In the immortal words of Ms. Britney Spears.... "You're toxic. I'm slippin' under!" We all have wasted precious amounts of our lives on people who didn't deserve it. Most of the time we can't see right away the poison that festers in their souls. And sometimes we care too deeply and just think, they'll change, and that almost NEVER happens. You have to do you first and rid yourself of the toxic!
Redditor u/Zombi3Bait wanted to spread the word on the best ways to clean house at life by asking... People who have had really crappy friends. When did you realize that you shouldn't be around them?
You're Mine!
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Looking back all the signs were there, but the final straw was when she started picking on my friends instead of just me. She couldn't stand that I was making friends other than her.
Also I was talking to a former teacher who had taught both of us and I said I wasn't as close to her as I had once been and the woman looked me straight in the eyes and said "good. keep it that way." SunflowerSupreme
One Down!
When I realized I didn't want to share good news with them because they wouldn't be happy for me. Complicated-Captcha
Or they always try to "one up" you on sharing good news or story telling. Never asking follow up questions to your announcement. Aylongfortheride
Oh hell no!
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They put alcohol in my drink after 14 months off drinking because they thought I was becoming boring. I was trying to quit because of addiction. kobemiller
There is a particular place in hell for those kind of people. Good job of you keeping your addiction at bay. Reddit
War and Peace.....
I realized we argued all the time, and not about actual stuff in our lives, but all this petty nonsense. Like, is this movie good, or politics or what's the definition of a sandwich.
I think that those guys just never learned in have a real conversation. All they knew was having a different opinion and arguing about it. And the thing was, they didn't even like to "win" the argument because then it was over. And they'd just keep finding new topics to argue about, and take more and more extreme positions to get people to argue with them.
So being around them was frigging exhausting. I just want to talk to you, not have to defend a position.PM_ME_UR_Definitions
It's My Party...
They threw a massive party on my birthday, for someone else's half birthday. They invited almost everyone I knew but me because "we know you'd probably want to do something for your birthday."
I just kinda cut contact with all of them, allowed myself to be a loner for a while. This year, my news friends are taking me to Amsterdam for my birthday! pollywantsareddit
F U Megan!
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My "best friend" from high school knew my fiancé was cheating on me and having unprotected sex with strange men and didn't tell me. I only found out because I broke up with him for other (very valid) reasons and "Best Friend's" boyfriends little sister was around when I was talking about it.
I said something along the lines of "I'm sad cause I thought we had something. I was his first. At least he didn't cheat on me."
To which the little sister scoffed and got a "Shut the f**k up" look from my friend.
I dragged it out of her eventually, but yeah. She knew he lied about never having been with anyone else and that he was cheating on me. In fact, all his friends and mine knew. And no one told me. But I was especially pissed at her. I moved 6 hours away two weeks later and haven't spoken to any of them since.
F**k you, Meagan. charlottedhouse
Lonely is better!
When they'd constantly make plans in front of me, but told me I couldn't go with them. I knew I should've stopped hanging out with them, but I didn't have anyone else. TRHtimmy
Betrayal!
When she made plans with me and another friend, but then canceled them with me and I found out 2 days later that she still went with our other friend. That was the straw that broke the camels back for our friendship. I immediately blocked/deleted her on all social media and cut off contact. It was actually such a relief to not have to work to keep the friendship going. GarshCT
Don't Need Them!
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I asked everyone in my friend group if they were going to homecoming, every one of them said no.
Me and my boyfriend went alone, decided to take some pictures before the dance at a popular place in town. Saw every one of them, without me, walking into a restaurant in their nice dresses and tuxedos. I haven't spoken to them since.lavaflow666
Some people have no soul...
One day I took acid. He got jealous and intentionally tried to make me have a bad trip. Months down the line I confronted him about it and his words were "I thought about how wrong that was but I didn't care."
Since then I don't care about him. PM_ME_UR_LAST_DREAM
No Apologies....
The apologies really didn't seem genuine tbh - it seemed like they saw on social media how much better my life had gotten without them. After all of the manipulative crap they pulled on me and the horrible things they said to my face and behind my back, there was simply no way I could trust any of them again. That's exactly what I told one of them. She didn't even really apologize, she just said she'd changed. I told her I was happy that she was working on becoming a better person, but there was no way I could allow her back into my life after everything that had happened. I trusted my gut and have absolutely zero guilt about my decision. The damage was already done. I don't need apologies from them, I just need them to go on with their lives and leave me alone. beyourownwindkeeper
Making our own choices....
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When I was harassed for not responding to a text message within 15 minutes and thus blamed for the fact that a friend had self-harmed again. crystallolivia
OMG! Grow up!
I've known them since I was 5 so nearly 20 years now. We have all grown up and aren't the teens we were. We all have had different sized barriers come up against us and not all of us are flawless after them.
I sadly have realized that some of them aren't worth the stress they put out into the world and onto me. There is fakeness there too and it's not worth being around that much. We are adults now and I don't need cliques and gossip.
I still am around them but I'm glad we are now one of those "omg we have to plan a dinner or night out soon!" And never do. freddie_delfigalo
Thou Shalt not be a Thief!
We moved in together as roommates, and slowly, the narcissistic traits started to reveal themselves. Pretty early on I started to suspect she was stealing from me. Then came the lies. She believes she is superior to others and values her own time and energy more. She fobs off her responsibilities onto others, and if challenged on any of this behavior, she either stonewalls or she plays the victim, accusing others of bullying. In hindsight, I realized that every nice thing she had ever done was for her own gain. I'm moving out this weekend and I could not be more glad to be rid of her. tw231116
Sick to my Stomach!
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When I dreaded coming to school the next day and having to interact with her. She just made me feel terrible about myself and always tried to make up for it, but I can't pretend like everything is ok again. chaoticsynthetic
People be crazy!
When she asked me to abort my baby so she could heal from her child passing the year before. I waited til I was 5 months along to hesitantly and delicately share with her And she complained to my parents I was being selfish to keep it.. seeing as we are good friends and i should be sad with her. We live about 8 hrs away from each other. so no way she would have known, however mutual friends would know and I figured it'd be awful if she found out through them while I pretended I'm not having a huge change in my life. That's super deceitful. There were other things over the course of our 15 yr "friendship" that were hurtful and mean towards me but that was the last straw. Suzette243
Red Flag Waving....
When they wouldn't bother to text me back, organize to hang out with me, or bother to make an effort to sit next to me when we took the train together every morning. I realized my best friend of 8 years turned into a self-centered person that hated me because my other friend decided to talk about me behind my back and everyone believed her. Read the red flags and don't be blinded. Love and friendship does such stupid stuff to you 😔 emmypoos
Not Good Company...
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When I was hit by a car, broke lots of stuff and was bed-bound for half a year. Nobody checked in how I was doing and I got 1 visitor in that 7 months.
Up till that point I assumed these people I hung out with every day for the past three years were my friends, but it turned out to just be a group of people that smoke weed together every day. Intergalaktica
Pinch me and I'll Punch you!
We worked out together a handful of times. The last time we did, she pinched the roll of fat above my sports bra and said, "aw. we'll get you there." Cut her out pretty quickly. ginfizzzzz8008
?!?!?!?! who thinks that kind of thing is okay? Wow... whereismydragon
$$$ Changes Everything!
When over a short period of time they came into huge money and did not realize that I was not on the same level with them anymore. Suddenly, overnight decisions to fly to NYC for a week was a thing, or going on expensive NYE parties in Thailand, and were surprised when I refused. It drained me financially in the first year or so, then it became impossible to keep up with merely a quarter of what they were up to. Inevitably, we went our separate ways overnight basically.
We've all had those friends, we may even have been those friends at one point. How did y'all get rid of the toxic mess in your lives?
- People Share The Most Desperately Lonely Thing They've Ever Done - George Takei ›
- People Disclose Their Own Most Toxic Traits - George Takei ›
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.