People Describe The Worst Teacher They Ever Had
Some people aren't meant to do certain jobs, whether we like to hear it or not. Having a bad teacher is especially dreadful: A teacher's job is to foster an environment conducive to the learning process. A bad one can discourage a child from pursuing even the subjects in which they display considerable talent.
After Redditor Duo1412 asked the online community, "People of Reddit, who was your worst teacher, and why?" people shared their stories... and we find ourselves feeling infuriated on their behalf.
"Ended up spending the night..."
Had to get a bad test signed by a parent. Came home to my mom having serial seizures. Ended up spending the night in the hospital with her. When I told my 5th grade teacher why I couldn't get it signed, she said it was no excuse and I kept the F. As I turned around while crying, my crush was right there looking at me creeped out.
"The teacher who..."
The teacher who used to touch girls' shoulders and backs all the time, and sat on a girl's lap during our lesson once.
"She also led the cheerleading squad..."
A freshman year English teacher who had us do a pie chart assigning blame for the holocaust after reading Elie Wiesel's "Night." One of the categories was "Jews for not trying to escape," and another was "God." When we asked if we could assign zero to any categories she said no.
She also led the cheerleading squad and harassed girls in her class to join, like going down a line and asking each girl why they hadn't signed up for cheer, but would pointedly skip girls she didn't like in front of the class.
"I wish Hell was a real place..."
My fourth grade teacher got the entire class to say they hated my guts in unison with her 3 times. She similarly publicly humiliated other children as well
During parent teacher interviews she would rant on and on about how we were all "sex perverts" and obsessed with sex. Did I mention we were fourth graders?
She believed that ice cream had automotive antifreeze in it, that the reflective lines on the road were made from condor retinas (WTF) and that meat in the supermarket was coloured red with highly toxic dye. She would smoke in the classrooms during recess and there were rumours that the cigarettes were accompanied by rye whiskey.
In geography she taught us that the continent of Australia was named after a country in Europe (next to Switzerland) and that each state was a separate country with a different language. Tasmanians may be surprised to learn that they should be speaking Portuguese in their little island republic. When kids who had been to or had relatives Down Under corrected her, she became enraged and said no single country would "be allowed" to occupy an entire continent
I wish Hell was a real place so she could spend eternity there. A person like that has no business working with kids.
"If I asked him any questions..."
My 6th grade teacher used to join in with the bullies when they're ere making fun of me, and laugh when I started crying. If I asked him any questions he would repeat the question in a mocking voice and the bullies would laugh.
"Here's a 50 page paper..."
Here's a 50 page paper of chemistry problems. Finish it by the end of class and don't make a sound unless you're asking me a question I'll berate you for.
"This might make it sound..."
Grade 8 HR teacher.
She is basically as two-faced as a person can be. If she liked you, then she spares no effort or expense to make sure that everything is absolutely perfect just for you. If she dislikes you, she spares no effort or expense to make your life absolute hell.
This might make it sound like all you'll need to do is get on her good side, but it's not nearly that simple. She has a very specific set of expectations from the students she likes, and will go out of her way to impose those expectations on those students. Being a favorite of hers is basically surrendering any semblance of autonomy in the class. And if by some sheer force of will a student dares defy her, then that student is automatically placed at the bottom of the classroom hierarchy and loathed for the the rest of the year.
I was one of the students who went from being a favorite to being the bottom, and let me tell you, it very noticeably f***** up my education and set me on a course for failure.
"I often wonder how sadistic a person must be..."
My 6th grade teacher.
For some reason, he picked one kid as his whipping boy for the year and made his life miserable. Well, I was the lucky winner. I confirmed this with my brother because he said he did it to another kid when he had him.
I'll admit that I wasn't the best 6th grader. I was having problems at home and he was making things 10x worse. He would make me dance in front of the class if I acted out. He would read my answers to essay questions to the class if he thought they were stupid. One time he even showed the class my awful handwriting and asked if he should give me a zero because he had a hard time reading it. Of course the class agreed and he gave me a zero. The sounds of the entire class laughing at me cut me deep. Plus, the class thinks they have carte blanche to pick on you on the playground if the teacher gets to pick on you. Sixth grade was not fun for me.
I often wonder how sadistic a person must be to pick on little kids. How could they possibly enjoy it?
"She gave students no space to develop..."
Mine was an old lady that led one of the first projects last schoolyear. I study Art Communication and Design and obviously every teacher has their own idea about what art or design is supposed to be, but this lady enforced her own views like facts. She gave students no space to develop their own concept and failed everyone who tried to stick to themselves. In addition to that she was also extremely rude to anyone who questioned or challenged her views. Luckily I never got on her bad side but I'm happy she retired.
"I have a certain disability..."
There was this one lady who was very picky about how our folders looked. I have a certain disability that influences my handwriting a lot and doesn't make it look as neat as the other girls. She regularly used the things I wrote, my folder, etc as a negative example even though I followed all of her criteria. It just happened to look crooked. I was being bullied a lot during that time and lost a lot of trust in my teachers because of her.
"As of now..."
Our Italian teacher in elementary school. She scared us so much that now, in middle school, we're scared to answer questions because we might be wrong.
She would yell at us and sometimes belittle us if we got an answer wrong.. so people got scared of answering.. that also gave me a lot of anxiety when i needed to answer a question or do a test, i was a good student but i was hella scared that i would get one thing wrong and get yelled at, i hate being yelled at and it scared me a lot more back then...
We tried to tell our parents but they dismissed it as her being strict and us being too dramatic. Just now i realize we were not and that was definitely mental abuse..
As of now I'm trying to get more courage and answer questions, even if I'm not 110% they're right, but I'm scared that the first teacher that we have like that will make me scared again and i will lose all the progress i made this year... We have way better teachers in middle school now!
"Last I heard..."
A middle school substitute teacher who constantly made kids cry and allegedly threw a stapler at a student's older sister once. Last I heard, she was somehow still subbing.
"He may not have been dramatically bad..."
An art professor at Hofstra University when i was there for one year. He was assigned to me as my teacher as part of a "package curriculum" for first year so I couldn't switch teachers or drop the class.
His class was meant as just teaching about different art styles and doing art projects that wouldn't be judged but would be encouraged to find the deeper meaning. However despite being required to have a neutral take, he was definitely a modern art snob who was pompous and a know-it-all and did judge others' art as bad or not.
He may not have been dramatically bad but I can confidently say my experience with him was the least fruitful.
"Later that year..."
I had a teacher who was prone to anger attacks in the middle of class. He would scream at the class often, and on one occasion he even smashed a student's computer.
Later that year he was arrested for a case of animal abuse and was removed from teaching.
"I would often complain about..."
Mine was Señor Toro, my high school algebra teacher. I would often complain about how he taught class, in which he often contradicted himself or was plain wrong on a lot of concepts. My mother, who is a math major, still tells me to this day that he was a moron.
He also stank of coffee, which he drank constantly.
"It's tough to say which teacher was the worst one..."
It's tough to say which teacher was the worst one, because I've had so many lousy teachers.
When I was a senior in high school, my government teacher told another senior to ensure that he (the senior) didn't place his penis in the pencil sharpener. My teacher used to frequently say weird sexual comments. I told a guidance counselor about it, and then it stopped.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I took Algebra 2 and my teacher didn't know how to teach. She would do example problems and then give us worksheets - every day. She never explained the theory behind the math problems she was doing. She never looked up from the projector when she was writing notes. Frequently, my classmates would walk around the class, talk, and build stuff out of cardboard boxes in the class.
When I was in college, one of my professors called my dad once. That was bizarre, since it was illegal (due to FERPA) and most college professors have 0 desire to contact students' parents about the student's class performance. I still don't know how my professor got my dad's number. I reported my professor to his supervisor, but I don't know if he ever got disciplined.
"His name still lingers around the school..."
I had a religious studies teacher who was fairly strange. He would show up to class at least 10 minutes late and when he did he would always stare at the girls in my class. There were girls he would talk to in particular who he would always joke with and play around.
He was actually a very good teacher and we all got high grades in his class. One day during class he was no where to be seen so we all did our own thing because we had free time. A few days later we didn't see him still so we started to get worried until it was announced. The principal assembled us all into the cafeteria before lunch and announced why he was fired.
"He told me and some of my friends..."
My 6th grade teacher. He told me and some of my friends that we would grow up to be homeless bums living on the street, thereby completely killing my self-confidence and motivation to succeed in school.
"So everyone who laughed..."
In 9th grade I had a miserable English teacher. She would always yell at me for doing nothing in particular. I never did anything wrong to her. One day she was leaning on the desk while teaching and it started creaking. She kept teaching then boom. The table leg bent in a way that made the whole table collapse with her on it.
Every one started laughing. Sure I smiled but I didn't start mocking her like the rest of the kids. Before she left the room I started fiddling with my hair because my hair tie broke. She eventually came back crying with the vice principal and started telling about how we almost killed her and how we laughed as if we planned it.
So everyone who laughed got suspended. I didn't laugh, sweet so I'm not getting suspended... so I thought. The quiet kids and the vice principals favorite students didn't get suspended but then she called my name. I was called to the office to be suspended. When I asked why, it was for "teasing the teacher with your hair." I failed to mention the English teacher is bald.. by her own choice. So I got suspended because I tried to fix my hair during a class while the teacher wasn't teaching.
"I was doing great..."
I was doing great in chemistry in my first year got an A grade then the teacher left school as he moved to Germany. The next year I got a teacher who was primarily a graphic/textiles but because they studied chemistry at A level it made them qualified to teach it at GCSE. Did my mock paper for exams and got an F. She just wasn't great at explaining and rather chat with the popular girls. Ended up learning the textbook 2 weeks before the final exam and came out with a B grade.
"Our Italian teacher..."
Our Italian teacher in elementary school. She scared us so much that now, in middle school, we're scared to answer questions because we might be wrong.
She would yell at us and sometimes belittle us if we got an answer wrong.. so people got scared of answering.. that also gave me a lot of anxiety when I needed to answer a question or do a test, I was a good student but I was hella scared that I would get one thing wrong and get yelled at, I hate being yelled at and it scared me a lot more back then...
We tried to tell our parents but they dismissed it as her being strict and us being too dramatic. Just now I realize we were not and that was definitely mental abuse.
As of now, I'm trying to get more courage and answer questions, even if I'm not 110% they're right, but I'm scared that the first teacher that we have like that will make me scared again and I will lose all the progress I made this year... We have way better teachers in middle school now!
"She was teaching..."
She was teaching ancient Greek and for some reason she didn't like anyone. She made around 100 children to give exams in summer to pass the class (I was one of them) she gave to everyone 6 out of 20 in grades. I almost needed to repeat the class.
"Of course there are some caveats..."
This is more in college:
I've had several, it all boils down to pushing a political agenda. Right, left, doesn't matter. Do what you're paid to do and teach the materials for the class. I don't care if you don't agree with me, I'm not here to hear you complain about the government, or sing its praises. If it is a discussion outside of class (or in some sort of political class) and the responses are thought out and educated then that would be fine. Teach the class, and that's it. Of course, there are some caveats, but I don't care what side you lean towards. Teach the class, that's it.
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'
People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.
Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.
One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.
Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823Cats Dragging GIFGiphy
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
Good Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
On A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
What About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
Or Two Sets Of Twins
"Armadillos always have offspring as quadruplets."
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
Who's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence
We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.
But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.
Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:
"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"
Time for an Upgrade
"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."
"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."
"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."
No More Spark
"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."
"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."
"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."
"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"
"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"
Misery Loves Company
"Now we are both broken."
"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."
Getting to Watch a Partner Grow
"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."
"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."
"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."
"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."
"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."
"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."
Not a Match
"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."
"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."
In Their Nature
"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."
"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."
The Importance of Boundaries
"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."
"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."
Happily Ever After
"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."
An Uncommon Ending
"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."
"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."
A Little Help from Our Friends
"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."
"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."
All Their Idea
"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."
A Helping Hand
"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."
"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."
"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."
"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."
"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."
"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."
Best Friends Forever
"It went well but it didn’t work out."
"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."
"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."
"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."
So Worth the Investment
"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."
"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."
"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."
"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."
"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."
In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.
There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinatecatholic the exorcist GIFGiphy
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleiaexercise push up GIFGiphy
Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologisturuguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy
At Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy
Not The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343dating app GIFGiphy
If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.