Does anyone ever question why we do some of the things that we do? It seems that we as a society become accustomed to the weirdest sh*t. Luckily, these Redditors were thinking the same thing. Here are the social norms that they just don't understand.
u/ngdingyao asked: Which social norms absolutely baffle you?
Asking the real questions.
Requiring employees that sit in an office all day to dress up in business attire. Who are we trying to impress?
This is why I'm glad my office is basically of the opinion, "don't wear anything that's inappropriate". I wear shorts and Red Sox shirts in the summer and jeans and long sleeves in the winter. Some people wear hats. The only ones who have to dress nice are the actual customer facing people.
Why can't we be honest?
Giphy
Co-worker: "Hey, how are you?"
Me (dying inside, pounding migraine): "Great. how are you?"
Co-worker (reeling from the sudden death of his mom): "Good thanks."
An unfair expectation.
People expect you to smile and talk all the time. When you don't, you are either seen as angry, depressed or something else negative.
That really bugs me. Whenever my aunt and my cousin/her daughter are around, my aunt is always telling us to chat with each other anytime there's a second of silence. What's wrong with just chilling in silence??
My aunt drove me to a doctor's appointment before and on the car ride there, she told us to talk, at the doctor's she told us to talk, eating lunch she told us to talk, on the car ride back told us to talk. Like Jesus calm down.
That makes zero sense.
I was told that it's not acceptable to send a Christmas card to someone who's experienced a death in their family within the last year.
Can't believe I was reprimanded for not knowing this "rule" and for having offended the recipient by doing what I believed was a thoughtful gesture of goodwill.
Please ignore that advice, and correct the person who told it to you.
Yeah, Christmas can be really hard when missing someone, but that fact that you're thinking about them can only help.
Hanging out with people is overrated.
Giphy
Spending time by yourself is considered "doing nothing" but if you have plans with others it's not.
I hate that too, I used to always feel like a hermit when coworkers asked what I was up to at the weekend cos I like doing nothing. But then another coworker taught me 2 things: 1) Nobody cares what you're doing as long as it sounds positive and doesn't protract the interaction and 2) Chilling out is an activity. Now my go-to answer is "relaxing, been a busy week. You?"
Fair.
I have autism so all of them.
Oh man, everyday Ok eye contact, nod, ok too much eye contact, look away, shoot at what? Ok look at them again, nod, break eye contact, not too fierce now, nod "Umm sorry what were you saying?" REPEAT
A silly one.
When people get angry when people don't say 'bless you' after they sneeze. Really, I hope a medieval demon didn't enter your body during that sneeze, but do I really have to say something?
"I acknowledge your sneeze."
Messed up.
Giphy
Talking about salary being so taboo.
Places do that so they won't have to pay workers what they are worth. I worked the line in a restaurant and my buddy who was way more experienced told me how much he was making and it was 2 dollars less than me. After I quit I told him what I made and that I felt bad about not telling him sooner. Thankfully he wasn't pissed at me and told the manager the next day that either he gets a 2 dollar raise or he's quitting then and there.
Gender norms are stupid.
How "tomboys"/straight women who like traditionally masculine things are considered cool, hip and attractive, but straight men who like things that are traditionally feminine are apparently in the closet and are laughed at. Someone, please explain to me why that is.
A "no" is free.
Okay so I think it's weird that saying a simple "no" is rude.
Like I was invited to a Christmas party, I do not want to go. I made up a big excuse as to why I can't come so I don't come off as rude.
I wish I could simply say "no I don't want to go, but thank you for inviting me".
"Trophy hunters..."
Little kid hurts or kills animals for fun: is labeled as a troubled and needs help
Trophy hunters hurts and kills animals for fun: is labeled as a sport/hobby
"Also when you say you aren't hungry..."
Refusing tea at least once before accepting a cup.
Also when you say you aren't hungry but then your granny/aunt/mothers friend presents you with a full tray of biscuits, chocolate, scones etc anyway and you're considered a rude bastard if you refuse (despite the aforementioned "not hungry" happening 15 minutes ago).
"I don't know..."
Bringing people a glass of water when they're in distress.
I work at a hospital and whenever we have to give a person bad news about a relative, more often than not someone offers them a glass of water as if it could somehow help.
I don't know if the tactic here is to distract them or what, but it just never made much sense to me.
"I was raised on recycled clothing..."
People paying the price they do for clothing. I was raised on recycled clothing and almost only buy very clearance clothing. I have paid for 2 dresses full price that I liked but it took my husband badgering that it was okay to buy something expensive to get it. I actually can afford full price but I feel shame if I do.
"Never made sense..."
People who have served time in jail/prison not being given the opportunity to find employment which in turn leads them to commit more crime while society says "it's your own fault that you ended up in jail/prison in the first place so you don't get a second chance." Never made sense as to why they can't return to a life without crime without constantly being judged or discriminated against (if they indeed are trying to change their ways).
"There is no reason..."
Arguing with people on social media. Just shut up and ignore the comment. There is no reason to antagonize them.
"What you give..."
I hate Christmas cards. In the past they made sense. An easy way to wish someone well on Christmas Day when you could otherwise not see them. I get that. But now we have phones, and emails.
What you give, for the sometimes inane prices for a piece of card, is a brief moment of obligatory thanks, followed by the knowledge that they will eventually throw said card out, possibly feeling guilty about it.
"The unwillingness of most people..."
The unwillingness of most people to condemn, ridicule, dehumanize, and ostracize others for their opinions.
"I understand the use..."
Corporate and political doublespeak. I understand the use but I'm sick of hearing people using words to mask what they really mean.
"No."
The expectations to shake someone's hand.
I was at my great-grandmother's funeral five years ago and it still irks me how every relative attending the wake just casually entered my personal space to grab my hand. No. Don't touch me. I don't know you, I don't know anyone here. I want to go home.
"More accurately..."
Social drinking. More accurately, the attitude that social drinking means it's all good. Doesn't matter how much or little, social drinking is okay. Doesn't matter if you spent the weekend covered in puke from Friday to Sunday, if it was social drinking, you don't have a problem you just like to party. I tend to drink at home by myself. The sheer number of people who off that info alone who have treated me like an incurable compulsive alcoholic is too damn high. Keep in mind these are the same people who black out, rack up charges, get into legal trouble, get sick, and blow all their paychecks at bars. But I am the alcoholic because I fill up a small glass of whiskey at home!
"When yawning..."
When yawning is seen as rude or a sign that you're bored. I can't control when I yawn, and I do it even when I'm not bored or tired.
"The idea..."
The idea of "don't care what other people think" being pushed onto kids by the same people who tell them to not do a myriad of things so people don't think negatively about them.
"People say it's because..."
Showing up late to parties. People say it's because the party hasn't started yet at the time advertised, but that's cause everyone is late. Don't tell me something you've invited me to starts at 7 if you don't want me to be there at 7. You can't change my mind.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
"Tipping."
Tipping.
Waiter? 10-15%.
Hairdresser? At least 15%.
Taxi Driver? 10% max.
WHY IS IT DIFFERENT? WHY CAN'T I JUST TIP EVERYONE THE SAME?
"I would often get lectured..."
I would often get lectured because I would ask someone "How old are you" (particularly when they say it's their birthday) and "How much do you make / How much does ______ cost?"
"It became normal for beautiful people..."
It became normal for beautiful people to say that they look ugly just to be showered with compliments and reassuring that can go to people that actually need it.
"That couples sleep in the same bed."
That couples sleep in the same bed. Nah, I like what I like and they like what they like. So let's get it on, cuddle, and just before we fall asleep I crawl into my own dream boat.
How meta.
Putting asterisks in swear words.
If you type, "Jimmy called me an a**hole," there are two possible outcomes for the reader:
- They know that the asterisks are replacing letter S and know that the words is "a**hole" so you might as well have just written "a**hole".
- They don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing and are unable to determine what word its supposed to be, and you therefore failed at communicating.
"Nowadays..."
Nowadays people equate not having multiple jobs or side hustles as laziness. It's OKAY to relax after your full time job(s). It's OKAY to not want to have a side hustle. No one has the right to judge.
"I feel we shouldn't ask..."
I feel we shouldn't ask if we aren't totally ready to commit to truly hear the answer.
This "How are you?" norm thing is BS.
"Asking when I'm gonna marry."
Asking when I'm gonna marry. Every year during gathering, relatives keep asking the same damn question. I mean, what's the big deal? I'll marry when I want to geez...
Tipping 2.0
Tipping based on a percentage of your meal cost. Since waiter/waitress pay is directly related to how many fresh tables they serve, shouldn't tipping be related to how long you stay at the restaurant?
"Why is it that..."
Why is it that when someone misunderstands me the fault of communication is with me, the sender, but when I'm offended/confused about something the fault lays on me, the recipient?
"Being required to say..."
Being required to say, "Good morning!" to every person I encounter at my job regardless of if they ever initiate or reply to my greeting. (This is because a co-worker told our boss that I didn't greet her every morning, even though I did and she didn't pay attention enough to acknowledge it.)
"This look is often paired..."
In my country (Scotland) the overwhelming use of fake tan and make up in general. Oh and smoking. People smoke A LOT here. It's disgusting. Stop it.
The fake tan thing really baffles me. Tans are considered "healthy" here for some reason but it looks terrible when it's from a spray booth or a bottle. They end up orange and most of them don't wear gloves when putting on the bottled stuff so their hands get especially patchy, brown, orange etc.
This look is often paired with bottle dyed black hair and thick makeup. The foundation of which never matches the newly applied fake tan so their face looks paler than it should which defies the point of it.
And you can bet when the tan fades, the face looks darker and orange because they're always trying to look "tanned".
It looks like crap and you look trashy.
"Think about it."
Neckties.
Think about it. They serve no purpose at all. It's a silly fashion trend that so needs to die. Just a part of the male (mostly) working uniform.
"But to get people you don't care about..."
I can't stand holidays that require gift giving. I'll get you something anytime of the year if I want to. But to get people you don't care about gifts because Coca Cola says to is insanity.
"Can you imagine..."
Wearing perfume or colognes––especially if you work in an office environment. You are basically forcing your preferred smell onto someone else's sense of smell. Can you imagine carrying a small speaker around and playing music wherever you went? We wouldn't accept forcing your own taste in music onto others, but we accept it with smells?
"Like..."
Fancy silverware and dishes. Like, buying foodstuffs with the explicit purpose of not using it.
Mowing your lawn. What practical purpose it there? Why is your lawn considered bad-looking if it isn't mowed? Why not leave it natural? Doesn't make any sense to me.
"I live here."
Your house has to be squeaky clean for others. I live here. I won't work for hours only because of your presence.
"It's crazy."
Marriage.
Imagine if the chances of success for any other seriously life-impacting things were around 50% on a good day. No one would think its a good idea! Yet people have no problem jumping into marriages still, even though we all know that around 50% of them end in divorce, and a good portion of the other 50% are unhappy and just stuck in a bad marriage. It's crazy.
"Lying to make people feel better."
Lying to make people feel better. For example, someone told me I wasn't fat after I said I weighed 240 pounds.
"They serve zero purpose."
Ties. I have never understood them or liked them and think they are one of the silliest things men are forced to wear. And businesses forcing guys to wear them? What a load of crap that is. They serve zero purpose.
"Why do people feel more complete..."
Dog ownership.
Well animal ownership really. Why do people feel more complete by claiming lordship over a living thing with a smaller scope of understanding than you?
"I fail to see..."
The stigma against body modifications, particularly in professional settings. It's gotten better in recent years, but there are still plenty of employers who won't even give you the time of day if you have piercings or tattoos or unnatural hair colours. I fail to see how my purple hair automatically makes me a bad employee, or invalidates all of my qualifications and achievements up to this point.
Mental Health
How suicides are considered tragedies but depression is considered as a weakness or attention seeking behaviour.
"It's understandable..."
How people hide their issues. It's understandable to be honest, sometimes they are not listened to or not taken seriously and it's not worth the fuss.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
– StraightSho
Deep Despair
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
– imrealbizzy2
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
The Illness
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
– MotherOfBorzoi
Unrequited Love
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
– marie-llama
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
– schassis408
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
Deception
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
– MURKOMEN
Heartbreaker
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
– shortgirl1978
Ungrateful
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
– Jackie_Mojica
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
– ramos1969
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Big
martin scorsese casino GIFGiphy"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
Fake Care
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"
New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copies
mail GIF by RabbidsGiphy"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
Followers
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"connection"
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
Thieves
Joseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.