People Who Were Considered The 'Weird' Kid In School Share Their Side Of The Story
Children and adolescents are often completely inept at socializing responsibly.
Unfortunately, certain traits were rewarded and others were not. For example, it's easy to interpret loud energy as confidence and humor.
But some kids just didn't have loudness in them.
But in that high school ecosystem, that's no mere attribute.
It's grounds for ridicule.
Redditor blossomb1tch__ asked:
"People who were the 'Weird' or 'Quiet' kids in high school, what's your side of the story?"
From Quiet to Manic
"I had undiagnosed mental illnesses and no mental health support system" -- stealtoadboots
"Same. In my case I was the weird quiet kid in elementary school. From Kindergarten to about halfway through 5th grade, I suffered from selective mutism in school, mixed with severe depression."
"Part way through 5th grade I started to talk in school, but continued to suffer from severe and debilitating depression until freshman year of high school. By high school I wasn't the quiet kid in school anymore."
"At that point Bipolar I made its grand appearance, and, while mania may have made me weird, it did not make me quiet. Didn't actually get diagnosed until I was in my late 30s. Everything made a lot more sense after that." -- librarymania
Hard to Relate When You’re So Far Away
"I had undiagnosed inattentive ADHD so my head was in the clouds more often than not." -- coronaslayer
"Undiagnosed ADHD-PI + social anxiety (almost certainly caused by social rejection by peers in K-8)."
"Not fun. And not recognized until I was in college." -- PyroDesu
"I have ADHD as well :) It was tough at first but I've learned to embrace it to an extent. It's never too bad to live in the clouds, as the ground sucks sometimes. I hope you're doing well <3" -- blossomb1tch__
A Pivotal Discovery
"Had Autism, didn't know." -- [deleted]
"It's not very specific and there are loads of varying symptoms. Why it's called a spectrum."
"But biggest indicators for me at least were strong, unusual obsessions. As in I would get extremely obsessed over a topic that there's no reason to be obsessed about. Some other indicators are trouble making friends or maintaining relationships."
"Sensitive to bright lights and sounds. Stimming (fidgeting). OCD tendencies. Often people get frustrated or irritated with you about your behavior or things you might have said, but you have no idea why they are."
"And the biggest indicator is if you think you might be autistic, you probably are." -- drewisawesome14
Tremors and Tiredness
"Secretly and unknowingly suffering from severe anxiety and depression mixed with a little insomnia to boot." -- perspicacity-404
"Lol I have social anxiety and insomnia, (my sleep schedule is very irregular) for the last two days I didn't sleep and my anxiety was on the top of mount Everest..."
"...I just got a full nights sleep yesterday and the amount of confidence I had today was unbelievable." -- Dry_Ad_7848
Others highlighted an important dynamic.
These Redditors explained sometimes the alienated kid was originally not very different from anyone else.
But one quirk can snowball.
"It's a downward spiral. You get picked on a few times, and don't take it well. After a while you learn to not draw attention to yourself by being quiet and withdrawing. When you withdraw, you internalise more, which isn't necessarily healthy."
A Last Ditch Effort
"I guess I'll share my side. I was frequently seen as weird and bullied for wearing pajamas and not looking put together during school, and just being an awkward kid with poor social skills."
"The reality was my home life wasn't that great, I had undiagnosed anxiety, and I was doing the bare minimum of showing up so people wouldn't think I was dead."
"When I made valentines letters for my class one year I got teased for trying to be nice and it only hurt my reputation more. This made me scared to talk to my peers, emotional and 'quiet.' "
"Thank god I graduated."
"I thought everyone hated me, so I stopped talking to people because I didn't want to bother them." -- biaforeverwar
"If complete strangers (aka kids not even in my class) are spending a disturbing amount of time making fun of you, you tend to think that everybody hates you."
"Source: me." -- shf500
And a few didn’t see their quietness as a problem at all.
They dispassionately noticed their uniqueness, and that was that.
Nothing To Speak Of
"There's not much of a story. I just didn't feel the need to talk as much as other people." -- Asriel92
"I never knew how people could think up new things to talk about every day. I've never had the knack. Plus, I was so nervous of saying the wrong thing." -- BringBackRobotWars
"Yes agreed. I felt a lot of people talked for the sake of saying something but it was nothing of substance." -- toast_with_butt
Eyes on the Prize
"I wanted to go to medical school. I knew I wanted this since I was 6. I was not going to do anything to jeopardize my dreams, so I didn't do anything the other kids did."
"I didn't go drinking at the high school parties. I never did any drugs. I was a good kid."
"The few times I got sent to the principals' office, I was laughed at and sent back to class with no punishment. I caught hell for being a 'goody-two-shoes.' "
"What am I now? I'm a doctor."
"I had nothing in common with the people at my school with the exception of 2 friends. I wasn't into anything that my peers were into or that they felt was important."
"Nothing has changed really."
"This might sound pathetic or possibly creepy but sometimes I felt closer to those people than I actually was. Like I had a small group of friends of course, but I loved observing everyone. And then when they would talk to me the reality would hit me that these people really didn’t pay attention to me at all. I felt acquainted with them and they sometimes wouldn’t even know my name. It made me feel like a slight creep."
"I wish I could say I hated everyone like most of the other people commenting but honestly I was just too socially awkward to really put myself out there. I didn’t care too much for most of the people, but I still wanted to be known by them at least. I’m not torn up over it anymore tbh, it’s amazing how little I think about these people now that I’ve graduated. It’s 100% true what people say about none of it mattering." -- danger_slug
"High functioning autism. I didn't understand social cues or knew how to make friends.I sure as hell wasn't quiet but I was pretty damn weird. Still managed to make friends though." -- Fallowsong
"I was definitely weird, but not quiet. I was like outlier popular. I hung around with all the groups, but didn't 'belong' anywhere. Super lonely till my junior year when I got a car and could come and go as I pleased. I just didn't give a shit about the small stuff. So when people were all into prom queen/king, homecoming court, competing socially, I just wanted to smoke pot and hang out. I still don't sweat the small stuff, which works great in most circles but I have to put on my inner jock hat in corporate situations." -- combustablegoeduck
"I was abused by my family and going to school was an escape from them, only to be attacked by bullies. I eventually learned if I didn't say anything, people wouldn't notice me as much, so I just tried to keep to myself and our small friend group as much as possible. I'm still trying to learn how to meet new people as an adult but I just don't see the point anymore." -- TheGamerHat
This is Me
"Still am the weirdo in the bunch! As a kid I was just labeled a nerd. I had horrible social skills. Now my skills are much better but I still don't pick up on cues like everybody else does so folks find me pretty annoying sometimes. I'm able to confirm.those feelings for them and admit that I'm annoying and it seems to break the ice. It has been like this for as long as I can remember." -- marti924
"I was a super nerd. Teachers didn't know what to do with me and if I answered questions in class the other kids would get mad or the teacher would say I know you know how about a regular student answer my question. By saying that the teacher made me the victim of bullying. I had medical issues so I was super thin and petite. I was abused at home in every way you can almost imagine so I wore long skirts, dresses and sleeves to hide the bruises and the scabs from where my flesh was tore open from the beatings."
"My family thought I was a know it all so I got mistreated. I was bullied from elementary all the way through high school by family and other school kids. Oh many teachers thought I was a cheater because they didn't think a Latina could be as smart as I was." -- WickedMags
I'm doing fine.
"I felt like a misfit and thought no one liked me. Just wanted to go somewhere else. I was much happier in college, where I met more of my type of people, or people who were more open to accepting other people as they were, and had a lot of fun. After college, I met people at work that I had a lot in common with, so I still had a robust social life for an introvert."
"Now, in my 40s, most of my friends are busy with their kids and spouses and I spend most of my time alone again. I'd much rather be alone than be surrounded by people and feel alone. I'm pretty good company for myself and stay busy with work and hobbies. I'm doing fine." -- FranzLuciferdinand
"I was screamed at by my mother every day and told no one would ever like me, in-between being screamed at to make her tea while trying to study for school. Long story short, I grew up believing no one liked me and anything that might be perceived as 'for me' like studying was bad - I grew up being told I was selfish and awful. Still can't focus worth shit bc I'm always looking over my shoulder, but at least I no longer believe everyone hates me. People are at worst impartial. That's pretty liberating." -- Popcorn_panic1
"the cool kids"
"I was weird but I knew it. And the only reason I was considered 'weird' was because i was myself and I didn't try to imitate 'the cool kids' and because I was me, I ended up being liked by everyone, even the 'cool kids.' I was called weird, authentic, goofball, dumb, a good listener. But I owned up to who I was. I never denied it." -- Madogg90
"I am naturally outgoing. That said I grew up in a very religious household, and by the time I got to High School my parents were getting divorced. I didn’t begin to develop socially until I was finishing college." -- Southside_Burd
Mind my business...
"Everyone already had their friend groups locked in, I’d try to be a part of one but I’d get ignored, so I just minded my own business. I had friends up until middle school, and then suddenly it was like I was forgotten about. I just learned to accept that nobody cared about my existence. Then I’d get made fun of for not having great social skills whenever I had to talk." -- SadBeans82
I'm sure if you look back on your time at school you'll remember at least a couple kids just like this.
Or perhaps you were the quiet kid.
Either way, now you likely know a little bit more of the untold story behind it all
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People Break Down Which Bad Movies They Absolutely Love
Cinema aficionados love to enjoy discussing and engaging in debates about their respective favorite films.
While there are many excellent movies in historical cinema, fans also enjoy trash-talking the absolute worst films ever made.
What they don't disclose, however, is the fact that they embarrassingly enjoy campy films and appreciate revisiting them behind closed doors.
Curious to hear about the films moviegoers secretly enjoy and appreciate while being cognizant of the fact that they're total garbage, Redditor HorsesSuck120 asked:
"What movie do you enjoy that you will 100% agree is a bad movie?"
Action movies don't aim to win an Oscar. Nevertheless, there's definitely an audience for them–even the really bad ones.
We Dig That One-Liner
"The Core. I’m paraphrasing here, but there’s a portion in the movie where everyone says it can’t be done; but one guy takes a drag on a cig and says: 'but what if…we could'. The entire movie progresses on that point."
Oldie But Goodie
"Flash Gordon was released in 1980, but re-released this year in 4K. Bad, but in the best way. (And that Queen soundtrack!)"
It Kept Their Afloat
"Deep Blue Sea. I mostly enjoy that one unexpected scene. Check it out!"
"Street fighter with Raul Julia as Bison and Kylie Minogue as Cammy."
"Oh, and a Samoan bloke as E Honda, because 90’s."
From Zero To 60
"Gone in 60 Seconds . Say what you will , but I can watch this everyday."
Campy films will always have a place in some moviegoers' hearts.
Dumb And Fun
"Fool’s gold. It’s a dumb movie that makes no sense but for some reason I go back and watch it at least once a year and enjoy it every time."
Can't Beat Funny
"Accepted. It's terrible and hilarious, has Justin Long at the peak of his teen movie years, and features Lewis Black as a version of himself as a jaded professor. So good."
We Love Ah-nold
"Batman & Robin is certainly a bad movie. I love it so much. It’s worth watching for Arnold and his puns alone. But the whole movie is just campy fun."
Sometimes we prefer the quantity of fantasy and animation films–regardless of quality.
"You know what killed the dinosaurs?"
"The ICE AGE"
"League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It's so much fun and I love the Nautilus."
Wolverine Wouldn't Approve
"Van Helsing. It's Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale ala the glory days of 2004. It's got a 27% on rotten tomatoes,. 6/10 on IMDb but there's something about the dry jokes smattered in what's supposed to be high tension scenes, or scenes of sexual tension. The special effects aren't the greatest but at the same time it also adds to the experience."
Hands down, the worst movie ever made in my opinion has to be the campy 1995 erotic film noir Showgirls directed by Paul Verhoeven.
The trite premise and performances in the unintentionally comedic drama were so embarrassing to watch, but the movie wound up becoming more entertaining for those reasons.
Elevating the rewatchable factor of Showgirls is the DVD commentary by solo comedy performer David Schmader, who leaves plenty of repeatable quotes that are absolutely hilarious.
Highly recommended viewing.
Some people just can't take a joke.
While we often find ourselves making sarcastic remarks amongst our inner circles, which are usually taken in stride, the same type of humor doesn't always go over quite as well with everyone.
Some might not see the humor in it and are easily hurt or offended.
In some cases, they might even get downright angry, making you realize all too late that this is the type of person you should never f**k with under any circumstance.
In these cases, people might have learned too late, but thankfully there are often some pretty telltale signs of when you are in the presence of someone you should never f**k with under any circumstances.
"What is a dead giveaway someone is not to be f**ked with?"
Just Don't Risk It. Ever...
"If you can't tell by looking, it's best not to f**k with anyone."- gregariousnatch
Don't Let Their Focus Fool You
"1000 yard/ disassociated stare."
"Especially when in a confrontation."
"That person is not all there and when they go they will GO."- OGschtinkie
Not As Tough As He Thought He Was
"Dude I used to work with who was absolutely massive got punched really hard once on a night out, unprovoked."
"He simply looked at the dude, smiled a wide genuine grin & said 'why would you do that man?'"
"The guy who hit him did not try for a second punch."- jinxsaysPunch You Oh No GIF by GritTVGiphy
Lighting A Match Around Spilled Gas...
"When they try to diffuse the situation instead of talking sh*t."- SeenY64
It's All In Their Carriage
"There's just a way that some people carry themselves."
"As a tiny nerd in 8th grade I accidentally became friends with a 7th grader from a very rough background."
"That was the moment I stopped being bullied, and my buddy genuinely never did a thing."
"I knew he was involved in some horrific violence, but in the time we spent together, he never put his hands on anyone."
"Basically the moment he turned to the offending person and assumed *that* posture and *that* stare, the argument was over."
"So I remembered that for ever, and now whenever I see people carry themselves like that I assume they're hardcore."- curmudgeonpl
"The biggest giveaway for me has always been someone looking around in a situation where they are about to have to fight."
"A person in their face yelling or posturing at them, and they aren't looking at that person at all."
"But are instead looking over them or around past them."
"That is someone who is about to f*ck another person up."
"If you are ever mad at someone, or shouting at someone, and they start looking past you, behind you, or to the sides, you are about to get f*cked up."- GeneralDisturbedlooking history channel GIF by Endemol BeyondGiphy
Size Doesn't Matter
"Never f*ck with the small bouncer."
"The big guys got hired because they’re big and intimidating."
"The little guy got hired because he’ll f**k you up."- shandragon
When In Doubt, Be Kind
"Spent a large chunk of my teenage years in juvenile correctional facilities and getting into stupid sh*t."
"Between age 14 - 20 I had been in more fist fights than some UFC fighters (quantity not quality)."
"I have nerve damage in my hands and they get stiffer and clumsier as I get older, had to pick up painting miniatures to keep fine motor control."
"I have tattoos to cover the scars at work (IT job)."
"With that I have learned:"
"1: Loud guys are soft guys. They want to be loved and accepted, but start sh*t out of fear they’ll be rejected or as a reaction to rejection."
"2: Cauliflower ear." They probably know what they’re doing.Avoid unless you’re a seasoned fighter or also know what you’re doing."
"3: Smart guys.They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion)."
"4: Guys that walked slow and never broke eye contact. They weren’t afraid of anything and more often than not had a high pain tolerance. Usually pretty quiet."
"5: bulky/muscular guys aren’t always 'good fighters'. But if they caught you lacking - it was lights out."
"Most importantly though - I learned you don’t f*ck with anybody."
"The wirey funny guy always cracking jokes could be the one take you out of your shoes."
"And, some people can just snap."
"The guy that gets f*cked with can be the one that pops and that adrenaline rush gave the burst of strength to suplex you into a concrete bench."
"Be kind to everyone until you’re forced to not be so kind."- VadersbffBe Nice GIFGiphy
They Look Bruised And Beaten For A Reason
"You look at the hands."
"If the knuckles are all chewed up on a big set of meat hooks that dude has punched quite a few things and people."
"Also never fight stupid people."
"They don't know when to stop."
"They will just keep pounding your face until its mush."- punchinthelunch
Beware The Strong Silent Types...
"Those quiet people have a lot bottled up."
"They’ve been through it all in life."
"Don’t be the one to open it up."- Appropriate-Ad-2068
Calm Under Pressure
"Never f*ck with the person who is calmly minding their own business while everyone is freaking out/highly tense."
"That person’s seen some sh*t."
"Conversely, you shouldn’t f*ck with someone who is seemingly nervous in a calm situation."
"They have also seen some sh*t."
"I remember seeing this girl, she was a high-strung mess of a person, who just wanted to sit alone for lunch and chill by herself."
"She literally went to eat outside during the winter bc the boys kept messing with her and picking on her."
"At some point one of the guys tried to grab her arm, and I kid you not, she turned around and automatically beat the sh*t out of him."
"Didn’t miss a beat, and this dude was allegedly sent to the hospital."
"Happened years ago in middle school."
"She was always a nervous wreck, but since then, no one messed with her."- rzrbladessSucker Punch Fight GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy
Most Idioms Come From A Place Of Truth
"Usually quiet, calm when confronted."
"The phrase 'the loudest one in the room is the one who is scared the most' is usually true."- Boringdad25
When push comes to shove, and as many people above have noted, it's never a particularly wise decision to f**k with anyone.
Whether or not they possess the telltale signs.
People Explain Which Things Scream 'I Peaked In High School'
No two people had the same high school experience.
Some of us just can't wait to put the years of popularity cliques, varsity jocks, and drama club nepotism behind them, and find themselves flourishing in their college and professional careers.
For others, high school was the greatest time of their lives, and they remain BFFs with their high school friends and would give anything to spend their afternoons chilling at their local hangout, getting drunk under the bleachers, and reliving their senior prom.
With some exceptions, these are the people who have trouble adjusting to life in college, even professionally.
Some might even say, these are the ones who "peaked" in high school.
"What screams “this person peaked in high school” to you?"
Let's Be, Like, Entreprenurial!
"Hey girl hey!"
"'Do you wanna be your own boss babe while working from home?!'"
"And its just a pyramid scheme."- Tyler_origami94Scam Pyramid Scheme GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
Dude, Get Over It!
"I had a conversation in a bar with a drinking buddy years ago."
"The guy kept going on about 'the one that got away'."
"How perfect she was and their chemistry together, how natural it was, how he hasn't felt that way about any girl since, yadda yadda."
"He was feeling pretty sorry for himself and uninterested in meeting anyone else because they could never compare."
"When I asked how long ago it was that she moved away, he said "8th grade."
Reliving The Glory Days
"I graduated in 05."
"I was sitting at a tire shop waiting for my truck to get done and an employee slightly older than me walks up to me and asks me, with no previous interaction, if I played football in high school."
"Wondering where this was going, I responded that I did, but I wasn’t great at it."
"He asked what school I went to, and I told him."
"Then he starts talking about himself."
"How he was 'all conference' and walking me through all of his high school accolades."
"I never asked for this conversation."
"I just sat there wondering why this nearly 40 year old, wildly out of shape, tire shop supervisor was telling me all of this."
"Then just as soon as it started he bid me good day and walked off."
"It was bizarre."
"The best comparison I could make was that he was like the manager 'Dan' from the movie waiting."
"That was his vibe."
"That’s how I knew he peaked in high school."- aznukedenzel washington football GIFGiphy
Still Thinking Mean And Cool Are The Same Thing
"Still acting like a typical 'Mean Girl' when they're damn near (or past) 30."- cpsg1995
"Anyone who bullies other adults as if they were still in High School."- pkeit32
Not Something To Brag About...
"Bragging about high-school hookups in their thirties."- SuvenPanBragging Season 2 GIF by The BoysGiphy
"My ex stepmother constantly bragged about being a cheerleader in high school and winning a beauty walk (in a town of like 500 people)."
"She was still bragging about these the last time I saw her."
"She was in her mid 40s."- jewelsforfools
In Case Anyone Needed Reminding...
"One guy I knew literally got our school emblem and mascot in a huge 'CLASS OF 2010' tattooed on his shoulder."- Empowered_Jackfruit
Same Old, Same Old...
"Regularly reposting the same picture of the one notable moment that they had in high school."- MissingDartsSad Book GIF by HollyoaksGiphy
Taking Others Down To Pick Yourself Up...
"Ridiculing the hobbies of others to make yourself look good."- littlebubulle
But Are They?
"'These are the best years of your life' on repeat."- Spirited_Tadpole_508
When Life Is Still A Popularity Contest
"Almost 10 years after high school a guy asked me if one of my friends 'was popular in high school'."- satirevaitneicsBut I Cant Help It That Im Popular Mean Girls GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"The people that ask you to join those MLM schemes selling body wraps or the like."
"Anyone that has a 'salt life' decal on their car when they live nowhere near the ocean or even a salt mine."- Static_Discord
There's nothing wrong with holding on to special memories of days gone by.
But growing up is part of life, and people who choose to keep living in the past are missing out on so many wonderful new discoveries life has to offer.
Women Reveal How They Really Feel When A Close Friend Confesses They Have Feelings For Them
Relationships -- any kind of relationship -- can be difficult to navigate. This is especially true when the nature of your relationship changes, or at least your feelings do.
It can be daunting when one person in the relationship starts to look at your bond differently... when one friend begins to view another in a romantic way. What happens then?
The women of Reddit have shared their stories of what happened when a close friend of theirs confessed to having romantic feelings for them, and as always, the stories are all very different.
Curious to find out more, Redditor Necessary_Produce515asked:
“Women, how does it make you feel when a close guy friend admits he has feelings for you?"
Lose A Good Friend
"uncomfortable. because 9/10 times, the friendship dies after they confess their feelings to you. especially if you start dating someone."
"I ruined a friendship with a good woman over this. Sucks. You want to shoot your shot because it could be awesome . . . . But you end up making it weird and uncomfortable for the woman. Especially if the woman is magnetic and they get hit on all the time it can really mess up a friendship."
– Deleted User
A Little Advice
"This is only from my experience but --"
"Women: You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends. You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends. You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends."
"If you want a guy friend, then you need to treat him like -other guys- treat their guy friends."
"It's not 100% accurate -- there are definitely guys out there that can do the guy as a girl thing, but for the most part, if you treat your guy friends like you do your girl friends, they will catch feels. They will misinterpret your emotional bonding as more -- especially if you are the more physically touchy type -- and it will end badly since he will feel that you were "leading him on.""
"Men: You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends. You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends. You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends.
"Do you let your guy friend lean his head on your shoulder? Do you let your guy friend hold your hand casually? (no shame for the guy friends who do - in fact, you probably don't have this problem since you can separate romantic and platonic intimacy) Do you listen to your guy friends talk about their feeling for hours on the phone?"
"Guys getting "signals": Look at how your friend treats their girl friends. Is it the same kinda stuff that you are interpreting as signals? Is it the stuff that is making you have feels? Grow up. Let your friend know that you have to step away from the friendship; or at the very least, let them know that *action is normally something you reserve for romantic partners and to please stop *action."
If You Wanna Be My Lover...
"I think what happens before this declaration matters a lot. Like have you both been flirting a little and does she seems receptive? Have you hung out at all just the two of you? Has she chatted with you about her romantic feelings for other people? If the answers are yes yes and no, proceed and things will more than likely go pretty well."
"I think in my personal experience, it's worst when it's completely out of left field, like you genuinely had no clue until that second. This happened to me and I just kind of agreed to go out on the spot because I liked him as a person and wanted to give it a chance. It was a bad relationship for both of us and ended with a lot of hurt feelings, and honestly it was my fault for not having more of a backbone about it."
"It's definitely awkward though, especially if you don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone feel unworthy or unwanted."
"What I'm getting from this thread is that the Spice Girls gave out some really bad advice in that song"
What Happens After
"Asexual aromantic here. Before I realized I'm aromantic asexual, it was confusing to me. "This person likes me and I see no problems with this person, why I don't like them back?" If course, no one has to return feelings no matter their sexual or romantic orientations. Anyway things got much easier when I now can immediate dumb people: "Sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship." Which I know is true."
"It's the aftermath that makes it or breaks it. If the guy gets what I say and returns to the platonic relationship, that's cool. However, there have been also those who do hear what I say, but they just... keep hoping. And that gets really exhausting. :/ There have been people I had to cut out of my life because they got in stuck in "what if she actually changes her mind" loop."
Rarer Than You Think
"I think I'm the only woman this has never happened to."
"You're not the only one!!"
It Doesn't Have To Be Hard
"I agree with this! I always try to be considerate in the way I respond, and I do my best to behave normally around them to send the message that it's okay for you to have told me, I don't think less of you, I really value you, it's not awkward, etc. I don't feel like other peoples' feelings toward me are a burden in any way UNLESS:"
"*They're pushy and try to convince me to give them a chance/won't accept my desire to be platonic without lashing out"
"*They won't stop talking about it and can't return to normal. I understand needing to talk about your feelings, but I'm not the appropriate person to discuss it with."
"*They completely disappear. I see a bunch of people talk about distancing themselves, and I'm okay with that as long as its communicated to me! Otherwise I am going to feel like you didn't actually value our friendship. And that circles back to the whole issue of women feeling like men are just befriending them out of romantic/sexual interest rather than genuine friendship."
"I'm still friends with several people who have had feelings for me in the past. I think we value each other and I don't feel like they're hanging around to shoot their shot or anything."
"Likewise, I've had crushes on male friends many times in the past and have behaved the way I expect them to behave toward me. If I shared my feelings and they didn't reciprocate, then oh well. I behaved normally and moved on. It wasn't always quick and painless, but it also wasn't something I let myself dwell on."
Or Can Lead To A Happy Ending
"I married him…"
"The best partners are the ones you are friends with first, so I was thrilled when my friend opened that possibility with me. We are now married."
"With other friends I have politely declined and we have returned to the friendship with no problems whatsoever."
"Not everything has to be a big deal."
Not All Black And White
"Depends on the guy, if I'm single at the time, and how he says it."
"If I'm in a relationship and it is in any way other than past tense fun story type of thing that came up naturally (as in like asking why they did something dumb in college and they are like "because I had a crush on you and was too shy to be alone with you" type of deal), I'd be pissed."
"If I'm single and think he's cute/don't think dating him would drive me crazy I'd probably feel flattered and ask him on a date right then."
"If I'm not into him I'd feel bad at first, but tell him I'm not interested and would rather just stay friends, but if he doesn't drop it I'd probably get annoyed and stop speaking to him."
"All this is assuming it is said respectfully and I don't feel trapped, if the guy was setting of my internal alarms in any way that would probably be the end of the friendship though."
The Other Side
"“Now I gotta deal with this”"
"Yeah we do too, I assure you."
"Listen I understand this is a perspective from the other side, but the amount of times we as straight men are expected to just shut off our emotions and be platonic, especially when we have to go to school, or you’re friends with our friends, where it’s unavoidable, is frankly a little absurd."
"Yeah it f*cking sucks. Compassion seems to be in a cup with a hole in the bottom for things like this I’m sure, but we’re also expected by women and other men to be aggressive about stuff so we’re being pulled in two different directions. Be assertive and lead and initiate things. Also be able to disengage immediately on request. Eventually we figure it out but it is hard."
"On one hand believe me if we could turn that switch off we would. But we can’t. It’s very uncomfortable. If we could avoid you for a long enough time for the feelings to go away we would do that too. I have definitely done that and low and behold I’ve had women complain about not being their friend anymore."
"It’s extremely frustrating."
"and by all means if someone is a jerk about it or is too aggressive yeah, I bet it sucks. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. But we’re disappointed too."
"It's awkward. I never really had guy friends, and the first one I had told me he liked me even though he knew I was engaged and had met my fiancé. I am still cordial on social media if I interact with him, but I don't see him in person anymore, as it just became weird."
"Yeah… someone like that is kind of scummy. To try and develop an emotional rapport with someone who’s in a relationship/engaged/married is f*cked up and kind of speaks to what kind of morals that person has."
Ouch! That is awkward!