The wonderful thing about families is not everyone's is the same. This creates a diversified and interesting world, where the people you meet are products of their background. Depending on what kind of family you had, you might be outgoing, or timid in large groups, or you might not flush the toilet after you pee.
...Let's talk about families.
Reddit user, u/Dnewkirk87, wanted to hear about your family's odd past when they asked:
Think Of The Children!Giphy
Saying "Goddammit" after sneezing.
That was an interesting day in first grade.
I thought all sandwiches went with ketchup
And that hotdogs had mayo and bacon
I know it sound a bit weird now but it taste good I recommend
Really, Just All Mouth Noises Are A Big No.
The pride my family has in a good burp.
Wasn't till I got to high school that I realised the near mastered art of belching I had was frowned upon.
Didn't stop me tho.
And whistling? My dad has always whistled, I've always whistled, I got really good at it to the point where it can hurt people's ears to hear with the volume.
But yeah, don't know, got to school, whistled down the halls when I was happy, friends were in a weird awe that I could whistle so well. Then I noticed when I stayed at their houses the absence of someone whistling every now and then. Always made me homesick.
Wait, You Don't Have Crabs Under Your Bed?
I was terrified of crabs being under my bed as a kid, so my mom would put a soup strainer under my bed, telling me it was a "crab catcher" so I would sleep. It worked for a few years until I didn't need it anymore, but any time she was cooking or whatever, we would still always refer to it as the "crab catcher" and nobody ever told me that it was something different.
Flash forward, I'm 16 and at bad kid boarding school. Everyone had to take a turn helping the kitchen, so I was going to make a recipe I knew that required a SOUP STRAINER. I ask the head chef where their crab catcher was, and she was just like, ".....we don't have one of those..." I went on this rant like, "you call yourselves a kitchen and you don't even have a CRAB CATCHER?! PATHETIC."
I wandered around the kitchen for a bit and found one. I brought it up to her and pointed to it like she was a f-cking dumb-ss and said, "see this?? This is a craaaaabb caaattccchheeeeerrr."
I learned a hard lesson that day.
Not So Openly
..That my mother would scream and yell every single night in her sleep.
I legit thought it was a normal thing "My Mom has nightmares!"
So Casual About Where You Put Your Cancer
Smoking indoors. I didn't do it, but my gf at the time had a veritable panic attack when we had my mother over for dinner. It was the first and only time my mother came to visit.
Save Water, Lose Friends?
Flush the toilet after peeing. We tried to save water, so we basically peed until someone went number two.
Then one day I went to a family friends' house and freaked everyone out because I didn't flush.
Apparently it's not normal for your parents to openly and graphically discuss their sex life with you. And it's definitely not normal for your parents to have multiple partners younger than you.
Edit: Since so many are asking, my parents didn't start this behavior until I was an adult. When I say the partners are younger, I mean they're sleeping with college kids while I'm in my mid to late 20s.
Hilarious To Some. Offensive To Others.Giphy
My mom and I have had this inside joke where we go "don't talk to me" or "don't even look at me" in response to stupid sh-t. I don't remember how or when it started, but I've been doing it since I was a wee kid. I didn't realize how odd it was until I said "fine, don't talk to me then" in response to my mom telling me I couldn't get a video game I asked for and a woman in the aisle with us got offended.
She pulled my mom aside and told her I don't need to be talking to her like that and she needs to teach me how to respect her lmaooo. My mom explained that it's a joke that we do but she doesn't think the woman believed her.
Some Extra Celebration Thrown On Top
We sang happy birthday twice (once in English then Spanish) and another silly song afterwards
Nicknames For Everything
As a child, my mom would call Hand Sanitizer "Squirt-Squirt". I asked my classmate for some "Squirt-Squirt", and when she didn't understand, I got very frustrated. I got into an argument with this fellow 2nd grader
We're Born This Way, We'll Live This Way
I might get some weird internet looks for this, but my parents didn't really care about nudity. Not in the sense that they were naked all the time, but if they showered they wouldn't really try to cover up when walking from the bathroom to their bedroom.
I was the same way until I started to pick up that wasn't really normal.
Yelling? Screaming? That's How You Discuss Things, Right?
Having loud, impassioned (and objectively rude) debates for the hell of it.
I was always very close with my mom, and we would argue and debate and discuss absolutely everything — from the merits of artistic translations in poetry to politics — and constantly interrupt each other the whole time, shout, and change topics. Neither of us got offended, and it was just the way the conversation flowed. We just really like debating and talking that way.
It made me a super good debater — both casually and on official debate teams — but I've only recently began to realize that these habits are actually very rude. I've had to make a conscious effort to be politer and and less quarrelsome, because I was just raised to be loud and argumentative.
Sleep after the meal during holiday get-togethers. Just the men, the women exchanged gifts. We would all go into the living room and watch football and kinda doze. No big deal.
Did this once at my girlfriend's family Christmas and evidently I embarrassed her or maybe offended someone. Either way I was the only one asleep while everyone else was energetic and conversing lively with family. I was woken up by girlfriend with an angry tone asking why I was asleep during the party. I was comfortable, relaxed, and we just had a lot of food. Made sense to me.
Use assorted German words in casual conversation... which as a child I assumed were English until I got confused stares from friends. My family has been in the US since 1902.
Yawning At The Moon, Sneezing At The Sun
My mom is a yawn-yeller. When she yawns, you can hear it from anywhere in the house.
One time my sister had a friend over, and we were in the basement. My mom yawned upstairs, and my sister's friend asked "was that a coyote?"
My mom yells when she sneezes. In order for her to "stop sneezing" she has to basically sneeze really loud kinda like "ACHHOOO!!" One time my brother had a friend over and he thought something was going on outside.. it was my mom sneezing in her room.
Look At All The Love Being Shared? Doesn't It Make You Sick...
everyone in the family, extended family included likes each other and gets along.
one boyfriend commented that my family was weird because everyone got along, no massive fights, screaming and yelling each holiday, bringing up decade old grudges once or twice a year. like he has never met his uncle because his dad and uncle hate each other too much.
WAIT. Hear This One Out...Giphy
My dad jizzed on my siblings and I a lot.
He was born in Iran, so he had a little bit of a language gap even as an adult. And what he would do to mess with my siblings and I is he would use his finger and thumb to punch the tiniest amount of skin on our wrists. And he would call it "jizz", because I think that's what he thought the sound of that was if you could get close enough to hear it. So the scene occurred plenty of times where my brother, sister, and I would be running away from him in the house, pleading not to get jizzed on.
Years later, someone explained to me that the noise Iranians think bees make is "jizz". So therefore, my dad was "buzzing" us. Not jizzing. Thankfully.
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