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People Who Stayed With A Cheater Describe The Aftermath

Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked: 'People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?'

man hugging woman during daytime

Carly Rae Hobbins on Unsplash

There are a lot of sayings about human nature that address bad behavior in a relationship.

One such idiom is "a leopard can't change its spots." Another is "once a cheater, always a cheater."

But is that really accurate?

Can a significant other cheat just once and never again? And even if they can, is the relationship ever truly healed?


Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked:

"People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?"

Projecting And Gaslighting

"It was super short-lived because of the hardcore projecting."

"Because she cheated, she assumed that I was going to cheat with all my women friends. She became super controlling and didn't want me to have any women friends."

"I ended up leaving because my friendships were more important than a broken relationship."

~ Ookimow

"It's in fact so common that people who baselessly accuse others of cheating are almost always cheating and projecting it on their partner."

"Every time I had been cheated on, this is the trigger that made me realize it was going on in the first place and was easily able to find proof."

"They out themselves."

~ PsionicKitten

"My ex husband tried to get me to go to therapy. And don’t get me wrong, I needed it and should have gone, to get the self-worth to leave his a**."

"But my point was, if you won’t stop cheating on me why waste money on therapy lmao‽‽ It’s like sitting in the ER while someone is stabbing you in the back."

"He swore on everything we had he wasn’t cheating on me again."

"Yeah…..he was the whole time."

~ WillBsGirl

Regrets, I Have A Few

"I really truly believed I would rise from it and forgive him, get over it, and come out of it stronger."

"It was never the same. I lost that trust and I couldn’t get it back. And eventually, I stopped caring to want it back."

"It was a 7 year relationship & although I don’t regret it, I sometimes wish I knew to walk out sooner."

"But it made me realize what I really deserve and it led me to the forever man in my life who treats me so well and loves me and honours our commitment."

~ backandforthlosing

"This got me in my soul!"

"My soon to be ex is not violent, he's grown into a lovely man, just not the one for me after what happened."

"I've just cracked my early 30s so I'm calling this my quarter life crisis and moving on...a lot of those things you have said resonated so much!"

~ Puzzleheaded-Ad-9724

"Reasons for not leaving—Fear, isolation, guilt, not wanting to hurt the person you love most in the world, even though they hurt you. Not wanting to lose them."

"It’s hard to let them go, because you have to let go of a part of yourself too and the life you thought you were building together. It is so hard to accept that it was all just an illusion."

"After some time passes, you try to put what happened at the back of your mind as a survival mechanism, and then your partner assumes that you have forgiven them because you no longer appear to be preoccupied with it."

"Sex also complicates things because some cheaters think that resuming sex equals their partner has moved on and are not upset any longer."

"You keep quiet and bottle up emotions to keep the peace, but at a severe detriment to your mental health and well being."

"This is where I am currently with my relationship. I am just trying to get through one day at a time until I gather enough strength to move forward."

"I too hope to wake up one day and say, 'FUK THIS!' I have known about the infidelity since 2021."

~ lunarmantra

Never The Same

"Happened in 2010, part of a mental breakdown on their side. Stood by and watched my world fall apart with a young child to look after."

"I believe in the vows I took when I got married, especially in sickness & in health. 13 years later, still married, perhaps stronger than ever but it still hurts."

"The pain numbs down over time from a glowing ball the size of the sun to a little pin prick of light but it still burns."

"I’m glad we stayed together, child is now a happy and rounded young lady—enjoying the world and her life ahead of her."

"We are now 26 years together so if any of you are reading this, good can come from bad, life does go on, listen to your heart but don’t ever get mugged off."

~ oldskoolplayaR1

"Caught her in an 'emotional' affair early on in our relationship."

"Both her and him told me it was a mistake and he apologized and told me it was over."

"I believed it all."

"However I will admit that it bubbled up during arguments over other issues because of how betrayed I felt."

"It weighed on me to the point where she told me I needed to see a therapist to get over it. I went to 3 of them over a period of the next 4 years."

"We went as a couple maybe a year after that."

"Flash forward another 2 years…I found the texts and pics."

"It never ended and it only grew. The entire time she told me to get counseling. The entire time we were in counseling together."

"The entire time I worked 2 jobs and 7 days a week because she lost her job and took a year off and I picked up the slack."

"You do not recover."

~ justaguylookinghappy

Tick, Tick, Tick...

"A ticking time bomb."

~ Ratakoa

"Yep. We spent a year trying to recover, then had 2 good years..."

"Then he cheated again... I think in the back of my mind I was just waiting the whole time for it to happen again."

~ naturally_eva

"This! Every single day, this is what's in the back of my mind and yup, waiting for it to happen again and hoping, at the same time, that it won't."

~ ahuh_itzme

"Ex wife was the same. We tried again, but she just had to get back in contact with him… lasted ten months, but only eight before she’d started seeing him again."

"It was a 12 year relationship for us, with most of that married. I don’t think she actually stopped seeing him really, looking back."

"When I started seeing a new girl, my ex wife tried to seduce me! Erm, no."

~ CabinetOk4838

"Shoot, mine never even stopped seeing the other guy. She swore up and down she wanted to stay together and it was all a mistake—so I laid out some very simple rules for moving forward, starting with no more contact with the guy."

"She never stopped."

"To this day I dont know what she was thinking. She just kept on trying to see us both. This was a 10 year marriage with kids, too."

"About a year into the divorce, she straight up moved 500 miles away (by herself), became a drug addict, and her entire life fell apart. Got arrested for felony drug possession etc..."

"Most bizarre complete self destruction I've ever seen in real life."

~ alonjar

If They'll Cheat With You...

"One of my buddies dated a girl once that cheated to be with him. Then after awhile she cheated on him too."

"He was so shocked."

"But I was like, bro, she cheated on someone to get with you. Her cheating on you to get with someone else shouldn’t be a surprise."

~ travworld

The Other Side

"That's not always true. I cheated once. It destroyed the person I love, and it sent me into a 2 year spiral of depression and anxiety that I had to be hospitalized for twice."

"I'll NEVER, EVER make that mistake again. People can learn from their past mistakes."

"That being said, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is true more often than it isn't - and that's quite sad."

"I just won't be one ever again. Absolutely not worth ANY of it."

~ reflUX_cAtalyst

The decision to stay with someone who has broken your trust is an individual one.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there are many happy endings for couples after one partner cheats.

Small Upgrades That Actually Made A Huge Difference In People's Homes

Reddit user Super_dupa2 asked: 'What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?'

Smartphone showing a lighting switch app
Moritz Kindler/Unsplash

Making yourself feel at home takes work but not as much as you think.

Homeowners, for example, are apprehensive about renovations because of how much costs.

Even tenants renting a home can feel like they're stuck in a situation where they don't feel comfortable because of minor inconveniences they think requires major solutions to fix.

Cut to this Reddit thread, where the ideas for affordable home improvement options were shared that may make you wonder, "Why didn't I think of that?"

Curious to hear some tips from strangers online, Redditor Super_dupa2 asked:

"What small upgrade made a huge difference at your house?"

We tend to overcomplicate things when solutions can be simplified.

Taking Charge

"Methodically buying phone chargers with long enough cables to not have to ever move one again."

– ihadtowalkhere

"I am a pretty mellow dad (benign neglect parenting style for 5 kids) but I have two rules. Nobody messes with my bedside charger and nobody steals my two pillows."

"So, as such, I make many, long chargers available for everybody. It costs me a fortune:)"

– nicktam2010

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

"Blackout curtains for sleeping. Such a game changer."

– blehbleh1122

"And they keeps my bedroom cooler."

– BunjaminFrnklin

"Insulated blackout curtains make a 10f difference in my living room on hot days."

– TryUsingScience

A Cool Idea

"Attic heat exhaust fan. Our attic used to get up to 140F on the hottest days, and on those days our ceilings were hot to the touch. The whole house was consequently uncomfortable. Now the attic fan is thermostatically controlled to 90 degrees, and the whole house is cooler."

– jermleeds

"I added a passive whirly bird that does the same thing. Heat rises and escapes before it can accumulate to those extreme levels. It also happens to be clear acrylic so now there's always light up there too which helps keep away any vermin.

– cantwejustplaynice

No major bathroom renovations are required to make tenants happy.

No More Slamming

"Soft close cabinets and toilet seats."

– AreWeCowabunga

"We have a soft close toilet seat at our home and every time I'm at a hotel, I completely forget that they aren't usually soft close and the slam startles me 😂"

– PinkHamster08

Nozzle Upgrades Can Do The Trick

"A better shower. If you can't redo the whole bathroom, just replace the head. This also works if you rent, just keep the old one in a box, so you can bring the nice one to your next house."

– maartenvanheek

"I'm a renter and I finally installed a better shower head this year, after just using the default head in all my apartments for almost 20 years. 10/10, highly recommend."

– Am_I_a_Guinea_Pig

Perfect Welcoming Gesture

"My wife and I own a smallish apartment complex . One of the things we do every time a new tenant arrives is replace the toilet seat. I learned that trick from my parents who had about a dozen single-family rentals. It's amazing the goodwill you receive from a tenant simplify giving them a new toilet seat. We actually put the box behind the toilet so they know it's new."

– YouInternational2152

It's electrifying!

Think Smart

"Smart outlets for Christmas lights, both inside and outside. I have them scheduled to turn on at sunset and turn off at midnight."

– Revolutionary-Try746

"Smart outlets are one of my favorite purchases. During Halloween and Christmas, we’re using multiple outlets for inflatables, house lights, and tree lights. The smart outlets allow you to have everything synced so they all turn in at the same time."

– cppadam

Things Are Looking Bright

"Replaced dated lighting fixtures - fixtures are now properly grounded, the interior looks more updated, and there is more/better light."

– SnooCauliflowers9981

Energy Conservation Option

"Motion activated light switch for the laundry room. Never have to worry about turning off the light when leaving with an arm full of clothing."

– AmazingAsian

Creating an environment can make a huge difference.

Source Lighting For The Win

"Lighting can absolutely make a huge difference in the way you feel in your room. Get some shoulder height (when you are sitting) lamps for your living room. You will notice a shift in how much more relaxed you feel when you use those instead of the overheads."

– ShoesAreTheWorst

Home Art Gallery

"Spending a day mounting my artwork. It felt so much more like my home after that."

– GinGimlet

"Every time I've moved, I put that off for way too long, then finally break down and do it and the house feels so much better to be in."

– Triolion

One major upgrade was our VE hybrid tech water boiler and warmer we got from Japan.

The Zojirushi kitchen appliance uses VE, or vacuum electric, technology for very minimal electricity to maintain the water temperature at a constant 195° so we always have hot water at the touch of a button.

There's no more time wasted boiling hot water over the stove every time we want tea or the occasional instant cup noodles.

Game changer.

man with girl on his shoulders

Brittani Burns on Unsplash

"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine

A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.

But there's always room for improvement, right?

And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?

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woman making the shushing gesture

Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash

Full disclosure at all times with your significant other, right?

Yeah, good luck with that.

Let's get real—there are things we don't tell our partners for a lot of reasons.

Sometimes you just don't feel like having to explain something that doesn't really affect them.

Sometimes you're protecting them from something that will have a devastating effect on them.

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We all have that moment where someone we know says something so completely absurd, the only response we think of is 'WTF is wrong with you?'

Sometimes, it's something woefully inaccurate that you can't wrap your head around the fact that someone believes that.

Othertimes, it's something completely offensive and you regret your association with that person.

My college roommate was a girl I knew from my high school. I didn't know her too well, but we had some big things in common, so I figured it'd be fun to live with her.

This girl was half-Korean and talked a lot about racist people. At first, I let her rant, figuring maybe she or someone in her family faced some racism. I faced some myself, and I agreed with most of the things she said about racists. Eventually, however, I realized she was equating the word 'racist' with the word 'white.'

I spoke to her once, telling her she can't use 'racist' and 'white' interchangeably. She agreed to stop doing that, but within a few days, she started doing it again. She was a very bright girl, so I was a little concerned about this, especially since her own dad was white and was possibly the nicest man in the world. Not to mention, this made her and her siblings half-white too. Did that mean they were all half-racist?

I stuck by her for a while, but when she started saying things about what she wanted to do to racist people (once again using the word 'white' instead of 'racist'), I realized I couldn't be around her anymore. She couldn't talk about anything else after a while, and every time she spoke, I wanted to say, 'WTF is wrong with you?'

We did not room together the next year.

Redditors have stories similar to mine (and some even crazier), and they are eager to share.

It all started when a Redditorasked:

"What did the person do/say that made you go "what the f**k is wrong with you?"

How To End A Friendship

"In college I used to kill time between classes hanging out with a guy who was from the same redneck county as myself. We didn’t really have much else in common, but he was nice enough and seemed eager to socialize so I figured why not. I wasn’t overly social myself and didn’t know a whole lot of people."

"One day we decided to go somewhere off-campus, and he drove us. While driving, on an interstate mind you, he proceeds to show me his handgun that he kept in his truck - not in a menacing way, but in a “Ain’t that cool?” way."

"I was not immediately frightened, but I respect firearms enough to recognize we are going like 60-70mph on an interstate in daylight, and nothing good can happen in this scenario. I calmly asked him to put it away because I was not comfortable in this situation at all. He then tells me “Oh it’s not loaded” and presses the gun to his head before pulling the trigger."

"Thank f**k he was right, but still it was a wild and frightening display of reckless disregard for his own life and mine for that matter in the event that he’d accidentally killed himself while driving us. I didn’t hang out with him much after that, certainly didn’t get in a car with him."

– omjf23

"“It’s not loaded” famous last words of many an idiot."

– GloInTheDarkUnicorn

The Worst Kind Of People

"When my dad was in the nursing home, they weren't running certain expenses, like ambulance rides, through his insurance. When I took over his financials, he was tens of thousands in medical debt that shouldn't have ever been charged to him in the first place. He was in numerous collections, and his credit score was tanked."

"When I complained to the nursing home director, he said, "Well, it's not like he's going to be buying a house or a car!" Then he laughed."

"My dad was paralyzed from the waist down and needed lifelong care, so he was never going to leave the nursing home. Even though he was technically correct, I gave him the "WTF is wrong with you look." Then I complained to HIS boss and he got canned a couple a weeks later. My dad's insurance was fixed pretty quick, too."

– MNWNM

"“Sorry, what was funny about that? Could you please explain.”"

– v3n0mat3

...Seriously?

"MIL told my wife she should divorce me bc I googled whether a lasagna should be covered with foil while cooking."

– Struggle-Silent

"This is my first laugh of the thread lmao wtf."

– koreantrvp

"It actually ruined this entire trip. It was at my BIL’s wedding, which was only close family (siblings + parents) and they had the caterer make a lasagna for an evening dinner."

"Father of the bride was gonna pop it in the oven and asked if it should be covered. I googled lasagna cooking instructions and said yes it should be covered and cooked at this temp. MIL said absolutely not!"

"Me and the father of the bride kinda gave each other a look and he covered it. MIL was furious and texted my wife that I was an a hole and she should divorce me before we had kids."

– Struggle-Silent

Hostile Work Environment

"Boss at old job told the team we needed to ‘get used to a healthy level of conflict, fear and anxiety in the workplace.’ I dipped so fast after that."

– Prestigious-Energy69

"Similarly, a boss told me that I owed him my loyalty because he was paying me."

– Kylearean

How To End A Relationship

"A girl I was with while we were still together just looked at me while I was driving to her house and said.” You know I would get over you faster than you’d get over me” I was like …… Tf did you just say?"

– omega91301

"Huh. And just like that I'm over you."

– Pineapple_Spenstar

"Honestly, that would absolutely do it for me. When I was younger, I would be stupid and hurt and argue. I'm past 50 and I got no time for that nonsense."

– Terpsichorean_Wombat

There Are Other Ways To Stave Off Boredom

"I was DD for some buddies who wanted to go to a particular dance club in Baltimore. They're all hammered, it's too loud and we've been there for several hours. Casually an older woman next to me chats me up and notices my eyes are nearly crossing from boredom. I explained what I was doing there and casually (stupidly) mentioned I'm a bit bored. This psycho BITES ME on the chest! Afterward says "Well ya ain't bored now, are ya??""

– Mike7676

"Well, were you bored after that?"

– DontWannaSayMyName

"I must say, I was not!"

– Mike7676

That Goes Both Ways!

"I'm a man who works with kids, and when I started this job, I was talking to one of my old coworkers about how every once in a while I'll get weird looks for being a man working with kids and my coworker said I deserved it because some men can't be trusted with kids. I was shocked and she went on to say that I did it to myself and deserve to be questioned about it. I immediately stopped talking to her."

– Dolhedew

"What? What in the actual f**k? Doesn’t she know there are women who can’t be trusted with kids?"

– Anonymoosehead123

That Escalated Quickly

"The lady that accused my kids of cutting the line. (They hadn't, I was watching). When I went to ask her what was wrong, she told me to go back to my own country with that sh*t. (I was born in Massachusetts.)"

"The line was to pet dogs at a Renaissance Fair."

– pasafa

Everything All At Once

"While alone with a coworker, he told me that "women in the work place will lead to the decay of the fabric of society" to me. A woman. He also asked me out, got an attitude when I didn't say yes and continues to walk around with huge incel energy. He always complains that he has no one to go home to yet refuses to look at himself as a possible reason."

– Nopeferatu31

"Sounds like they should learn something from the phrase, "if you meet one a**hole, they're the a**hole. If everyone you meet is an a**hole, you're the a**hole.""

– tmpope123

Ouch!

"I told a coworker my wife had died."

"Her response: "You're one of those bald middle aged guys with a dead wife.""

"Me: "Yeah.""

– WalrusCello

"I want to think this was a wholesome thought that came out wrong. An awkward attempt at dark humor."

– ThisUsernameIsTook

*Cringing*

"Had an otherwise normal co-worker who was completely convinced windmills will cause the earth to stop spinning."

– Shadowmant

"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!"

– Torvaun

These are all crazy 'WTF is wrong with you' stories, but that last one blew my mind in 'how is it possible people think that could be true' sort of way!