Redditor grayspot94 wanted to hear cringe stories about the ways to NOT try and seduce someone, so they asked:
"What's the worst way someone tried to flirt with you/turn you on?"
The amount of stories I could tell y'all from my NYC club days.
We don't have the time.
A What?
Best Friends GIFGiphy"One time at a house party a girl whispered in my ear 'Have you ever licked a caterpillar?' Then tried to get me to come home with her. I never figured out what that innuendo was supposed to mean 😅."
Much-Audience-5800
Oh Nuts
"Kissed me out of the blue. Not a bad thing in and of itself, I was into her, she was into me, and she knew how shy I was so she made the first move. The issue was that shortly before she kissed me, she had eaten a Snickers bar. I'm allergic to peanuts."
Local64bithero
"His lips, tongue, and whatever else she lobbered on quickly turned an ugly mottled red and swelled up until he couldn't talk, which means he couldn't even tell her what was wrong, as he desperately sought medical attention. Oh, sweet memories of young love."
StrawberryGasoline
It's YOU!
"I (M) went out to dinner with a group of friends. One girl said to the whole table "I'm waiting for the man I love to realize that the love of his life is sitting directly in front of him. She was sitting directly in front of me."
"Yes, everyone at the table realized what she meant and got very uncomfortable with her. Myself included."
"Backstory: She directly asked me out a few weeks earlier but I told her that I don't like her that way. Nevertheless, she persisted (and got rejected again)."
EponymousTitular
A Bad Setting
Taye Diggs Wow GIF by BounceGiphy"I had a woman hit on me at an STD testing clinic. I definitely respect the game, but I was there to get tested because I had just gone exclusive with someone and wanted to get checked up before we stopped using condoms."
Turdsworth
"Imagine the pick-up line for meeting someone at an STD clinic: 'Do you come here often?'"
Lvcivs2311
Read the room people.
Not just the people in it... the ACTUAL room!
Swing or Duck
Ronda Rousey Fighting GIF by WWEGiphy"Hosted a party in college with some friends, a girl that was trying to talk to me wanted to prove how strong she was and how good she was at boxing."
"Threw a mean haymaker right across my jaw. I randomly met up with her two years later at another random party. She introduced me to her friends as 'the cute guy I punched in the face.'"
"Just to clarify, it wasn’t a malicious act. She asked if she could show how strong she was by punching me and I said 'yes' not paying attention to what she was asking."
EBeast99
Weeks Gone By
"Borrowed my iPod and returned it. I put it in my desk drawer and forgot about it. She got real cold and distant and I just let it go. About 6 weeks later I saw the iPod in the drawer, charged it up, turned it on, and found she had left nude photos of herself."
Appropriate-Battle32
"I feel like people aren't appreciating how labor-intensive that was. She had to take the picture with a separate device. Upload them to a computer. download iTunes, and update java. Upload those pictures to the iPod."
Mnstrzero00
Don't Knock on My Door...
"My neighbor recently knocked on my door at around 10 pm to drunkenly tell me I was the pinnacle of masculinity because I leave for work at 7 30 every morning. Said she woke up to the sounds of me leaving and she is 'kind of in love with [me].'"
"Then she asked if she could kiss me, I said no, and she went ahead and tried anyway. Then she got all upset when I pulled back from her. There were tears."
"Spent the whole conversation, trying to figure out how to remove a person from my doorway."
"Context - I only speak to this woman roughly once a year when she appears at my door drunk, though usually she just asks my name for half an hour. Or asks if I am gay."
Ahrtimmer
But Who Hates Tapas?
Sassy Finger GIF by ProfeBGiphy"As I yawned with my eyes closed, as one does, he placed his index finger inside my mouth. At a dinner party, with several other people at the table."
Even_Accident9224
Oh my word.
Who raised these people?
Even wolves have better romantic etiquette.
How much can really be told when eyes meet from across a room? That is the question. I will say that I've been pretty spot on from what I was able to immediately deduce from my past paramours. Most of them were who I thought they would be, and, for the most part, that was a good thing, until it wasn't. Let's see who can relate...
Ouch
Romance Love GIF by Hike Sticker ChatGiphy"I just know this guy is going to be a GIANT pain in the butt."
We were coworkers. I was right.
Say Cheese
We found each other on Tindr (yes, I'm aware we were using it wrong). I ran into him on the way to the restaurant we were supposed to meet at and the first thing I thought was "Wow, he looks so much better than his profile pics. Thank God he can't use a camera well or else he'd probably be snatched up already".
Hooked
"Wow, that guy is cute and quiet. He's so mysterious! I have to talk to him!". My husband and I met working in a bookstore. I asked him if he ever talked, he looked me in the eye, nodded, then walked away. I was hooked! We had lunch at the same time about a week later, so I asked him if he wanted to get lunch together. We started talking about elementary school and discovered we went to school together from 3rd grade until sophomore year in high school, although we didn't know each other. It's a small world!
The Eyes have It
GIF by Vulture.comGiphyShe has beautiful eyes and she was so pretty (still very much so).
I was so nervous, I went to bathroom and gave myself double finger guns and said don't screw this up. Still married 5 years!
Edit: thank you for the award!! Also, we met on tinder and yes she looked like her picture.
That Guy
"Oh hey, It's that guy I met in the cafeteria. He seems smart. I'll sit by him so I can cheat on tests." We started to become good friends so I felt guilty and ended up telling him. From then on out, he made sure to not flip to the next page or turn his test in until I was done copying. :,)
It was a required health class & not at all relevant to our majors. I had a hard time with those tests for whatever reason and he aced them with no effort... So he didn't mind.
I drew him funny pictures and comics as thanks and we hit it off from there. :)
Now see there, love does still exist in this cruel, cold, mad world. Not only must we open our eyes, but also our hearts and minds. (I should write for a lesser version of Hallmark. No?) If only we were aware of the impressions we're making ourselves. I also forget, people are watching.
"Hairy" Situation
The very first impression was pleasantly surprised.
For context, it was my first day at my first (student) job, and my boss was showing me around and introducing me to everyone by going to all office rooms, one after the other.
My now-husband was in the very last room, and I was "warned" that that team was a bit "special", mainly because of their very direct and sometimes weird/harsh sense of humor. What surprised me was his hair color, as my now husband was the only one in this department of ~50 people with brightly colored hair.
So while I didn't get to talk to him much that day, I remembered him for his hair color alone. It took us a few more weeks getting into contact and to eventually start dating, last weekend was our ten year anniversary (and third wedding anniversary), and he still rocks his brightly colored hair.
Not so Scary
I thought he was an ex-convict. He's super muscular, tattoos covering every inch of his body; all around just a very threatening looking guy. He came up to me and told me "I think you're adorable. Can I have your number?" I was petrified because I have never dated or attracted anyone of this type. But he charmed me. Turns out he's a huge softy with a goofy personality. He cracks up at the smallest things, he loves sweets like a little kid, getting tucked in at night and is scared of the dark. I love him to bits!
A Lasting Impression
mandy moore love GIF by This Is UsGiphy"OMG she's beautiful when she's annoyed" Good for me, cause I annoy her a lot. 9 years in and I can't imagine annoying anyone else.
Coming Back
I was a bartender and he was one of the first to get a drink from me that day. So I didn't think much, I was still trying to screw my head on and jump into the shift. He kept coming back tho, not always to get a drink sometimes just to stand near my bar while I made drinks. His friend brought him there for his birthday, yet he spent most of his time with me. Once I noticed him, I thought he was a lovable dork. I needed to a have a conversation with him where I could be myself and not in working mode.
Same Mindset
Lovers Kiss GIF by NETFLIXGiphyI thought he was so cool. We had talked online for a few days but it wasn't until I saw him walking towards me when we met for our first date that I realized he was way out of my league. Luckily he thought the same thing about me.
So from now I''m going to enter every room with my eyes forward and bulging. I want to put forth a grounded presence and also I want to survey for connection. Hopefully I can add to this thread years from now after an anniversary. In a good way.,
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