Woman Balks When Personal Trainer’s Wife Demands She Fire Him Because She Thinks They’re ‘Getting Friendly’
Marriage is often one of the most difficult forms of relationships for young couples.
The fun of dating becomes mixed with the hefty responsibilities that come with truly building a life with another person and integrating your lives together.
It is not easy, often it will fail, there are times that will be painful however, if two people truly want to grow together they will find ways to overcome challenges in ways that strengthen their bond.
Redditor DurableRestriction17 wanted to hear the serious marriage advice people had to offer.
"Married couples, what advice would you give to young couples?"
Basing your relationship off of mutual respect, similar values, and practicing spiritually together (whatever that may look like or if applicable) are all ways to make sure you have deeper connections.
The best advice overall though is do not lose yourself in joining your partner.
They love you and giving up things you enjoy to please them often fosters a seed of resentment over time.
Schedule time for yourself to enjoy hobbies, and time for them too.
"If you don't spend time together you are GOING to drift apart.”
“We have been married for 13 years, together for 15. Spend quality time together. Shut off your phones and go for a walk, cook a meal together, find a hobby you both enjoy, heck, you can have a lot of fun just doing household chores together."
“If you don't spend time together you are GOING to drift apart. I was severely burned in a brush fire 5 years ago, and was diagnosed with brain cancer a year later. My burn broke me, I fell into a terrible pit of depression."
“I spent most of the next year lying on the couch pissed off at the world. All of my relationships deteriorated in that time just because I separate myself from everything. But our marriage suffered the most. Unfortunately, my diagnosis made things even worse. My prognosis was quite grim, people in my position live for an average of 37 weeks."
"I have seen other people go through similar things. One of two things usually happens. It will draw them closer together, or one or both people will use destructive coping mechanisms to help cope with the fear and pain. Once we realized what was happening we started coming closer together again."
"When we were newly married, we spend a lot of time fishing. Just the two of us on a riverbank sitting on buckets trying to catch fish. The beauty of time like that is there is nothing to distract you from each other. It gives you a lot of time to just talk and get to know each other better."
"I've had 2 cancer recurrences that looked like it was the beginning of my end. I just started a new treatment that is working very well. We've been able to get back fishing a lot this summer, sometimes just the two of us, and sometimes we take the kids along too." thelemonx
Well noted! Sounds like a healthy relationship.
You are on the same team!
“Fight the issue, not each other.” BlackSwann0316
“Yes! My husband and I have a rule to always treat each other like we're on the same team. Having an explicit rule comes in handy for giving us the language to use when it doesn't feel like one of us is doing that. A gentle "it doesn't feel like we're on the same team right now" does wonders for reorienting the other away from anger and toward the problem at hand.” wantonyak
I concur! Your partner is not–and should not–be your enemy.
“Always remember to work on yourself, as your insecurities can easily form into blame towards your partner. ‘They're not doing enough’, ‘they're not making me feel special enough’ when you're insecure and not doing anything to fix it, it won't matter what your partner does.”
“So Always work on yourself, invite your partner to join you in your goals and the positivity from your efforts will strengthen your relationship with your partner and how you see yourself.” Ello_Owu
Insecurity can kill a relationship. Working on yourself is important!
Dont sweat the small stuff.
“Don't stress over the little sh*t. You'll get annoyed at things you didn't think possible, like how they organize themselves, how they load the dishwasher, difference in opinions for trivial things. Let that sh*t go.”
“Think about what truly matters to you before you start an argument over your misplaced toothbrush, the color of paint to use in the living room or what's going on in the garage at 10pm with all the swearing. This will differ a bit, but this is coming from a man that's been married for 14 years with two kids.” Beholder84
Exactly! Besides, stress kills. Don't do that to yourself.
“don't keep score...”
“Do things your spouse enjoys, and don't keep score. For example, my wife loves going to soccer games but I don't, and I love horror movies but my wife doesn't. But I still go to games with her, and she still watches horror movies with me. Support each others hobbies and interests.“ LagerLounge
Relationships are all about balance! Support each other – that builds good relationships.
Kindness is best practice...
“Kindness. Don't be short, rude, and proud. You have to live with this person the rest of your life. Always be kind. Forgive. You aren't immune to making any of the same mistakes. You're not as perfect as you think you are. Don't dwell on the negative in one another. This is a bad mental path to get on.”
“You are both imperfect. Compliment one another on your strengths. And help one another with weaknesses. Be committed. Life will change. You both will change. There is security in commitment. There is trust when you feel secure. Just a few things. 12 years, three kids, still learning.” Manbeard1000
If you're going to ride the waves of life together, you'll have to learn how to be compassionate and forgive.
Remember later on you may forgive but your friends or family may not...
“Don't talk sh*t about each other to your friends or family members. You're a team. If you have a complaint and need to tell someone, be honest with your partner about it rather than telling a third party.” ruthlessbaderginz
Absolutely! You are a team so you should act like it.
“Make sure you have the same life vision as your partner. You need to be in alignment on the big things.” SeaTie
Compatibility definitely matters!
“If you want to survive more than a decade in a marriage, be prepared to listen to your spouse. Not just to let them speak, but listen (engage). You want to be heard, so hear the other.”
“If/when negative emotions get too intense, don't jump to blame the spouse... It's hard. Try to find ways to interrupt the feeding-of-negativity-from-each-other cycle. Take a 5 minute break (claim you need a biobreak if nothing else).. The physical and temporal distancing will help folk calm down.”
“Also, as soon as you calm down, hug the other person and provide some sort of positive physical contact. Goes without saying, keep reinforcing positives and make positive statements frequently. Everybody wants to be loved - and you have to be there for each other.”
“Oh, one last thing: don't ever take someone else's side against your spouse in public. If they are in the wrong (can happen often), you must find ways to correct that behavior discreetly... if that really doesn't work (because people are obstinate), try to create a distraction (find an excuse) then talk to your spouse in private.” milagr05o5
Some great advice from people with marriage experience. Best of luck to the young couples, it's wild out there.
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It's often said that first impressions are everything. When we all come face to face for the very first time, what one can gleam says all we'll ever need to know about another's intentions. But in actuality first impressions can be tricky. There is a lot to learn about a person over time. And when eyes are first locked, we're strangers, and you never know what is happening in a stranger's life. Food for thought, or, first impressions are spot on.Redditor u/sideacc64642 wanted marrieds out there to share some love details about their beginnings by asking... Married people of reddit, what was your first impression of your spouse?
How much can really be told when eyes meet from across a room? That is the question. I will say that I've been pretty spot on from what I was able to immediately deduce from my past paramours. Most of them were who I thought they would be, and, for the most part, that was a good thing, until it wasn't. Let's see who can relate...
OuchRomance Love GIF by Hike Sticker ChatGiphy
"I just know this guy is going to be a GIANT pain in the butt."
We were coworkers. I was right.
We found each other on Tindr (yes, I'm aware we were using it wrong). I ran into him on the way to the restaurant we were supposed to meet at and the first thing I thought was "Wow, he looks so much better than his profile pics. Thank God he can't use a camera well or else he'd probably be snatched up already".
"Wow, that guy is cute and quiet. He's so mysterious! I have to talk to him!". My husband and I met working in a bookstore. I asked him if he ever talked, he looked me in the eye, nodded, then walked away. I was hooked! We had lunch at the same time about a week later, so I asked him if he wanted to get lunch together. We started talking about elementary school and discovered we went to school together from 3rd grade until sophomore year in high school, although we didn't know each other. It's a small world!
The Eyes have ItGIF by Vulture.comGiphy
She has beautiful eyes and she was so pretty (still very much so).
I was so nervous, I went to bathroom and gave myself double finger guns and said don't screw this up. Still married 5 years!
Edit: thank you for the award!! Also, we met on tinder and yes she looked like her picture.
"Oh hey, It's that guy I met in the cafeteria. He seems smart. I'll sit by him so I can cheat on tests." We started to become good friends so I felt guilty and ended up telling him. From then on out, he made sure to not flip to the next page or turn his test in until I was done copying. :,)
It was a required health class & not at all relevant to our majors. I had a hard time with those tests for whatever reason and he aced them with no effort... So he didn't mind.
I drew him funny pictures and comics as thanks and we hit it off from there. :)
Now see there, love does still exist in this cruel, cold, mad world. Not only must we open our eyes, but also our hearts and minds. (I should write for a lesser version of Hallmark. No?) If only we were aware of the impressions we're making ourselves. I also forget, people are watching.
The very first impression was pleasantly surprised.
For context, it was my first day at my first (student) job, and my boss was showing me around and introducing me to everyone by going to all office rooms, one after the other.
My now-husband was in the very last room, and I was "warned" that that team was a bit "special", mainly because of their very direct and sometimes weird/harsh sense of humor. What surprised me was his hair color, as my now husband was the only one in this department of ~50 people with brightly colored hair.
So while I didn't get to talk to him much that day, I remembered him for his hair color alone. It took us a few more weeks getting into contact and to eventually start dating, last weekend was our ten year anniversary (and third wedding anniversary), and he still rocks his brightly colored hair.
Not so Scary
I thought he was an ex-convict. He's super muscular, tattoos covering every inch of his body; all around just a very threatening looking guy. He came up to me and told me "I think you're adorable. Can I have your number?" I was petrified because I have never dated or attracted anyone of this type. But he charmed me. Turns out he's a huge softy with a goofy personality. He cracks up at the smallest things, he loves sweets like a little kid, getting tucked in at night and is scared of the dark. I love him to bits!
A Lasting Impressionmandy moore love GIF by This Is UsGiphy
"OMG she's beautiful when she's annoyed" Good for me, cause I annoy her a lot. 9 years in and I can't imagine annoying anyone else.
I was a bartender and he was one of the first to get a drink from me that day. So I didn't think much, I was still trying to screw my head on and jump into the shift. He kept coming back tho, not always to get a drink sometimes just to stand near my bar while I made drinks. His friend brought him there for his birthday, yet he spent most of his time with me. Once I noticed him, I thought he was a lovable dork. I needed to a have a conversation with him where I could be myself and not in working mode.
Same MindsetLovers Kiss GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
I thought he was so cool. We had talked online for a few days but it wasn't until I saw him walking towards me when we met for our first date that I realized he was way out of my league. Luckily he thought the same thing about me.
So from now I''m going to enter every room with my eyes forward and bulging. I want to put forth a grounded presence and also I want to survey for connection. Hopefully I can add to this thread years from now after an anniversary. In a good way.,
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