Animals are weird. They just are. And the more time you spend with them, the more you begin to realize they each have unique personalities, talents and ... shall we say "quirks."

What we're saying is if you own a pet, you're going to end up at least once staring as your pet does something ridiculous and asking "What is wrong with you?"

My partner, kids, and I have always loved animals - so we've pretty much had a small zoo between us. My partner grew up with peacocks and emus (both of which are species deeply loathed to this day.)

Lots of animals means lots of chance for weird. We've had a fish who liked to play ping-pong and be pet and a dog that insists on holding hands while hanging out.

... and then there's Optimus Prime.

He's a 90 lb pit bull that makes Marley from "Marley And Me" look like a zenmaster. He likes to get high on CBD (he knows where it's kept and steals doses) and then let himself out and sunbathe. Yeah, the dog likes to wake & bake. If he were a human, he'd listen to a lot of Phish and smell like patchouli - guaranteed.

But that's not his most "inconvenient" trick. That award goes to his ability to open doors. Doors of all kinds. Gate? Front door? Sliding door? Cage door? None of it has been able to stop him.

When we took him to get neutered, he let himself out of the cage at the vet's office to visit all the other animals... and maybe to pop into exam rooms while the vet was seeing other patients. Thankfully, our vet is used to our "interesting" pets.

Still, that wasn't his most bizarre adventure.

A few days after we adopted him, he let himself out the front door, walked down the street, found an unlocked front door, let himself into a neighbors house, ate their treats, played with their dogs and helped himself to a nap on their couch. We got a phone call from a very confused neighbor wondering why our dog was just casually hanging out in their living room.

So yeah... awkward way to meet the neighbors.

I imagine they sat around watching the Ring doorbell video of a giant dog opening their door, closing it behind himself, and basically throwing himself a puppy frat party with a look on their face like:


Reddit user abasicgirl asked about weird pet behaviors and started a thread you absolutely don't want to miss.

The people who responded kept us laughing - so here are some of our favorites!

Squirmy Wormy

My dog is fascinated by worms - he doesn't eat them or anything, but he gets totally hypnotised by their wriggling and can stare at one for literally hours. 🐛

Usually after he picks up a girthy branch and there are some underneath. So he just stands there with the heavy branch in his mouth for minimum 20 minutes. There's probably something wrong with him but it's hard to tell because is dog

- squibbolata

The Rug

When I was a kid, we had this big area rug in our living room. One day our dog kept trying to lift the edge with his nose like he was trying to get under it. As soon as anyone walked in the room he would stop like he got caught doing something bad.

So one day, I spied on him from the stairs and realized what he was trying to do. As he lifted the edge of the rug, he started rolling it up. He kept going until the rug was completely rolled up. He then proceeded to get on it and hump the living sh!t out of that thing like it was his last day on Earth.

I busted out laughing which spooked him and he darted out of the room.

- fart_fig_newton

The Lying Faker

My dog's understanding of the 2 window system at fast food drive thrus is that the person at the first window is a malicious no-food-having lying faker a-hole, then the person at the second window is a genuinely nice person who has food. She HATES the person at the first window.

She will be her happy go lucky self until we pull up to the first window to pay. As soon as we pull up, she turns her head away and scowls. She refuses to even look at the jerk in the first window. When I pull away, she immediately goes back to being her happy self.

- opkc


One of my cats (who sadly passed in 2016 at the age of 11) when he was like 1 or 2 years old went outside of our garden, he was gone for 4 hours and he came back without his collar. About 5 minutes after he came back he leaves again, and he's gone for another 2 hours, he comes back with his collar in his mouth, and drops it at my mums feet.

- SilentBandit

Cat did the walk of shame and realized he forgot his underwear and had to go back and get it.

- Hock3y

It Fits

My parrot sticks his beak up my nose and just sits there (he's a smaller parrot, so it fits. Ugh.)

- Squigglybong


My cat will shove her dirty poop burying paws into any open glass of water and then... nothing, that's it. She doesn't drink it or lick it or anything. Drives my wife up the wall.

- ArsenalOwl



My grandparents have a massive staircase in the middle of their house. It had a little landing in the middle. We used to bring our dog over to their house because he was best buddies with their dog.

Well, one day my dumb dumb dog decided that he was going to climb to the landing of the stairs and then jump down on top of their dog. He wasn't chasing anything or whatever, he was just being a jerk.

Luckily both dogs were both pretty small (no more than like 25lbs) so there were no injuries, but I still think about that little moron every time I see that landing. I miss him.

- FreddieGregg

Green Beans

I don't know if it's bizarre but my cat loves green beans. I'm talking like I buy a bag of green beans and she knows I have them before I even walk in the door.

She acts like a puppy who hasn't seen me in years when I have them, begging me and jumping on me until I dump them into a bowl for her to then sort through them and find the perfect green bean. She then picks one out with her teeth and will toss it around the house for herself like it's a live rat.

She doesn't eat them. Just throws them around the house to play with until it's dead enough that she wants a new one then will howl at the fridge until we let her pick a new one out to play with.

Okay, I guess it's pretty bizarre....

- datdododough

Play Dead

We tried giving my hamster some medicine because he had a small kidney problem and he faked a death , VERY VERY exaggeratedly, like stuck his tongue to the side of his mouth and going limp.

- Zenyk07

Like A Bat

My roommate's cat clings to the underside of my bed, cutting through the box spring with her claws, upside down. She hangs there like a bat and meows loudly until someone gives her attention. When I look under, all I see is murder eyes.

- abasicgirl

Morning Routine

My alarm went off and I sleepily sat up in bed. My cat who had been sleeping a split second before, suddenly streaked off my bed and out the room. As usual I desperately needed the loo and went to the bathroom. There was my cat, sitting on the toilet seat, peeing into the toilet and refusing to make eye contact. I had to do a credible version of the toilet tango while he finished up and eventually jumped down to demand breakfast as I finally managed to get my own relief.

At least I finally knew why the toilet water was constantly yellow even though no-one else lived there. When I moved to my current home, the new toilet seat was slanted and he went back to using the litter box.

- TwirlyShirley8


Our family's Maltese/Poodle was a sweet, friendly, thing to everyone in the world unless you did us the service of delivering mail. Then you were a monster and she'd bark her fool head off while shredding letters. But it was her perception that blew me away.

One day I ran a chore and invited her for a car ride, something she loved. Her head was on a swivel as she took in the passing scene. Then we stopped at a light and I heard this low growl. What the fu--? Among all the pedestrians on the sidewalk, she had spotted, across the street, a mail carrier in uniform, waiting in a bus queue.

- carmium



Our African Gray parrot, Desi called our Orkin man "fat*ss", and the guy could have been the spokesperson for Bigger & Taller. He only did it once, and it wasn't to his face - but to the guys backside when he was bent over spraying the baseboards.

He also knows when french fries enters the house, and demands tribute.

I could come home, and go front door straight to my office with fries, and he never gets a chance to see me, and I will hear him banging for fries.

- Kukri187

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