A substitute in school guarantees one thing and one thing only: there will not be one single dull moment in class that day.
What is up for debate is who is going to be the most exciting person. Will it be the sub, or will it be the students?
And what hijinks will we all get into today?
Here's some of those stories.
The Sub For Our Lives
Some friends and I have had one that we call "motivational sub". He was a retired veteran who would spend the first 15-30 minutes of class giving everyone a motivational speech. We ended up learning important life lessons while simultaneously not getting anything done for the class.
Hopefully She Got Kicked Off Planet Earth
We had a super old, super racist sub. Lady walked with a walker and could barely see the hand in front of her face so how tf she was still subbing I'll never know but whatever. She subbed my chemistry class in 7th(?) Grade once and told the only black kid in my class 'Back in my day your kind wouldn't be allowed here.'
Oooh it was bad. It became a huge thing because nearly the entire class lodged complaints and then the students parents got involved. Being a kid at the time I don't know what exactly was said or done but I do know that she never subbed at our school again.
Cough It On Up
Once had an old Russian woman as a substitute in middle school. She was nice, taught us how to count to ten in Russian and stuff. One student asked what she was before she was a teacher, and she said she was a dancer. When asked if she could dance for us, she says, with a straight face:
"You'll have to pay a lot of money to see that."
Fit As A Fiddle
We had this 70 something year old man who used to be in the military that would substitute for my high school. And every times he substituted, he would challenge one of the guys in the class to a push up competition (usually a football player) and he almost always won.
If I Gotta Go, That's The Way To Go
As a teacher, I had students report to me that a sub was giving them instructions on how to do a hand job (with lotion). They were the most naive/adorable freshman I ever had and they were completely terrified. I wish I was kidding!
Another sub years later was talking to them about how he wishes he could die under a tree smoking pot.
U R So Cool Dood
We were in systos (which was weight lifting class in high school) and we had a substitute.
Short, super muscular dude. Just seemed like a d0\/che bag in every way.
Well we had a kid in our class who was going D-1 in football. Extremely strong for a 17 year old. Pretty certain he was in fact on steroids.
Anyways he gets down on the bench and hits 225 for like 12 reps. Pretty impressive.
This substitute teacher sees this, walks over to the bench next to his, loads up like 315, and proceeds to rep it for like 9. He then racks it, looks at the kid, looks at the rest of us all watching and goes "what's up?"
lol that was so surreal. Some 40 year old meat head felt like he needed to show up a 17 year old in front of a bunch of other kids.
When Resources Are Stretched Too Thin
There is one Sub the students call The Hooker, because she always puts on the thick blue eye liner and all kinds of makeup.
She is constantly late. One time she missed an entire class and I was asked to cover for her. The students constantly complain about her. From what they've said, she never gives any work, or anything to keep them busy. She demands that they sit quietly while she talks on her cell phone and watches dance tutorial videos on YouTube.
At first I didn't believe them, but one day I heard a fight coming from the class she was covering so I called Administration and rushed over. I found 2 kids beating the heck out of each other on the floor while she was watching from the teacher's desk, some lady freaking out over speaker phone, and a dance video on the computer.
Unfortunately, our school is desperate for anyone with a pulse, so they refuse to get rid of her.
Too Much Of A Stickler
My senior year, my English teach threw her hip out so we had a sub for a few months
We were doing a unit on hamlet and the sub made us take a test where we had to identify the page number and stanza of various quotes. So we would have had to memorize the entire play.
Obviously, everyone failed miserably. The A student had a meltdown. It was nuts.
First thing the teacher did when she was back was to talk smack about the sub and invalidate very grade we received while the sub was in charge.
A few months later we walked into class and here is the same sub. She told us to just work on whatever assignment our teacher had us working on. It was April of senior year. So yea, we were all screwing around.
My friend had drawn a picture and I think wrote the word "$h1t" on the drawing? Some minor swear word.
Sub intercepts the paper and loses it. Tells us that we're completely inappropriate and disrespectful, that we're going to be suspended, she's calling the principal.
Principal shows up and she's near tears telling him what happened. He asks to see the picture, and asks us what we're supposed to be doing instead. We tell him we haven't been assigned anything.
He looks at the sub and says "What do you expect? You didn't give them any work to do. Guys, stop drawing pictures and just keep the volume down so you don't bother the other classes" and walks out.
The sub was FUMING.
Just Assault My Kid, Thanks
She slapped a kid twice while he was having a panic attack. Apparently she was trying to slap him out of it. We had quite a few unstable substitutes in middle school, this is the only one that wasn't allowed back at the school and that was just because the kids parents were like the only rich ppl in the city and payed for a lot of the schools things.
A Ghost Was Skipping Class
I've had lots, most of which happened years ago, but I'll share the one that irritates me the most. In middle school, we had an older lady, maybe 60/70 subbing for our math class who had put on a movie for us to watch. During the movie, we were allowed to work on some extra class work we had. I was eating some Sun Chips and got up to throw away the bag, then went back to my seat. Keep in mind, the sub was standing next to the trash can, so I had to walk in front of her in order to throw away the bag.
When I walked back to my chair, I sat down and started to work again and then I FEEL this woman standing behind me. She followed me to my seat, demanding to know where I've been. Confused, I told her I was in the class. Then, she starts yelling at me, insisting I was skipping the class. At this point, the whole class was staring at her. This went on for some time until someone finally decided to tell her I was there the whole time. She didn't apologize or anything, she only scowled and walked away.