Animals are weird. They just are. And the more time you spend with them, the more you begin to realize they each have unique personalities, talents and ... shall we say "quirks."
What we're saying is if you own a pet, you're going to end up at least once staring as your pet does something ridiculous and asking "What is wrong with you?"
My partner, kids, and I have always loved animals - so we've pretty much had a small zoo between us. My partner grew up with peacocks and emus (both of which are species deeply loathed to this day.)
Lots of animals means lots of chance for weird. We've had a fish who liked to play ping-pong and be pet and a dog that insists on holding hands while hanging out.
... and then there's Optimus Prime.
He's a 90 lb pit bull that makes Marley from "Marley And Me" look like a zenmaster. He likes to get high on CBD (he knows where it's kept and steals doses) and then let himself out and sunbathe. Yeah, the dog likes to wake & bake. If he were a human, he'd listen to a lot of Phish and smell like patchouli - guaranteed.
But that's not his most "inconvenient" trick. That award goes to his ability to open doors. Doors of all kinds. Gate? Front door? Sliding door? Cage door? None of it has been able to stop him.
When we took him to get neutered, he let himself out of the cage at the vet's office to visit all the other animals... and maybe to pop into exam rooms while the vet was seeing other patients. Thankfully, our vet is used to our "interesting" pets.
Still, that wasn't his most bizarre adventure.
A few days after we adopted him, he let himself out the front door, walked down the street, found an unlocked front door, let himself into a neighbors house, ate their treats, played with their dogs and helped himself to a nap on their couch. We got a phone call from a very confused neighbor wondering why our dog was just casually hanging out in their living room.
So yeah... awkward way to meet the neighbors.
I imagine they sat around watching the Ring doorbell video of a giant dog opening their door, closing it behind himself, and basically throwing himself a puppy frat party with a look on their face like:
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Reddit user abasicgirl asked about weird pet behaviors and started a thread you absolutely don't want to miss.
The people who responded kept us laughing - so here are some of our favorites!
Squirmy Wormy
My dog is fascinated by worms - he doesn't eat them or anything, but he gets totally hypnotised by their wriggling and can stare at one for literally hours. 🐛
Usually after he picks up a girthy branch and there are some underneath. So he just stands there with the heavy branch in his mouth for minimum 20 minutes. There's probably something wrong with him but it's hard to tell because is dog
The Rug
When I was a kid, we had this big area rug in our living room. One day our dog kept trying to lift the edge with his nose like he was trying to get under it. As soon as anyone walked in the room he would stop like he got caught doing something bad.
So one day, I spied on him from the stairs and realized what he was trying to do. As he lifted the edge of the rug, he started rolling it up. He kept going until the rug was completely rolled up. He then proceeded to get on it and hump the living sh!t out of that thing like it was his last day on Earth.
I busted out laughing which spooked him and he darted out of the room.
The Lying Faker
My dog's understanding of the 2 window system at fast food drive thrus is that the person at the first window is a malicious no-food-having lying faker a-hole, then the person at the second window is a genuinely nice person who has food. She HATES the person at the first window.
She will be her happy go lucky self until we pull up to the first window to pay. As soon as we pull up, she turns her head away and scowls. She refuses to even look at the jerk in the first window. When I pull away, she immediately goes back to being her happy self.
- opkc
Collared
One of my cats (who sadly passed in 2016 at the age of 11) when he was like 1 or 2 years old went outside of our garden, he was gone for 4 hours and he came back without his collar. About 5 minutes after he came back he leaves again, and he's gone for another 2 hours, he comes back with his collar in his mouth, and drops it at my mums feet.
Cat did the walk of shame and realized he forgot his underwear and had to go back and get it.
- Hock3y
It Fits
My parrot sticks his beak up my nose and just sits there (he's a smaller parrot, so it fits. Ugh.)
Paws
My cat will shove her dirty poop burying paws into any open glass of water and then... nothing, that's it. She doesn't drink it or lick it or anything. Drives my wife up the wall.
Wrestlemania
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My grandparents have a massive staircase in the middle of their house. It had a little landing in the middle. We used to bring our dog over to their house because he was best buddies with their dog.
Well, one day my dumb dumb dog decided that he was going to climb to the landing of the stairs and then jump down on top of their dog. He wasn't chasing anything or whatever, he was just being a jerk.
Luckily both dogs were both pretty small (no more than like 25lbs) so there were no injuries, but I still think about that little moron every time I see that landing. I miss him.
Green Beans
I don't know if it's bizarre but my cat loves green beans. I'm talking like I buy a bag of green beans and she knows I have them before I even walk in the door.
She acts like a puppy who hasn't seen me in years when I have them, begging me and jumping on me until I dump them into a bowl for her to then sort through them and find the perfect green bean. She then picks one out with her teeth and will toss it around the house for herself like it's a live rat.
She doesn't eat them. Just throws them around the house to play with until it's dead enough that she wants a new one then will howl at the fridge until we let her pick a new one out to play with.
Okay, I guess it's pretty bizarre....
Play Dead
We tried giving my hamster some medicine because he had a small kidney problem and he faked a death , VERY VERY exaggeratedly, like stuck his tongue to the side of his mouth and going limp.
- Zenyk07
Like A Bat
My roommate's cat clings to the underside of my bed, cutting through the box spring with her claws, upside down. She hangs there like a bat and meows loudly until someone gives her attention. When I look under, all I see is murder eyes.
Morning Routine
My alarm went off and I sleepily sat up in bed. My cat who had been sleeping a split second before, suddenly streaked off my bed and out the room. As usual I desperately needed the loo and went to the bathroom. There was my cat, sitting on the toilet seat, peeing into the toilet and refusing to make eye contact. I had to do a credible version of the toilet tango while he finished up and eventually jumped down to demand breakfast as I finally managed to get my own relief.
At least I finally knew why the toilet water was constantly yellow even though no-one else lived there. When I moved to my current home, the new toilet seat was slanted and he went back to using the litter box.
Our family's Maltese/Poodle was a sweet, friendly, thing to everyone in the world unless you did us the service of delivering mail. Then you were a monster and she'd bark her fool head off while shredding letters. But it was her perception that blew me away.
One day I ran a chore and invited her for a car ride, something she loved. Her head was on a swivel as she took in the passing scene. Then we stopped at a light and I heard this low growl. What the fu--? Among all the pedestrians on the sidewalk, she had spotted, across the street, a mail carrier in uniform, waiting in a bus queue.
- carmium
Rude
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Our African Gray parrot, Desi called our Orkin man "fat*ss", and the guy could have been the spokesperson for Bigger & Taller. He only did it once, and it wasn't to his face - but to the guys backside when he was bent over spraying the baseboards.
He also knows when french fries enters the house, and demands tribute.
I could come home, and go front door straight to my office with fries, and he never gets a chance to see me, and I will hear him banging for fries.
- Kukri187
Stealth killers.
"A polar bear will calmly stalk up to you and start eating you alive without roaring or charging."
"Like how you would just walk across the kitchen to pick up an apple and start eating while going about your day."
"No drama, no theatrics, just murder."- Malphos101.
Polar Bear Food GIF by BBC AmericaGiphyOne way to blow off a date.
"Female dragonflies fake their deaths and crash to the ground and play dead when stalked by an unwelcome lover."- SuvenPan.
Body and soul
"Put simplistically, male angler fish bite into and get absorbed by the female during mating."-tagibear.
They call them "killer whales" for a reason.
"Orcas are one of the very few apex predators of the ocean."
"They’ll actually hunt great white sharks, rip them open and eat their livers (and sometimes heart) as a sort of ocean delicacy."- TheRestForTheWicked.
"Killer whales will slap a seal into the air resulting in them dying from the fall just because."
"Not to get food or defense, but just because they’re bored."- FuzzyRoach642.
Killer Whale GIF by Nature on PBSGiphySomething to keep in mind before kissing...
"Lobsters pee out of their faces."- NotACyclopsHonest.
Something that weird looking can't be real.
"The Royal Society thought that a taxidermied platypus was a prank when they saw the first one."
"Apparently naturalists would frequently send each other frankenstein'd abominations for goofs."- bjanas.
Speedy emasculation
"Camels have specially evolved canine teeth for the express purpose of biting off balls of other male camels- OneNastyJaguar.
wildlife camel GIFGiphy"Let's get ready to rumble!"
"In Tasmanian Devil mating season, the male has to beat the female into submission."
If he fails, the female beats the male up."- bugboyjohnny.
A very brief time on this earth
"The honeybees you see in your yard are in the last 2 to 3 weeks of their lives."- Fit-Environment-8140.
Fascinating facts indeed.
Though, after learning some of these facts, best to behold these creatures within the safety of a zoo or aquarium.
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Getting away from screens
"Social media."
"I worked for an agency selling social media services to clients and I had to learn about it."
"The more I learned, the less I wanted to work with social media."
- GetDownAndBoogieNow.
Round and round we go...
"Roundabouts."
"Based on all the complaints, I assumed they were confusing and unnecessary."
"When my city put in a bunch, I realized that I no longer had to wait 3 minutes at all of the punishment lights."
"Love roundabouts now."
"Of course that didn't stop the older population of the city from trying to have them removed."
"One guy even ran for city council on the platform that he would immediately put the stoplights back in."
"Change is hard, I guess."- AlternatePersonMan.
episode 4 roundabout GIFGiphyMy feet have never been happier.
"I didn't think orthopedic shoes were for me, but I stand corrected." - user deleted
I'm worth more than this.
"Working Hard."
"More specifically, working hard in a corporate environment."
"I like to work hard for things that I own and maintain, my home, my family, my body, my hobbies."
"But I've worked for almost 20 years for big tech companies."
"I've started at entry level jobs and worked up to middle management."
"Support jobs."
"Sales jobs."
"I've made 6 figures."
"What I've noticed is that they want to pay you less and keep training and experience as a reward."
"That is to say, you are not working for a paycheck."
"You are working towards the next thing."
"But they convince everyone to work hard in an entry level position, working unpaid overtime and you might be rewarded with a higher job."
"Statistically, you will not be promoted."
"There are 30 people on your team who all have that same goal and you can't all be supervisor or manager."
"Now, I just work for my paycheck."
"If you would like me to work harder, you can pay me more."
"I'm not going to go above and beyond for 2 years just to get passed over again."- KevinAnniPadda.
Pay Me Bitch Better Have My Money GIFGiphyPumping up.
"Lifting weights doesn’t make you 'bulky' as a woman and is one of the best things you could do for yourself not only in terms of body composition but in terms of posture, activities of daily living, mobility, joint/bone health, etc."
"It changed my entire life."- clauseandpaws.
It's your decision and no one else's.
"Empathy for the choices people make when they are not able to fully control themselves ."
"I.E. addiction, mental health crisis/episodes."
"Having personal experience on both the receiving and giving ends really deepened my empathy and understanding that allows me to have a more nuanced and individualized approach to these kinds of things now."- theoriginalsmore.
If you take a closer look...
"That case where McDonald's had to pay a bunch of money to a woman who spilled hot coffee on herself." - user deleted
Don't knock it till you've tried it.
"Disc Golf."
"All the guys I grew up with that played were huge d-bags."
"Years later a neighbor dragged me out on a nice day and I’ve been playing ever since."
"10+ years."- moarturnips.
Getting the help you need.
"Getting therapy."
"My upbringing is within an asian household so when it comes to dealing with emotions, we tend to shove that into jar and move on."
"I used to think that receiving therapy is for the mentally ill, weak etc."
"I don't have 'problems' therefore I don't need therapy."
"But after recent events in 2021 with certain people I tried therapy and after a few sessions it just revealed some baggage I wasn't even aware of."
"Honestly I wish I started earlier when I was in my 20s."
"I would be more emotionally prepared, and would probably have had healthier relationships with women if I had dealt with the trauma growing up and from my first relationship that devastated me."- Jono-san.
Everything!
"Not sure I can think of anything I DIDN'T change my stance on after learning about it."- RandoKaruza.
It is amazing how your opinion might change on something after a little research.
Or, just by actually doing it.
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