Uhhh... I'm just gonna show myself out.
1. Once, many years ago, I drove to my boyfriends house wearing lingerie and heels under a trench coat (like you see in movies from time to time). I had my portable CD player ready to go with some romantic music for when he opened the door. Well, he opened the door and I pushed play and opened my coat to reveal the lingerie. We just stood there awkwardly so I stopped the music. He invited me in and we sat on the bedthats it. Just sat. After a few minutes of small talk he said this probably isnt turning out how you planned. Nope.
2. I bought my girlfriend a bunch of her favorite candies for Valentines Day. She broke up with me and now Im left with a broken heart and a bag of crappy candy.
3. I was making out with my then boyfriend and I told him I was going to give him a hickey but I realized I didnt know how to give someone a hickey so I bit him on the neck really hard, like broke the skin hard, panicked, and immediately drove him home. My friends will never let me live it down and a favorite comeback of theirs is oh what are you going to do, bite me??
4.I had a crush on this guy who recently broke up with his girlfriend, so I decided to stop by his store and give him flowers to cheer him up. He gave me a big smile and I assumed he appreciated the gesture. The next day, he told me to never stop by his store again :(
5. I was dating this guy a few years ago and we had been together for maybe three or four months. He lived two hours away, so I thought (while he was visiting) that it would be nice to give him something sweet before he went back home. I made a small box out of paper and put little notes inside. I wrote cute song lyrics and lovey stuff like Ill be with you through anything and things similar to that. When he opened the box and read the notes (after he got back home), he wasnt very enthused. It was a ding in our relationship and in my self confidence when he basically said he didnt really like the notes. We broke up a few months after that.
6. After the prom I played truth or dare with my bfs friends. They told me to bite his nose, still a weird dare but obviously I was supposed to nibble seductively. Instead I actually (Continued)
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Instead I actually bit semi hard and actually Im cringing to remember that right now!
7. I always dreamed of a romantic first kiss. When I was 15, me and my friend were hanging out at a park late at night. When a group of teenage boys walked by. We, being mature 15 year olds, cat called them. I jokingly asked for a kiss goodnight (even though Id never saw them before) a guy stepped forward and next thing I know, Im kissing a stranger. It was really slobbery and he missed my lips, he was making out with my upper lip, didnt even touch my bottom lip.
The worst part is it was my first kid and I never learned the kids name and it was dark and I was so freaked out about getting kissed I dont even know what he looked like. Definitely not the romantic comedy first kiss in the rain moment i was looking for.
8. Not to me but to my parents. My dad and Mom were just friends in college and my dad started to like my mom. One day while they were studying my dad decided to make a move. My dad kissed my mom and my mom responded with, damn it! I just wanted to be friends!
Fast forward a few months and theyre engaged. My dad proposed to at a beautiful poorly named valley, Dead Horse Valley, really captures the essence of their relationship.
9. One time my then boyfriend (and now husband) and I had snuck off on campus to stargaze because our university was strict about no coed dorms, even for visiting. After a lot of stargazing we ended up in a position that looked like this: me laying on my stomach, and him sitting on my legs whilst he admired my butt. Only, I didnt realize how close his face was too my read end, and I had some major gas I was holding in. Next thing I know, he spread my cheeks and I ripped is HARD directly into his face that was within two inches of my booty. Incredibly, we made it through that, and we still laugh about it even three years later
10. Our first Christmas together, I bought lingerie and one of those huge 5 ft stockings that I could fit in and be waiting on him when he got home. Well instead I met him at a bar after work and took so many shots of tequila that when we finally did get home I told him to wait a minute that I had a surprise and I went in the bedroom to try and do what I had planned. I was too drunk to even try to get into the lingerie and as I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and (Continued)
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I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and hit my face on the corner of the nightstand giving myself a black eye and busting my lip open. Instead of the sexy night I had planned my boyfriend ended up holding frozen veggies on my face while I vomited up the 11 shots of Patron. But 8 years later weve been married for 5 years and have 2 amazing kids.
12. The first time my boyfriend went down on me, he came up with a face full of blood so I start freaking out and then he looks in the mirror and starts freaking out and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life until he remembers he had a nose bleed that morning.
13. My girlfriend and I had our first kiss on a rollercoaster, at age 14. On a school field trip. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It went about as well as you can imagine.
14. Made a romantic dinner of roast chicken for my (now ex) boyfriend. I ended up giving us both food poisoning, and he ended up crapping his pants. He asked me to rinse out his underwear while he was in the shower. Uhno.
15. I have been journaling everyday for the past few years. For me and my boyfriends one year anniversary, I made a journal filled with all of the entries written about him/us (some of which about our sex life). When I gave it to him, he (Continued)
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When I gave it to him, he loved it and kept it in his room. His mom snooped while he was away, and read ALL about our relationship in full detail in a convenient little book I wrote. Ive never been so embarrassed in my life.
16. He put a rose on my car and my 2 separate jobs (in different towns). I thought I had a stalker and my boss almost called the police.
17. My first kiss ever went horribly. I had googled advice on how to do it, and one thing they all had in common was to closing your eyes. So at the end of one of the best dates Ive ever my heart is pounding because I really want to end it on a good note so I closed my eyes and lean inand practically sucked her nose. 4 years later its the funniest thing to both us, guess she figured I had no place to go but up.
18. About a month into dating my current boyfriend (who I have been dating for three years), I went over to his house and we decided to watch a movie. Before the movie, he offered me a piece of gum and I said yes. Well during the movie we started making out and all of a sudden I just froze. The gum, which was still in my mouth had traveled into his and I had no idea what to do, so I just kept kissing him but he knew something was wrong. So he pulled away and I started nervously laughing, and he asked what was so funny. I told him that my gum went into his mouth and I was super embarrassed, no clue what to do. He was like I wondered why my gum suddenly got so much bigger. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, that he still brings up to this day
19. When I was 14 and stupid thirsty, I painted my crushes face for our schools Halloween haunted house and then asked him about it a few days later online. He said something really normal and something along the lines of Its awesome. My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended up (Continued)
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My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended uptelling him that he deserved a cookie (ya know the meme) and wanted to give him a cookie. I then got a cookie, drew the meme out on a little piece of paper and gave it to him a few days later. He rejected the cookie and said he didn't eat cookies, I called him evil, and I avoided him most of the time till he graduated.
20. My husband has a lot of memory loss from being blown up when in the Army. I asked his friends to send me stories and photos if they had any so I could put together a book for his 30th birthday. I gave myself a year to do it. Ended up with 1 story and 2 photos. None of my plans to do nice things ever end up working.
21. I dated a guy for three months and on New Years Eve he stopped responding to my texts. I thought this guy was going to be it; he was everything I wanted in a person and we worked well together. So, I put on a cute outfit and good underwear and at 11:30pm I drove to his house in a grand romantic gesture to talk and fight for our relationship. No one let me in. I sat outside on his porch in the cold for 45 minutes listening to whoever was inside loudly watch 30 Rock. I broke up with him through a text the next day because he still wouldnt acknowledge my messages or calls and kept liking memes on Facebook about being single. So much for that.
22. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 9 months, and I still had no possible idea of what he would want for Christmas. We live in a pretty small area, and so I decided to take him about an hour away to the nearest Krispy Kreme store, and I wanted to do something romantic and take him ice skating because hed never been before. Well he wasnt too good at it and we just ended up going back home after about 15 minutes.
23. My husband is on a really trying job at the moment and sometimes he has to work weekends. One Saturday he went to work I decided to (Continued)
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clean the entire apartment top to bottom, did all the laundry, ironed, made him breakfast muffins for the week and was making creamed spinach, scalloped potatoes and steak for dinner. I got everything measured ahead of time for the recipes I was making. I started slicing the potatoes on the mandolin being very careful because I know how sharp they can bemy finger slipped on one of the potatoes and I sliced my thumb to the bonemy sister in law had to come over to help stop the bleeding and bandage me up. My husband had to finish the cooking. Not the relaxing evening I had planned for him.
24. I tried to carry her to the bedroom, tripped over a cord and fell on top of her. She ended up spraining her arm. So much for that!
- Anonymous
25. I wanted to set up our apartment for a romantic evening one cold winter night. I lit a few dozen candles and spread them around the room. Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend (now husband) was at the doctor being diagnosed with pneumonia. When he arrived at our building, the elevator was broken and he had to walk up 7 flights. He was wheezing and coughing due to the illness and the stairs. When he walked in to the candle filled living room, he nearly passed out from the smoke! Needless to say, it was not the evening I had planned!
26. Before my husband and I were a couple, he thought it was be romantic to surprise kiss me. He whipped me around and started making out with me. I had no clue what was going on, not only was it my first kiss, it was my first make out session too. The kiss was sooo bad, I started licking his face because I didnt now what to do with my tongue. The entire thing was super awkward, I avoided him for the rest of the night. Later that night he messaged me on MySpace and asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. 8 years and two kids later, Im a way better kisser.
27. I had just started dating my current boyfriend, and his 20th birthday was literally 5 days from when we started dating. I turned up to his apartment to surprise him with a bunch of presents and cake but he had gone out with his family so I waited on his couch for 6 hours, creeping the hell out of his roommate (who didnt know I existed). He finally came home late at night (because the family dinner had turned into an argument), saw me, shut the cake in the fridge then went to bed. I thought he was an asshole for months before we cleared up this misunderstanding, but I still think it was rude to not at least say thank you to someone who bought you presents AND cake.
In fact, some mistakes are so astronomical that they're remembered for decades afterwards, leaving the one who made the mistake a legacy of being a dumba**. Here are a few of them!!!
U/ronjans24 asked: What was the biggest mistake in human history?
Some may argue that the existence of the Universe was a mistake. I disagree. It was clearly Zayn leaving One Direction. But these next few were pretty bad too.
If you do the math, this is also the reason why Hentai exists.
I'll say the wrong turn Franz Ferdinand's driver made that went right in front of Gavrilo Princip.
EDIT: yes I'm aware war may still have broken out even if Franz Ferdinand wasn't assassinated
Imagine you're Gavrilo Princip. The assassination plot you and your friends had been cooking up for about the last year or so has been a complete and total disaster, just a monumental f*ck-up of the highest degree. You're staked out at this deli thinking maybe, just maybe the car will pass by, and by some stroke of sheer luck, it does.
If you're Princip, this is nothing short of serendipity.
Petition to return to the ocean.
Ocean Surf GIFGiphy"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
This was, in fact, a monumental mistake.
Sears not beating Amazon to the punch.
Blockbuster not buying Netflix.
You thought THOSE were bad? Well gear up for their next few, because they are 100% accurate. Except the one about Cats, that movie slaps.
I don’t know sports, but sure.
Seahawks not running it.
I used to wear a Seahawks jersey whenever I took a test because I knew I would pass when I shouldn't.
CATS is great, y'all are just boring.
GiphyThe Emoji Movie.
That live action movie about Cats is also up there.
Very fair point.
Social Media.
Humans are not wired to have that many social interactions and maintain that many relationships. Plus the echochambers it allows people to create for themselves, no matter how conspiratorial or vile their beliefs, means that stupid/evil people are no longer shunned into changing their mind.
Not sure it was worth being able to see what a celebrity had for lunch or what new "dance" your younger cousin and her tween friends are doing.
But in all seriousness, some horrible things may now have happened if the right thing was halted at the right time.
Washington called it.
George Washington Disney GIF by Hamilton: An American MusicalGiphyVoting for people based on what side of the political spectrum they're on. George Washington himself advised against political parties because he thought they would cause too much division in this country. Unfortunately for everyone, he was right.
Big oops on that one.
Barack Obama mocking Donald Trump at the Correspondents Dinner might have led directly to his 2016 run....
"Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald," Obama said. "And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter — like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?"
Then he turned serious: "But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example — no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of 'Celebrity Apprentice' — at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
This is the best Star Wars and no one can change my mind.
I'll take 'Star Wars Christmas Special' for $100.
That atrocious pile of manure gave us Boba Fett, so without the Christmas Special there won't be The Mandalorian.
Wow, in this article, I openly admitted my love for Cats AND The Star Wars Holiday Special. So maybe my existence was the biggest mistake of all.
ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you all feel a little bit better about yourself. Because when push comes to shove, at least you didn't accidentally start World War I