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Son's Relationship With Parents Strained By Racist Lawn Ornament

Generation gaps can create some glaring differences especially when dealing with the equality of all humans. The old ways of treating people of color are no longer accepted by the majority of people, however some people in older generations still do not make it a priority to make all people feel welcome and valued.

This situation could not be more real for Redditor u/statuethrow who says My [28M] relationship with Mom [60F] and Step-Dad [~60M] is straining because of a controversial lawn ornament.

Here's how it played out:

My mom and stepdad last year moved into a new house that came with a lawn ornament depicting a cartoonishly caricatured black boy dressed in a jockey uniform. I did some research, and it turns out that it was a Jocko style Lawn Jockey. Apparently these were popular back in the day with people that wanted to evoke that old Southern style of welcome that includes casual racial prejudice. The more I learned about these things, the more uncomfortable it made me. It can't just sit there in the yard. They would have to store it, paint it, get rid of it...something. Anything less I feel would be an endorsement of what this statue represents. We are all white, and I don't want to get into a situation where I bring friends over, they see it and get the wrong impression about my folks. I told my mom my feelings about it, and she indicated that her and my stepdad were aware and were talking about what to do about it.

The next time I visited them, they moved it off to the side yard, and this time it was in the same spot and they had put a garbage bag over it. I mean, it's good that they covered it, but I don't understand why they still have it, and it's been a year. I don't think either one of them are racist or anything, I just see the history of this object and it's relationship to racism and it disgusts me. Neither one of them seem to share my disgust, which is frustrating. My gut tells me that I'm in the right, but at the same time this is driving a wedge between me and my step-dad, and my mom feels caught in the middle between us.

Mom and I just had a tearful conversation about this. She's worried that I'm judging them negatively for this, which definitely isn't the case for her. (My feelings about him are up in the air right now.) She seems to agree that this thing is more trouble than it's worth. I offered to take the statue and dispose of it, but she said no and that it was up to my step dad. He seems to have taken an opposing stance on this and doesn't see much reason to get rid of it. Apparently he did his own online research and concluded that it wasn't a racist object, and that I'm wrong and I need to let this go. He says the statue has historical value and he shouldn't be made to feel like a racist for displaying it. I'm aware of the content he's basing his claims on, and will try to show him how they lack a basis in fact. Mom has told me though that he did agree to get rid of it, but I don't know how much I believe him.

I'm now at the point where I don't know if I'm making too much of a big deal about this. My folks and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, but that hasn't really been an issue until now. My next step I just want to be able to visit my folks and not have to worry about this s***. Am I right for pushing them towards action on this, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

tldr: parents inherited a statue of a caricatured black youth. I detest it and want it gone, stepdad thinks it's fine. How to proceed?

Update: Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Just to clear up a few things, I don't think I could persuade them by saying that the neighbors are judging them, they live in a very red area, there was a guy who wore a MAGA hat on the beach with his family the other day and no one seemed to care.

Also, I should have been more specific regarding what I meant regarding the tearful conversation with my mom. I had meant that we both were crying. There wasn't manipulation there. She was genuinely worried that I was thinking about cutting her out of my life, and I was upset about this whole thing. I'm generally averse to conflict and it takes a lot for me to make a stand about something, especially when it leads to this kind of friction.

I feel empowered by your words, and I know that I can't just let this go. I'll be as respectful as I can, but my feelings about the statue haven't changed and I'm not going to really feel comfortable there until they do something about it.

What are your thoughts?

Play dirty in the name of justice and equality


I wrote out a lot of analysis, but then decided it was pretentious and deleted it.

  1. It's not your property, so ultimately, legally, you can't do anything.
  2. You've made your case. They doubled down. Logic wouldn't appear to work.

My advice to you would be that for every gift-giving occasion, be it birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Labor Day, whatever... I would send them a card, and include the receipt for the donation you made in their name to the NAACP, the United Negro College Fund, or the local black historical/heritage society... you know, since history is so important to him.

You're not going to wear them down, so go with the semi-regular notification that he's being an ahole, and maybe the thank you letters from the assorted charities will eventually make him feel like enough of a doofus to take an appropriate action on his own.

You can't teach an old dog not to be an a**


Yeah, he's a big ole racist. No way he actually googled "lawn jockey"and came away with the idea that its not racist.


Create some distance


OP, I'm with you on this one. The statue is horribly racist, and cringe-worthy. I'd go as far as to not visit your mom & step-dad at their home, and only see them away from the house.


It's a two way street


Lol @ the pearl clutching over your mom crying about feeling "judged" for participating in racist s***. Honestly, f*** manipulative tears. You get to decide what's more important to you: your relationship with your mother or your principles regarding race. I know what choice I would make. And remember that torching a relationship goes both ways. So your parents also have a choice: their f******* son or their beloved racist lawn ornament.


Ask the right questions


Ask them how the statue makes their lives better. Seriously.

Ask them why they feel the need to keep it, even though it causes friction between you guys. To prove how not-racist they are?

It's not like they're rare. There's no historical significance to speak off. They're ugly as shit. Seriously, there's no reason to keep it, except to "stick it to them libruls".


The extreme route...


It's racist. Them keeping the statue is racist. The lovely thing about racism is it's a great place to take a stance. I would cut back contact with your family significantly and steal and destroy that awful statue.


Stay away from those people


It is IMPOSSIBLE to google "lawn jockey", and not immeidately understand that this is racist. He knows it's racist, but he doesn't care. Your solution is not to take friends around there. You have spoken your peace. Do not argue, justify, or explain your position, because that is as preposterous as trying to explain why you don't walk down the street and randomly punch strangers in the head. It doesn't even bear trying to have a rational discussion about it.

Simply state your position. "Hey mom, I find that statue to be racist. I feel like if you google lawn jockey, and do your own unbiased reading, it is impossible to come away with any other conclusion. Therefore, I will not be visiting your home while you choose to have such casual disregard for a racist statue." That's it. And yeah, I'm sorry to tell you but it sounds like your parents are racist if they feel that displaying that lawn jockey is that important to them.


Let them lay in the beds they made


You know what OP, your parents were being ignorant-and there is NOTHING wrong about being ignorant to a subject, we don't know everyone's deal, HOWEVER, you took the time to research this object and educated them, this crosses the line into WILLFUL ignorance, and quite frankly, point blank racism.

I would not visit them until its removed, they know what theyre doing-its not like it pays them rent or adds deep value to their lives, and someone WILL call them out on it, don't be around when it happens.


Stand up to the root of the problem


It sounds like your mum is just fretting because she's trying to please you both but she's not really thinking about this or taking responsibility for herself. My mum did this with her ex and me, she'd get all tearful and do that mum thing of 'I just try to please everyone' etc. Could you sit down and ask your mum what she really thinks hand on heart. It concerns me that the stepdad sounds like a jerk and your mum isn't standing up to him, either that or your mum is racist too. It could help you to figure out which one it is.


Judge the f*** out of them until they learn their lesson


How to deal with casual racists: "Don't make me feel bad, it feels like I'm being judged!" "It should. Because I'm judging you."


Talk about the money


Lol have u read Stephen kings duma key be glad it isn't chasing u they should sell it it actually does have value but gives the wrong impression for sure I'd push ur step dad that way he'd probably be more likely to get rid of it if there was money in it


Get rid of it yourself


Am I the only one who would throw caution out the window and smash the s*** out of that stupid, racist piece of garbage?? (The lawn ornament, but maybe the stepparent, too. Up to interpretation. )


Offer a replacement


Buy a replacement. Maybe a Jeff Sessions version?


Hoarding may be the issue here


Does your stepdad have hoarding tendencies?? Like, is he scared to get rid of it because he thinks it is worth something?? Look it up on eBay, and see if ANY of them have sold, and what they sold for. Offer to sell it for him??? If it's what I think it is, it's cringe inducing, and I wouldn't want to be associated with the house that displays it.


A different point of view


Well, it's not your house, so while you don't like it, it's really none of your business. You are forcing an issue between your mother and your step-father about something at THEIR house.

That said, I think you are also wrong about what you think of the statue, based on a few minutes of my own research:

"The jockey, in a similarly secret way, pointed to safe houses along the Underground Railroad.

"These statues were used as markers on the Underground Railroad throughout the South into Canada," says historian/author Charles Blockson, curator of the Afro-American Collection at Temple University in Philadelphia. "Green ribbons were tied to the arms of the statue to indicate safety; red ribbons meant to keep going.

"People who don't know the history of the jockey have feelings of humiliation and anger when they see the statue," he adds. "But this figure, which was sometimes used in a clandestine nature, and sometimes without the knowledge of the person who owned the statue, was a positive and supportive image to African-Americans on the road to freedom.""

From a 1998 article in the Chicago Tribune.


I'm not researching it any more to have any more of an opinion. Not your house.

The important question


You are right for feeling as you do about the lawn ornaments. But I would ask, is it worth straining your relationship with your mother over? I get the impression that your step-dad is taking an opposing stance not because he actually likes or cares about the statue but because you have taking such a vocal position, it's almost like he's doing it for spite. Also, he might feel that you are accusing him of being racists and he's being defensive and doubling down. I bet if you never mentioned the statue to him again it would eventually disappear. Also you mentioned that your Mom said he agreed to get rid of, give him the chance to do the right thing.


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.