Listen, kids are weird. They just are. They can't help it, though. They're kids, they're supposed to be weird.
Childhood oddity is a feature, not a bug. Kids are learning who and how to be, and that requires some experimentation. Ask any scientist and they'll tell you very few experiments yield the results you were hoping for the first time around.
So the next time you find your three year old covered head to toe in Nutella (again) remember they're not karma punishing you for whatever you did to your parents. They're brilliant little scientists.
So were you at one point, and your "failed experiments" probably drove the adults in your life just as bonkers, so let's talk about it. One Reddit user asked:
So many scientists with such curious little minds... (yeah that's totally a mantra you can repeat when the tiny geniuses in your life are trying some of their more eye-twitch-inducing experiments.)
The Kool-Aid Towel
When I was around 8 years old, I liked the way clean towels tasted. Something I really enjoyed was putting a towel over a straw, and drinking kool-aid through it.
My mother wasn't a fan of having white towels covered with red spots, so she put a stop to it pretty quick.
A Pretty Important Guy
I used to stand naked in my bedroom window and try to stay as still as possible so the neighbours would think my parents had had a statue made of me.
I would stand in different poses, too, so they'd think there were multiple statues which my parents would rotate around the house.
The way I saw it, only important people had statues built of them. I wanted the neighbours to know they lived near a pretty important guy.
Found a cat skull buried in the garden, pulled the teeth out and put them under my pillow for what i thought would be easy money from the tooth fairy.
I remember when I was about seven, a girl in my class lost a tooth while at school and put it wrapped up in tissue in her desk to take home later. Being the smart kid I was I stole the tooth to try to make a quick buck off the tooth fairy and also test if she was real (because I wasn't about to tell my parents I was putting a stolen tooth under my pillow for the night). Long story short she ended up crying about losing the tooth and I had to pull out my best acting skills to 'find' the tooth in my desk and say she must've accidentally put the tooth in my desk instead of hers, which was halfway across the classroom.
Weird Kid With The Crazy Eyes
When I was a kid, in the 80's, I had very strict teachers. Any form of back-talking or, god forbid, swearing, would get you a quick slap and a fast march to the head teacher's office to explain yourself.
My teacher once sat me down for "A talk", as happened fairly often, which was basically her just berating me. In the middle of this she suddenly stopped and told me I needed to keep my eyes under control, because I had this terrible nervous habit of twitching my eyes when she was talking to me.
In actual fact, I was tracing out imaginary swear words with my eyes. Basically, drawing out things like "PISS OFF" and "SHUT UP", tracing the letters with my eyes as if they were right in front of her face.
I didn't realize she could see my eye movements - I mean, I don't know why, as an adult it's obvious that my eyes were darting all over the place and looking crazy, but child me thought that it was subtle enough that it was unnoticeable, and that I was being super sneaky.
As soon as I realized she could see it, I stopped, but looking back, probably the funniest part to me now is how much it must have unnerved her. And she never did know the reason for it. To her, I must've just been the weird kid with the crazy eyes.
I used to have "science experiments" in the bathroom sink. Meaning, I'd go the bathroom and lock the door. Once in I'd make sure the sink drain was shut and then proceed to add every cleaner/ chemical/ shampoo etc under the sink to the sink in hopes of a reaction. Never got one, but it also never stopped me from trying. In hindsight I probably could have killed myself if I had mixed the wrong stuff. I obviously didn't.
I did this too. Then got a bunch of headaches and never did it again. Mind you, it did take a couple of headaches for me to realize me mixing random sh!t gave me headaches.
Keepin' It Cool
In grade 1 we would sit in a group on the floor in front of the teacher while she read us stories. I would sit at the back of the group against the wall and pull my pants halfway down my bum. I liked feeling the cool ground/wall against my bare butt.
I would add several drops of Tabasco to my unsweetened iced tea. I called it Asian tea despite knowing Tabasco and Lipton were in no way Asian. I also didn't like it very much but made myself drink it so that I could understand the Asian community better.
Asian friends I have now are still baffled at the connection I tried to make.
When I was seven, on a 5 day field trip, I put salt on apples and convinced my friends this is how Armenians ate them. At that time, I have never met an Armenian, or had a good idea where Armenia was, but for some reason, I insisted that's how it's done and that by doing that I'm worldly....
I would walk out the bathroom after taking a sh!t and spread my cheeks to whoever was in the living room and ask, "Is my butt clean?" One time it was the guy cleaning our carpet.
Imagine cleaning some person's carpet and out of nowhere this gremlin of a child hobbles out of the bathroom, spreads his cheeks, and asks you to tell him how clean his a$hole is.
You were the baby bear in the Charmin commercials!
Tissue, But Not Tissue
I used to eat tissues as a kid. My mum found out one day and yelled at me to stop, (as any sane parent would do) so I started eating them in secret. Sneaking away with a tissue box to another room to eat a tissue or two.
Until one day when I was about 5 years old I had to go to the hospital. I had no idea what was going on all I knew was that I had trouble breathing through my nose. Before my operation I was in the hospital and I overheard one of the nurses say that they just needed to remove the excess tissue in my nose. Naturally I thought that the tissues I had eaten had started getting clogged up in my nose and I never ate a tissue again. I made the realization at 14 that it was muscle tissue in my nose and not the actual tissues I was eating.
I (a girl) used to sit back to front on the toilet to pee. My reasoning was that that way it sounded like my dad peeing and then the monsters wouldn't try to grab me. Childhood anxiety is wild!
I also had weird toilet monster anxiety as a kid lol always had to sit on the closed toilet seat and cover my ears with one hand and my shoulder while i flushed because I worried a monster would come out during the flush to eat me
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