"Involuntary Celibate," or the sliver of human society--composed almost entirely of men--that delights in blaming the inability to find romance or intimacy on other people.
It is a community defined by anger and outsourced hatred toward women. The supportive negativity is seductive and difficult to separate from.
Some do manage to leave the niche forum behind. By sheer will, natural maturity over time's passing, or new experiences that illustrate personal worth, these men come out on the other side with healthy relationships and a positive approach to other human beings.
Reddit, one of the very internet spaces where the Incel Community established its footing and pedals its ideals, has some other more positive corners.
One thread was stoked with self described former Incels. These Redditors are beaming with gratitude for growing out of that way of life. They shared their hindsight views about their former selves.
A Fedora Fugue State
"Oh god, high school me wore fedoras and believed my 'superior intellect and science-based social theories' were too much for everyone and that I was really a James Bond type with my knowledge of various fields."
"Turns out I was gay as f*ck but so deep in the closet my zip code was in Narnia, not really that smart in anything but too ADHD to focus past basic knowledge of anything and in a desperate need of a new wardrobe."
"I remember when I first found the incel community, it was actually a pretty helpful place. It was more of a support group for people who were unattractive, socially awkward, etc."
"Then the toxic masculinity started to creep in and took right over, as everyone knows."
"New job with great people, I started to do different things. Played hockey for the first time at thirty. Joined the group for a couple of travelling tournaments where we got absolutely Vegas type plastered for weekends in different cities."
"Job is very much a hang out and chat type job (security), so talking with the women on the team on the regular starts removing the air of mystique I had built around them."
"All and all, I ultimately blame a World of Warcraft addiction that held me back in my early twenties to my late twenties and just missed out on those socially formative years."
Revenge is Tempting
"I hated everyone because all of my experiences with people where being bullied, I started being bullied at 4 and it didn't stop until the middle of high school."
"The forums where full of people thinking the same, it made me feel secure, like I was right. I didn't have to walk the hard way to improve myself, they told me I could just let go. Nobody will ever love you so why try?"
"So I stopped showering, stopped eating, stopped caring for myself."
"At the time I didn't see that would I have just showered girls wouldn't have been disgusted by me. I hated immigrants, gay people, women, handsome guys. Everyone I saw as more accomplished then me."
"It was a hard time getting out of this mindset, but eventually I made it. Turned my grades around, made some friends and went to therapy."
"When I see incels or people like that I just can't hate them, they are in pain and struggling and need help. Depression is one hell of beast and some people lash out in anger."
"So when I look back at my old self, I really just want to give him a hug and tell him everything is going to be ok."
You're Not Ready Until You're Ready
"When I finally did get out there and start having relationships it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I realized that I had previously felt like an incomplete person because of my inability to connect with anyone, and that was holding me back from other things in life."
"Like I thought nothing else was worth pursuing because I hadn't properly entered adulthood yet. I kinda wish I'd just got on with it and pursued my other interests a bit more."
"I don't know why I had to wait. Maybe it was depression relating to me being lonely."
What are Friends For?
"I was a being of pure hatred. I always thought it was someone else's fault. Even though I have had sex since that time, I think it's important to know that having sex isn't what vindicates you."
"Inceldom is a state of mind which requires strength and sometimes outside guidance to overcome."
"One of my friends essentially gave me a proverbial slap to the face on the subject and told me exactly what to do and how to become a more better person."
"In conclusion, I look back with regret and sorrow, for all the people I hurt and made uncomfortable, because I know there are many."
A Transactional Mindset
"I never really considered myself an Incel at the time (mostly because I'd never heard the phrase) but I was very incel-ly in high school, I was the type of person who would hold a door open and then wonder why girls weren't falling into my lap."
"Turns out high school me wasn't that attractive and 'nice' isn't a personality. I fell very much into the Chad n' Stacey's frame of mind for a while."
"A lot of things changed really, but mostly I just grew up. It's a super childish view of things and just doesn't take into account that the people around you are...well people."
"If someone held a door open for you, you wouldn't throw yourself at them. It's about the maturity in relationships."
An Incel of Yesteryear
"I am SOOOO glad I had my teenage years in the late eighties & early nineties before the internet, let alone social media."
"Ultimately I had to sort myself out. But if I had had access to the sort of Incel stuff online around today, I fear I would have lapped it up with a spoon."
"A very large group of like minded people telling me it isn't my fault?!?! I can stop moping and start hating? Fantastic! I'm in! I would have been able to celebrate my status instead of reflecting on it and changing it. I'm sure I'd have been more than tempted."
A Pedestal is not a Human
"I despise that guy. He's an embarrassment to me."
"Somehow, it never occurred to me until I had sex that women are literally just normal people like you or I. They laugh, they swear, they fart, they sh*t, they even (gasp) enjoy sex!"
Kindness With No Agenda
"The first, and most important, concept that I learned was that women aren't sex dispensaries that you deposit 'nice coins' into and get sex in return."
"They have to choose you. I still kept doing nice things for girls because that's the way I was raised, but I removed my expectations for getting anything in return."
To Get Out of Your Own Way
"I looked back and realized how many times girls showed an interest in me and I didn't notice or I self sabotaged without realizing what I was doing."
"I eventually learned to get out of my own way but I'm still working on not pushing away people because I'm scared if I don't reject them they will reject me, kind of thing..."
A Literal Jolt to the System
"I was depressed, underweight, socially isolated... I never got fat or super into gaming as is stereotypical, just worked a lot, hung out with my dog, smoked way too much weed, and just sort of forgot how to interact with women. "
"One big event was buying and learning to ride a motorcycle at 27- sort of shocked me out of my routine, opened my eyes to the fact that life was not a downhill slide from the adrenaline filled days of 18-22, that new experiences were waiting to be had."
"Eventually I met a woman that I just couldn't bear to have the usual "flirt until I awkwardly distance myself" experience with.
"I forced myself to not to my mind wander when we talked, I powered through all anxiety to call and text her daily, I even eventually would do crazy stuff like get dressed up nice and go to dinner with her -not something I could have ever seen myself doing at one point."
"So I'm married now, still have some issues, but very happy."
"It's a bit like empirical science. A lot of useless speculations disappear like morning mist in the sun, when you apply 'try and fail again and again until you have some degree of success.' "
"It takes practice to be a human being, and some people postpone their practicing indefinitely. A big problem is that some people believe what THEY think other people think of them, i.e. they live in a prison built and maintained by themselves."
"It's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. You expect that you deserve a girlfriend (probably don't at that point because everyone starts out bumbling and inept, the girls too), then get rejected and are surprised and angry and hurt."
"So then you expect to get rejected and give off an angry, rejected vibe which kind of scares females (and maybe rightly so). That vibe keeps women away and you take it as further proof of your predicament."
Was Always Training for a Global Crisis
"Came to realize my faults and am working on them. That said, it is hard. People take for granted the mental wellness they get from being in a relationship. Nobody is entitled to a relationship of course but the human mind and body still needs it."
"I find it funny that a lot of normies are going crazy in quarantine when that was my life pretty much for the past 5 years."
A Sleeping Giant
"I was that one that you often see that thinks he's so ugly and short that he can't get a girl. Turns out I was gay and my jealousy of "Chads" (didn't know any of the lingo but still) was attraction to them."
"Once I acknowledged that and came out I've been able to have plenty of sex. I'm still not a 10 but I do well enough for myself. I've also done stuff to improve my confidence level like dress better, grow a beard, style my hair. I used to work out a ton too before corona closed my gym. I wasn't happy and did the mental legwork to change it."
Seeing Through the Institution
"I had been pretty heavily indoctrinated religiously and i just felt women were inferior in every way. Luckily this was when i was younger and I honestly grew out of Christianity before i grew out of hating women."
"Whenever i finally got over it i realized my hatred was all from jealousy and i came out as trans. I had been driven so deep into the closet for such a long time and it really sucked."
A Helpful Axiom
" 'If you met an arsehole today you met an arsehole. If everyone you met today was an arsehole then everyone you met today met an arsehole.' "
"Made me realise I was/ had the problem."
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
When you're working with kids, you never know what you're going to be dealing with on a daily basis. Are you going to have the delicate sweethearts, opening their hearts to learn?
Or are you going to be dealing with a sinister group of bee wranglers, who have suddenly set up a black market bee ring througout the school?Yes. That's a real thing that happened.
"Teachers of Reddit, what was the worst thing you had to confiscate from a student?"
Something can leave a lasting impact you think about for years after the fact without actually being physically or mentally scarring. Sometimes it just makes you question why you're doing what you're doing.
That's Not How That Works
"I had to confiscate hand sanitizer from a student who decided to drink it to get drunk and threw up EVERYWHERE."
"This actually came up in a chemistry lab. One guy heard sanitizer had alcohol in it and you could see his eyes light up. The teacher had to calmly explain why he'd probably die/get violently sick."
Thank You For Being So Hurtful And So Honest
"My wife is a teacher and one of her first graders brought her 2 hard seltzers because her mom said they’re good after a long day and she deserved them"
"Aww that's pretty sweet actually, even if inappropriate."
Remember that bee story from earlier? This is that time.
These stories are peculiar, odd to say the least, but mostly harmless to those involved. Unless you're a bee.
Black Market Bee Sales?
"When I was in fifth grade there was an active market in live bees."
"Some kids figured out that the weight of the average fifth grader briefly stepping on a bee, in the grass, would stun it for about a minute without actually killing it. They started going out in teams to scout bees on the field, stun them, and carefully scoop them into plastic sandwich bags -- they'd then sell them to other students who'd release them in classrooms to waste class time and scare people."
"You could get honeybees for 25 cents apiece. Bumblebees and yellow jackets cost more. Teachers and school admin started cracking down on this -- teachers literally confiscated live bees in plastic bags from students when found, and they eventually had to start having someone watch the field to catch students in the act."
Take It Off The Stove
"My mom has had stories about what's she's confiscated from lower elementary aged students (K-3). The usual prank items like woopie cushions, sure. But one time a student was playing with this weird box. The box was locked. So she couldn't put it in the confiscated bin. She put it on top of a cabinet. About an hour later, it starts ringing. Furiously. It took some doing to get the box open."
"Turns out, this kid's parent was a professional chef. So the kid had grabbed every timer in the house, set them for the max amount of time, locked the box, brought it to school, and played with it so it would get confiscated and ring loudly. Whole class erupted with laughter and screaming. A true agent of chaos"
"Preschool teacher here. I had to convince a 4 year old that his mom's wedding ring should go into a special box on the front desk instead of on the finger of a six year old girl he had a crush on."
"Later he brought in his dad's car keys, and a bottle opener."
We Found Nemo, Everybody
"The weirdest one was definitely the fish in a vase they found during locker checks. It was in an unassigned locker someone had added a lock to. Inside was a live Betta fish in about as large a vase as you can fit in a locker. Fully decorated. Someone had clipped a little book light to the top of the vase presumably so fish wasn't in the dark all the time. No one claimed to know whose if was or how long it had been there so it lived in the coaches office for at least that year."
Everybody Is Going Nuts
"A dead squirrel."
"I taught preschool at the time."
Kids are dangerous psychos, aren't they? Deep down? We're just meant to think they're innocent so we won't notice they knife they're about to stick in our backs.
Planning A Heist?
"Most dangerous: a knife from an 8th grader."
"Most annoying: different school than above, but a wifi jammer and a USB killing device from an 8th grader."
This Is Why We Shouldn't Give Kids Technology
"Not a teacher, but a bus driver. I had to confiscate a 5th grader's cell phone a few days ago, specifically because he was showing hardcore porn to first graders with it... Lots of phone calls that day..."
"My school banned 1st grade - 5th grade from having phones because the 4th/5th graders would constantly show hardcore porn to the younger kids... I'm starting to see a pattern here"
Ah, That Explains A Lot Of These Stories
"Penis shaped glass pipe with weed still in the balls/bowl. Mom asked if she would be getting it back or if the school was keeping it."
It's not your child, we promise. It's everyone else's kid that's bringing dead squirrels and phone porn to school.
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Abduction remains to be a horrific crime that can typically happen to women and children.
Curious to hear from those who lived to tell their distressing stories, Redditor mind_guardian asked:
"For survivors of attempted kidnapping. How did you escape?"
The following Redditor had very close calls.
Spontaneous Escape Plan
"Guy at a club and his mix of friends was insistent about coming back to a party, I politely declined. Didn't think much of it. They got increasingly aggressive about it, to a physical extent, and I left. Walking back home, I realized they were following me in their car."
"Dashed down the road through the mid-path of a packed apartment complex and just started yelling like crazy."
"No one actually responded or poked their head out or maybe they just didn't hear me. But it sparked the escape reflex of the creeps and I hid in a bush until my heart slowed down. Jumped the fence of someone's property -risky in its own right- wandered through a field, avoiding the main roads, and circled back to a side-street to home. Lucky I knew the area better than they did."
Offering A Ride Home
"I don't know sure what this was, but i was riding my bike home alone, cutting through a deserted middle school and high school parking lots during the summer time. A man in a station wagon pulled up and offered me a ride home. I never stopped pedaling, just said no I'm fine."
"He pressed several times saying he could fit my bike in his car, it was no big deal. I kept saying no. He gave up and left. Don't know if it was just a genuinely helpful guy (this was the late 70s or early 80s so it wasn't yet completely extinct practice that strangers might offer each other rides) or a potential kidnapper."
Up In The Treehouse
"My mum was always paranoid someone would kidnap us kids from the yard. We used to play outside while she worked from home, we were 10, 8 and 6 at this time. She paid our neighbours teenage daughter to sit in the yard and watch us. Mostly she just ignored us and read a magazine with her headphones on and Walkman playing, but she was nice to us. I remember thinking this was stupid and mum was right there anyway so why did I 'basically a teenage' need to be babysat lol."
"One day we were all up in our tree house being jerks to our babysitter and unplugging her headset cord while she was trying to nap. A man and woman came into the yard via the side gate. They started talking to my youngest sibling trying to get her to climb down. The babysitter screamed for help but no one came. She ended up throwing the ladder from the treehouse over our back fence into her own yard and made us all climb into her yard with her dog who was going insane at the fence."
"We ended up locked in her house and she called the police. My mum didn't hear any of the commotion from inside the house and she won't speak about it even now that we are all adults. Never complained about my babysitter after that though."
The Creepy Customer
"I don’t remember how old I was, just that I was small enough to fit into the kids seat on a grocery cart. This was the early 90s and my mom had taken me grocery shopping with her. I was sitting in the grocery cart while my mom was focused on picking out produce only a few feet away when an older woman swooped in between us and started pushing the cart away quickly. I recall her smiling at me and trying to make me feel comfortable while also making the 'shh' gesture with her hand."
"I did not feel comfortable and started making enough noise to alert my mom. She ran over and loudly yelled at this stranger that this child was hers. The most chilling part that I still remember was that she didn’t flee the scene and instead made a comment about how cute I was and calmly walked away. Before she disappeared down an aisle she took one last look at me and winked."
People who were actually abducted talked about how they got out of their situation.
The Elderly Hero
"It was the 90s in SE Asia. I wasn’t old enough to go to school yet so my grandma took care of me while my parents were at work. My grandma had a little convenience store and one day 2 men approached her. One was in his 30s and the other was an old short man with white hair. They were carrying those hand weave basket pig cage."
"They asked my grandma if I was for sale. She told them to bugger off. While my grandma was distracted, they snatched me and I was carried away. I was kicking and screaming until they knocked me out. One of the neighbors saw me and alerted my grandma. My grandma rode her bicycle down the main street looking for me. She argued and threatened them to get me back."
"If it wasn’t for my grandma and her stubborn fierceness, I wouldn’t be here. She passed away in 2016. Love you and miss you grandma."
"My wife told me that when she was just a teenager, she got in a cab and the cab driver just abducted her. He didn't take her to her destination, instead he took her to a hotel room. She was really scared but she kind of started playing along a little and pretended that she was interested and into it. Then he lay down on the bed, and she said something like 'Oh, I'm hungry. Can we order a pizza first?' and the cab driver said okay."
"So she picked up the phone, while she was dialing he wasn't paying attention so she disconnected the cable. Then she said, you know, I think the phone is broken. Let me go to the front desk to tell them, and I'll order the pizza while I'm there. So he says, okay sure."
"She went to the front desk and told them what was happening, they called the cops, the cops came and hauled him away."
Fighting For Life
"Was drugged at a small town bar, went to the bartender and asked what drink she had given me. She recited what I had ordered. I told her I asked because I'm not feeling well suddenly and it was like the world was spinning on its head. I sat at my seat because she said she hadn't seen anyone near my table/drink. Cool, whatever."
"It's getting worse and I feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life. I don't really remember what happened but a guy had led me outside and we were getting in a car. I remember hearing 'bracele' and seeing handcuff clink on my tiny a** wrist. My first response was scream, kick, anything. I already felt like vomiting and pooping so in my panic of scream and writhing around (drawing a LOT of attention from a closed car apparently) I stopped for a second and hear 'finally you b*tch' before I vomited all of the back seat, myself, and I threw myself forward to cover him as well."
"At this point I had no control between vomiting and screaming as loud I as could to vomit more, my drugged self was like 'it can't get worse for me' and I literally pulled my pants down and shat as my body saw fit. Guy never left the parking lot because of the commotion I raised."
"I remember hearing people banging on the windows and the guy freaking out, so I started screaming 'help' the best I could. The guy was arrested and charged with attempted kidnapping and drugging me with meth and fet that they found on his person. Blessed be the big man 'mike' who carried my vomit poop cover self to the gym (next to the bar) where they let me shower and change."
The Ultimate Betrayal
"My best friend tricked me into hanging out with her after I moved to another coast to be closer to her. Once I got there she introduced me to her 'friend' then slipped out of the house. When i asked about it he laughed and said 'you really thought she was your friend? She owes me money and you’re her payment. I’ve known about you for months. None of this was coincidental' then proceeded to pull up pics of me and conversations between them two."
"After a lot of initial crying and begging I told him I needed to go to her house to get my stuff and my phone. He told me he would get me all new stuff and I didn’t need it. Why would I go back to her. I immediately told him that he was right. I didn’t wanna go back to her. That he really saved me from her cause what kind of friend would sell me to someone. I told him that he was gonna take care of me and I knew that. I just needed my phone to let my parents know I was okay and wouldn’t see them for a bit or they’d get worried and file a report."
"After much convincing he agreed to let me go to her house around the corner to grab my stuff and come back. I took off running once I got around the corner. Had to take 2 busses and 2 trains to get home. I haven’t had a close friend since."
These Redditors recalled making a run for it before anything bad could happen.
Declining An Invitation
"When I was 8 years old (f) I had just moved to a new house that was directly across the street from the school I would be starting in just a month or two. I would sometimes go to the school and play by myself for a bit. One time I was headed back home when I was approached and surrounded by a group of boys in their early teens. They told me to come hang out at their house. I shook my head and tried to run home but was blocked. The second oldest pulls out a $20 and tells me that I can have it once we get to their house. I think for a moment and decline again but am blocked again from leaving. My heart is racing and I keep looking longingly at my house."
"The boy with the money holds it out to me and says to take it and he'll give me another $20 at the house, it's in his wallet, he forgot it. The oldest chimes in telling me I would be able to buy a LOT of candy with that money. I hesitate, and start to reach my hand out to take the money and then see my chance to run between two of the boys and escape. They yelled and tried to grab me but I made it home."
"I saw some of them on occasion but I always stayed far away and they seemed to have forgotten about me. I later learned that the house they were trying to take me to belonged to a drug addicted mother who was rarely home and her son's just did whatever they wanted."
"I was 12 and some guy was walking towards me after school. He said, 'Hey there kiddo, You remember me, don't you!? Mom told me to take you home!' I thought, 'B*tch, that's the oldest trick in the book!' My parents told me if this ever happened, one thing I could do was run to the nearest adult and yell 'Mom, Mom' or 'Dad, Dad' So that's what I did."
"A teacher was walking into the school and I said, 'Oh Dad, there you are!' The guy got TF outta there. I explained to the teacher why I did what I did. We didn't get his plate number sadly enough."
"It Only Takes A Second"
"When I was very little my dad took my sister and I on a river camping trip for a few days. We got to the little rural town at the end of the river where a buddy left our truck and trailer at the boat launch for us. My sister was old enough to sort of help dad with loading the boat (hold rope so it doesn’t float away while we back up etc) but I was too little to really do much so I started wandering around looking for stuff. I found a dead bumblebee and I really loved bumblebees so I decided to bury it in a little grave to pay respects. I found a patch of flowers near the edge of the boat launch, by the woods. I’m crouched down, completely absorbed by my trying to make a little cross for a headstone out of two twigs and a bit of grass, when suddenly I hear my dad’s deep, booming voice scream."
"He was a good ten yards away from me but it was so loud I could feel it in my chest and I jump and spun around towards him. He is already halfway to me, running. His face looks scary. He looks so mad, so focused, and he’s looking over my shoulder instead of at me. I run over to him, no idea what’s happening but scared that I’d at least get in trouble if I didn’t go over to him right away. He picks me up and puts both me and my sister into the truck to finish loading by himself."
"Apparently a man tried to take me. I never even knew he was there. Dad caught sight of him just as he began lunging towards me and scared him off. I wouldn’t have known until I was already gone if he hadn’t been so aware."
"Watch your kids, it only takes a second."
A Convenient Tool
"I was about 7 at the time, and at that time i thought it was cool to carry a pocket knife, well, one day i was riding my bike, and a man knocked me over covering my mouth, i grabbed my knife and stabbed him in the side and ran inside crying."
Listen To Your Gut
"I was 19 walking to work in the early hours of the morning in winter. I knew someone was following me for a little while and I was just praying I was making it up. Suddenly all the sh*t I have even been taught about self defence came forward. He grabbed me and pulled me."
"There was a moment when I turned to look at him and he laughed and it was at this point I pissed my pants. I was walking as close to the road as I physically could without being on it and I pushed my head down and then threw it back as quickly as I could."
"He fell and I ran in the middle of the road with my armsout screaming. Flagged down to cars. It was a very scary moment in my life and taught me a harsh lesson. Listen to your gut, even if you've done something 100 times if you don't feel safe you're not safe."
These and hundreds of other examples on this Reddit thread reflect the sad reality of the horrors of the crime that still happen to this day.
Hopefully, what the survivors did to flee from their traumatizing situations can be a useful reminder to always stay vigilant, whether it is for yourself or your children.
And when all else fails, always scream and fight for your life before the situation can get any worse.
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Budding chefs know a thing or two about what makes certain dishes taste so good.
Interesting points were brought up when Redditor onegrayhair asked:
"What culinary hill are you willing to die on?"
People shared cooking tips and how some foods should be prepared a certain way.
"Nachos should be built wide not tall."
"I hate when the chips at the bottom don’t have all the cheese and toppings, but the chips on top have too much. Balance is key to a great plate of nachos!"
Jaws Have Limitations
"We need to make burgers wider not taller."
"If I have to disassemble a burger to eat it, it’s missing the point, isn’t it?"
Just Let It Stew
"Homemade chili is almost always better the next day."
"And most soups and stews."
Add Some Zap
"Worcestershire sauce can work magic."
"Being poor isn’t a culinary crime. It takes talent to make cheap food taste as good as my mom did."
People had plenty to say about rating recipes.
"When you're baking from an online recipe, don't change three or four ingredients "to make it healthy" and then leave a one star review about how bad it is."
"Don't leave a 5-star review on someone's recipe while saying 'This was a great recipe... after I made these 10 changes!' At that point, you're not rating that person's recipe, you are rating YOUR OWN recipe. That person's recipe must not have been so good if you had to make so many changes."
"Also, don't leave a 5-star review on someone's recipe while saying 'This recipe looks great, I can't wait to try it!' Why skew the ratings when you haven't even tried it yet?"
Snobbery Is Tasteless
"Being snobby about food to the point where you're hindering someone else's enjoyment is not a positive personality trait."
Taste Buds Don't Lie
"If it tastes good it tastes good."
Some questioned others' capabilities in the kitchen while others straight up forbade them from doing something that is unfavorable.
"People who hate cooking with stainless steel don’t know how to cook with stainless steel."
There's A Dress Code
"DON’T WEAR YOUR APRON INTO THE BATHROOM."
"I've called people out for doing this. It's disgusting. This isn't a hill to die on, this should be common sense. People be dumb."
"I had to call a girl out again for putting a container of raw meat on a cold station."
"She complained that I 'always call her out on that.'"
"Yeah no sh*t, you're the only one tryna catch state health code write ups.'
"e/ she saw the post and I made her cry, oops."
Don't Interrupt The Cook
"Get out of the kitchen if I'm cooking. Out out out I don't want your help."
Not All Salads Are Good For You
"I live in the Midwest, I love the Midwest but just because you call something a salad does not mean it is healthy and an acceptable side dish to your main course. Snicker-marshmallow-mayo-whatever is not salad."
I don't consider myself a cook, but I do pat myself on the back for some of the dishes I do know how to make well.
One of those is Japanese curry. And while I can't keep from serving and eating what takes at least an hour-and-a-half to make, I do find that my leftover tastes infinitely better the next day.
I make a HUGE batch of curry sauce so I can continue enjoying it for the next few days. There's something about leaving it in the fridge and heating up portions at a time that really activate the spices.
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Adulthood has been pretty nice, I have to admit. I quite like it. But it isn't always easy and some lessons are more difficult to learn than others.
It's so important to learn how to budget, for instance, because being an adult can get expensive. Between rent, food, utilities, and other odds and ends, you'd be shocked how quickly money flies out the window. Understanding this (and keeping an eye on your finances) pays dividends in the long run.
But that's also assuming things go well or smoothly – unexpected expenses arise and those come with their own consequences.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor FrequentPilot5243 asked the online community,
"What is an adult problem no one prepared you for?"
"All your young life..."
"Lack of purpose. All your young life you are given a purpose of passing exams and learning, then all of a sudden you are thrown into the world and told to find your own meaning."
There is something to be said about how much of childhood was demarcated by time. You lose those markers as an adult and that can be a big shock.
"You can stay up..."
"You can stay up as late as you want. But you shouldn't."
Yep, better not do that on a work day. You'll regret it, trust me.
"I didn't know..."
"I didn't know that other adults have the emotional intelligence of teenagers and it's almost impossible to deal with logically."
Try working customer service sometime. You'll deal with these people all the time. I don't miss those days.
"No one really talks about..."
"Almost all of your friends won't be life long. No one really talks about how common it is to lose touch with people or grow apart. Most of your life will be spent either making new friends while losing old ones or being alone."
This is true and we all go through it. I have already gone through it several times.
"Being able to do..."
"Being able to do so many things because I'm an adult but too tired to do any of them."
It's amazing how much having to work sucks all your time and energy from you.
"You are held to account..."
"You are held to account for bad behaviour for which you are negligent even if you had no intention to cause harm. As a lawyer, I see this all the time. People don't think they're responsible for mistakes. You are."
This is a big lesson to learn and it's probably important to teach young children that they don't get away with their mistakes so easily.
"The intricacies of workplace politics."
This is a big one and can be a big culture shock the first time you start working. Not understanding workplace politics can make your life more complicated than you'd like.
"Figuring out what makes you happy. Everyone keeps trying to get you to do things you're good at, or that makes you money, but never to pursue what you enjoy."
Unfortunately, so many of the things that bring people joy aren't necessarily the things that will make them money, and that really gets to the heart of unjust our system can be.
"I always thought..."
"One adult problem nobody prepared me for is how expensive everything is. I always thought that as an adult I would be able to afford the things I wanted, but it turns out that's not always the case! I've had to learn how to budget and save up for the things I want, and it's been a difficult process."
Learning how to budget properly is a valuable lesson. Those who don't learn it have a hell of a time as adults. It's harder than it looks.
"You may have heard..."
"You may have heard from your older relatives that when you get older, it'll be your turn to take care of them. You never really understand just how much it takes until you're in that position."
As someone who has done it, it was perhaps the most difficult thing i have ever done – and there was little, if any, support. It's a big wake up call.
No one ever said life is easy. Hopefully learning, accepting, and anticipating some of these struggles will make your life easier.
Have some thoughts of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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