Sex Workers Share The Saddest Experience They've Had On The Job, And We're Touched
"Let me tell you about a time..."
Sex workers see things no one could imagine. There's no way any one person could think of it all. So, when sex workers open up a window to their side of the story, the sad side, it's critical to listen.
WARNING: Some stories are NSFW.
Reddit user, u/deviles, wanted to understand their world just a bit more when they asked:
Sex workers of reddit: What is the saddest experience (client wise) you've had while on the job?
Simply One Night Together
Not my story but I knew a girl who did "rent a night" type of stuff.
Guy asks her if she could come over. Doesn't talk about sex over the phone just if she could come over and to come hungry. She thinks he is into feeding. She arrives at like 6 p.m. pretty early for her work She asks what he would like to do. He just cooks for her. A really big delicious meal. [Later] he starts to open up a [bit.] His wife had passed and always loved his cooking, but he hates cooking for himself
The Best Kind of Life Coach?
I work as a cam girl. There are a lot of sad stories- dead wives, divorcees, etc., but the one that hit me was this guy, we'll call him Steve.
Steve sends me a message during one of my public shows asking to go private. I go private with him after the show and he just wants to talk about my life. No nudity or anything, and in privates, his cam isn't visible to me. So I sit there talking about my life for about two hours at $5/minute and he doesn't say a word. I finally run out of things to say and he is just like, "Thanks. Can I buy your Snapchat?" Of course I say yes, I give him my Snapchat, and he signs off.
The next week, I get a Snapchat from Steve asking if we can private again. I say sure, we do the same thing. He just wants me to talk about my day and random life stories for two hours. We do this once a week for about a month before he asks to Skype (where I can see him). I agree. I still know literally nothing about this person.
It's our scheduled time to Skype and he doesn't pick up the call. I Snap him to make sure everything is okay and he says he's changed his mind, he wants to do our usual thing where I can't see him. I say okay. This time, though, he types to me and I respond.
Basically, he gives me his life story. He tells me that he is an independent software developer (won't say which for privacy reasons) in Switzerland. He's never had a girlfriend and is a virgin. He's 36 years old. He has crippling social anxiety and says he hasn't spoken to a woman face to face (not even via webcam) since he graduated from college. He says that he's hideously ugly and felt overwhelming guilt for even looking at a woman because he felt that it was just unwanted and offensive to her. I tried to just listen and be understanding.
At the end of the conversation, he asked if he could turn on his cam and try to have a conversation with me. I agreed.
He turns on his cam, and he's a totally average looking guy. A bit overweight, but a handsome face and a nice haircut, clean looking. I was shocked and just really sad that he thought so lowly of himself. I told him that he was very handsome and that he shouldn't think so lowly of himself, and we just chatted about life for a few more hours that night before saying goodbye.
The next day, I get a Snapchat from Steve. He says that he felt so good about himself that he finally said hi to the front desk receptionist at work. And she said hi back and smiled. He was thrilled about this normal social interaction.
We didn't video chat again, but he snapped me every time he interacted with somebody. Last I heard, he has a girlfriend.
Bridging The Gap For Normalcy
Had a client who didn't speak much English. Afterwards we were lying down together, I got out my phone and we had a conversation via Google Translate. He told me that his wife had died four months earlier and that this was the first time he'd felt normal since.
You Know There's A Serious Problem When Lap Dances Won't Do
I had a guy I gave a few lapdances too... his buddy took him out because he just got divorced. His wife was the one who left him. He was crying. I tried to give him a pep talk... most of the time I spent was holding him.
I obviously wasn't helping much... a stripper doesn't even come close to replacing your wife of 20 years, especially when you've never been with anyone else.
F-ck. I almost cried too.
Let's Build An (Imaginary) Life Together
I used to be a sex cam worker, I had a regular client who always pay for private time with me. Nothing really did anything sexual for him, he wanted me to dress as a happy housewife and tell him what would be for dinner, how are the 2 dogs and cat (imaginary) doing? What were their names, he would tell me we lived in Italy, i forgot where but he described to me a large house with a pool and all. He pretty much would just fantasy play house with me. I would get really into it and he would always visit me every day.
He was just a very lonely man and seemed to crave for some human affection and interaction. I felt bad when I just dropped out of the job without warning. I do think about him from time to time, I hope he managed to live his best life.
I had a few clients in my hometown & neighboring city. They were somewhat older, more career accomplished women who wanted discrete companionship.
Most of them just wanted to cuddle and talk or listen to music and lay with me. Some liked drugs, almost all of them liked wine. All of them were lonely.
One of my clients was constantly out at parties or business functions, very social & successful, and would contact me after. On Christmas one year she told me that she was previously married, her husband started her business with her before he died. She told me she lived the happiest life with him but that it was too short. I think she was looking for a similar 'replacement' for her husband but nobody lived up to the guy.
Relationships are hard and then we die.
An older gentleman who wasn't a regular came in one day and would not talk to any dancers . Just simply drank , paid the bartender and left . Well after a few consecutive days of coming in he decided to let me spark up a conversation with him. He told me I was a pretty lady and such and he left . Well he came back a day later and I greeted him with the warmest greeting I could and that day he told me had cancer and he didn't have long to live .
His wife died many years ago and he told me his wife wouldn't want him moping around the house being upset or depressed and would have wanted him to remarry and go out . He just couldn't see hisself marring someone else so he decided to just stop in and see some dancers before he died . He came back maybe a week later and after that I never seen him again .
They Fulfill Any And All Desires
I used to occasionally be the safety guy in the house when a friend of mine, who was a dom at the time, would have clients in. She told me the story of this one client who turned out to be a former POW and he paid her rate and all he wanted was to be buckled or shackled onto the cross or somewhere in her space and then left alone. When he frees himself, he'll show himself out.
Easily the simplest yet most fascinating story I heard from her.
There's An Origin Story For Everything
i'm a little late to the thread but - i do online only domme stuff. this includes webcamming, fetish clips, and i used to offer skype sessions and phone sex.
i had a client buy a 30 minute skype show in which he wanted a pretty heavy rejection role play with a lot of verbal abuse. that's not unusual for the kind of clients i get, so i didn't expect anything out of the ordinary. ahead of time i asked if there were any words or subjects i should avoid that might be actually upsetting to him (some clients don't want to be insulted for their looks for example, or someone who was called a certain name as a kid might ask me not to use that word, normal stuff) and he said no, anything was fair game.
about five minutes into the thirty minute show, he started crying. my usual response to this is to not necessarily break character, but verbally have him confirm if he wants me to continue or to stop the show (in the case things go "bad" i've refunded people for their time). he said no, he's okay, and to please continue. after another couple of minutes i checked in with him again, and he decided he didn't want to continue, so i asked if he wanted to end the show and i'd refund for the unused time, but he said that he'd like to remain on cam with me for the remaining twenty or so minutes.
in the remainder of our time he told me his verbal abuse kink came from a sh-tty childhood and that his mother was verbally abusive, and that he contacted me because my voice was similar to his mother's. she'd died several months prior. i sort of didn't know how to respond to that, but he asked if instead, i could reassure him. so for a few moments i ended up speaking as his mother - not in a sexual way, but just telling him he was a good child who didn't deserve the cruel words "i" had used.
we used the entire thirty minutes. i haven't offered skype sessions in almost two years and he's never bought any content from me again but i think about him a lot. i hope he's healing.
i've always said sex work is 50% customer service, 40% therapy, and only 10% actual sex.
Just Trying To Live A Normal Life
I worked in a massage parlor when I was college aged. You made ok money off the walk-ins or the guys they booked for you but the real money to be made was when a guy liked you and made you his regular. I had one client and we just clicked. He had a funny sense of humor and actually had a decent professional life going for himself.
When we started talking though it was crazy how he lacked confidence He as a bit overweight and not particularly handsome but he didn't think any girls would go for him so he visited prostitutes, massage parlors, strippers, etc. I tried to talk to some sense into him but it never worked. We even went clothes shopping, to the park, the movies and other social places just to try to help him get over his anxiety.
I didn't see him or heaar from him in a while and he showed up to tell me he had a minor heartattack. Things went downhill for him pretty quick. We chatted a few more times but he kind of pushed everyone away. I still wonder sometimes if he's doing ok.
An Escape From Reality
I once had a client whose wife had a few years prior been diagnosed with ALS. This particular client also happened to work in the field of medicine, so the realities of his wife's condition were all too real and the whole thing seemed to just hit really close to home for him.
Anyway, during our sessions he always enjoyed talking with me more so than anything else. See, I made an effort to never veer the conversation in any direction he didn't want/that would make him uncomfortable, and also to try to distract him (as that's what he had initially requested) but inevitably, naturally, we would every so often return to the subject of his home life, and his beautiful, ailing wife. I'll never forget that sort of faraway yet intense look he had in his eyes as he softly spoke of her, loving words from a shattered man.
The last time I saw him was... sometime in late 2016, but from time to time I still wonder about him.
A Conversation To Understand The Trauma
I'm a bit too late for all of this, but here goes.
I'm a sex worker, mainly being a sugar baby for wealthy guys and sometimes I do normal escorting.
The one that I found the most sad was this man in his 50s. We met online and chatted a bit and eventually met in person at a cafe. We got along really well, I genuinely liked him. He was a very worldly, fascinating man with a terrific sense of humour. Things progressed where I came around to his house. I was expecting him to want sex, but instead we just talked the night away. That was when he told me about the tragedy in his life. His daughter had died tragically in an accident and his wife left him soon after. Their relationship just couldn't survive the trauma, I think. It's hard to describe the aching grief and loneliness that he felt. My heart broke when I saw all the emotion come bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. Despite all the trappings of wealth that he had he was a deeply unhappy man.
We laughed, we cried, we held each other, we drank too much. We became close friends and I visit him often in my own personal time. He's doing a lot better now, I'm half expecting him to get himself a girlfriend at some point. He's a beautiful man, he deserves it.
Each Christmas Is Last Christmas
Made a throwaway for this cause I'm paranoid
I've done various forms of sex work over the past two years. Escorting, cam work, sugaring etc
One of my regular clients was this 50 year old English guy. Really sweet, funny and very generous. But there was one night that kinda broke my heart. He's married but, according to him, they only stayed together for their kids. Last Christmas, his family had gone back to the UK and he asked me to come over. After we had sex, he just grabbed and hugged me tight for the longest time. It was the first time he ever cuddled me and it was such an affection-hungry action.
Turns out, he lost his job and just felt so alone in his house. I stayed there, hugging him until he wanted to stop.
The Last Daughter's Good-Bye
Did a VIP dance where all the guy wanted was to hold me (naked) like a baby. Before leaving, he showed me a picture of his deceased daughter, who looked exactly like me.
Sometimes, All They Need Is An Ear
I'm a former sex worker. I booked with a middle aged client and we had a lovely coffee meeting before our date. I learned that his wife had passed away a couple of years ago and he missed human contact but wasn't ready to date anyone so he booked in with me.
Our date didn't consist of any sexual contact. He just wanted to cuddle in bed with me in our PJ'S, and talk about his wife. He had nothing but the most beautiful things to say about her. He was crying and I was crying and he just talked about true love and how he never thought he would find it, and how he doesn't know how to keep living now that he's lost it.
It was truly heartbreaking. I've never really dealt with much death in my life; I've certainly never seen someone grieving in that way. I didn't know how to comfort him so I just made tea and listened to him talk for two hours. It was strangely beautiful to know that someone can love someone else like that. I felt so bad for him and his broken heart.
Simply Passing The Time Together
I used to visit a disabled client a while back, kinda young guy late 20's and wheelchair bound. I had a whole gamer thing going on because I love video games so I'd offer to play games with clients, have some naughty penalties if you lose that sort of thing for fun. Clients could bring their own games or I had a list.
I got a message from this guy and he wanted to play games, explained he wanted me to come over because he can't come to me, happy to pay the outcall rates and so on. So I visited and we played some games. He wasn't really interested in the sexy extras to it. He mostly wanted to play games and talk, cuddle etc. It continued like that each time, I'd come over and we'd watch a movie or play some games then maybe do some stuff but not always. He told me that he's lonely and has never had any experience with girls before and most friends he had abandoned him because his disability got worse and he was less active. Now the only friends he has are online in games.
I saw him regularly for about a year and a half. His mother was also aware he was seeing me and was very kind to me. She'd go out when I was there and offer me drinks and snacks. She knew what I was but felt like I made him happy so it didn't bother her. One day I stopped hearing from him, he was a regular client for over a year so I wondered what had happened. Some guys get bored and find a new girl but in this case it seemed out of character.
I went to his house just to see how he was and his mom told me that he'd had an aneurysm and passed away a week later in hospital. It was one of the most saddest experiences of my life. He was a client but I got to know him intimately over that time and he became like a close friend. I even got invited to his funeral and accepted. It was much less awkward than you might think. Everyone was really kind to me and non judgemental despite hearing what I was to him.
What Do You Say?
A paraplegic with traumatic brain injury who lay on the bed and just cried, saying he wished he was dead... how he will never have a girlfriend and has lost the will to live. What do you even say to that?
Edit: Wow, didn't expect this comment to be upvoted so much. Not sure why some people think this guy has no agency into making his own decisions about booking a sex worker.
FYI, many of my appointments actually don't involve any sex. They involve companionship. Almost all involve cuddles. A lot of sex workers are working in mental health, nursing, psychology, etc. and I assume that is because they all are essentially 'caring' professions.
I've also seen clients who suffer from PTSD, one came in to see if they could feel anything from a hug after seeing their best friend killed right next to them while deployed overseas. I've even had a mother regularly bring her autistic son because she thought it would do him some good to be with girls after he turned 20.
I think some people who have commented on posts on this thread have a really misguided notion of what sex work involves.
Just Another Way To Say "Good-Bye"
A husband and wife booked me for a threesome, because having a lesbian experience was on her bucket list. She'd recently recovered from a double-mastectomy and had just been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour, despite undergoing chemotherapy. In a private (fully clothed) moment between the husband and I, he told me "she doesn't have long left..." and the way they looked at each other was so beautiful. Just pure love.
The internet is so fascinating.
Thanks to YouTube and TikTok, so many hours can be spent lost in the world of video.
You pick a simple topic or name to check, and then it's tomorrow... and you've binged every army family reunion story.
And so much time to waste, depending on your keystroke choices.
Redditor imboredaa wanted to discuss all the ways so many of us get lost watching things on the internet, so they asked:
"What are some of the craziest/strangest rabbit holes you’ve ever been down?"
I constantly get lost on talent show audition rabbit holes.
And I am proud!
RestoredSerial Killer Chainsaw GIF by Rise RecordsGiphy
"YouTube videos of old chainsaw restorations. No idea why, but I guess that’s why it’s a rabbit hole. I don’t even own a chainsaw or have a need for one."
"I really enjoy going on a city’s Craigslist, then to 'rooms/shared' (or whatever it is for finding a room mate) and then typing words like 'warning' or 'beware' in the search to see what kind of horror show nightmare room mate scenarios people have decided to write about... it's usually some juicy headline like 'warning!!!'"
"Do NOT rent from this woman!!!! She is a PSYCHO!!….'"
"And after reading it, it’s always a guess to decide who is the actual crazy person, the landlord or tenant. Could be a bitter ex, tenant, or a scam, or whatever. But it’s an easy way to dive quick into some weird corners of the internet that are filled with drama."
After the Ice
"I spent a bunch of time about 12 years or so ago reading about all the details of the Titanic, how it sunk, what happened as it was sinking, who died, who survived. I got into the life stories of the people who died, and what became of the people who survived. And then I very nearly bought a piece of carpet from the Titanic."
"Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition"
"Dumb, then numb, a** thought he could fly a balloon to the North Pole. They had cyanide capsules and all, in case they crashed and were about to freeze to death. Or get eaten by a polar bear during a three month night. He and his assistants somehow managed to do both."
"Plot twist: Andree, the worst captain of all time, noticed the balloon was leaking the night before they were about to leave, pumped it up a bit, and said 'f**k it that'll do.' It did not do."
"An Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Started with 1 and ended up with a 20+ collection."
"Uncle John's Bathroom Readers are so addictive."
Toilet time can be knowledge time.
Living Sky HighCity In The Sky Vfx GIF by PBSGiphy
"Turning old planes into houses! About 10 years ago I found a company that would do it for you. The wings were decks and the plane was mounted to a pedestal that allowed it to be rotate with the sun!"
"Mega tsunamis. Thousand foot walls of water moving at hundreds of mph? It happens more than you would think. The Azore-Gibraltar fault will cause one one day. There evidence they happened a few times in the Pacific. It doesn't take a meteor to happen, it could be an underwater landslide (Doggerland), or a large section of a volcanic island shearing off and falling into the ocean (Oahu). Doggerland is another rabbit hole that is worth googling."
Hitting the Keys
"Mechanical keyboards. I wanted to buy one, so I started researching and watching videos of reviews. I went deeper and deeper, seeing special cables, obscure companies, the tons of switches, etc etc."
"I stopped when a Youtuber I watched made a video asking her viewers and discord users to stop bullying and harassing her for using some kind of switches or keycaps. I bought my keyboard and never went back to that crazy fandom."
In the Sky
"I worked in administration at an aviation academy for a few years and decided I’d start listening to aviation podcasts since I didn’t know much about it. I came across a plane crash podcast that talks about crashes in history and how it improved the safety of flying."
"I was fascinated by it, and found myself gradually needing to know more and listening to more of the same type of podcasts, watching videos, and listening to black box recordings. It was eerie but interesting at the time. Now, I regret it tremendously because since then I’ve developed horrible anxiety when flying."
The Big Questionssteve harvey lol GIF by TV Land ClassicGiphy
"Spent a lot of time in the 'quantum consciousness' rabbit hole. I had just deconstructed from religion and wanted answers about life, death, and reality. It was long before I made peace with not knowing. I spent around a year obsessed with quantum experiments, psychedelics, and the general philosophy of consciousness."
Lives (and chores) can be put on serious hold when you find a juicy enough topic to research!
Well, what rabbit holes have you gotten lost in? Let us know in the comments below.
People Describe The Most F**ked Up Thing They've Ever Seen That Still Haunts Them
CW: Graphic imagery and accidents.
No one leaves this life without scars.
We witness so many awful things on a daily basis.
How could we not be followed by it all?
Messed up things are just part of the deal of living I guess.
One minute you're walking along on a bright sunny day, then boom, you're a witness to a murder.
Or some such craziness.
That's why I stay home a lot.
Redditor Who_Did_You_Expect1 wanted to hear about the things from our memories that still haunt our nightmares, so they asked:
"What's the most f--ked up thing you saw that still haunts you to this day?"
Living through peril is unimaginable. I've been luckier than most.
TragicSad Best Friends GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy
"I watched cancer kill my baby brother. He was in grade school when I was in college. 25 years, and I still see it in my dreams."
Ay Dios mio, Dios mio!
"When I was about 8, my sister and I were walking with my mom to a bus stop to see my grandma in Mexico city. There was a lady on a bike crossing the intersection that we had just crossed ourselves but she didn't stop in time to the next one and didn't look both ways, she didn't have time to stop her bike. All I remember is the lady making the beginning of a scream as a white old muscle car ran over her (bike and all) at a high speed."
" remember the sound it made as it broke everywhere. My mother took her sweater off as she screamed and covered both my sister's and my head from looking, but it was too late. I remember looking at my sister with tears in her eyes, and I was too shocked to react or comprehend what I had just seen happened. A lot of people immediately surrounded the place, and the driver came out of his car and held his head with his hands after seeing the lady on the pavement."
"I didn't look at the lady anymore. I remember hearing people screaming in shock. My mother told my dad later as she cried. I remember hearing her wake up screaming for weeks after this saying: ay Dios mio, Dios mio! Still makes my heart race when I think about it."
"I was a news photographer for a while in the 90’s. I got called out to an accident. A high school girl ran into the back of a semi. As I was shooting, I noticed her wallet was on the ground. It had a plastic picture holder and the wind was flipping back and forth. I saw her prom pictures and shots of her with her family."
"I quit being a news photographer shortly after. I never forgot that day, and it still haunts me."
"I saw the aftermath rather than the actual event. A woman was walking home from the grocery store late at night. She crossed the road without using the crosswalks and got hit by an SUV. The two images cemented in my mind are of her, embedded in the windshield, and the driver of the car standing a little ways down the street vomiting. I've never seen someone look so utterly broken as the way the driver looked. I can't imagine what he was going through."
EverydaySad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy
"When I was 16 I was in a car wreck with my best friend since 3rd grade. I pulled him from the car with a broken shoulder while he was bloody, lifeless, limp. He died within the hour, not long after the ambulance got us. It’s been 18 years and I still think about it every single day."
I couldn't imagine living with that.
I also couldn't move...
"Coming to after getting hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian. Was face down, all I could see was blood soaked road and thought 'f**k, that doesn't look good.' I also couldn't move. The last thing I remember seeing before that was the grill of the vehicle. I still get jumpy when I catch a vehicles grill out of the corner of my eye and I'm not expecting it to be there."
"I'd seen a lot of accidents prior to that, but something about it being my own blood hit different."
"And yes, I had the right of way and was crossing in the proper place, at the proper time. Driver plain a** wasn't paying attention. It was daylight to boot, so no reason they couldn't see me."
"I was volunteering with my k9 working with NYC emergency services and chief Patell during 911 WTC attacks. We were in the middle of where the twin towers used to stand The thick gray dust, horrible smell of burnt things and dead people was all around but when the dogs started to find bodies and body parts it really freaked me out and I will forever live with this reality that seems like a bad dream."
MissingConfused Wile E Coyote GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"A family of four that had burned in a plane crash. I used to do a woodland search and rescue, and we saw a lot of wild crap, but I still have dreams about what I saw when we went to look for a missing plane."
Goodness life is dark sometimes.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down Obvious Signs To Tell If You Have Sexual Tension With Someone
Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.
Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.
But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.
Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:
"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"
Their Undivided Attention
"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."
"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."
The Thrill of the 'Chase'
"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."
"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."
"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."
"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."
Literal Physical Attraction
"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."
Interested or Not?
"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."
"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."
It is, Indeed, ...Tense
"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"
"That's sexual tension."
"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."
"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."
"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."
"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."
"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."
"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"
"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."
"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."
A List of Obvious Signals
"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."
"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"
"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."
"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."
"Playing with hair when you interact."
"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."
"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."
"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."
"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."
"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."
When Someone Gets It Wrong
"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."
"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."
"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"
"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."
Obvious to Other People First
"When other people pick up on it."
Responding to Looks
"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"
"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"
"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"
"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"
"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."
Trying to Keep the Conversation Going
"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."
Looking But Not Looking
"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."
The Classic Note Trick
"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"
"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"
"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"
While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.
At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.