People Share The Unwritten Rules Between Them And Their Significant Other
Relationships come in a so many different forms and shapes. That is no surprise.
After all, a relationship is the combination of two complex, fully-formed human beings that have enough in common to invest in moving through life as a pair.
All that complexity, though, means things will absolutely NOT be smooth sailing all the time.
So some couples out there have devised ways to keep things strong and committed in the face of those inevitable hangups—a lovable law and order of sorts.
Some Redditors gathered to share the unwritten relationship rules to live by.
"If the cat is on your lap, you can ask your partner to do or get stuff for you, no questions asked." -- TheDanishThede
"We call this 'cat paralysis.' " -- ellenasophia
"We call this being encatted. The ask for a cup of tea or something usually goes a along with a helpless sweeping arm gesture that says, 'I'm clearly in a predicament here.' " -- gdytdjgsrws
"That we will always try our best not to project our own bad feelings onto each other. Instead, to ask directly if we need something."
"Had a bad day at work and I'm feeling depressed and I would really like a long hug and for her to tell me how she loves me? But she's not a mind reader and she might be occupied with some other stuff."
"So instead of sulking for hours and then, later on, when she asks me what's wrong, saying something to the effect 'I had a really shi**y day and all I needed was a hug, but you never have time for me,' I'd just say it directly when I come home - 'I had a really shi**y day today and I need a hug. And I want you to tell me that you love me.' "
"And then, in 95% of cases, we will be able to give each other what we need without having to read each others minds."
"It takes a surprising amount of balls to get started, but once you make a habit out of stating your emotional needs honestly and directly, it makes life so much simpler."
Not Taken for Granted
"We always take a moment to thank each other for providing the meals. If my wife cooks for the family, after we are done eating we all thank her for her efforts. Same goes if I cook, or even if one of us pays at a restaurant or takeout."
"It's simple and means a lot."
A Daily Anchor
"Always come to the door to welcome the other with a kiss and a huge hug when he or I get home at the end of the day. Been doing that for 10 years and it keeps very much the love alive :)" -- CamLesky
"For their entire 32 years of marriage my dad has always kissed my mom when he comes home from work. In the early 2000s he was working from home, and he would still do it at the end of the work day."
"And he still does it now even though he's been WFH since March." -- McIgglyTuffMuffin
"If I'm being an a**hole and my husband suggests that low blood sugar might be a contributing factor and asks me to have a snack before continuing to argue, I'm not allowed to get mad."
"Sometimes I still get a little mad because I'm not totally in control of my hanger, but I always apologize once the food hits my brain."
The Nether Regions of the House
"We have a downstairs bathroom that we refer to as his 'office.' It is strictly for #2 as the main bathroom of our home is attached to our bedroom. When someone goes to the office, the other does not go downstairs so they can have their privacy." -- Anxiety-Aficionado
"Dude...sounds like your guys just need to eat more fibre." -- [deleted]
"Once a day we hug for 30 seconds. Just a big old squeezy hug. No talking. Nothing else. Just a big hug." -- Valkerian
"This is so lovely. I think I'll borrow it" -- peepeeface69
"Omg my family does that to me. The ones that understand me the best, especially. Big squeezy hugs no questions asked are the BEST. I call them the Rebooters." -- MMXXfan
Simple, and Pivotal
"Don't touch her feet, don't look at her feet, don't acknowledge her feet exist. She hates the idea of feet." -- Nelik1
"What if you needed to draw attention to her feet without saying anything?"
"Leg bottoms ? You have a wasp on your leg bottoms?" -- Jerkin-my-gherkin
"We don't shout at each other, no matter how angry we get - Mrs R grew up in a house with an angry violent dad, and no matter how pissed off I am, I'm never going to cause her to relive that part of her childhood." -- rehgaraf
"Bless. Most of my memories of my dad are of him screaming at my mom or us kids. My SO knows all of the details and has never raised his voice to me in anger. It's a surefire way to shut me down entirely and he refuses to do that to me."
"Grateful for gentle souls like yours and his." -- happy_dance
Spark Joy Repeatedly
"Say I Love You CONSTANTLY, like dozens of times a day. Whenever we're going to sleep, or one of us leaves the house without the other, always have it be the last thing we say, even if we're pissed off or in a cranky mood."
"Also, don't get weird about little things, like the fact that they talk to their appliances like friends, or get excited about free toys at the supermarket (looking at you, Ooshies)."
"It's cute and adorable, and we just appreciate the other for the kid-at-heart that they are, that can find joy in the everyday. Just laugh and tell them you think they're adorable and hilarious. Make eye contact as you both laugh."
"It's the little things that bond you."
Transparency Without Pressure
"If either of us want to have sex, we state it plainly. (Dirty talk is still fine.)"
"If the other person isn't in the mood, the subject is dropped and no one gets mad."
"If you weren't in the mood recently, you make an effort to have sex soon to make up for it."
"If that still doesn't happen, you apologize, acknowledge their feelings/needs, and make a point of banging."
"No one ever feels sexually obligated or ignored. It works for us."
A Team Battle
"When the wife's at game, husband stays away (she used a mic and I don't want to embarrass her during League matches)."
"I don't game myself (I play Pokemon casually, and some phone games), but it's important to her, and I support her whenever I can!"
Ticking All the Boxes
"He picks up the dog poop and acts like he's still under a stay-at-home order. (My immune system sucks)"
"I do dishes and make coffee, and deliver his coffee downstairs to his office every day."
"He gets rid of the spiders, I get rid of the bees and wasps."
"He doesn't bi*** to me about my cancer diagnosis, and I don't make morbid jokes about it to him. That's what our respective groups of friends are for."
"We use please, thank you, excuse me, I love you, and sorry whenever they're needed."
The Host and the Guest
"Whenever we cook for each other, we always make it more convenient for the other. If we only have one nice plate left, the person that cooked will eat off the lesser fancy."
"If we only have one soup spoon, the other will use a regular spoon. If one chicken breast doesn't look so pretty, the person that cooked will give the other the nicer one. It's really sweet."
"We never talk about it or acknowledge it besides a simple, 'thank you,' but I've noticed that we both do it without fail. Love him to pieces."
Keep It Clean
"Oral sex does not happen unless you have recently had a shower." -- bears-bub
"That's why we do it in the shower" -- maltymawma
"If one of you runs out of TP and yells out, the other has to drop what they're doing and come to the rescue."
"Comin into the bathroom while your in there is ok as long as it's #1 but NOT #2. Also, if in the act of the latter and they barge in you have to announce in some way('don't come in here!')"
"Whoever lays in bed first gets 'tucked' in" -- bangersnmash13
"Whoever gets out of bed last, makes it." -- obscureferences
"Hah that's adorable" -- XxOlive
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There is so much to learn in the world, it's impossible for one person to know absolutely everything there is to know.
But there are certain things, like common phrases and idioms, that everyone seems to use that might be a little embarrassing to not understand until later in life.
Redditor Curious-2577 asked:
"What's something you learned 'embarrassingly late' in life?"
"My sister was in her fifties when she found out the meaning of, 'You have an addictive personality.'"
"She thought after all these years of therapy that it meant that people were addicted to her personality."
"We laughed hysterically when we talked about this (in a very sad way)."
"I thought that horses had toes until I was 22. I thought the hoof was a 'horseshoe' and the toes were tucked inside."
"How did I learn how wrong I was, you ask?"
"I was walking past a cavalry museum and saw a horse statue and loudly remarked, 'It must hurt so bad when they fold a horse’s toes to put them into the shoe!'"
"Dozens of horse enthusiasts turned and looked at me with wild bewilderment in their eyes."
"The saying is, in fact, 'Nip it in the bud' and not 'Nip it in the butt.'"
"A few months ago, two of my colleagues both handed in their notice at around the same time."
"I kept reading/hearing the sentence, 'They’re both moving on to pastures new’ being thrown about the office in the weeks leading up to them leaving, and I hadn’t heard this phrase before and thought that was the name of the rival company that they were going to, like, 'Pastures New.'"
"I thought it was weird that nobody was talking about how they were both leaving for the same company."
"I was in the car with one of the two people who were leaving and said, 'So where is it that you and X are going to be working? Is it...’"
"And just before I could embarrass myself and say ‘Pastures New,' they interrupted me and said they’re not going to the same place and asked me where I had heard that."
"I think at that moment, I realized I was stupid and didn’t mention it again."
"I think I was in college when I realized that Mario and Luigi are plumbers. I thought they just went and up down these tubes just because that was the theme of the game."
"That Bonsai are not a species of tree, but a way to grow them. Any tree can be a bonsai."
Houston, We Have a Problem
"Houston is not the name of the guy astronauts talk to."
"I learned that pork and beans are not called 'cowboy beans.' I was 18 and asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the 'cowboy beans.'"
"We were looking everywhere and I was getting frustrated because I know that every store carries these beans. After a while, I picked up a pork and beans can with a picture and said, 'See, they look just like this!'"
"He said, 'You mean pork and beans?'"
"Then I realized that my mom called them that so that I would eat them."
"The look of disappointment from that grocery store clerk haunts me to this day."
"Let me tell you about how I thought you were awarded a 'Pullet Surprise.'"
Rum and Coke
"Not too late in life, but I thought my parents were making 'Roman Cokes' until I went to college."
"Which, I think is a much better name for the drink (Rum and Coke) anyway."
Oh No, Not Acoma!
"That a coma was 'A' coma. Until I was probably 19 or so, I thought it was 'acoma.'"
"I thought you fell into acoma."
It Must Have Been a One-Way Trip
"My parents were divorced the whole time and my mom was not, in fact, taking a vacation, lmao (laughing my a** off)."
"I live near the Hospital for Joint Diseases… when I was a kid, I thought was a special hospital for people who had two or more different diseases at the same time."
"Moving cross-country, driving east to west, and crossing from Idaho to Oregon, I noticed huge fields with signs for the Ore-Ida Potato company."
"So I was in my early 20s when I figured out Ore-Ida wasn’t just a brand name but was because their potatoes came from Oregon and Idaho."
"When I was really young, my sister told me she threw her guts up. So I was really afraid of vomiting my entire insides up for years."
Some of these really had us laughing as we realized the revelations some of these Redditors were having.
But when we're really honest with ourselves, we probably didn't figure out some of these until later, too.
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.
Positive emotions are high among people in the blossoming phase of relationships.
Everything seems more romanticized for people in love due to the amorous joy in their hearts–which also influences their desire to frequently get it on under the sheets–or any other daring location in the heat of the moment.
But for those who've declared "'til death do us part," devoted couples may find that they are not always on the same wavelength sexually compared to when they first met.
Curious to hear how people keep their passion alive, Redditor Rude_Phone6841 asked:
"Married people, how do you initiate sex with your partner?"
When verbally articulating isn't enough...
Let The Book Dictate When
"There is a book called 'How to Subtly Tell Your Partner You Want More Sex.' If you sleep on the right side of the bed, you can casually open it up and your spouse will see the giant printed title on the front. Sometimes, I’ll just get the book out and leave it on his side of the bed. Once he was messing with me and acting like he was oblivious to my not-so-subtle hints, so I threw the book at him. The book is effective and hilarious."
"ETA: Sadly, we haven’t found the book since we moved. Fortunately, we’ve started communicating with our words instead. Words are just as effective."
Save The Date
"I send her an outlook calendar event and if she accepts, IT'S ON."
"You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business."
These couples find that verbal cues are best.
Now's The Time
"Honestly when we have the time one of us usually bluntly says 'let's go have sex right f'king now before we can't' and we go do it. Lol"
Option A Or B
"I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. Some of the best sex we had was because I said 'after 2 year old goes down and if 2month decides to sleep do you want to meet in the basement' well she decided to sleep and damn that was good."
End Of Day Reward
"We just ask each other tbh. We’ll bring it up earlier in the day so we build up the anticipation with each other throughout the day, flirt with each other, gas each other up. All that. Then when it’s finally time at the end of the day, we usually fall asleep cause we’re so tired."
"But the cycle continues the next day!"
People continued offering their wisdom.
Afternoon Hanky Panky
"The trick is to initiate sex during the day. We are both too tired at the end. Plus hanging out all day after is somehow more rewarding."
"Same goes for dates. Have sex at the beginning the date, then go enjoy your time together without any pressure."
Kids In The Equation
"This literally happened today with my wife and me. We have two toddlers so we’re extra exhausted. Earlier today we had the sexy initiation of 'hey, we both showered today, want to have sex after the babies are asleep?' 'Sure.'"
"Then when the kids were asleep, and my wife and I were getting settled into bed, she asked if I still wanted to. I said if she wants to I’m down, but I’m pretty tired and would be fine without it. She said she was also tired and could do without it. So we kissed each other good night and she went to sleep. I’m just winding down on Reddit for a few minutes before I also fall asleep."
"I know this is boring. I didn’t write this to tell an exciting story. Just to share what married life is like for me and probably the large majority of married couples, especially parents of young kids."
Shadow Puppet Technique
"Use my phones torch to shine a shadow of my member up against the bedroom wall."
"Kinda like a bat signal of sorts."
"Turn off the lights and switch on the red lamp beside the bed."
"Walk by him while taking my top off. He follows me wherever I go and it's been 30 years and counting."
Every couple is different, and usually establishing a strong communication bond makes everything else in the relationship–including sexy time–falls in line effortlessly.
I knew a couple who made a game out of foreplay and agreed that whoever got home first from getting off work at the same time got to choose the sexual position that night.
They may no longer be together, but I remember them recalling how that technique was fun for them at the beginning stage and it took the pressure off of establishing when they were going to have sex.
Don't take get too anxious about it. It's just sex, and it's fun.
There are a number of things people partake in spite of the known possible ramifications they have on their health and safety.
Up to and including smoking, bungee-jumping, recreational drug use, or simply bike riding without a helmet.
Indeed, even though they know that doing any or all of these things could possibly lead to their death, they do it anyway.
Sadly, even though many people go out of their way to avoid doing these things for that very reason, that still doesn't mean they keep themselves completely out of danger.
Sadly, there are a surprisingly large number of things that lead to an even more surprising number of deaths each year.
Frighteningly, these are things that the majority of the world's population does on an almost daily basis.
"What causes death more than people realize?"
When In Doubt, Call Your Doctor!
"Your body will become septic, in which it essentially kills itself trying to kill off whatever infection one has."- cacarrizales
"Infections that are left untreated."- raptor-99
Tread Carefully. Seriously.
"On average around 17k people a year in the US die from injuries incurred after tripping and falling."- EdithWhartonsFarts
When In Doubt, Don't Drive.
"Driving while sleepy."- latchkey_adult
The Handrail Is There For A Reason.
"20 million severe injuries each year and at least 200,000 death from consequences of the fall."
"Both my grandparents died because of a fall."- OnTheGoodSideofLife
They Happen To The Best Of Us
"Especially among the elderly, a fall can create a cascade of events that results in death, even if it seems minor at first."-AdmiralBofa
Never Rush Chewing
"Statistically the most choked on food."- SpecSanders
Never Skip A Check-Up
"High Blood Pressure."
"It sneaks up on you and you don't know about it or don't care but it's the underlying cause of so many deaths."- Fear51
Never Underestimate The Importance Of Self Care
"Your body can only handle so much of it and it’s labeled the 'silent killer' for that reason."
"With your high blood pressure and the 5 hours of sleep a night because of the stress, It will creep up on you sooner than you think."- DroppedDonut
Don't Forget To Floss!
"Untreated dental problems."
"A cavity left untreated can lead to heart attacks and strokes."- Lastalmark
"Just regular old flu."
"Many people ignore it thinking it'll go away on its own."
"Globally the number per year is usually between 300k and 500k."
"In the US it can be anywhere from 12k to 50k per year."- PhreedomPhighter
Don't Feel Ashamed If You Need A Break
"I have two family friends pass from heart attacks associated to shoveling the snow."- JD054
There Are People Who Will Help You
"Alcoholism causing liver failure and it's on the rise in the USA."- Interesting_Drop8236
"Peruse your County ME’s records."
"The amount of people who die from alcohol is astounding."- hockenduke
Sometimes, It's Just Best To Mind Your Own Business
"You watch some Hollywood blockbusters and some MMA fights and you think you can do it too."
"I've seen stories of a guy minding his own business and gets rocked on the side of his head. It disconnected his spine and he was dead before he hit the ground."
"There was another story maybe a year ago of a scuffle where a guy was stabbed in the neck and bled out to the point of being unable to stand within 10 seconds."
"Stop f*cking around, it's not worth your life."- Choiceofart
We never know when our number is up or how we'll end our days.
However, with a little bit of care and good judgment, we can at least likely avoid falling victim to all of the above.