As much as there is an allure of living in small towns, there seems to be just as much mystery.
There is a sense of security in knowing that someone has your back.
But on the same token, as is typically depicted in movies, small towns have their fair share of nefarious activity that those in the know are sweeping under the rug to maintain their town's good name.
Curious to hear about bizarre cases that don't always make mainstream news headlines, Redditor descended_from_apes asked:
"Small Town Redditors, what's the weirdest unsolved crime in your town, old or new?"
Not all mysteries involve unsolved murders but are just as baffling
A Crime In The Turd-Degree
"Nowhere near the scale of disappearing children or Nazi collaborators, but my hometown's biggest mystery is who keeps sh**ting in the holes at the golf course."
"Person has been doing it for more than 20 years. Every 2-3 months, there's a hole that's been pooped in."
Outstanding Debts
"I found out my grandma played cards with the mob in a liquor store basement. I was reading a news article on a cold case from the former owner disappearing for an English assignment and my grandma kinda just frowned, told me she used to play cards with him and never payed his debts."
House On Fire
"Not exactly 'small town', but small compared to the region. There was a house that burned down 3 times in the span of a decade. I remember hearing lots of rumors about divorces and revenge, gang activity, being cursed. Not sure if it was ever solved."
When Children Played No More
"In 2003 in my hometown, someone decided to burn down a playground. This was in a very small rural town. The nearest playground aside from that one was 15 miles away. This playground was decent sized too, and I believe it was made possible by a donation from someone in town. It was mostly wood with rubberized mesh, steel bars, and large plastic slides."
"Nobody ever figured out who did it."
Unsolved missing persons cases like the ones mentioned below must be pure torture for family members.
Death Chair
"Happened this year."
"A man rented a room at a guest house. When he left the host went to go clean/ prepare the room for the next occupant."
"The room was covered in blood. In the shower there was a chair with a pool of blood-it is assumed the person died in the chair."
"So the baffling part is that there is a camera trained in the room's door. The man entered and left alone without a speck of blood on him."
"The authorities assumed the blood belonged to a woman whose chopped-up body was found in a nearby damm. Blood tests came back and it doesn't."
Missing Classmate
"1973: My 4th grade buddy, Guy Heckle, disappeared during a boy scout camping trip. They found his coat, that was all. Not another clue after all these years."
The Bar Patron
"Man got kicked out of a bar 3 years ago this December and went missing. Nobody has come forward with tips at all. He went missing from a fairly busy part of town too."
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Child Abduction
"My cousin, TJ Davison was abducted from a car in 1985 and has still yet to be found. He was 4 years old at the time. (Decatur, IL)"
And sometimes, when the bodies turn up, their identities can remain forever a mystery.
In Deep Trouble
"Where I grew up they found a dude who was buried under the cement in a building, no history or information about him. It's clear that he got into some deep trouble with someone."
– KGhaleon
Remains In A Lake
"About 15 years ago. A town near where I grew up drained a man made lake that was used for recreational swimming. This particular year they decided to drain the whole thing to do a clean up. They discovered an intact skeleton that had been sitting at the bottom of the lake for something like 50 years based on the class ring that was still on the skeleton. From my understanding this person had never been reported missing or anything."
Double Mystery
"Two bodies were found on my island in SE Asia in the last 24 hours. One was found in the jungle after being there for a year in an apparent motorbike accident the other washed up on the beach."
– BKKJB57
What's In The Barrel
"There was an old story that during prohibition a big barrel showed up at the post office, addressed to someone no one knew. It was obviously filled with alcohol."
"When the time to pick up expired and it was still there, it was tapped to find whisky inside. It was enjoyed by many, but when it was gone, it was still quite heavy."
"So they opened it up to discover a dead body."
– Dudeinairport ·
Some of the saddest cases involve the deaths of a newborn.
Murderous Mother
"Back in 1903 a local woman poisoned many members of her family, including a baby over a few months. She served time and died but never really admit to a motive. One theory is that she really liked attending irish funerals."
The Infant
"About 30yrs ago a refuse worker found the badly burned body of an 18 month old boy amongst the bags and recycling. Forensics deduced that due to the condition of his liver he'd died less than a week before his body was found."
"Hospital and medical records were used to establish that nobody in the county was missing a child."
"He doesn't have a name on his gravestone."
"Edit: it was in Cumbria, England."
"The police likely didn't retain a DNA sample, or we might have heard something about familial DNA by now.The local police aren't very good - look up the case of Poppi Worthington as an example."
"Most local people assume he died of SIDS, then his parents panicked and tried to conceal his body. Whoever did it must have had an element of local knowledge in order to know where to put the corpse."
A Proper Burial
"There is a street in my city called Park Ave. It's a very small city, mostly blue collar."
"In 2005, a newborn baby boy was found dead near a factory on Park Ave. Doctors could tell he was born alive and likely lived for a few hours before he died. I don't know if he was abandoned (left to die) or killed in some way; that info was never released. Police made a statement saying please come forward, we want to help you bury this child properly."
"The mother sent an anonymous letter to the police station two weeks later, and said she would come to the station soon. The letter didn't explain the circumstances, but it did say she was afraid."
"She never came forward. The baby was named 'Baby Parker' and money was raised to give him a proper burial. People still leave gifts at his grave."
Thanks to horror movies, small towns get a bad rep.
Under the veneer of warm hospitality and kindness lies an unsettling sense of discomfort.
Are the denizens covering up a murder committed by one of their own? Or was there a grifter who dumped a body in their unassuming town and fled the scene?
In the game of life, no one gets out alive. But hopefully, your life's journey won't end in a small town.
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Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.