I love the reactions of parents when their little precious one utters its first words; it's like a high holy holiday. Parents can't get over that moment. From the second we are born we're trained to start gabbing. Communication is key in life, and once that milestone takes off, it's all pride and fun... until it's not.
My favorite parent reaction is when precious spits out some naughtiness in public, then parents cower in shame. And I'm like... what'd you expect, that's what you asked for, their using their words. That's you fault.
Redditor u/Great-Plateau wanted to hear from parents about those times kids have left them wanting to throttle by asking... What's the worst way you've been embarrassed by a child?"Lowkey"
If I were a parent I wouldn't teach my kid to speak until they were a teenager. That is an appropriate amount of time for them to learn what is appropriate when engaging in public dialogue. I get frustrated when my dog barks out of line at the dog park or in the yard past sundown so I can't imagine my reaction of a toddler shaming strangers with sass, that they probably lowkey picked up from me.
I'm 5
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I was bagging a lady's groceries and her kid asked me, "why are you so fat?"
My brilliant comeback was, "why are you so short?" To which he replied, "I'm not short, I'm 5."
No Donuts for you!
When my son was six, walking through LAX and he's complaining that I wouldn't get him donuts (running late for our flight).
I'm holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming... "STOP IT I DON'T KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!"
I'm snarling at him under my breath "dude you gotta stop that right now you can't say that crap, that's not funny". But oh no he keeps it up until the cops show up...
Missed flight... everyone staring like I was some piece of crap trying to kidnap an innocent kid.
Did not get him donuts.
Lions Oh My
I don't remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women's rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, "can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?"
I excitedly screamed, "A LION?!?" And flung the stall door open.
There was a big line.
Big Terry
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When I was a kid, I was fascinated by how grown ups went to the bathroom, to the extent that I would demand to accompany any adult so that I might observe their technique.
One day, at my "uncle" Terry's house (so named because he was close friends with my dad, not an actual blood relative), I watched him pee, then ran back into the living room with my parents and proclaimed "Dad! Uncle Terry has a much bigger pee-pee than you do!"
The Stench
I'm a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He's full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling "Eew! I don't like the smell of you!"
I couldn't even laugh it off.
"HaHa"
Now that is a lot of funny, for the single and childless bunch. I can give credit where credit is due, every now and again kids do say the darndest things and they do often espouse some knowledge. But a majority of the time they turn adults ten shades of red. But observation is observation. You just have to stress about utilizing the inside voice. Here are some more examples of championing the "hush."
Ahoy....
My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed "LOOK, PIRATES!"
They didn't think it was funny.
Keep Smiling
My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor's office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son. Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, "I love your shiny necklace, and you're pretty earrings...and your yellow teeth."
The Queen
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My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional Indian dress and stated "piss-ed." The lady probably heard "piss-head", but what daughter was trying to pronounce was "princess."
The Webs...
I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting "is anyone here afraid of spiders?" Once he had everyone's attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders. He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests.
Full of It
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My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may look like it's full of fat. But it's actually full of love. It's both sweet and awkward.
So Emotional Baby...
I had to take my four year old to the doctor and while we were in the waiting room a nearby toddler started crying VERY loudly, like scream crying for whatever reason. My son waits until the other kid stops, does a very dramatic lowering and shake of his head then YELLS "He has problems with emotions huh mom?!?!" Which is him trying to talk the way I talk to him when he's coping with big emotions but good god the way it came out and the volume was... mortifying.
Don't Say THAT!
When my sister was 9 she shouted "white power" while waiting in line at Dorney park. We are Hispanic.
My brother yelled this out at a black owned bbq restaurant. The Clayton Biggsby Dave Chapelle skit had just been released and we were laughing about it at home. My bro thought it would be funny to quote in public not knowing at all why it was funny.
Wow. Really?
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Made myself lunch yesterday, two sandwiches because one wouldn't cut it. My eight year old asked me if I was a bear eating to get ready for hibernation. Sick burn.
It Wasn't Me
When I was 8 years old, I had a girl in my class with down syndrome. I always made it a point to be friendly with her and include her in things, and I even went over her house a few times. Halfway through the year, she would make up these bizarre scenarios and stories, and would drag me into them for some reason.
The teacher would constantly call me out in the hall, and have these "meetings" with me about things I wasn't even involved in or knew anything about. I was a painfully shy 8 year old, who didn't have a ton of friends, and hated all this unwanted attention.
So I started to distance myself from the girl after that. She told her mom that I was leaving her out things because she was different. The mom told the school. The school called my mom and told them I was bullying her.
But no one believed me, when I told them she was making things up. I was 8 years old at the time.
I'm 29 now. My mom constantly brings it up to random people and family members how I used to "bully" a girl with down syndrome. But when I try to explain my side of the story, no one ever believes me. And also, I was 8. It was 21 years ago. Give it a rest.
No Poo Please
At a cafe with my eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time, the waitress comes over to our table and asks my daughter if she would like a drink or some food. My daughter looks up at her and says "The parts of my drink that my body doesn't want come out as wee. The parts of my food that my body doesn't want come out as poo."
That's Big!
This was about a year ago, right before things started closing due to covid. I forget exactly where I was, but I needed to pee so my son and I went to the bathroom. We went into the handicap stall so there would be room. We'd been teaching him body parts at home, and right as I start to pee he yells out, "Daddy your penis is way big! Mine's little but yours is so big. Daddy! Daddy! Your penis is big!"
I was all like "sshhhhh, yes it's bigger than yours because my body is bigger than yours." When we came out of the stall, everyone was averting their eyes. I don't think they were embarrassed or anything, I think they were just trying to pretend like they didn't hear anything for my sake.
That Damn 15!
Upon seeing my younger cousin for the first time since I left for college, she shouted, "Oh my god! Are you having a baby?!" in front of my entire family. I wasn't pregnant. I gained that freshman 15. Instantly stopped drinking as much and started going to our campus gym every weekend when I returned to school.
Not Now!
I was on a plane trip with my three year old. He used the tiny restroom then I did. There was a line. I thought I'd secured the door but hadn't. He slings the door open to tell me something he was excited about. There I sat in open humiliation for all the line to see. I had to convince him to let me shut the damn door!
"Ned"
Not me, but I once lived with two friends of mine when we were about 27. One friend had an 11 year old brother, and he was staying with us for the week while his folks were out of town. Not being used to hanging out with little poophead 11 year old boys, my one buddy "Ned" would joke around with the kid whenever he asked a question, and he asked a LOT of questions. One day the kid asked Ned what he did for a living. Ned, trying to be funny, told him he was a doctor (he was not). The kid calls his bluff and asks what kind of doctor he was. Ned jokingly says, I'm a butthole doctor, a response that naturally got an incredulous reaction out of the kid.
Flash forward to a few days later and we are all out having lunch together. Ned runs into a girl he met on tinder, and introduces her to all of us, the kid included. When she meets the kid, she asks him jokingly "Oh! So what do you think of Ned?" To which the kid responds "He's a weird guy. He told me he's a butthole doctor." I don't really know if he ever saw that gal again.
Sweet Kisses...
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My 3 year old son was with me in Macy's at a jewelry counter. I asked the clerk a question.
My son asked why does she have such a huge mark on her cheek? The color draining out of my face, I quickly recovered and said, "That's where God kissed her." The woman said, "Congratulations. That's the best one I've heard so far."
"Inside Voice"
Kids are cute. They are also a whole world of trouble. I think that when it comes to the words that fall out of our mouths, we all can be kids. Who hasn't spoken out of turn and not realized until it was too late? See, behavior does carry over. Inside voice people. Learn that lesson early.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.