If you haven't spent a lot of time around kids, it can be easy to forget they're entire tiny people - often with big personalities. Combine that with the fact that they generally have almost no filter and let's be honest, some of them are downright hilarious.
Reddit user Happyclapclapclap asked:
Teachers of Reddit, what was something that the class clown did that genuinely made you laugh?
... and that's how you all ended up with an article that talks about how Hitler is a dolphin, Patrick Warburton teaches about fungi, and "nom-fiction."
Oh, and a perfectly timed death threat. Timing is everything, people.
Voice Acting
This is high school biology. A guy who was known for being a pretty good voice actor was reading a page on the properties of fungi in multiple impressions, making everyone laugh. He often got picked to read after that, and never disappointed. We've had:
Yogi bear, Irish guy, Disney princess, Shaggy, Scottish guy, Patrick Warburton, and many more.
Before he graduated, his voice was also recorded for phone messages informing of school events, schools voicemail, and MC for many school events.
Birds and Bees
GiphyWhile teaching sexual reproduction to year 8, one student loudly announced "I don't get why they call it the birds and the bees. Trains and tunnels makes way more sense" I remember it ever single time I teach that unit, and it still makes me giggle.
I Like
On my first class, I asked my students to introduce themselves saying their names, their hometown and something they liked. Most of them were guys and they liked music, sports, videogames and such. After four guys introduced themselves, the fifth guy said "Hi, I'm Peter, I'm from X place and unlike the other guys, I like girls"
and we all laughed way too loud.
Juice
A kid asked if he could have a drink coz he had a cough, then proceeded to pull out a 6 pint bottle of apple juice.
- from his bag
A Dolphin Dictator
Did a presentation about conspiracy theories. It was assessed and had to be recorded. He started off so normal, until he got to the Da Vinci code, and started talking about the possibilities of Jesus and Mary having sex.
I lost it, but held it together, for the recording.
Then asked him to elaborate on other theories he had heard, he calmly said 'Well, there was this one that said that Hitler was a dolphin' and I had to escort myself out.
Won't Fail
While walking around the classroom, I tripped on a boy's backpack and almost faceplanted on the floor. A girl asked me if I were okay, to which I replied "no, X almost killed me."
He turned to me and, without missing a beat, replied "I won't fail next time!"
We still laugh about it about every two weeks. Definitely my favourite in that group.
Nom-Fiction
GiphyNot necessarily the class clown, but I once had one of my first graders look me square in the eye and ask me, "why don't they call cookbooks 'nom-fiction'?" It's stuck with me for about 5 years now!
- aseck27
The Announcer
I'm a teacher's assistant. There was this goofy boy (who I'll call A) in my math class that would announce students as they walked into class. He wasn't mean or anything. He'd just either just say your name like the Price is Right announcer or something silly about you like "Ladies & Gentleman, you may know him as Chris but we all call him That Guy who referred to grey as 'dark white!'"
Usually nothing bad, so we let him do it.
But one time during class this girl walks in and she was pretty small. She kinda looked like she might be a little person but insisted that she wasn't. Anyway, A starts hushing the class and says "Guys, guys we are in the presence of a celebrity." And we all start looking around and then he says "Welcome, everyone, the Midget from Hell Date!!"
I laughed so hard I got sent to the nurses office to use my inhaler.
No Phones In Class
I was teaching in China (a private school where parents or the child carers would attend also) and this one child would not listen to me or anybody else - he was totally free and involved in his own wild world. His father accompanied him but would go into the very back of the room to talk on his cell phone.
I had warned the parent to put down or shut off the phone and pay attention to his son. He didn't listen either. I eventually took the phone from the father. His son yelled (in English!) to his father, "you in trouuuuble" and he laughed and laughed - such a contagious giggle! I guess the kid was paying attention.
A For Effort
A kindergartner called me over and was very proud of what they just colored. The girl sitting next to him looked at it, then looked at him and said "well at least you're trying your best."
I think America certainly has a strong work ethic. We know how to work and win.
Getting Around
Civil Rights Equality GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"Accessibility code for buildings. I come from a country where disability is looked upon like a crime or fault. USA does an amazing job making things accessible. I haven’t seen all of USA but majority of the places has amazing system."
snreddit87
The Backbone
"Our public libraries are a real backbone for the country."
"Andrew Carnegie's groundwork in building the institution of free libraries, even in small towns, set a precedent that we wouldn't fathom today but couldn't live without. They often serve not only as an information exchange but as cultural hub, art gallery, performing arts center, tax aid, voter registration, job resources, etc. in communities."
"Plus they're one of the only places you can just exist for hours indoors without the expectation you must buy something.And I feel like they've adapted to the ever-changing needs of their patrons in modern times faster in the US than most places."
"'A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert.' -Andrew Carnegie"
fadedVHS
'restore' or 'create'
"Valuing actual wilderness in places like national parks. Here in England, they will 'restore' or 'create' natural habitats, which is sort-of nice, but they are almost like zoos. They are too small to survive by themselves so they are actively maintained."
"And in some English national parks, they actually allow housing developments as long as the architectural design is sympathetic. Here, 'countryside"'means farms. There is still a notion in the USA of protecting some large wilderness areas from development."
anon5005
Nicotine Fiends
"The rate of smoking cigarettes. We do very little well in the US when it comes to overall health, but we are light years better than most places when it comes to the prevalence of cigarette smoking. Hardcore anti smoking adds + laws of inconvenience + social stigma really did work."
pasta_sauce87
Hollywood
Movie Theater Reaction GIF by CBSGiphy"Films. Don't get me wrong, the US can put out some bad films, but the best ones I've seen are usually American."
ConcreteGardoki
We do do films well. That is a big plus.
Family
Kids Playing GIF by moodmanGiphy"The United States adopts more children than the rest of the world combined."
noodles43r
The Menu
"Burgers. Motherfreakin' burgers."
ProfessorRoyHinkley
"I'd expand that to sandwiches in general. Burgers, Philly cheese steaks, Reubens, subs, clubs, chopped cheese, po'boys, just this whole sandwich spectrum. Americans just took sandwich concepts from across the globe and ran with them."
gurnard
Natural Beauty
"I've always envied your wildlife. I'm from England and the only large wild animals (other than fish) we have are deer, boar and foxes. And they're incredibly rare. I've always thought it was so cool one country could have bears, moose, cougars, alligators, panthers, bison/buffalo, etc."
gateman33
Quickies
"Gas stations like QuikTrip, where they have clean bathrooms, lighted parking lots, free air for your tires, ten different coffees on tap, beer, hotdogs, any soft drink or snack you want, the list goes on. In other countries -- you're not gonna believe this -- their gas stations only sell... gas."
Blort_McFluffuhgus
POWER
bill nye GIFGiphy"The US is an absolute science powerhouse. The technology we come out with has touched the lives of nearly every person on the planet."
AmericanHoneycrisp
Welcome
"I say this as an immigrant who came to this country, so perhaps take it with a grain of salt. But it truly gives people a second chance at life. My life would be nowhere near as good as it is right now if I were back in my home country."
Porongas1993
Maybe America isn't the hot mess a lot of people think it is. We'll see...
Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.
A Certain Era
Very Funny Oops GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"I'm over 80."
Head-like-a-carp
"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."
KarateKid72
Ruin
"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."
W0otang
Let's Hug
"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."
rickroll62
"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."
"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."
lefthandbunny
Problems
"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."
Altaira99
"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."
Spectre627
Pain
Scarlett Johansson GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."
ztirffritz
Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.
Over time...
up s GIFGiphy"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."
Regthedog2021
You play the cards you are dealt
"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."
"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."
KitchenWitch021
Key Factors
"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."
eric_nathanson
Options
"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."
"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of view..so there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."
TheSims4Dude
Love is there...
Checking In I Love You GIF by Seize the AwkwardGiphy"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."
Strythe_Horde
"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."
iathpa
it never happens...
"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."
prettysouthernchick
Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.
Is it so hard to pick up after yourself?
"Habitual litterers."- SuvenPan
"When people don’t clean up after themselves."- cheeto_has_spoken
If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen
"People that can dish it but can’t take it."
"I work with a dude like this and it’s terrible."- MF_Ghidra
Tea Time Reaction GIF by Kamie CrawfordGiphyNever judge something by it's size.
"When skin tears near your fingernail and that teeny tiny wound hurts way more than it should."- BlackCaaaaat
"Buzz Buzz"
"When mosquitoes fly by ur ears."- AxcesDrifter
Back to where we started...
"The Reddit app when it scrolls back up to the top of the 65 TRILLION FKN articles you’ve read."
"It should burn the articles as you read them."- Deathdar1577
sorry kristen wiig GIFGet out of the way!
"People who leave the f*cking shopping carts in middle of the f*cking aisle!"- otherm0ther
But enough about me, what do you think of me?
"People who make it all about themselves."- ExtensionAir7
Proud Drag Queen GIF by CameoGiphyA lost cause
"Willfully ignorant people."- KingZaneTheStrange
Be it the way another person behaves or common, every day occurrences, we all have things which get on our nerves.
Most of the time it's best to grin and bear it.
But next time you see someone litter, it might be a fine opportunity to let that anger out.
For your sake, and everyone else's.
Justice will be served... won't it?
"What goes around comes around."
"Sometimes it doesn't."- Recent_View6254
"That people get what they deserve, or must deserve what they get."- HugeMcAwesome
It's just a phase.... or is it?
"That acne will go away after your teen years."- One_Arachnid_1256
Scared Freak Out GIF by Lillee JeanGiphyBetter cut back on those TV dinners...
"Microwaves give you cancer"- Salt-Significance702
Absolutely no justification.
"That torture is an effective method of extracting information."
"Every ten years or so, some three letter agency or another is forced to admit that their torture program yielded nothing but false leads and wrecked lives."
"Then goes straight back to doing it."
"The general population shrugs and says 'if it's the only way to get intel' as if they weren't just told point blank that it doesn't work."- barnfodder
A little kindness goes a very long way
"That being nice and accommodating is a sign of weakness."- AidilAfham42
Be Nice GIF by Susanne LambGiphy"Square cut or pear shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape..."
"Diamonds are rare which us why they are expensive."
"They're very very common, their price is kept high by controlling how many enter the market by the De Beers group, which basically has a monopoly on them and hoards them."
"Synthetic/lab grown diamonds are the exact same as natural and even cheaper to make, but people are still convinced they're not as good as 'real' diamonds."- no_ps_wow
Unrealistic expectations on society
"That we need to work tirelessly and wear ourselves out in order to have a good future and stay happy."- iambigego
"Go to a great college and get a great job and have a great life."- MewsikMaker
When you just can't hold it any more...
"That there is a chemical you can put in pools that turns blue when you pee."- Sad_Cherry2884
GIF by South Park GiphyAs the saying goes, you can't believe everything you read.
But for the sake of others, still best to avoid peeing in pools.