Chances are quite a few of you are/were Spongebob Squarepants fans. So you've likely seen the episode where Spongebob and Patrick "steal" a balloon and feel so guilty about it that they turn themselves in to the police - only to find out it was free balloon day and they turned themselves in for doing something perfectly legal.
That doesn't happen in the real world, though... right?
Reddit user Lockii asked:
Yeah it turns out it does actually happen - and the circumstances around it aren't always as funny as the free balloon day episode. In fact, they can sometimes be quite sad.
Burned Bridges
Had a drunk guy that burned his bridges with the temporary homeless shelter. Went to the hospital and got discharged and had no where to go. He kept telling me to take him to jail, but I didn't have a crime so I couldn't.
He got so pissed off because I had no other way to help him that he charged my coworker and wouldn't leave the property. I finally took him in for trespassing and assault.
Almost
I wasn't thrilled when I got a call from a grandmother saying that she almost, ALMOST left the oven on when going to Walmart for Christmas shopping. I politely told her that if no illegal trouble or acts were done then it was completely ok, She replied along the lines of "But it could've been very fatal, I should be arrested." I once again told her everything was alright and greeted her off.
Warrant Check
I once was in the office when someone came to the window and said he thought he had a warrant. We looked into it and found out that yes, he had a municipal warrant.
We went out and informed him that yes he had a warrant and we would take him in to custody. As we went to handcuff him he started to fight with us, with all of us ending on the ground. I was pretty baffled as to the whole situation.
Yes officer, I'd like to know if I need to be arrested but please don't arrest me if I do
Taking Pics
Giphy
Had someone come to the front desk to "confess" that they had taken pics of a few kids on the bus, and got the stink eye from the kids' mom. Person was afraid Mom would call it in first and she'd be arrested for...something.
Pic taker was an elderly lady who liked the kids' shirts and wanted to buy some for her own Grandkids but knew she wouldn't remember what the shirts looked like. Karen was having none of grandma's explanation though.
A Non-Existent Cigarette
Somewhere there's a great video of two teenagers who took Datura (a legal plant that causes hallucinations) and ended up turning themselves in to the police station because they were tripping too hard and couldn't handle it.
The cops put them in their own room and monitored them with cameras.
They passed a non-existent cigarette back and forth for like an hour.
Dude... This Is Amsterdam
Dutch police here. I once stopped a couple of American tourists for some small traffic violation. Like most times with tourists I just wanted to explain the situation and send them off. However these guys were really nervous and sketchy. One guy kept looking like he was about to run and started sweating. When I was calling some info in I saw them whispering and trying to secretly pass something between each other behind their back from the corner of my eye. My first thought was that they were trying to hide some weapon or whatever. The way how they did it spooked me for some reason. So I quickly pushed them against the car and the situation went grim and serious fast.
But turned out he was trying to hide one joint. And I looked at him and was like... "dude... this is Amsterdam... are you stupid?"
- RCL_D
Imagined Enemies
My buddy was a paranoid schizophrenic and walked into a police station then demanded to be arrested in order to protect himself from his imagined enemies.
That's Tom
Sometimes when I was in college my friends and I would go walk around downtown. It was nearing Thanksgiving time and my friend Chris and I were walking past a Hotel that had a nice bar in it and decided to stop for a drink. As we passed the side of the building to get to the entrance where the bar is there was a man full on passed out in the bushes.
Chris and I both looked at each other and I know we thought the same thing because we both told each other "That guys dead!" We then walked into the Hotel where a local police officer was there for some other reason and we let him know about the guy in the bushes.
The police officer just sighed and said, "Yeah. That's Tom. He does this because he's homeless and wants us to take him to jail or the hospital so he'll have somewhere warm to sleep."
Red Light
Giphy
Had a lady come into the lobby crying her eyes out because she thought she had ran a red light. Asked her if she actually did or not and she couldn't remember. She then proceeded to stick her hands out so I could cuff her. I had to explain. We don't arrest people for red light violations and even if she had she would've only gotten a ticket.
ER Security
I got arrested for reckless endangerment when I was 18. Went to court and worked something out where I chilled with the arresting officer at the hospital from 10p to like 3 a for 4 Friday nights. He had security for the ER during those times.
Homeless man came in and started saying his wife was there. He'd leave and come back proclaiming the same thing but couldn't answer any questions. Finally the cop was like, "Are you just looking for somewhere to sleep? Want be to just take you to jail? "
It was January. Homeless guy said yes. So they left.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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