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People Who Have Clinically Died And Come Back To Life Reveal What It Was Like

People Who Have Clinically Died And Come Back To Life Reveal What It Was Like

People Who Have Clinically Died And Come Back To Life Reveal What It Was Like

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It's the only threshold many humans would never willingly cross. Death carries a finality that nearly all other human experiences could not bear to carry. Our only hope before hopping on that one-time ride is to make sure we've done as much as we can in our lives before the final threshold is before us.

But, not everyone greets death once, as evidenced by these answers to Reddit user, r/wookieoncrack, who asked:

[Serious] Redditors who have been clinically dead and then revived/resuscitated: What did dying feel like? Did you see anything whilst passed on?

You'll See A Far Off Dream

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My heart stopped in a hospital. It was rather unexpected. I was watching the monitor hit 41 bpm then 0 and all the lines were flat. I had just enough time to say "huh?" before losing consciousness.

I had a dream that was very short and more disconnected than most dreams. I say confusing but others may say profound. The content was more or less about what was on my mind at the time and some of my interests. Mostly very familiar stuff. There is nothing after really. I can see how people could see their life flash before their eyes or see god if that is what was important to them.

Ndvorsky

You Might Really Crave Some Ground Beef

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Drowned at a public pool when I was 7, woke up a week later @ children's hospital.

Apparently the first word out of my mouth was hamburger. I don't remember anything on how it happened. Sometimes I think I may still be dreaming and never know. Also had to go through some walking therapy, laying in bed for 7 days straight does a number on your muscles.

Hexusnoken

Sometimes, Nothing

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I was really young at the time, I believe six. I didn't see anything but I woke up really confused why I was in a hospital and surrounded by a lot of my family. It honestly felt like I was just sleeping normally I guess. Felt well rested though, which was nice.

I didn't know I had died until I was told and an officer preformed CPR on me for about 15 minutes until I was revived by the doctors. Fantastic man and I wish I remembered meeting him.

rcbiggin

Twice...?

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I died at age 5, twice within just an hour or so. From what I was told I think I was gone for a total of about 5 minutes. The second time I was flatlining they kept trying to revive me for longer then they normally would have. (There's a time limit where they're recommending to stop because the risk of brain damage is too high.) I remember nothing but blackness. I did lose some short term memory due to the experience.

I had gone in early morning to get my tonsils removed.

When I woke up in the mid-afternoon I had absolutely no idea why I was there. Lost several days worth of memories.

hardcoretubbins

"I'm Sorry"

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Got hit by a car on my 5th birthday. I remember what happened before the accident and then I remember waking briefly in the hospital and then blacking out for like two weeks. The before "waking briefly" part was me being lifeless while the doctors were trying to resuscitate me.

There was nothing. No feelings, no senses, just simply nothing. One second I'm waiting to cross the street, the next second I get woken up by an unfamiliar voice repeating "I'm so sorry" over and over again. That's when I tried opening the eyes for the first time. Everything was so white and I couldn't focus anything or even distinguish objects. There was just this shadow of a man standing almost over me and continuously apologizing. I remember saying "I forgive you" and then blacking out again.

There really is nothing and I'm not sure if that's comforting or scary.

Doigenunchi

A Lucid Darkness

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I used to be heavy in to drugs. One wild night when I definitely should have died 10 times over, I sat on a chair excepting death. Like everyone else says, complete blackness, yet a lucid blackness until E.M.T's faces came in to focus.

Until I fully came back 17 hours later, The only thing I could see was a tiny light that very slowly grew in to consciousness. I think it's your eyes dilating that causes the "light at the end of the tunnel"

chudthwack

A Car Crash With Zero Drama

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"Died" in a car crash when I was like 22. Was like I blinked and woke up a while later.

Wish there was more drama and deep meaning but there just wasn't. Didn't even know what had happened.

ThatDarnIrishMan

A Slow Moving Helicopter

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Severe car accident that killed 3 of my co workers, we fell off a 200ft mountain side(was working for a surveying company) I was thrown out the truck and rolled all the way down and only I lived. I was able to call for help on my radio, long story short, I remember seeing the helicopter and air lifting me away and hearing the paramedic say "stay with me, Christian, stay with me." I died and it felt like a dream or I dont even know how to explain it but I remember seeing the helicopter from above but spinning slowly, and I heard a voice say my name.

I saw everything l, past present and future but before I learned anymore I was pulled back to my body and saw the paramedic again saying "I got a pulse" passed out again and woke up in the hospital....

TheMightyTian

Everything Laid Out Before You

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My grandfather was stationed in the South Pacific in WWII. He was cleaning his rifle in a shed which was struck by lightening. He and several others, including his best friend, were taken to the hospital. The MDs pronounced him dead, no pulse, no respiration, etc. His friend was next to him and insisted they work on my grandfather.

He was brought back to life but described the events to my family. He said everything he did in life was played before him and there was a subtle change of color from light/dark depending on what he did. He was a devout Irish Catholic. I find it more interesting that they had already started sending the letter of to his mother and she received one saying he was dead.

My grandfather had 2 brother who she had also received letters saying they were dead. Neither of his brothers actually ended up being dead!

C137Andrew

When Jet-Skis Make You Question Everything

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When I was 12 I got in a jet ski accident. I was unconscious and not responsive for about 30 minutes. The only thing I remember after the accident was waking up in the ambulance with paramedics hovering over me. I don't remember seeing anything in the 30 minutes I was out. Ended up with about 120 stitches in my neck.

My sister told me after they had pulled me out of the water onto a boat. I don't remember that. I don't remember the boat trip to shore and I don't remember being loaded into an ambulance. After the whole thing was over I question an afterlife for the first time in my life. I was raised in a Christian family.

Cartmansclone

Looking Down On Your Body

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I overdosed due to a suicide attempt (this was decades ago and I'm great now) in the ER my heart stopped and I had to be resuscitated. I recall vividly watching the whole thing from above my bed looking down. and even though I was unconscious, I accurately described events and conversations I saw and heard. I'm not religious by any stretch, but something exists beyond this life and I believe that as a fact.

During the events there was no fear, no pain, I just "was" HOWEVER at the very end I remember a thought of "how will I get back in my body" then I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was lying on the bed, back in my body looking up.

DSAPEER

Nearly The Longest Nap Of Your Life

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I didn't even know til I was told. It was as simple as taking a nap.

At one point I wasn't awake, and then I was. At least that's all I comprehended.

[\_celli]1_

Dying Makes Me Mad!

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Donated blood for lupus research since I wanted to contribute to finding out more about my disease. Went to whole foods with my bf suddenly felt ill and faintish, all I remember was my vision going dark, feeling so at peace and then nothing. Woke up to like 5-6 firemen and an AED. when they took my blood pressure and pulse it was 40/60 and my pulse was a 30. I was in and out the entire ride, had the guys in the ambulance pushing fluids through two IVs and one slapping me to keep me awake. Boyfriend is a nurse so he was trying to keep it together the entire time while calling 911 and starting compressions. He said he was terrified, couldn't find a pulse and I had no chest rising.

When I woke up I just remember being really pissed off. Went from a peaceful nothingness to what felt like a punch in my chest. I miss the peaceful nothingness but am grateful he saved my life. That nothingness still f-cks me up though, it was just nice.

ThePancakeTARDIS

A Change Of Life Experience

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My brother had to be revived due to a drug overdose. His heart had stopped and (according to the EMTs) he was dead. He likes to joke around but if you talk about this with him, he is very serious and says he watched them revive him. He's not religious and doesn't have any thoughts about the afterlife but he said he was able to describe the scene to the EMTs after the fact, even though they said he was gone at that point. I assume it's just his brain creating memories but he's confident he saw it.

Amesb34r

Painless Is All You Can Hope For

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When I 'died' it was rather instant. Pulled from an American quarterhorse at full speed, landed on my head. Reportedly, I had grass and dirt crammed down into me throat with no heartbeat and my eyes were going in opposite directions "like a lizard." The last image I saw is burned into my memory. Probably be one of those things I'll remember into senility.

It was utterly painless. I was resuscitated minutes afterwards but I have zero recollection from the moment of impact to 2-3 days later when I was trying to write and found it difficult. My handwriting is still terrible.

I do believe there is something on the other side. I just don't think we teeter on the border of that next place. IMO we don't breathe our last breath here to instantly fill lungs in the next place. Likely just for events like this lol.

GhosTaoiseach

Two Tales

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It's hard to say. When I was revived after a collapsed lung, I personally don't remember anything except that weird feeling of knowing I had a dream but can't remember any of it. As soon as I woke up I had that feeling. I remembered everything fuzzing out to black as I was being taken to the ER, then was suddenly in a hospital room.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, my girlfriend who was revived after she stopped breathing and flatlined described tons of dreamy type experiences. One where she was lost in a field of flowers, which transitioned into speaking nonsense to me and family before falling into nothing and suddenly being in the hospital room. Despite only being a very short time, she remembered what seemed like dozens of dream-like memories and wrote down several of the clearer ones in her diary.

Either way from what we experienced, it's not really scary, there's no walk through memory lane. It's just knowing you aren't breathing, and waiting for the black borders to close in. I doubt many people have tried, but if you've ever tried holding your breath until you pass out, it's that. Of course take this as just our experience with stopping breathing which lead to death. I can't say if any other type of death experience is the same.

[Cynister\]1_

Boats On A River

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Had a gentlemen come in my class talking about cardiac arrest and CPR. We know that religion is touchy in colleges so I sucked it up and asked did you see a light. He said no but he talked about a friend who was watering plants then bam on the ground and woke up in a hospital. The guy said he saw a dock with boats and people in a line. You would step on the boat and it would take you into this bright light. He cut the line and tried to get in the boat but a man held him back saying sorry it's not your turn. He said no that's my boat as a person stepped on that boat and went into the light. He tried to get in the next boat where the man held him back saying no this is not your time, your time will come. Then he woke up.

Being from Minnesota this has to be the most Minnesotan way of seeing the light, boats on a river.

maxd200

The Mandalas Tell You To Return

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Saw a huge burst of mandalas as I was slipping away, but it went to black like everybody is saying.

I heard a voice saying to let go but maybe it was me telling myself that. Then I thought of my parents and pulled myself back. This was during brain surgery

LadyMandala

Time Loses Meaning

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I went to sleep. Black. Then I feel the most peaceful, joyful I've ever felt in my life. Then everything gets really bright. Then I open my eyes. It's the lights from the hospital. I am wearing a hospital gown, in a bed. The nurse says good morning. She tells me Ive been conscious for 2 days, this is the first time I remember waking up, it felt like I'd been gone for a couple of seconds. She tells me I've been there 14 days. The next three days I had three of the weirdest, most vivid dreams I've ever had, my head hurt throughout the day (because I chugged a bunch of pills that mess with your brain)

I remember a little bit how I felt, when it was dark, it felt so good. Unexplainably good. Like everything was absolutely in order, everything is perfectly fine.

OneSillyMuffin

And Sometimes, There's No Answers

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There was nothing. Not a blackness, I mean literally nothing.

It was like I blinked. One moment I was struggling for air, the next moment I was in a hospital bed.

gayestwitchbro

H/T: Reddit

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.