You hear the click of your door handle. Without thinking, you hurl yourself out of your desk chair to your bed. You toss whatever it is you don't want your parents or guardians to see, back into the shoebox you've had since 4th grade, and slip it under your bed. Fast, quick, and no questions asked. So, what did you hide as a teenager?
Reddit user, u/Slowbro63s, wanted to hear the horrifying, possibly disgusting, truth when they asked:
Teenagers, what is the worst thing you are hiding in your room?
A Clucking Mess
Giphy
Not a teenager anymore, but a girl I was friends with freshman year of college hid a live hen in her room for over a month.
Not Even I Can Find Them
A few years ago I hid 14 beers in my room. I just found them a couple months ago.
Apparently my hiding spot was so good I forgot about them.
Be Ashamed Of Your Dreams
honestly, a dream journal.
its not really "bad" but its just kinda embarrassing, gotta burn that one of these days
I'm Using All This Duct Tape For Something Else. Honest.
My mom's birthday present.
I'm setting up a pretend murder mystery for her (she's super into True Crime stuff) and if she found any of it she would think I was a serial killer.
You Know There's The Internet, Right?
My sketch book, which contains porn drawings ¯\ (ツ)/¯
Fresh Contraband
Febreeze.
I'm technically not supposed to have any, and god forbid my sister finds it, but what would I do with it? Idek who owns the febreeze. It's contraband because my sister likes to spray it in my eyes so now nobody is allowed to have it. I've been considering moving it into the garage.
How Does It Not Smell?
Probably the present we had to buy for a random classmate in high school. It was all food that I bought. But that person wasn't at school that day so I took it back home.
We meant to give it to him later but we forgotten about it. But yeah that was 5 years ago, and it's still here. I'm pretty sure that everyone else has forgotten about it.
Keep Your Nose In Check
Giphy
One time when I was 14 I had my boyfriend over (my parents hated him) when my parents were out to dinner. I asked them too many times when they'd be home and they smelled a rat. They came home early and as soon as the garage door opened I pushed him into my closet.
My parents found me in my room, blushing furiously with my top buttoned wrong. I had dogs. He was allergic.
He sneezed.
I was very grounded. For a long, long time.
At Least They Know About It Now...Right?
I had a porn magazine stash, it was locked in my desk drawer. I left home, forgot about it and then Mum called to say she was going to bring my stuff over and couldn't find the key to my drawer. Oh snap. It was on my keychain so I said hey don't worry about that I'll go through it next time I visit.
Couple of days later "Hey we found the spare key, I packed your stuff up and we'll be over to visit later".
She'd carefully packed up all the porn magazines in a box and didn't say anything about it. I asked her a few years later her reaction and she just laughed it off and said boys will be boys. My Mum's a true hero.
Just. In. Case.
Letters to relatives in the case something happens to me.
I'm a constant over thinker who worries about everything, so I wanted to be prepared in case someone murdered me or something. If someone found them now, they'd look like suicide notes
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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