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'He Dumped Me On My Birthday': People Share The Pettiest Way Someone Has Broken Up With Them

Breaking up with someone is hard. We get it. But there is a right way, and a wrong way. A way that takes the other person's feelings and humanity into a consideration, and a way that flings tiny turds at the person's soul and whispers, "I am a horrible person." Don't be like the turd throwers below. 

If you want to read more of these stories, check out the source link below. 

We had been together just about a year, and Valentine's day was approaching, it was to be our first together. I had planned a romantic evening, roses, candles, the works. The weekend before valentine's I had to work, and she was accompanying a guy she knew to some sort of fraternity formal. I didn't exactly approve, but she had been a virgin when we met, shy of sex until we were together for a while, and didn't seem the type to cheat. She assured me it was just platonic, blah, blah, blah... 

So valentine's arrives and I've got the scene all laid out and we have the nice candlelit dinner, but afterwords she breaks into tears and confesses that she had sex with the guy after the formal. She says, basically, he had bought me flowers, so I couldn't say no...relationship ends ten minutes later. I'm a bit heartbroken...she was stunning and we had had a good ride, but I got over it and date around for a while. 

Fast forward 11 months, I get a call late one week night from valentine's girl..."Gosh I've missed you. Can you come get me? I've got so much to say". I've got nothing going on and can be talked into being horny, so I go get her. We talk in the car for a bit until she says 'I really meant come get me, now take me back to your place'. We sleep together, it's nice, we talk every day for the next 3 or 4 days until we decide that since the next week is valentine's day and there's no one we'd rather be with on the day, we'll try again. Day before valentine's day I get a call from girl "sorry to do this to you Otto, but I was out with a friend the other night and met a guy, think he might be the one". 

ottopivnr

I booked a weekend for me and my GF in London in order to go and see a concert. I paid about 250 euros for her since she couldn't afford it herself. The day before leaving, I went down to the bank to withdraw some English pounds and I called her and asked if I should withdraw some for her (and she could give me cash for it later). She replied "Well, yeah.... I don't have a lot of money right now" and I was a bit confused. Anyway, I told her she could borrow money from me and pay me back later. She still sounded hesitant and agreed that I could withdraw 50 pounds for her, way too little to last the entire weekend.

So I went home and started packing. Didn't hear from her for a couple of hours, and when the clock was 8 PM (we were leaving at 8 AM the day after) and I could not reach her I got a bit scared. She had been acting strange all day, and now she wasn't answering my calls.

So I tried calling her about 15-20 times, no answer. I called her little brother but he didn't know where she was. I found out the number to her best friend and called her, and while I was almost crying I asked her where my GF was and explained that I was taking her to London. The friend's answer (I didn't talk much to her friends) was "Yeah, I heard something about somebody taking her to London. I don't know where she is." She sounded just as strange as my GF did earlier.

I called the police. Nobody knew where my GF was and I was scared that something had happened. They told me that I needed to go and check her apartment, and wait 24hours before reporting her as missing. So I took my car and drove to her house all terrified. Ran in to her apartment and found her in bed with another dude.

I just turned and walked out. Got in to the car and drove home crying. Called her friend again and just asked her what the heck was going on. Apparently my GF had ben cheating on me for 2 of the 5 years we had been together. I talked to her once after that and her explanation was, "Well, I loved you both in different ways".

Have not talked to her since that.

kausti

I had been dating this girl for a while and all was well. We had planned a trip out of town for a big, all-day event. About a week before the trip she stops responding to texts all day. I chalk it up to her being busy and try not to overthink it. I get a text from her the next day saying that she is not sure what to think anymore and needs some space. This is out of nowhere. I don't know what is going on and am crushed but decide that if she needs space I will give it to her.

She texts me the next day and asks how I am doing. I tell her that I am ok. She then invites me to a family gathering for her cousin who just came back from Germany. I am confused about the quick turnaround but gladly accept the invite. She introduces me to all her family (cousins, aunts and uncles, even grandparents). It went fine and as I leave she makes a big deal about giving me a kiss and how she will talk to me the next day.

Next day comes around and she invites me to a party with all of her co-workers, she was leaving for a new job and it was a going away party, I accept once again. I have met most of them before so it wasn't too bad. But all the ones I haven't met she introduces me to as her boyfriend and is very touchy feely the whole night.

We end up going on the trip. The concert was great, lots of good bands. I promised her I would take her shopping the next day so we did that. I ended up spending a decent amount of money on her, thinking this would help show her how much I cared, dumb idea I know. She then tells me how awesome it would be if we went a little out of the way on the way home to meet her step-sisters. I agree, seeing as I had already met all her other relatives, I see no problem with this. We go about two hours out of the way and meet them, have lunch, talk for a while, and end up heading back home late at night.

I go to work the next day and am not hearing from her. I decide that she might still be needing some space and let her be. I get a text the next day saying that she feels like we have drifted apart and need to break up. I ask her how long she felt like this and she says for about a month. When I ask her why she would introduce me to her whole family when she was feeling this way she said it is because I am the first guy they would approve of and she wanted them all off her back. I later find out that for the entire last month of our relationship she had been sleeping with her ex and had apparently told him that they would be getting back together as soon as we had gone on this trip and I had bought her the nice things she wanted.

I was messed up by this for a while. It happened about 5 months ago and sometimes I still get pretty down about it. But luckily I have some great friends and a great family around me to let me know that I am better off.

bmanbeav 

At the airport when leaving for a deployment to Iraq.

Jase_515

He sent me a text saying "ur dumpd" whilst we were sat next to each other on a bus. Classy fella!

youkissedaclown

After I had surgery and was able to fully hold a conversation I called my then boyfriend. He proceeded to tell me I had too much drama, he didn't love and he was sleeping with his ex. We hung up, I asked for more pain killer and went right back to sleep. Good times.

jealousjelly

My ex and I went to Thailand together for a two-week trip around the country (after being together over a year). This was also a sort-of birthday present for me, as it was right before my 20th birthday. On the third day, he confessed that he didn't love me anymore and realized it a month before the trip, but couldn't tell me. He didn't want to be with me anymore. The trip was non-refundable. I had to get a new friggin passport and take two weeks off work, and it was HIS IDEA! It was miserable and humiliating. I drank a lot. Instead of going home with me at the end of the trip, he stayed and got drunk with some of his friends who conveniently showed up, and slept with random girls. My birthday was terrible and then I had to explain everything to my friends and parents when I got back. I cried for weeks.

TooManyVitamins

I had been dating a girl for about four years and she seemed perfect. We had been living together for two years and had had no relationship problems that I was really aware of. We both took jobs in a different state (the same state, same company, same town) and were going to move in about 6 months or so. My job required me to go and complete training in a completely different state until then.

So, I say goodbye to my fianc and travel off to this third state where I live on a shoestring budget in order to finance our almost cross-country move. While I'm away, my fianc starts telling me that she's been spending a lot of time with this female friend of mine that I introduced her to. My fianc was bisexual, and we had had discussions about certain "open-ness" in our relationship, so I wasn't worried. In fact, I was happy that she wasn't as lonely as she kept telling me she was.

After about six months, I travel back home. My fianc doesn't greet me at the door - in fact, she had my only key and didn't answer her phone. So I had to sit outside of our apartment with my luggage, waiting for thirty minutes. Eventually aforementioned mutual friend drives up, my fianc gets out, and the friend leaves without a word or a wave. My fianc tells me she had forgotten that I was getting in that day (despite me having texted and emailed her earlier). I shrug it off and we go inside and keep packing.

We packed for about a week and the whole time she refused to sleep at our apartment (claiming that it was too uncomfortable to sleep on a foam mattress on the floor). She stayed at her now-girlfriend's place. At the end of the week, we loaded up a truck and drove to our new state.

Things seemed fine. She was smiling and happy. We got to the apartment that I had paid for in advance, a 2-story apartment with a fireplace, balcony, the works. It was supposed to be the stepping stone for a new life. She seemed happy, started unpacking her suitcase, set our cats out to explore. I started unloading the truck.

Three days later, I had finally finished unloading the truck. The fridge had food, the couches and bed were set up, the place was looking close to a real home. She was aloof, quiet. I kept asking what was wrong, she wouldn't tell me. She refused to talk. I tried to sit next to her and talk but she said she was fine and she just needed to be quiet and alone for a bit. I said sure, if that's what she wanted. I went to bed somewhat early as I had unpacked most of the truck by myself.

I woke up at 5am to a text message from her saying "I'm safe - I left you a note". I immediately start crying because any idiot knows this means bad news.

The note was a 2 page letter that was held to the fridge downstairs by a magnet. It was a long treatise about how she never really loved me and only started dating me as a rebound and then stayed with me when she realized I treated her better than anyone else had and that I was able to give her the best sex she had ever had in her life. She noted that she came to the conclusion (with the help of her new girlfriend) that she didn't love me ever, and in fact, according to her girlfriend, I was abusive and she needed to leave me for someone else. The gist of the letter was that I should feel bad about how bad of a person I was/am and that I needed to be out of the apartment by the time she got back from her ski vacation (a week's time) or else she would make me get out.

This is where my life fell apart. I was in a new town that I had only been in for about four days, I had no money because I spent it all on my cross-country move, and now I was homeless. I didn't want to fight because I was tired and emotionally destroyed (I was supposed to spend my life with this woman) so I started packing up my car (at least I had a car) and went to work as usual and spent most of the next couple of days looking for a new apartment. I eventually just threw in the towel and moved back to where I was living prior. Thankfully, I was able to keep my new job.

However, the emotional scars still run deep (as I'm sure they do for a lot of people posting here) and I still have deep and powerful trust issues and am highly paranoid without warrant.

ChocolateCyanide

My boyfriend went to see his family a state away, before he left I noticed I was very nauseous all the time and my boobs were sore. He was nervous when he left and said he'd be back soon and to keep him updated. Started getting bad cramping and bad bleeding, thought it was just my period, but then the bleeding stopped after one day. Went to doctor for tests to make sure all is good down below. Turned out I was pregnant and partially miscarried. I also had first stage signs of cervical cancer due to HPV he had given me, that they would have to laser off. Kept him informed of what was going on. He freaked out, never returned and admitted he had been cheating on me with a girl in his hometown. I guess it's during a low point that you find out someone's true character. 

Doom_Muffin

I continued dating my high school girlfriend after I went to college. We were only 100 miles apart and things were fine for most of our freshman year.

Then, one day she stopped returning my calls, this was right after I had spent the weekend with her.

I continued calling, getting worried. 

One day soon after, which I will need forget, I was walking back after class and called her.

A guy picked up and said "There is a new Sheriff in town. Stop calling." I could here her laughing in the background.

I loved her dearly. Wanted to get married after college. I was devastated. Went home, put on kid-a and moped for like a year.

Four years later she apologized to me. I was dating my now-wife at that point. We are friends now. But I still hate losing those years to depression and self doubt.

dressinbrass

Wife left me and the kids right after I had finished nursing her back to health after a major surgery. She said I wasn't romantic enough to her. Right when she was able to work again, she abandoned the kids.

I guess raising kids and supporting her through bed rest wasn't in the 50 shades of Grey novel.

dave2118

My girlfriend at the time was studying abroad. I went to visit her after several months of saving up to be able to buy a plane ticket. I arrived and she almost immediately told me that she had someone else.

My ticket, of course, was non-refundable, so I had to spend 5 days completely heartbroken in a city I didn't know, filled with people whose language I didn't speak and with no means to go home.

Worst week of my life.

Finniemc

I was single, bored, and wanted to be out of the house, but didn't want to see or talk to anyone. So I go to Starbucks and sit on my laptop working on some code, headphones on. My focus is interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I look up, and there's this really cute girl. I take off my headphones and she was asking about my tattoos. We talked for a little bit, I showed her some of my ink, she showed me some of hers. Then her friend wanted to leave. Before they left, she gives me her number and asks me to call her.

I call her that night, and it turns out she's in the hospital. I ask her what happened, and she explains to me she has Cystic Fibrosis, and she normally waits to tell people about it until after she knows them a bit better.

I didn't know anything about CF, so I got to Googling while talking to her. The next day, I get off work, we've been texting all day. And She was complaining about hospital food, which she's grown accustomed to due to being in the hospital every so many months. I show up with some food, stayed there and we talked for a few hours.

She told me that whenever she starts seeing someone once she ends up in the hospital they realize that she's there for 2-3 weeks every 4-6 months, and they lose interest. And none of them ever bothered to come see her.

So I came by every day for 3 weeks to spend time with her after I got off work. I met her brother, a couple of her friends... got along with all of them.

We dated for 3 months after that... I learned a lot about CF in that time period. She lived every day like it was the last, because for her... it might be, with only 60% lung capacity. That was compounded even more because she was only 4'11'' tall, and finding lungs that were both a match for her, and would fit, wasn't easy. I thought a lot about what I was getting into. But I was happy, and I didn't care. I prepared myself for the worst and enjoyed each day.


One night when she's sleeping over at my place, she wakes up in a fit of coughing. I wake up and pat her back to try and help her break up some of the stuff in her lungs... Then she tells me "We have to stop this." I ask why and she says "I don't know how long I'm going to live, I don't know if I'll ever get new lungs." I tried to talk her out of this... I told her I understood what I was getting into. She told me, "I don't bother getting close to anyone, because I'm going to die and leave them behind and I don't want anyone to miss me. Normally guys just leave after I'm stuck in the hospital for a bit... But I know you won't... And it's not fair to you."

No matter what I said, I couldn't convince her. She packed up her stuff and left, and asked me to forget about her. And as quickly as she was there, she was gone. Our relationship was short and intense.

A little over a year passed, and I dated a few more women... The whole time I felt like I should have said something more, I should have tried harder. But that was that. I ended up meeting my current girlfriend, and one day I get a text from my ex. She got new lungs, and she wanted to apologize. She knew I had a new girlfriend, and didn't want me to bother responding, but she wanted to apologize.

My current girlfriend expected me to go back to my ex. And said she'd understand if I did... I never even considered replying to the text, I'm happy now... And I've heard she has met someone, and they've been together for almost a year. Hopefully she'll stay happy, and live a long life.

Melachiah

I got dumped via text while I was drugged up on painkillers, recovering from an operation that rendered me unable to walk for 2 weeks. After not telling me why and being ignored for weeks and being blocked on Facebook etc, I was asked by a friend how I was coping with what she did. I later found out he meant the fact the she broke up with me for another guy. When I asked her about this she said "you don't know what I'm thinking so stop trying". This happened 7 weeks ago and I still cant go through a day without forcing myself not to text her or stalk her Facebook.

[deleted] 

I foolishly decided that moving into the same building as my boyfriend would be cute and convenient. It was only later that I realized it was a horrible move. 

After he drove my car drunk and stole from me, I decided to end it. I broke my lease and started packing.

I didn't get all my packing done in one day, but I was nervous enough of him that I didn't want to stay in the same building.

My ex was so pissed off at me that he decided he was going to break into my apartment, plant some drugs, then call the cops on me.

My super called the cops when he saw him trying to get into my apartment. Thank goodness.

[deleted] 

I drove to my girlfriend's place one night. Her mom answers the door and says, "She don't want nothing to do with you." As I'm getting back in my car, my girlfriend appears. I just said, "Save it. If you're not adult enough to break up with me yourself, then I want nothing to do with you anyway." I drove off and never saw her again.

oopstoolate

I was an American girl living in London, England, who had a nice job lined up and was totally happy there. I was in a long distance relationship and he begged and convinced me to move back to the States. It was only AFTER I moved back that I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time. Yay! Why couldn't he have just told me sooner, before I gave up the job and hauled myself back to the other side of the world? 

VikingHedgehog

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me last Wednesday. About a week after I planned out our anniversary, and took her out on a fun date with pottery and delicious foods, all nice like. She said I wasn't focused enough on her life.

The thing that made it so bad wasn't that she did it in the billiards room of the memorial union, or that her reason was that I hadn't put her before school and studying, or that it was right after my uncle killed himself.

No. What was so bad about it was that I realized I didn't even care. Every time I'd done something for her, it was never enough. No matter how hard I tried.

Man... a breakup, after three years, should hurt, but I didn't feel anything. In fact I almost laughed. I didn't even feel like crying, I wasn't upset. I just didn't care anymore. She was breaking up with me, after everything I'd done. After leaving school when her best friend died, to stay with her, and just let her vent and cry. After planning every anniversary event. After everything, good and bad... three years of trying to have a good relationship. And I realized I didn't care anymore. Sad.

So I just left. And went and had smashburger with the homeless guy from New York who always sleeps at my bus stop.

ziggyzona

Leaving the fact that I was in elementary school, I still think it was rude; I had a girlfriend and our times were golden, holding hands and stuff,  I was flying. We were holding hands for like a few weeks when on one day my mom dropped me off at school as I saw her playing with another guy from class (rude). It struck me and I went to her to ask what the heck was wrong with her, playing with that other guy. As cold as ice she then replied: "Yeah, I'm with him now, is that okay with you?" With nothing coming up and only my mouth full open I stood there broken hearted. I still hate her.

kietelvlees

I came down with what I thought was a bad cold, but the other day I found myself unable to breathe and was getting scared when my home breathing treatments weren't working (I have asthma). So I went to the ER on Tuesday and I was admitted later that afternoon with a lung infection. She works long hours so I waited until that evening to tell her. We talked all of 5 minutes before she went to bed. I then didn't hear anything from all day yesterday (I was stuck in the hospital on Halloween no less!) so I was getting worried. Finally she answered my text this morning and proceeded to tell me this wasn't going to work out and broke up with me. 

AcerbicUserName



Source

Infamous Internet Rumors That Ended Up Being True

Reddit user strakerak asked: 'What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?'

boy playing at laptop inside room
Photo by Ludovic Toinel on Unsplash

In 2017, I returned to my office after my lunch break to hear my supervisors discussing Tom Petty. This seemed like a random topic to me until one of my supervisors told me Tom Petty had passed away. He was a huge fan of Petty and spent the next hour or so combing through the internet to get more information.

He came back into the room my other supervisor and I were working in and announced that Tom Petty wasn't dead after all. News outlets had jumped the gun to announce his death, but he was actually still alive.

The next day, I came in to find out that Tom Petty was dead; the news may have been premature, but true.

This is a classic example of the rumor being started on the internet. Sometimes, like with the news of Tom Petty's death, the rumor can run wild and appear everywhere. Other times, the rumor can be seen by just a few people and dismissed. However, a lot of times, these rumors turn out to be true.

Redditors know a lot of internet rumors that turned out to be true, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor strakerak asked:

"What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?"

The King Of Pop

"Michael Jackson writing the music for Sonic 3."

"He actually did, but was never credited on the game because it would breach his contract with his record label."

– -WigglyLine-

"He did the same when he appeared on The Simpsons. He appeared under a pseudonym, and the Producers said it was an impersonator."

"Only years later they confirmed it really was Michael."

"His singing voice was actually done by an impersonator, though."

– given2fly_

The Truth Comes Out

"In 1998, US Men’s National Team captain John Harkes was shockingly cut from the team right before the World Cup. The coach claimed it was because Harkes wouldn’t fit into his new preferred formation, but rumors flew on the early internet that it was actually because he had slept with his teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. The rumor was so well-known in soccer circles that Harkes expressly denied it in his autobiography the next year."

"Fast forward 12 years to 2010 and Wynalda admits it’s true. The coach then came out and admitted it was why he dropped Harkes, but that he’d planned to keep the secret as long as Wynalda did."

– guyfromsoccer

Video Evidence

"The Tim Burton Hansel and Gretel that aired once on halloween in the 80's."

"I heard for years that it was fake but I knew it was real because my dad recorded everything in the 80s and he recorded that. We let a good friend of ours borrow it and switch it over from VHS to DVD and soon after that it made its way on to the internet , and there it is now. I know it's our copy because the tracking in the beginning is screwed up. Still have the VHS."

– Frozenthickness

"There was a similar story with a Nickelodeon movie called Cry Baby Lane. It was supposed to be so scary that Nickelodeon got complaints and denied its existence for years. Someone uploaded a taped copy to youtube about a decade ago."

– PattiAllen

The Movie Business

"That North Korea hacked Sony Pictures because of The Interview movie."

"I worked in the movie business at the time and the account managers at Sony all basically needed to get new identities as all of their personal information got leaked online."

OldMastodon5363

"My partner worked on that movie and the production bought all the crew 1 year of an identity theft tracking service."

CMV_Viremia

Keep Away From The Ears Of Kids

"Some banned episodes or scenes of cartoons."

"For example, I remember there was a Dexter’s Lab cartoon where he clones evil versions of DeDe and himself and they swear like every other word (censored of course), and people debated whether it even existed cause they only aired it like once. Now it’s pretty accessible online."

– Spledidlife

Yes, It's True

"Echelon, a massive electronic espionage system by the US and allies to intercept all electronic messages, especially emails."

"In the mid-nineties it was a topic on conspiracy BBS boards. A lot of people in my bubble at the time (mainly uni students in Europe) were including fake threats to the US in the their email signatures as a way to "protest" and "fill the system with false alarms" (obviously useless)."

"Then, in 1999-2000 came out to be true and a lot of security service agencies from UK and other US allies started to admit they were part of the espionage network."

– latflickr

How The Mighty Fell

"John Edward’s love child."

– ACam574

"A reminder that he was cheating on his wife while she was hospitalized for cancer treatment."

– Fanclock314

Ugh...

"Carrie Fisher's heart attack. Some a**hole who was on the same flight was livetweeting the whole medical emergency and justified it by insisting she was just making sure the family was informed."

– everylastlight

It Actually Happened

"Every year around her birthday there was a rumor that Betty White died. When I heard she died, I scoffed, saying that dumb rumor is back.... then saw it on the news. I was in shock."

– Known-Committee8679

"The fact that Betty died literally right before she turned 100 is such a Betty White way to go out."

– Paganigsegg

Big Actor, Small Roles

"I distinctly remember some rumors about the reason why Bruce Willis was taking so many roles in sh*tty movies before it was announced he has dementia."

– KampferMann

"RedLetterMedia did a deep dive on his recent movie activity to try and work out why exactly he was taking part in basically scam-movies. They noticed he had an earpiece in one of the scenes and joked that the director was feeding him lines. I remember they even disclaimed over the rumours at the time, and possible made a follow-up vid when it was revealed to the public."

– CardinalCreepia

What To Do Next?

"That the writer of LOST were making it up as they went."

"Turned out to be absolutely true."

– homarjr

That last one was kind of obvious!

Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comment below.

Person holding large stack of books
Photo by Jay Lamm on Unsplash

Whether you're naturally interested in fun facts and trivia or not, it's always nice to know a few that you can pull out of your pocket at a moment's notice as a nice conversation starter.

But there are some fun facts out there that are so weird, people become more preoccupied with how the teller found out that information rather than the information itself.

Redditor Dry_Bus_935 asked:

"What is your 'don't ask me how I know' random fact?"

Nuclear Fail Safe

"You have quite a lot of time, certainly more than ten seconds, to turn back on the main pumps of a nuclear reactor once you have accidentally turned them off."

- egorf

"I'm not surprised. The amount of fail safes, redundancies, and emergency scenario planning for nuclear power plants is insane."

"I toured a nuclear plant and wrote my high school senior thesis on the plans put in place to ensure the Fukushima disaster would not happen at that plant."

"I'm sure the secondary pumps are plenty capable of handling the reactor until the main pumps are repaired or just turned back on."

- Borderlandsman

Happy Cat

"If your cat chews on fresh eucalyptus, they might start hallucinating and fall over repeatedly, leading to a $400 emergency vet bill just to be told she’s just kinda high."

- oddidealstronghold

"And, that's part of why koalas love it. Little stoners."

- littlebluefoxy

Archaeology: Do Not Lick

"Old human bones are very porous, so if you lick them, they’ll stick to your tongue."

- clanculcarius

Sharing is Caring

"A pigeon will only eat a Starburst if you chew it up a little bit first. Just to clarify: chew the Starburst, not the pigeon."

- OhTheHueManatee

"Instructions unclear. Pigeon unhappy."

- Wild-Lychee-3312

Intriguing Anatomy

"Everyone is here with the creepy crime stuff, and I'm just like, 'A soft fur rat has 22 nipples.'"

- horroscoblue

"Okay, so either they have really small nipples, their nipples overlap, or they have nipples in places where there shouldn't be nipples."

"(I've never written the word 'nipples' so many times in a singular sentence before.)"

- GdeGraaf

'Don't Ask Me,' Indeed!

"Turmeric can be used as clothes dye. It is capable of permanently dyeing cotton cloth even after it has passed through the digestive tract of an adult male."

- SlefeMcDichael

"You s**t your pants, didn't you?"

- PMmecrossstitch

"I'd prefer not to answer that question."

- SlefeMcDichael

High-Risk Survival Skills

"If you ever trying to survive in the Arctic, don’t eat polar bear liver. It is so high in vitamin A, it will kill you."

- WrongWayCorrigan-361

"It's also surrounded by a lethal amount of angry polar bear."

- horanc2

Real-Life Spies

"TV shows and movies go out of their way to make military/intelligence officers look bada**."

"But real-life 'spies,' by design and training, are boring. They have regular houses and standard second-hand cars, they dress down, and they have vague, boring job titles (accounts receivable) as cover, and they do not draw attention to themselves. Most come from specialized academia."

- Ok_Worth_1093

Haunting Reality

"Your muscles can keep twitching for several hours after you die."

- JustDave62

"Also, beards can appear to grow. This is however not because the beard itself grows but because the skin shrinks."

- RRautamaa

"I worked at a morgue for over eight years. If you grasp the hand of a dead body to move the arm, the hand will grasp back, but that's just muscles and tendons reacting to the tension."

- goneferalinid

The Sneakiness of Drowning

"When a drowning victim is revived, get them to a hospital as soon as possible. Drowning is the leading cause of death of kids from the age of one to seven and is ruled as accidental drowning when it comes to secondary drowning or dry drowning."

"Basically, your lungs are full of water despite being revived. Your lungs will absorb the liquid, but not before your body acidifies from high levels of carbon dioxide. The only chance to survive is to have the lungs pumped with oxygen via CPAP machine and time."

"Also, drowning is extremely quiet. You don’t hear the victim go under. And if you see flailing, do not attempt to save the victim otherwise you’ll become another drowning victim. Throw them a lifeline and hope their amygdala realizes that a rope or something is floating near them and grabs on it."

- Dfiggsmeister

Not Everyone's Favorite Chocolate

"Hershey’s chocolate has the strong smell of vomit or feces to some people (me), and that’s because they use butyric acid as a preservative. Butyric acid is the compound that makes vomit smell so bad."

"Edit: Digging further into it, there are some claims that they may not be “adding” the butyric acid, but rather it is occurring from essentially spoiling the milk in their milk chocolate. Either way, the butyric acid and putrid smell remains a part of their product."

- hefewiseman1

"That explains the weird aftertaste I always get! I don’t smell it but their chocolate always has this super unpleasant sharp/acidic aftertaste that I find repulsive. I assume this is why!!"

- PomegranateNo975

Do Not Lick the Asbestos

"Asbestos tastes like chalk. And if you lick it, it has the texture of extremely gritty sandpaper. Which is actually the feeling of microscopic asbestos needles piercing your flesh!"

- TooYoungToBeThisOld1

Mapping Out the War

"Beginning in 1911 in anticipation of the outbreak of WW1 in 1914, two statesmen, one from England and one from France, began visiting locations in France that they believed would be the settings for a number of major battles that would occur during the great war."

"Long bike rides through these future battle zones in the countryside and weeks spent building a foundation for a French-Anglo codebook that would later prove important in helping win the war."

- fjordperfect123

Avoiding Lawsuits > Protecting Patients

"Doctors, or surgeons more specifically, that make too many mistakes during surgery, ie, leaving instruments in patients, frequently gets ‘quietly traded’ to other hospitals where they continue their path of destruction with the patients not being aware of their past record. Hospitals tend to keep quiet about the matter to avoid lawsuits."

- Kittytigris

Bonus Points: Do This While Having Lunch in Your Car

"If you overfill a fast food gravy cup and then put a lid on, it will create a pressurized gravy stream that sprays all over your face and uniform while your coworker looks on in horror."

- thechaosjester776

This subReddit thread was so a roller-coaster of random facts, we've surely all walked away learning something.

But the biggest takeaway might just be: Maybe don't lick so many things.

Shocked woman covering her mouth
vaitheeswaran Nataraj/Unsplash

When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.

But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.

Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.

It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.

Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:

"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"

These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.

Bleeding Out

"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."

"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."

– DongLaiCha

Tragic News

"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."

– accountnameredacted

Bottom Of The Barrel

"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."

– Crotch-Monster

A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.

Like Father, Like Son

"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."

– psycospaz

Busted

"Flashing blue lights."

– FiddleOfGold

"This sobered me up just thinking about it."

– redmaple_syrup

Losing Sight

"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."

– MissHibernia

Quitting The Bottle

"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."

– omgtater

These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.

Unplanned House Guests

"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."

– Oneinsevenbillion75

Serious Health Warning

"Elevated liver enzymes."

"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."

"So I opted for recovery, instead."

"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."

– Far_Meal8674

The Joyride

"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."

– foxfood9116

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.

But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.

Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.

Woman holding multiple shopping bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.

Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.

These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.

From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.

Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:

"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"

"Tale As Old As Time..."

"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","

"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."

"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."

"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."

"Lol!"

"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom

"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."

"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."

"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."

"I think he was a germaphobe."

"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."

"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."

"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.

"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."

"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."

"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000

Money Burn GIF by nog Giphy

Who Wore It Better?

"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."

"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."

"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."

"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'

"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"

"No."- mertsey627

Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...

"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."

"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."

"It was very low key."

"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."

"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."

"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."

"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."

"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa

south park wedding GIF Giphy

See You In Court!

"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."

'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."

"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."

"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."

"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."

"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin

It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!

"I work in a public library."

"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."

"A popular book that just came out."

"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."

"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten

A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!

"My own."

"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"

"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."

"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"

"Unacceptable!"

"This shall not stand!"

"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."

"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."

"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."

"I got over it."- DeathGrover

homer simpson episode 23 GIF Giphy

Holy Matrimony!

"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."

"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."

"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."

"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."

"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."

"It's just a party."

"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree

When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...

"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore

In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...

"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."

"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."

"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."

"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."

"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."

"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."

"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."

"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."

"We don’t offer wrapping services."

"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."

'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae

Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso Giphy

Happiest Place On Earth!

"I used to work for Disney."

"That in itself should tell you everything."

"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."

"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."

"Suddenly got worse huh?"

"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."

"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."

"I'm not kidding."

"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."

"My wife worked booking."

"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."

"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."

"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."

"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."

"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."

"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong

Disney World GIF Giphy

The horror!

Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!

It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...

Said absolutely no one.