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People Reveal The Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

People Reveal The Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Relationships can be hard, and it can be hard to tell whether problems with them are because of something you are doing or because it is just a toxic relationship. Many times, it takes someone outside the relationship looking in to see just how bad things have gotten.

A lot of people tend to just blame themselves for things, and normalize negative interactions with their significant other because it comes to seem "normal."

The more you know about toxic relationships and how they come about, the easier it can be to spot those behaviors in your own relationships.

To that end, Reddit user u/Nesrynn asked:

"What are the warning signs of a toxic relationship?"

Walking On Eggshells

When you find yourself doing things not because you want to make them happy, but to avoid them becoming angry.


Avoiding Others

The biggest one I've missed: you find yourself lying to and/or avoiding close friends or family members due to your partner's words or behaviors.

You may tell yourself "they just don't know him/her that well" or "they'd get the wrong idea" but if you feel like you have to hide things from those you trust, it's worth taking a step back and assessing what you're worried they would think—and whether or not they might be right.


And becoming isolated from your friends. They make you question your friendships so ultimately all you have is them.


This is huge. Many abusive partners will lie to your friends and family, make them second guess your character - and possibly even tell them you're being abusive to your partner. They will garner sympathy from new people you meet as soon as you're not around. Soon, you will have nobody except your abusive partner. You're completely isolated and no longer have a support system that can help you realize this.


It's Not Me It's You

When anytime you bring up something that's bothering you, he/she turns it back on you.


I 100% agree with this. Had to be the biggest red flag I overlooked in my first serious relationship.

Any time I tried to bring something up to my ex about our relationship to try and work on it, all she would do is throw it back in my face with a "well you [x]" or "if you didn't [y]".

It would always leave me feeling like the bad guy for bringing it up and that I was just being stupid/ the 'issue' I had was really no big deal.

After a long time of being worn down by this and just keeping everything to myself because I worried that she would just freak out and make me feel like a piece of sh!t, I finally woke up and realized how toxic it was.

This (among) a few other red flags I eventually noticed, led to the break up.

If you are experiencing this with your S/O it is NOT your fault for wanting to talk about how you feel!!. It is a very healthy thing to do in a relationship and is crucial to helping it grow.


Fear Is Never A Good Sign

If you're afraid to tell your partner anything, then you're definitely not in a healthy relationship. Not being able to share things with them for fear of getting 'in trouble' or being judged ...that's a slippery slope, imo.

Edit: apparently it needs to be spelled out that this doesn't apply if you're afraid to tell them about a horrible thing you did, like cheating or murder. I'm not saying being afraid of facing consequences for your actions is toxic. It's toxic to be unable to share mundane things with your partner because you know they're going to twist them on you.


Oh, Poor Me!

Gets angry and tries to play the victim every time you want to talk something out.


Definitely. I've found my biggest red flag in any relationship - not just romantic, anyone from friends to postman - is if they blow up when you try to have a quiet word about something they've done that you're unhappy with. A frequent one for this is if you say "I'm hurt that you did X thing", they'll say "WOW, OK, I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON, APPARENTLY, AND CLEARLY YOU WISH I WAS DEAD."

You can't fix these people, they need years of therapy. Just, keep your interactions with them very superficial and polite.


Communication Should Be Scary

This the simplest one, that I discovered after the fact:

If you feel your phone buzz with a notification and your first reaction is a tightened stomach and caught breath, you're in a toxic relationship. You shouldn't react to communication with fear.


yep. ex had a great habit if bringing up important and negative topics right as I started my day at work at 10am. can't tell you how many times it literally ruined my day over and over before I realized I flinched when he texted me.


Slashing Self-Confidence

Belittling. That's the first sign imo.


Yep often as "jokes" or "helpful advice."


Things like "that's so dumb you should've done ____". Or constantly saying you're too ____ or not ___ enough. I was told I'm too soft a lot and not assertive enough. Which is interesting given how he'd treat me when I tried to assert myself.


Things like making jokes that actually hurt you like laughing at your "bingo wings flapping" or making fun of something you care about.

You cook them a meal they give "helpful" suggestions that are non stop criticisms. In public they "helpfully" tell you your makeup has smudged a tiny bit.

Basically things that hurt dressed up as something else. Often done in front of other people so it's extra painful.


Hobbies Are Important Too

Not letting you enjoy your hobbies by complaining about you doing them, not giving enough attention to them or making those hobbies seem immature, stupid or useless.


This one is so true. I'm an artist, and stopped painting for 2 years early on on my toxic marriage. But, after I left, within less than a year I got a job as a professional artist! Getting out was sooo good for me :)


An Apology Shouldn't Be Your First Instinct

If you have to learn how to apologize when you're not sure what it is you did. If you're always the one apologizing, regardless of what happened or who was at fault. If you feel guilty about not being as sexual as your SO wants, and feel obligated to do things you aren't comfortable with because they want you to. If they hit you, then try to justify it by saying it was "a knee-jerk reaction". If they hit you period.


Emotional Labor

I've had three girl friends in the same sort of "toxic" relationships but not in the sense that you might think. For them it has boiled down to the fact that 100% of the time, they were the ones giving about 90% of the effort and their partner was giving about 10%. Basically, if you are putting in all the mental and emotional labor all of the time and your partner always has an excuse for why it's happening (or wants to placate you without taking action), you are in a toxic relationship.

One friend's husband refused to get a job, because he essentially thought that he was entitled to a job in his field and his pride wouldn't allow him to do anything else. He quit all attempts at "side" hustles like Uber that he started, despite her being very vocal about not being able to support them both. She crunched numbers, she tried to show him graphs, she looked for creative budgeting solutions and stretched their budget as much as she could, but none of it worked.

Another friend's fiance refused to go to couple's or individual counseling. He came up with every excuse in the book like "The therapist I want is waitlisted" to "My shift just changed and I need to get used to it" to "We don't have the money, I'll do it when we can afford it." A week after after "We don't have the money," he presented her with the two-week European vacation package that he was about to buy for them. That proposed vacation was the last straw for my friend. It was essentially the perfect wake up call that revealed how comfortable he had become in their relationship as it was, and how he wasn't willing to do anything but what he wanted to do.

The problem with these types of toxic relationships is that on paper, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd break up over. It's insidious. It creeps up on you and you may not even realize that you're the one carrying the load all the time. It's "Sure honey, maybe next week" over and over. Then you make excuses yourself-"He's tired" or "he works so hard" or "he's such a great guy, aside from this" or "It's not like he's beating me or gaslighting me or being mean to me, I should let this slide." And then before long you're both just...existing. One partner quietly unhappy, occasionally mustering the energy to say "I'm unhappy and I'd like to change this." And the other partner feeling no sense of urgency, disagreeing with the idea that things need to change, unwilling to actually change, saying "Yeah, sure...let's talk about it next week."


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.