt up and started blowing her nose into it. She did this like three or four times. I was like, c'mon now, we have tissues in the house and it didn't even occur to you to even ask for one? We're not anti-tissue extremists or anything. The image of that giant snot splotch all over the front of her shirt is seared into my retinas until the end of my days."

PM_Me_PennyFarthings

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Please Don't Make Yourself At Home

Some guests act like they own the place. They need to be shown the door, by force, if necessary.

Sleep Requirement

"Rearranged all the furniture in the guest bedroom so that she could sleep facing north."

Pythagorius

The Brown Stains

"My weird neighbour friend once came over for dinner when we were at least 11. I don't know why or how but when I prepared to go to bed that night I discovered poop on the wall at the top-bunk mattress (slept bottom). We also found it smeared on the wall of behind our TV."

"When we asked his mother she just handled it as if it was a totally normal thing to do."

MoinGuy2

Laundry Time

"My roommate in college had been dating a guy a few years older for several months. She asked if I minded if he spent the weekend and that they'd only be home in the evenings since they had planned to be out and about experiencing the city. I said sure. Guy shows up and he's conversational and nice enough, except instead of an overnight bag, he brings at least 10 huge filled to the brim laundry bags of dirty clothes. He immediately sets up shop in our laundry room and goes to town. Literally does laundry all day and night.

My roommate is visibly upset at this point because dude doesn't want to go hang out as planned. He just wants to watch movies and do laundry. She apologizes and says they'll be out all the next day. No big deal. She wakes me up the next morning and is hysterical. The guy is gone and has taken all of our cleaning supplies and snacks with him. She never heard from again. It was super creepy and bizarre. She prob didn't even know this guys real name and never found out what his end game was. Unless his end game was simply use of a full size washer and dryer."

Due-Time-8151

Unsolicited Makeover

"While we were at work, a couple that were houseguests for a few days rearranged our furniture and artwork."

"They wanted to surprise us when we returned home with their 'excellent taste in decorating.' They sure did!"

Back2Bach

The Airborne Pervy Boy

"My cousin use to come over my house alot when I was a teenager. We're 7 months apart so we were pretty close growing up. When we 14/15 years old, he came over once with my aunties friends weird/ annoying son that he was forced to hang out with from time to time. It was 10am and I still had my pj's on, I tell my cousin I'll get dressed real quick and we'll go down the bike tracks soon. I go to my bedroom to change, when I'm in my underwear the weird/annoying boy walks straight in my room like he lived there and looked me up and down with a smile. I went mental, screamed at him and called him a creep. My cousin bolts upstairs after hearing me scream, grabbed the boy by the scruff of his clothes, drags him out of my bedroom and threw him down the stairs, he wasn't seriously hurt but definitely terrified at this point and runs out of the house."

Nothing_Special1391

Weird Wanderer

"I had a friend over once and he just wandered around the house, no sitting, no greeting my mom, no nothing, he just walked around the house aimlessly, this was a year ago but it still confuses me to this day."

SomeoneHadMyName9645

Missing The Target

"It was my cousin. He came in, took a sh*t in my bedroom (at the middle of the floor), and left. Im still wondering what came through his mind that day."

knobblebot

No Complaints

"Last summer, my parents went on vacation so I was left alone to care for the house and our cat. One of my friends would come over a lot because I always made good food and she wanted to try it. One time when she came over, we ended up having coffee late at night, so she decided to clean my kitchen and bathroom at 12AM. Cleaned the sink, toilet, stove... I didn't ask her to. It was weird. But I didn't mind it."

haihahfksknfjwhf

Pure Insanity

"Pissed in the fridge all over turkey left overs then b!tched the toilet wouldn't flush. His gf at the time then proceeded to beat the sh*t out of him for 'doing it again' with her prosthetic leg."

"Plot twist...I was the guest in their home."

Syst0us

This Is Your Brain On Drugs

"My homeless, heroin addict, ex brother in law asked if he could do some laundry at my place and I agreed that would be ok as long as he understood this is my home and he's not welcome to hang around. (I have a teenage son I'd rather not expose to heroin, thank you.) One day he texted that he needed to pick up his laundry and I said no problem.""

"He never showed up, so I went to bed around midnight. Turns out after I went to bed, he let himself and his insane girlfriend in and they made themselves at home. Watching TV, taking a shower, eating snacks."

"I woke up to the sounds of a domestic taking place in my living room and a woman screaming for help."

"After dealing with all that and getting them removed from my property, I went to my bathroom where I found the entire bathroom covered in purple hair dye. It was on the floors, sink, the toilet, the mirror, the rugs. Every where!"

"Who comes into a house uninvited after midnight and dyes their hair?!"

"Don't do heroin kids."

BooksAndGuns

Jam Session

"This guy turned my pots and pans into drums and started freestyle singing while all the girls were hitting chairs and harmonising. I never wanted people to leave my place so quickly before."

whymyheadhurt

As I mentioned earlier, having a clean home starts with taking off your shoes after entering.

Growing up with this regimen made me appreciate cleanliness, but it also made me a certifiable germophobe.

So you can imagine how much I cringed when I read about the number of Redditors who've had guests who made their homes an open bathroom space – where excrement, vomit and urine splattered everywhere like in a Jackson Pollock painting.

The takeway? Be mindful of your alcohol intake, who you invite, and say no to drugs. Now, there's the door.

Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex

"Reddit user ella-es-julia asked: 'Men Break Down The Weirdest Things Someone's Ever Said To Them After Sex'"

People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.

Maybe it's the euphoria.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Maybe it's the tequila.

It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.

Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.

Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:

"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"

The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"

Geography matters.

Morbid Much?

In Bed Home GIFGiphy

"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."

Vixxay

Meow

"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."

shlanky369

"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."

"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"

"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."

Trumpet6789

POP!

"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"

"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."

DasBatt

"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."

"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."

Straystar-626

Damn it's Good

"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"

"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."

"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."

draftstone

A Binding Contract

"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."

"Still together 5 years later!"

Tatarstan

It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.

And it all starts with a handshake.

Sleep on It

“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"

lennyukdeejay

"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."

EvilNinjaX24

"This is the best one."

TomKhatacourtmayfind

Tiny Dancer

"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."

fleetwoodsackk

"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."

striker180

Fine!

"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"

"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."

Fullyme

"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”

OrwellWasRight101

Amen

"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"

"I married her, we still goin' at it."

BeBearAwareOK

Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.

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Jakayla Toney on Unsplash

Giving compliments is pretty easy, although most of us don't do it often enough.

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Woman standing alone in the rain
Neal E. Johnson on Unsplash

We can all agree that, as fun as it's supposed to be, the dating scene can be really, really hard.

Here's the secret: as hard as the dating scene can be to navigate, some of the trouble lies with us. We may not to be able to find a long-term partner or a date at all because of something that we're doing.

But when a friend is in this situation, it can be really hard to tell them the brutal truth about their dating history.

Redditor teekzer asked:

"What is causing your friend to remain single that you don't have the heart to tell them?"

Chasing Deadends

"He keeps hanging on to the past and spending all his time hanging out with ex-girlfriends who are unavailable, or women who like him but he doesn’t romantically like."

- SqueakySnapdragon

Baby Talk

"I always wondered why she couldn't get a date because she is gorgeous until I saw her flirting with someone."

"The first night they met, flirted, and swapped numbers. Then, she was immediately clingy, talking in a baby voice to him, and making baby noises."

- robocop_robocop

Body Odor

"I can smell them. Everyone can smell them."

- not-read-gud

"You should find a way to tell them, it might hurt but they'll appreciate it."

- iciclesnbdayclothes

The Nice Guy Mindset

"He really is not as nice of a person as he thinks he is."

- Rusti3dp

"The ones who claim this rarely are."

- SummerOfMayhem

Impossible Standards

"The people they like aren’t real. They are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. Now my friend himself has a lot to offer in my opinion, but he is looking for a person who doesn’t exist. Hard to find something that’s not there."

- Sufficient-Spell9935

"I have a friend who started dating his flatmate after being really into her for a while, and then after a week or two said something like, 'Dating you doesn't feel as good as I thought it would,' TO HER."

"He basically torpedoed his own potential relationship because of his own ideal fantasy, and to be honest, I don't know if he actually realized he'd created an unrealistic standard in his own head."

"He's been single for the last decade, his mental health has only got worse in the time I've known him despite therapy, and I think he's probably so detached from 'appropriate dating behavior' at this point that he could be single for the rest of his life."

- fish993

Questionable Humor

"Brother-in-law, not friend. But he makes the same jokes about poop and farts all the time. Like, constantly."

"Yes, some women like potty humor, but they usually also want it to be funny."

"He is also very negative; finds insult or something wrong with any situation."

- EatYourCheckers

Living in Fantasy Land

"He lies to himself about almost everything. He lives in fantasy land."

"He thinks he's in the gym five days a week, eats great, climbs mountains, goes camping, and makes loads of money."

"In reality, he's at the pub five days a week, over eats like s??t, went on one hike in January, can't hold a job, and lives paycheck to paycheck..."

"If you were to confront him with this reality, it wouldn't even get through to him."

- Fit_Yogurtcloset_291

Mismatched Attraction

"The type of guys she claims she likes isn't what she's actually attracted to."

"She keeps saying how much she loves shy introverted sensitive guys but when she finds one and dates him suddenly, she's like, 'He's not outgoing enough, doesn't speak his mind enough, and is too shy!'"

"I kind of think she has this 'I can fix him' syndrome and doesn't really acknowledge it. Like, she's attracted to the idea of a typical shy guy but thinks once they're in a relationship they'll suddenly be more open and turn into the guy she actually wants. That's not how it works!"

- Disig

Poor Self-Esteem

"She is so lovely. So kind, so generous, and so beautiful. But her crippling lack of self-esteem is so huge, it's visible from space, and her anxiety (and I'm 99% sure her undiagnosed ADHD) means that when she's at all nervous, she talks at 100 miles an hour in several directions at once."

"It's like being handed eight happy Labrador puppies to try and hold in your arms. I so badly want her to be happy and feel fulfilled but even I find it tiring sometimes."

- butwhatsmyname

The Negative Attitude

"I have two of these."

"One is the most talented, smartest, wonderful person I know and I wish I could pull the gremlins out of their brain so they could be happy."

"The other is self-fulfilling proficiency f**king up their life. He's not unlovable, or ugly, or uncared for, but walking through the world expecting rejection at all turns and living in a fog of negativity is what makes him unattractive to be around."

"So-and-so isn't hotter than you, that's not the reason they're getting more friends and lovers, but they are more positive and interested than you, and people are attracted to that company."

- cool_username_iguess

Just Pure Arrogance

"For my husband’s friend, it’s the selfish arrogance. I want what I want, and the subtext was that he never cared about what his girlfriend wanted."

"He would only go places he wanted to go, which never included her friends or family. He wanted to spend all his money on 'collectibles' related to sci-fi movies, DVDs, figurines etc."

"Engagement rings were a waste of money, investing, or buying a house ditto, no compromises were possible, he said NO, and no discussions were entertained."

"His opinion on every topic was the correct one, and he was not interested in your opinion, or listening to extra facts he did not know that might change his mind."

"He was once young and good-looking, and he thought he could find someone else when she walked when he was 32. They had dated for close to a decade. During the relationship, he had started to stack on the weight and losing his hair and he was not able to find a replacement."

"Now he is 49 and hasn’t had a girlfriend since. He still has not bought a house and they cost double what they did when they were dating, and his rent has tripled. He does have a copy of all his favorite movies in every format: VHS, DVD, AND BlueRay, a whole bedroom is dedicated to storing them, if you can get in there. His house is a hoarder's paradise."

"He says the reason no one wants him is because he is fat and bald, and it does not help, but it’s not the major turnoff."

"As for his ex, I don't really know what happened to her. She left all of us behind when they broke up. I did hear she got married, but no updates after that. She is a sweetheart, I wish all the good things for her."

- vicki153

Impossible to Move Forward

"Summarizing two types of my single friends:"

"Super successful, smart, funny, and good-looking. They also tend to go for folks who leave them on read for days. Their insecurities are their worst enemies and I think are the biggest factor of them chasing after partners who don’t want to be partners."

"Other friends don’t know how to commit to anything, including a job. It almost feels like a 'it’ll happen when it happens' type of ideology and so they don’t even try to make things happen? They act like things will happen on their own? So they’ll meet a person and then that’s it. Meet cute dead in the water."

- thunderkitty_

Too Desperate

"Desperation. From laughing way too hard at mediocre jokes to bringing up marriage on the first date, she reeks of it."

"We have all tried talking to her about it to no avail. The sad thing is that if she was just her regular funny, smart, relaxed self, then men would be falling over themselves trying to get her number."

- Julia_Sugarbaker123

A Want List

"Her standards are excessively too high. She brings nothing to a relationship. She's a walking contradiction, all of which is why she is single."

"I think it's great to have standards and high standards but hers is just a checklist of wants."

- Theunpolitical

Height Insecurities

"He’s convinced women won’t like him because he’s short. I keep telling him I know plenty of guys just as short as him in great relationships, I’ve dated guys as short as him in the past. He just refuses to believe it."

- MichaSound

"I dated a guy who was four feet, nine inches, and I'm five feet, four inches. He had such an amazing strong personality that you never noticed his height."

"I did find kissing standing up weird; the motions are so different when it's swapped."

"The relationship ended for other reasons than his height."

- lonelyronin1

Alternatively, Open to Feedback

"I had a friend who finally did just ask. He came up to the girls in our group and just let us have an open conversation. I'm sure it was awkward and uncomfortable for him, but we gently laid out some issues. He cut his hair, got some new clothes, and (the big one) started therapy."

"A couple of years later, guess who's got a wife and a wonderful child?"

- Stars-in-the-night

It's so disheartening to see the people we care about unable to have something that they would find so fulfilling like a long-term relationship.

But it's even worse when the reasons behind it are things they could work on, if we only had the guts to tell them or if they were open to hearing it.