Sex workers see things no one could imagine. There's no way any one person could think of it all. So, when sex workers open up a window to their side of the story, the sad side, it's critical to listen.
WARNING: Some stories are NSFW.
Reddit user, u/deviles, wanted to understand their world just a bit more when they asked:
Sex workers of reddit: What is the saddest experience (client wise) you've had while on the job?
Simply One Night Together
Not my story but I knew a girl who did "rent a night" type of stuff.
Guy asks her if she could come over. Doesn't talk about sex over the phone just if she could come over and to come hungry. She thinks he is into feeding. She arrives at like 6 p.m. pretty early for her work She asks what he would like to do. He just cooks for her. A really big delicious meal. [Later] he starts to open up a [bit.] His wife had passed and always loved his cooking, but he hates cooking for himself
The Best Kind of Life Coach?
I work as a cam girl. There are a lot of sad stories- dead wives, divorcees, etc., but the one that hit me was this guy, we'll call him Steve.
Steve sends me a message during one of my public shows asking to go private. I go private with him after the show and he just wants to talk about my life. No nudity or anything, and in privates, his cam isn't visible to me. So I sit there talking about my life for about two hours at $5/minute and he doesn't say a word. I finally run out of things to say and he is just like, "Thanks. Can I buy your Snapchat?" Of course I say yes, I give him my Snapchat, and he signs off.
The next week, I get a Snapchat from Steve asking if we can private again. I say sure, we do the same thing. He just wants me to talk about my day and random life stories for two hours. We do this once a week for about a month before he asks to Skype (where I can see him). I agree. I still know literally nothing about this person.
It's our scheduled time to Skype and he doesn't pick up the call. I Snap him to make sure everything is okay and he says he's changed his mind, he wants to do our usual thing where I can't see him. I say okay. This time, though, he types to me and I respond.
Basically, he gives me his life story. He tells me that he is an independent software developer (won't say which for privacy reasons) in Switzerland. He's never had a girlfriend and is a virgin. He's 36 years old. He has crippling social anxiety and says he hasn't spoken to a woman face to face (not even via webcam) since he graduated from college. He says that he's hideously ugly and felt overwhelming guilt for even looking at a woman because he felt that it was just unwanted and offensive to her. I tried to just listen and be understanding.
At the end of the conversation, he asked if he could turn on his cam and try to have a conversation with me. I agreed.
He turns on his cam, and he's a totally average looking guy. A bit overweight, but a handsome face and a nice haircut, clean looking. I was shocked and just really sad that he thought so lowly of himself. I told him that he was very handsome and that he shouldn't think so lowly of himself, and we just chatted about life for a few more hours that night before saying goodbye.
The next day, I get a Snapchat from Steve. He says that he felt so good about himself that he finally said hi to the front desk receptionist at work. And she said hi back and smiled. He was thrilled about this normal social interaction.
We didn't video chat again, but he snapped me every time he interacted with somebody. Last I heard, he has a girlfriend.
Bridging The Gap For Normalcy
Had a client who didn't speak much English. Afterwards we were lying down together, I got out my phone and we had a conversation via Google Translate. He told me that his wife had died four months earlier and that this was the first time he'd felt normal since.
You Know There's A Serious Problem When Lap Dances Won't Do
I had a guy I gave a few lapdances too... his buddy took him out because he just got divorced. His wife was the one who left him. He was crying. I tried to give him a pep talk... most of the time I spent was holding him.
I obviously wasn't helping much... a stripper doesn't even come close to replacing your wife of 20 years, especially when you've never been with anyone else.
F-ck. I almost cried too.
Let's Build An (Imaginary) Life Together
I used to be a sex cam worker, I had a regular client who always pay for private time with me. Nothing really did anything sexual for him, he wanted me to dress as a happy housewife and tell him what would be for dinner, how are the 2 dogs and cat (imaginary) doing? What were their names, he would tell me we lived in Italy, i forgot where but he described to me a large house with a pool and all. He pretty much would just fantasy play house with me. I would get really into it and he would always visit me every day.
He was just a very lonely man and seemed to crave for some human affection and interaction. I felt bad when I just dropped out of the job without warning. I do think about him from time to time, I hope he managed to live his best life.
I had a few clients in my hometown & neighboring city. They were somewhat older, more career accomplished women who wanted discrete companionship.
Most of them just wanted to cuddle and talk or listen to music and lay with me. Some liked drugs, almost all of them liked wine. All of them were lonely.
One of my clients was constantly out at parties or business functions, very social & successful, and would contact me after. On Christmas one year she told me that she was previously married, her husband started her business with her before he died. She told me she lived the happiest life with him but that it was too short. I think she was looking for a similar 'replacement' for her husband but nobody lived up to the guy.
Relationships are hard and then we die.
An older gentleman who wasn't a regular came in one day and would not talk to any dancers . Just simply drank , paid the bartender and left . Well after a few consecutive days of coming in he decided to let me spark up a conversation with him. He told me I was a pretty lady and such and he left . Well he came back a day later and I greeted him with the warmest greeting I could and that day he told me had cancer and he didn't have long to live .
His wife died many years ago and he told me his wife wouldn't want him moping around the house being upset or depressed and would have wanted him to remarry and go out . He just couldn't see hisself marring someone else so he decided to just stop in and see some dancers before he died . He came back maybe a week later and after that I never seen him again .
They Fulfill Any And All Desires
I used to occasionally be the safety guy in the house when a friend of mine, who was a dom at the time, would have clients in. She told me the story of this one client who turned out to be a former POW and he paid her rate and all he wanted was to be buckled or shackled onto the cross or somewhere in her space and then left alone. When he frees himself, he'll show himself out.
Easily the simplest yet most fascinating story I heard from her.
There's An Origin Story For Everything
i'm a little late to the thread but - i do online only domme stuff. this includes webcamming, fetish clips, and i used to offer skype sessions and phone sex.
i had a client buy a 30 minute skype show in which he wanted a pretty heavy rejection role play with a lot of verbal abuse. that's not unusual for the kind of clients i get, so i didn't expect anything out of the ordinary. ahead of time i asked if there were any words or subjects i should avoid that might be actually upsetting to him (some clients don't want to be insulted for their looks for example, or someone who was called a certain name as a kid might ask me not to use that word, normal stuff) and he said no, anything was fair game.
about five minutes into the thirty minute show, he started crying. my usual response to this is to not necessarily break character, but verbally have him confirm if he wants me to continue or to stop the show (in the case things go "bad" i've refunded people for their time). he said no, he's okay, and to please continue. after another couple of minutes i checked in with him again, and he decided he didn't want to continue, so i asked if he wanted to end the show and i'd refund for the unused time, but he said that he'd like to remain on cam with me for the remaining twenty or so minutes.
in the remainder of our time he told me his verbal abuse kink came from a sh-tty childhood and that his mother was verbally abusive, and that he contacted me because my voice was similar to his mother's. she'd died several months prior. i sort of didn't know how to respond to that, but he asked if instead, i could reassure him. so for a few moments i ended up speaking as his mother - not in a sexual way, but just telling him he was a good child who didn't deserve the cruel words "i" had used.
we used the entire thirty minutes. i haven't offered skype sessions in almost two years and he's never bought any content from me again but i think about him a lot. i hope he's healing.
i've always said sex work is 50% customer service, 40% therapy, and only 10% actual sex.
Just Trying To Live A Normal Life
I worked in a massage parlor when I was college aged. You made ok money off the walk-ins or the guys they booked for you but the real money to be made was when a guy liked you and made you his regular. I had one client and we just clicked. He had a funny sense of humor and actually had a decent professional life going for himself.
When we started talking though it was crazy how he lacked confidence He as a bit overweight and not particularly handsome but he didn't think any girls would go for him so he visited prostitutes, massage parlors, strippers, etc. I tried to talk to some sense into him but it never worked. We even went clothes shopping, to the park, the movies and other social places just to try to help him get over his anxiety.
I didn't see him or heaar from him in a while and he showed up to tell me he had a minor heartattack. Things went downhill for him pretty quick. We chatted a few more times but he kind of pushed everyone away. I still wonder sometimes if he's doing ok.
An Escape From Reality
I once had a client whose wife had a few years prior been diagnosed with ALS. This particular client also happened to work in the field of medicine, so the realities of his wife's condition were all too real and the whole thing seemed to just hit really close to home for him.
Anyway, during our sessions he always enjoyed talking with me more so than anything else. See, I made an effort to never veer the conversation in any direction he didn't want/that would make him uncomfortable, and also to try to distract him (as that's what he had initially requested) but inevitably, naturally, we would every so often return to the subject of his home life, and his beautiful, ailing wife. I'll never forget that sort of faraway yet intense look he had in his eyes as he softly spoke of her, loving words from a shattered man.
The last time I saw him was... sometime in late 2016, but from time to time I still wonder about him.
A Conversation To Understand The Trauma
I'm a bit too late for all of this, but here goes.
I'm a sex worker, mainly being a sugar baby for wealthy guys and sometimes I do normal escorting.
The one that I found the most sad was this man in his 50s. We met online and chatted a bit and eventually met in person at a cafe. We got along really well, I genuinely liked him. He was a very worldly, fascinating man with a terrific sense of humour. Things progressed where I came around to his house. I was expecting him to want sex, but instead we just talked the night away. That was when he told me about the tragedy in his life. His daughter had died tragically in an accident and his wife left him soon after. Their relationship just couldn't survive the trauma, I think. It's hard to describe the aching grief and loneliness that he felt. My heart broke when I saw all the emotion come bubbling up from somewhere deep inside. Despite all the trappings of wealth that he had he was a deeply unhappy man.
We laughed, we cried, we held each other, we drank too much. We became close friends and I visit him often in my own personal time. He's doing a lot better now, I'm half expecting him to get himself a girlfriend at some point. He's a beautiful man, he deserves it.
Each Christmas Is Last Christmas
Made a throwaway for this cause I'm paranoid
I've done various forms of sex work over the past two years. Escorting, cam work, sugaring etc
One of my regular clients was this 50 year old English guy. Really sweet, funny and very generous. But there was one night that kinda broke my heart. He's married but, according to him, they only stayed together for their kids. Last Christmas, his family had gone back to the UK and he asked me to come over. After we had sex, he just grabbed and hugged me tight for the longest time. It was the first time he ever cuddled me and it was such an affection-hungry action.
Turns out, he lost his job and just felt so alone in his house. I stayed there, hugging him until he wanted to stop.
The Last Daughter's Good-Bye
Did a VIP dance where all the guy wanted was to hold me (naked) like a baby. Before leaving, he showed me a picture of his deceased daughter, who looked exactly like me.
Sometimes, All They Need Is An Ear
I'm a former sex worker. I booked with a middle aged client and we had a lovely coffee meeting before our date. I learned that his wife had passed away a couple of years ago and he missed human contact but wasn't ready to date anyone so he booked in with me.
Our date didn't consist of any sexual contact. He just wanted to cuddle in bed with me in our PJ'S, and talk about his wife. He had nothing but the most beautiful things to say about her. He was crying and I was crying and he just talked about true love and how he never thought he would find it, and how he doesn't know how to keep living now that he's lost it.
It was truly heartbreaking. I've never really dealt with much death in my life; I've certainly never seen someone grieving in that way. I didn't know how to comfort him so I just made tea and listened to him talk for two hours. It was strangely beautiful to know that someone can love someone else like that. I felt so bad for him and his broken heart.
Simply Passing The Time Together
I used to visit a disabled client a while back, kinda young guy late 20's and wheelchair bound. I had a whole gamer thing going on because I love video games so I'd offer to play games with clients, have some naughty penalties if you lose that sort of thing for fun. Clients could bring their own games or I had a list.
I got a message from this guy and he wanted to play games, explained he wanted me to come over because he can't come to me, happy to pay the outcall rates and so on. So I visited and we played some games. He wasn't really interested in the sexy extras to it. He mostly wanted to play games and talk, cuddle etc. It continued like that each time, I'd come over and we'd watch a movie or play some games then maybe do some stuff but not always. He told me that he's lonely and has never had any experience with girls before and most friends he had abandoned him because his disability got worse and he was less active. Now the only friends he has are online in games.
I saw him regularly for about a year and a half. His mother was also aware he was seeing me and was very kind to me. She'd go out when I was there and offer me drinks and snacks. She knew what I was but felt like I made him happy so it didn't bother her. One day I stopped hearing from him, he was a regular client for over a year so I wondered what had happened. Some guys get bored and find a new girl but in this case it seemed out of character.
I went to his house just to see how he was and his mom told me that he'd had an aneurysm and passed away a week later in hospital. It was one of the most saddest experiences of my life. He was a client but I got to know him intimately over that time and he became like a close friend. I even got invited to his funeral and accepted. It was much less awkward than you might think. Everyone was really kind to me and non judgemental despite hearing what I was to him.
What Do You Say?
A paraplegic with traumatic brain injury who lay on the bed and just cried, saying he wished he was dead... how he will never have a girlfriend and has lost the will to live. What do you even say to that?
Edit: Wow, didn't expect this comment to be upvoted so much. Not sure why some people think this guy has no agency into making his own decisions about booking a sex worker.
FYI, many of my appointments actually don't involve any sex. They involve companionship. Almost all involve cuddles. A lot of sex workers are working in mental health, nursing, psychology, etc. and I assume that is because they all are essentially 'caring' professions.
I've also seen clients who suffer from PTSD, one came in to see if they could feel anything from a hug after seeing their best friend killed right next to them while deployed overseas. I've even had a mother regularly bring her autistic son because she thought it would do him some good to be with girls after he turned 20.
I think some people who have commented on posts on this thread have a really misguided notion of what sex work involves.
Just Another Way To Say "Good-Bye"
A husband and wife booked me for a threesome, because having a lesbian experience was on her bucket list. She'd recently recovered from a double-mastectomy and had just been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour, despite undergoing chemotherapy. In a private (fully clothed) moment between the husband and I, he told me "she doesn't have long left..." and the way they looked at each other was so beautiful. Just pure love.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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