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Love is beautiful and amazing and can often.... be a brutal minefield. It's imperative to listen to those who go before us. Love is nothing like the movies, after the curtain falls, real life begins and love and marriage is something that is completely, imperfect.

Redditor u/gaygirl98 wanted to know what sage words those who have maneuvered the ups and downs and pratfalls of love can share by asking.....


Back-up.

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Someone once told me "once you get married your wife becomes your family and your family become your relatives." Really helped me through any stressful family gatherings, knowing we had each other's backs, being our own team. johnthestarr

The Winners....

The point of arguing is not to win, it is to understand where they're coming from and why this issue matters to them. Manateebae

Best lesson to learn about getting married, it's not you vs your spouse. It you and your spouse vs the problem. Figure out how to work the problem out together, because you'll never get anywhere tearing each other apart. LegendaryOutlaw

Smile Instead. 

Anger is neither a reason nor an excuse for bad behavior. You will get angry, you will fight, but you should never insult, indulge in name-calling, throw things, or hit them. If you cannot or choose not to control what comes out of your mouth when you are angry work on that first, get married second. questfor17

Money Matters....

The biggest transition is if you weren't living together before. Getting used to sharing everything can be difficult for some but good communication is key to making things work.

Discuss finances, once married you take on each other's debts and responsibilities. It's important to know what those are before the wedding. Finances are one of, if not the, biggest reasons for failed marriages, so get on the same page early and stay there. Ounceofwhiskey

Not your Maid!

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Clean up after yourself! jevole

This. Do not fall into the cycle of letting your spouse do all the housework. They are your partner, not your maid or parent. Pinkie365

The Sex. 

Happily married 27 years here. Here's some of what I've learned along the way:

The marriage is more important than the wedding/reception.

Disagreements are not you vs me. They're us vs the problem.

Shared goals (including finances, kids, careers, etc) are more important than shared hobbies.

Sex is important. It's not everything. But it's important.

It's great to love the person you're marrying, but hopefully you also like them. As in, if they couldn't be your spouse, for whatever reason, would you still choose them as a friend, exactly the way they are now? Marry someone that you don't feel compelled to try to change into someone different. SaveBandit0215

Be Humble. 

Gratitude is key. This sounds easy, but let me explain.

The key is that gratitude is not a balancing test. Don't just be grateful the 'extra' things your spouse does, be grateful for every. single. thing.

If you shop for food, then prep it, cook it, then clear the table, then load the dishwasher, then clean all the pots and pans - and then later your spouse empties the dishwasher, thank them for doing that, and feel it.

To me, this is a hard thing for people to do, and it is such a huge part of the happiness in marriage.

It leads to a feedback loop of appreciation for the little things as well as the big.

It makes it more likely that your spouse will appreciate you and (unless you married a terrible person) far more likely that they will do more.

You will also see more of the things they do.

This isn't just 'stuff,' but anything. Grateful for listening, for sharing, for sitting on the couch, for having your child etc. etc. Snuffleupagus03

Let Them Eat Cake....

Cake toppers for a wedding cost well over a hundred dollars. Salt and pepper shakers cost significantly less, are usually the same size and weight, and come in pairs. We wanted animals. I found a fox and raccoon for $11, then we added a tiny white ribbon for her veil and a tiny blue flower for my boutonniere, and we attached them with hot glue for total accessory cost $3, TOTAL cost of toppers $14. keytar_gyro

Besties....

My wife recently passed away from breast cancer, so I'm not technically married, but I have this advice... marry your best friend. The one you like to have random conversations with, that interests you. The one that makes you laugh a lot. The one you can spend all your time with. The one who will support you in tough times and vice versa. You know.... The One. DeanSmartin

Be Vigilante....

The only thing that will keep you together is the persistence of simply staying together in the face of all the boredom, pain, and troubles that will come. You will be bored. You will be in pain, and your relationship will be in trouble. During the bad times you literally have to just say, how are we going to work this out? Chora_and_Kairos

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