Foreigners Who've Moved To The U.S. Explain Which Social Customs Were The Hardest To Adjust To
This is gonna take some time.
Coming to America is quite the journey... no matter how one gets here. There is always an immediate culture shock. You may even arrive here speaking the language but the way of life can be daunting for most. We a unique group of people. We can take some getting use to. The social norms and customs may always be a hurdle. Everyone is just always gonna do their own thing. When in doubt, ask for details.
Redditor u/TrustMe_ImDaHolyGhst wanted to discuss with everyone what are some of the ways getting use to life in America can be tricky by asking..... Non-americans who moved to the US, what are some social customs that have been the hardest for you to get used to?All Thumbs
According to my parents, it was people giving them thumbs up.
In their country of origin, thumbs up = middle finger in the US. So they kept jumping thinking they were being flipped off by random people. Took years for them to get used to it and understand no one was trying to insult them.
Be Car Still....
A friend of mine is Russian. Her parents came to Russia and was still getting used to America. In Russia when you are pulled over by the police you get of the car and walk over to them. Her dad got pulled over and so he got out and started walking towards them. He didn't know you are supposed to stay in the car. He learned that lesson very quickly.
Edit: He didn't die they didn't even shoot at him. He did get arrested though.
Kiss Me....
Not hugging, kissing on cheek or handshake when saying hi to family. I'm from South America.
I was an RA when some Cuban exchange students came for the summer (Canada). They reeled me in for a kiss when they showed up and I was like WTF IS HAPPENING?! Just like hauled me right in aggressively. It was cool but totally took me a while.
I Wanna Dance
I still don't know how to get invited to parties, so there's that.
Also the drug TV ads with the long disclaimers while showing video of happy people living their lives. Really weird.
What. The. Fudge.
Carpet everywhere. I thought at first I had that beige, slightly too fluffy standard issue carpet in my first apartment because it was cheap and in a sh!tty area. Moved to a nicer place, still carpet. Visited relatives who have a really nice 5BR house in the best part of town: the same carpet! Add to that what someone already posted, that people don't take their shoes off, I am still bewildered. And don't get me started on carpet at high traffic public spaces, like banks, offices, and even /airports/! What. The. Fudge.
TMI....
Saying "hi how are you?" to strangers and nobody actually answering the question.
The size of food serving when going out to eat.
Thanksgiving and black friday.
And lastly, the fact that every form I have to fill out, they ask my race.
I guess these are not technically social customs, or maybe they are, but I find all of the above very strange. Ugh, I'll never get used to living here.
So many differences....
Sales tax not being included in the price (got pretty used to it after 4 years, but it still occasionally caught me off guard).
Healthcare bills.
Tailgating on highway (even people complaining about tailgaters were themselves often tailgating).
Porch sitting, people sitting on their porch and watching passers by.
Distances (drove coast to coast, I thought it would never end).
Most men being pretty knowledgable about cars.
Drive thru ATMs, never stopped being funny to me for some reason.
The Metrics....
Pounds. Ounces. Feet. Miles. I could never get the hang of it. I just still don't even have a concept of how long a mile is, and I lived in the U.S for 3 years. I completely acknowledge that I'm dumb, though.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Younger Ppl calling adults by (just) their first name. I'm from the Caribbean so can't help but referring to ppl as Mr or Ms. Even if Im familiar with them.
I was taught this growing up, but I learned pretty quickly to drop it. So many people come from divorced families that assuming a parent had the same last name as their kid caused a lot of awkward situations.
A Woman's Way
As a woman when I first moved to the US, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn't do my nails, or color my hair, or wear makeup like my friends did. The way I grew up, women who were not celebrities didn't do stuff like that at that frequency. I felt like maybe I wasn't feminine enough because those things seemed so tied to femininity.
Edit: To clarify, of course I don't think every single American woman is like this, it was just that I didn't know a single woman personally that did those things growing up, perhaps it's different now.
Not THAT Word!
Only lived there for five months for exchange. I'm from Scotland, and we use the word c*nt often as a term of endearment. You will know when it is NOT being used as a term of endearment, it's all about tone.
My first week in the country I went to a house party where I said c*nt casually in conversation. I'm not joking when I say everyone stopped their conversations and stared at me. One girl was properly glaring at me and then told me to apologize to the person I was talking about.
Cue my Australian friend starting to piss herself and the both of us having to explain to a room full of people that it wasn't meant offensively.
Not exactly the hardest social custom but I just thought it was funny.
No Broad Strokes
My immigrant wife has had to learn not to publicly state any broad generalizations whatsoever about racial/ethnic groups. Such things are commonly said in other countries but are less acceptable in the U.S.
2 Countries in 1....
Don't need to be from outside the us. I'm from the south and going up north is a culture shock.
Everything in the south is so ungodly slow. Northerner here and the weirdest part of traveling the states is how in the south people seem to be really nice but kind of generic about it. In the north we're kind but it is more "let me help this guy out" instead of " oh this guy's cool I'm gonna be really nice". I've lived in the north for some time and I don't think I could ever live south of Nebraska because of the culture.
Never Stop!
The importance of working, being "productive," and being in a position to continuously generate revenue. I am a medical researcher and have been doing this for about 15 years in the USA now. To this day it bothers me that I have to justify the need for my research in terms of healthcare costs. For example, when writing grants or presenting research proposals to higher-ups: "Pathology ABC impacts 100000 people in USA each year, and as a result of this patients suffer a lot." - this should be sufficient, right? Nope!
What I'd write instead is something like: "Pathology ABC impacts 100000 people in USA each year resulting in expense of NNN dollars to the healthcare system and additional losses of MMM dollars associated with missed work and productivity." If the research study involves athletes, you've hit pay dirt. Accounting for all those missed seasons, practices, etc. is such a strong selling point. It does not stop there though. Any study involving longitudinal follow up now more often than not asks patients to provide information about their work status before treatment and periodically up to 1, 2, 5, or even 10 years out.
This so that drug and device manufacturers can boast about how quickly their patients are able to return to work and being productive. It would be nice if the system incentivized genuine, intense focus on value of life and value of quality of life. I have worked in other countries before and do not recall having to pay attention to expenses in this manner. It may have changed within the last 15 years though.
Friend Quota....
How hard it is to make friends in the USA. It seemed pretty easy from where I came (Europe), but after 20 years in the USA, I still don't have friends here.
I'm an American and can agree with this. Unless you were friends since childhood, no one needs to make "new friends"... like there's a friend quota.
Unless you two absolutely hit it off during the first conversation. Then you're allowed to be best friends. If there's one thing about you that doesn't match their way of life, they are most likely to end it quickly.
It used to not seem that way growing up before smart phones and social media. I think those two things have ruined how people communicate with each other.
SCORE!!
Town and school spirit are a very big thing here. No one takes high school sports this seriously back in my old school in India.
American schools sometimes look like sports grounds who teach students as a side hustle.
American Ways
I'm from New Zealand.
Lack of vacation days.
Weird as crap health system tied to employment.
Food portions.
Otherwise it is a pretty easy adjustment.
The taking themselves seriously thing is very interesting and I agree. Nearly every American I speak to seems to have a really strong internal narrative, as if they and their lives are part of a movie/television show. I recognize this isn't the most useful way to describe this impression I get but it's also the truest.
Stop Scuffing....
Walking into someone's house with your shoes on.
And waving, everyone waves. Wasn't sure why. Did they think they knew me? Did they need help?
I think the waving is more a sign of goodwill in America. I do it a lot when driving or using a crosswalk to signal a thanks to the person letting me cross or pass them. I hope this helps!
Crazy Help
Very attentive customer service. It felt almost psychotic.
Oh trust me, as an American in the service industry... it's an act. We have to act nice to you or lose our job. Internally we could often care less how your day is going, and would often prefer you never came in.
Where to Begin?
My wife is an immigrant so I'll pass on a couple that she struggled with.
Potluck dinners. Inviting people over to your house for a meal and then telling them to bring the food just isn't culturally acceptable in her background. She understands how the variety of foods can be exceptional and the amount of food automatically adjusts to the number of people, but it's a cultural form of hospitality that runs counter to offering what you have to your guests.
The way many American families raise their children until age 18, then send them out the door to make it or beak it in the world. In many other countries, you never stop helping your children by paying for more education (Vo-Tech or college/university) and trying to avoid student loans, they always have a place to live free of rent, and are quite involved in everyday life of the parents, even if just by phone.
The way Americans are so informal in addressing elders and people with the title "Dr" seems disrespectful. Titles would always be used and first names are only for people of approximately the same age and background.
Women have many freedoms and professional opportunities that are not open to them in some countries. This is a good attribute of the USA.
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People Break Down The Craziest Money-Making Schemes They've Ever Heard Of
Reddit user primeiro23 asked: 'What are the craziest ways you’ve heard of people making money?'
When I was in seventh grade, I had aspirations to be a poet. I made a Mother's Day card for my mom with a cute (but now, cringe-worthy) poem inside, and a hand-drawn picture of a rose that took me hours to perfect.
A friend saw the card and said they wished they could do the same. Then suddenly, she asked if she could buy the card from me. I said no, since I needed to give it to my own mother, but I said I could make her a copy. From there, my friend got the idea for me to make copies of the card to sell. I went along with it, mostly because I didn't think it would actually work.
Turns out, it did. After making sure people would actually be interested, we went to the library after school and made several color copies of my card for 10 cents each. The next day, we sold each card for $1. Not only did we make enough money so that my friend and I could both afford to get our moms an actual present in addition to the card, but we had enough leftover to put us over the top for the money we needed to buy the matching faux leather jackets we'd been wanting all year.
The next year, many people who bought cards asked me to do it again, so I did. Once again, we made a killing. We didn't try to do it again once we got to high school, but it was definitely fun while it lasted.
When we tell people this story, they think it's a pretty crazy money-making scheme. Maybe it is, but we're not the only ones who ever did anything like this. Redditors know all about crazy money-making schemes, and are eager to share their own stories.
It all started when Redditor primeiro23 asked:
"What are the craziest ways you’ve heard of people making money?"
Tumble Into Business
"In college, I take a class on how to start & run a small business. Prof tells us to think of ridiculous business models for our fictitious businesses as we will get more out of the class that way. Stupid ideas ensue. Selling paperclips door to door, refilling car gasoline tanks in people's driveways, service to read & summarize the newspaper to executives etc."
"One classmate decides he is going to sell tumbleweed."
"Guess who quits college and started a successful business? Tumbleweed guy. Takes a van to the desert, collects tumbleweed and sells them to Hollywood movie & TV studios who need them. Keeps the tumbleweed in a warehouse and since they never spoil, his only costs are gasoline, storage & a website. He eventually becomes the number one tumbleweed provider to studios around the world, shipping tumbleweed globally."
"Made a heap of money selling what millions of people drive by and ignore every year."
– Accomplished-Fig745
Synopses
"I did have a job reading and summarizing newspaper articles to the boss. Literally only task I was hired for."
– Draigdwi
"An actual union job in the film industry is reading scripts and summarizing them in short mean book reports."
– Trixiebees
Jump!
"Heard of crazier, but a guy I know, friend of my mother's, went to Texas 30+ years ago. (we are from Norway), and he noticed every single garden had a trampoline. And it was almost always "jump king" - the circular with blue mat ones."
"So he went to the HQ, bought 10 and took back to Norway. Within days they were sold, and he ordered 50 more, same thing. So he became the only importer and has God knows how many millions to his name today."
– alexdaland
"This IS wild. I went to Norway recently and one of the first things I noticed was that almost EVERY yard had a trampoline in it."
– TrulyMadlyCheaply
Working For A Home
"Back when Dogecoin took off I wrote a guide on recovering old lost wallets and it got so popular I was flooded with requests for further help. Some corrupted wallet files, some lost passwords, etc."
"I have a background in computer science and experience in data retrieval and password cracking, so I started helping people in exchange for a percentage cut (industry standard for wallet recovery). All above board with a contract and everything."
"For a while I was getting new clients every week and making hundreds up to thousands of dollars on every successful recovery (with a fairly good rate of success). The biggest one I ever recovered was a 19 letter long password someone had lost. The work dried up when the price of doge dropped but it got me the down-payment on a house."
– internetpillows
Horsing Around
"A cabbie in Dublin once told me a story about one of his fares who had a brilliant hustle."
"The guy was a sculptor. He would watch horse races, then when a horse won, he'd use social media to contact the owner directly with a digital mockup of a life-sized sculpture of the winning horse. Now, the people who own winning racehorses tend to be very rich - we're talking sheikhs, oligarchs, billionaires. Every now and again, one of these owners would bite, and spend €100,000 euros or so on a statue commemorating their animal's win."
"Dude only did a couple a year, and spent the rest of the time living the good life."
– escoterica
Sweet!
"Richest guy in a rich town near us makes enormous amounts of money buying Hershey bars and rewrapping them with customised retirement celebration designs or corporate logos to be given away at events. Literally just rewraps them in pieces of paper and doubles or triples his money."
"Every time I try to start a company or invent a better product or something, I ask myself why I’m not just rewrapping candy bars."
– perchance2cream
"F**k man, I think I found my new niche."
– LibertyPrimeIsASage
Slightly Used
"I went to college in a capitol C college town. A friend of mine bought an old school bus, fixed it up and took out all the seats."
"At the end of every semester she would drive around the neighborhood that was the fancier side of off campus living and collect whatever the rich kids were throwing out before they moved / went home for the summer. Flat screen TVs, couches, computers, tables, it was wild to see what people would chuck out and replace the next semester rather than having to deal with getting a storage unit or moving themselves."
"Sold it all on Craigslist over the summer or the beginning of the next semester and made a killing."
– sam_neil
Credit Where Credit Is Undue
"When I worked in a really busy, upscale restaurant my coworker would put all of his cash-paying customer’s bills on his credit card and keep the cash which he used to promptly pay off his credit card."
"He did this all day, every day for quite a while and the points started to add up and he was getting free airfare, etc."
"Worked great for a while until management notice a rise in credit card processing fees with an emphasis on one employee and they shut him down real quick."
– blinkysmurf
We Found Gold!
"My buddy worked his way through college by panning for gold. This was in 2009 in California. Most days he made nothing, occasionally he would come home with a couple hundred bucks worth and I think once he found a night worth over $1k."
– discostud1515
"My cousin had a metal detector when he was in HS. He would go every weekend down to the lake and take it with him on vacation. He found all kinds of things. He did find gold jewelry and would sell it online. He made so much money he bought his own car."
– Content_Pool_1391
Sleeping For The Job
"I knew a woman whose job was literally to sleep."
"A local office building owner wanted somebody on-site 24/7 to be the point of contact with first responders if they ever needed to be called. So they hired her to come in to the building in the evening when the maintenance crew was finishing their work. And she would settle up to sleep for the night in a bedroom they'd set aside for her. In the morning she'd hand the building back over to the office employees and go on about her day."
"No first responders were ever called. It's about the least stressful legitimate job I could ever imagine."
– CaptainTime5556
The Secret
"Back in the 90s, I knew a guy who put an ad in the classified section of the newspaper which read something along the lines of, “For $10, I’ll tell you my secret to making easy money. Send $10 cash to (address) to find out how.” People would send him $10 & he would then instruct them to put a classified ad in the newspaper telling people to send $10 & how to make money."
– freudianfalls
Accident Payment
"I was pushed down the stairs by a teen girl who told me to "pay attention and get out of her way" i ripped my dress during the fall and was getting back up when some guy rushed up to me, apologized for his daughter and handed me $500 as compensation."
– thebrilliantcounc
"LOL - years back, I was in a parking lot during a snowstorm. A guy was trying to pull around me, slid on the snow/ice and hit into my passenger side door. It really and truly was an accident. He was all apologies. We exchanged info - he said to get a quote and he would pay for the damage."
"Well, the car I was driving at the time was a crappy old Ford worth maybe $500. But, I went to a body shop, got a quote on the repair and it was $900. I faxed it to him (this was back in the 90's, LOL) thinking he'd tell me to go through the insurance company and just have the car totaled out."
"To my surprise, I had a bank check for $900 from him in my mailbox three days later. Now, I already owned another car, so I pocketed the $900, sold the smashed car for parts for $300 and ended up with $1200 on a car that was worth only $500 before the accident. I was very glad that he ran into me!"
– Deleted User
Only Feet
"I have a friend who sells pictures of her feet. In heels. Barefoot squishing cake. In mud. She charges extra for special requests. Has strict ‘no go’ rules. Never shows anything above the calf so she can’t be identified (no tats). All proceeds go to her kid’s college fund. Has made enough to fund a PhD."
– NotACrazyCatLadyx2
The things people do for money! But, I guess it works for her!
When we're in pain or scared, we're not on our best behavior.
We've got more important things on our minds than proper etiquette.
Couple our lowered inhibitions with the bizarre amalgam that is the human body and weirdness is bound to happen in hospital waiting rooms.
Reddit user IAmAsianHearMeRoar asked:
"What did you see happen in the hospital waiting room?"
Feline Friend
"A cat walked in once."
"Shamelessly caught everyone's attention."
"Maybe due to how long we were kept waiting, but a few of us jumped at the chance to grab the cats' attention."
"I’m excited to see a cat every time I see a cat."
"I own three cats. Or they own me, whatever."
~ Accomplished-Fee3846
"I’ve worked in the vet field 3 years, have my own cat and I’m always excited to see a cat. I love cats!"
~ kxiyaz
YTA, Dude
"Watched a guy fake passing out so he didn’t have to wait, since there were a lot of people waiting."
"A**hole winked at me as he was wheeled back on a gurney."
~ Tangboy50000
Don't Do This
"I once saw a guy cut himself with a piece of broken glass just to be seen sooner by the nurses during triage."
~ Shamanofthealike1
Going Up
"I had taken the elevator down from an appointment at one of the hospital's smaller buildings, my young children in tow."
"When the elevator reached the bottom floor, I realized immediately that there was a very purple elderly man lying between us and the exit, surrounded by medical professionals performing CPR on him."
"I closed the elevator door and rode back up before the kids noticed anything and we hung out in the waiting room until the ambulance had pulled away. Got my first CPR certification a few weeks later."
~ merganzer
Look Away
"I was in the emergency waiting room with my Mom."
"I was the one with an emergency and was drowsy the whole time, but I remember that at some point a man was wheeled into the room while making throat noises (think The Grudge) and my Mom took my face in her hands and told me, very calmy and without an inch of panic in her voice, to look through the window and tell her what that weird tree was because she'd never seen one like that (she definitely had)."
"I had no idea what was going on so I kept staring at that tree, and then it was my turn so we left the waiting room."
"Days later she told me that the man who was wheeled into the room had one of his legs hanging on for dear life and that there was blood everywhere on his pants, but also on his clothes."
"He was drunk so he probably had a fight. I hope he's okay now."
"My Mom is the best. She was worried and didn't want me to see this. So she took in the sight but protected me from it. Sometimes, I think we don't deserve Moms."
~ Magomaeva
HIPAA!
"My doctor hired her son to be a receptionist."
"He announced a woman’s STD tests in the lobby."
"He didn’t work there long."
~ gothiclg
Brains...
"I was sitting in the ER waiting room and this young couple comes in. The man pushing his girlfriend in a wheelchair."
"She’s barely conscious, slumped over and pale."
"As the boyfriend is checking her in, she wakes ups and Exorcist-style projectile vomits onto the floor. Nurses rush her back."
"The boyfriend then sits down and not a minute passes before out of nowhere he does the same!"
"Everyone waiting slapped masks on real quick once that happened."
~ Silent_Push_1413
"This is how zombie apocalypses always start."
~ Maxwyfe
An All Beet Diet?
"I went to the ER with a kidney stone and there was an old couple sitting across from me probably in their 60’s or 70’s."
"The lady was bickering to the man complaining about how long they’ve been there. The only thing is that this woman was completely purple."
"Like all of her face and head was this dark purple. She didn’t appear to be in any pain but my f*ck was she ever purple."
~ PewpyDewpdyPantz
The Circle of Life
"Like 20 years ago waiting in the ER I see a guy dressed up as a full monkey being wheeled on a stretcher past a large doorway and then 3 other monkeys following him."
"They were performers from the live Lion King show at Disney Animal Kingdom."
~ FLcitizen
Holiday Cheers 🍻
"I work as a nurse in the emergency, I’ve seen some crazy things."
"Once while security was busy doing two separate take downs, an old guy dressed up like Santa unzipped his backpack and started handing out beers to everyone in the waiting room."
~ Best_Lead_632
"So what you’re telling me is Santa’s real???"
~ aggressively_baked
DIY
"Once upon a time I was waiting on news of a friend who'd been in an accident."
"I saw a guy (about early twenties) come in with him mom because he'd fallen off of his roof and dislocated his shoulder. After about an hour of waiting his mom just says 'F*ck it! This is taking too long!' and legit began to Google how to reset a shoulder."
"After about 5 mins of research, she took off her belt, folded it up and told him to bite down on it. She then proceeded to violently shove her son's shoulder back into the socket while he naturally screamed in agony."
"Security and nurses rush over to see what the commotion is and more or less need to pull her off of him. Security sits her down and the nurses take the poor kid and get him treated."
~ August-Dawn
Our Robot Overlords
"I watched a robot filing cabinet press the elevator button and guide itself to a different area of the hospital."
~ jessieisokay
"We have these at my hospital. They even dress them up. Handy little robots help us transport non-emergent meds, lab samples, and equipment."
~ mrsfisk
"I wish our robots could do that."
"Instead, we have 4 delivery robots that all need a person to follow them and put them on and take them off of the elevators."
"Or we could just, y'know, hand the meds to the person and not take 38 minutes to get it there."
~ aurelius92a
True (Toxic) Love
"Girl trying to get admitted to the mental health unit, turns out her boyfriend was a patient. She didn't get admitted, she wasn't happy about it but she left."
"Next thing we know there's a car doing donuts just outside of the ER entrance, she was throwing things out the window and screaming 'Am I crazy enough now?'."
"She ends up driving around to the other side of the hospital and driving right through some sliding glass doors."
"She's lucky she didn't kill someone—another 10 feet and she would have crashed over a railing and into the cafeteria below, where staff was napping on a couch."
"Definitely got carted away, but not to where she wanted to go."
"Thing is her boyfriend wasn't even in that hospital; there's a small mental health inpatient unit, but her boyfriend was in a completely separate mental health facility about 15 km away."
"This was right in the heart of the pandemic, when building materials were really hard to come by, and so the entrance that she drove through ended up being closed for about 6 months."
~ beachmonkeysmom
People going to the hospital are in crisis most of the time.
It's to be expected that the unexpected is bound to happen.
People Share Signs To Tell Whether A Friend Has A Good Marriage
No matter how good it might be, no relationship is 100% perfect 100% of the time.
On the contrary, there are some relationships that seem pretty doomed to fail, and it's disheartening how many signs we can spot of the relationship coming apart, perhaps even before the couple themselves is aware of it.
But as clear as a sign of trouble might be, it can feel impossible to talk to a loved one about it when it's about their relationship.
Redditor AnitaDeckenme123 asked:
"What are some signs that your married friend doesn't have a good marriage?"
All Joking Aside
"Talking s**t about their spouse, even if it’s in a joking way, is a clear sign to me. I went to a bachelor party with a bunch of guys I didn’t know and they spent the entire time b***hing about their wives, and they all sounded miserable."
- FunctionBuilt
Desperate to Hide the Truth
"They are withdrawn or secretive. If your friend is suddenly withdrawn or secretive, it may be a sign that they are having problems in their marriage."
- LiaRipsx
Weird Gestures to "Mark Their Territory"
"His hang glider now has a full-sized graphic of his spouse holding the cat on it. And he wasn't asked beforehand."
- BarcodeNinja
Hypothetical Divorces
"They talk about divorce hypothetically."
- LaximumEffort
"Okay, but what if, say, I am watching a lot of true crime murder shows, and he tells me we can just get a divorce instead of me killing him? Does that count? Lol (laughing out loud)."
- HopefulKitty
Detached Relationship
"When they don’t care what the other person is doing or where they are. Basically, two people who live separate lives and live like roommates."
- Lucyinthesky
"My friend never says anything bad about her husband, but she also doesn't speak about him much at all. They’ve been married less than a year, but she's said things like not caring what he's up to a couple of times, and it made me wonder if that was normal in marriage. It feels wrong."
- happinessinasong88
Fighting in Public
"I’ve known two different couples that off and on fought a lot around me at certain points, which isn’t obviously a great sign."
"The fighting stopped, but what I realized after a while that may be worse is that they didn’t interact at all unless absolutely necessary."
"I’m mostly oblivious, so it took my wife pointing it out to notice that both of these couples never really talk to each other besides mandatory stuff like plans or the kids."
"No casual conversations, no eye contact, no touching each other; literally no interaction that’s not necessary for the family to function."
"I suppose it’s better than fighting in public, but it’s kind of weird once you notice it."
- non_clever_username
Social Media Cover Stories
"If they're plastering social media with how HAPPY they are, and they're SO IN LOVE, and THEY'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, that's a sure sign that things are in the process of going sideways."
- wilderlowerwolves
"This confuses me SO much. I have two close friends (women) who have been texting me nonstop about how s**tty their significant others are, like going OFF about them, long voice messages, etc."
"Then between messages, I will open Facebook and see they just made a post about how much they love their partner with a cute picture and tons of hearts and s**t."
"Like... WHAT. I have never called them out, but what the h**l?"
- perfectdrug659
"Gah, my BIL (Brother-in-Law) divorced after a short two-year marriage, and this was the prime indicator of knowing that they were doomed."
"They did this kissy cutesy schmoopy lovey-dovey thing in public, and the worse their relationship got, the more publicly showy they were about showing how in love they were. It was horrific to watch unfold."
- abqkat
Controlling and Jealous Behavior
"In my experience, going out with my old homie that was married, I couldn't ever post us out at the bar or anything. If his wife saw it, she’d blow her top apparently."
"We went out for my 23rd birthday a couple of years ago and merely his elbow was in the video of me sipping on whatever drink I had. In a panic, he urged that I delete it before his wife saw it for whatever reason."
"They’re divorced now."
- jailbreakthetesla_
Mean to Their Partner
"When their identity is the 'person who is mean to their spouse.'"
"I was at a party this weekend and there was a woman who just bad-mouthed her husband and talked about how nice it was to be away from him and the kids for the night. That’s like her shtick… she talks about how her kids and husband are s**tty. It’s such a gross personality, and it’s relatively common. It shouldn’t be common at all."
- SpacemanPete
Flirting Elsewhere
"They flirt a lot. A lot of unhappily married people I know are quick to flirt with anyone who seems interested because they want to feel that spark again."
- FlatulentDwarf
Constant Check-Ins
"When one of them is out and their spouse does not stop calling them."
- BansheeShriek
"I can't imagine living like that. I took a 10-day road trip to the beach alone, and all my husband asked of me was to keep my location turned on in case of an accident, and text a few times a day so he knew I was alive. That's trust."
- HopefulKitty
The Depression or Glow Up Era
"If they suddenly seem really down on themselves or stop taking care of themselves for seemingly no reason, If their outlook on relationships and/or marriage had changed since getting married, If they have nothing good to say about their partner or just don't talk about them..."
"The list goes on."
- Misspent_interlude
"Or reverse, they start glowing up. They lose weight, focus on appearance more, it means they're getting ready to split."
- Alternative-Post-937
Wishful Widows
"When my husband died, some friends admitted that they were a little jealous."
- emmymcd
"My ex-husband responded, 'One can only hope,' and looked at me when he heard someone’s wife died."
- foldinthecheese89
"I would never say this to someone, but I understand the sentiment. I absolutely wished my ex-husband dead a handful of times. It's one of those things where you can't leave because I had very little money of my own and staying meant living with abuse."
- IsThatBlueSoup
Jealous of Working Relationships
"It's bad when you avoid or feel guilty talking about how happy you are or about the nice and thoughtful things that your partner does because you know your friend can't relate."
- anemic_girlfriend
"Yikes. This is how I am with a friend group of mine. They’re always complaining about their husbands, and I stay silent. I don’t want to rub it in that I love my husband and he’s mostly awesome. In the past two years, one has gotten divorced and another is on her way there."
- Nonny70
"It gets weird for me when people are like, 'Must be nice to get away from the wife' if I'm on a work trip or something."
"I don't understand. I sleep better when my wife's next to me, I feel better about the day when I get to see her and talk to her, she makes me smile all the damn time."
"Everybody on the planet is a very distant second on my list of people I want to be around, and even though we do plenty of things separately I don't see time apart as some sort of reprieve from her presence."
- HereToTheSquatch
Wishing They Were Out
"I got married young and a lot of older guys gave me s**t for it, like they resented their wives for settling down too soon. It upsets me when men talk s**t about their wives. If you hate your wife, then leave, she’s probably better off without you."
"My wife is my best friend. Seven years later, our relationship only grows stronger over time. If you love someone and they love you back, be grateful for that and show it!"
- Apprehensive-Hall254
There are many ways to tell that a relationship is in a downward spiral, especially when the relationship is not our own.
But these accounts were intense and ones that we can only hope are less common.
Whenever we feel like something isn't right about our bodies or we're suffering from some kind of medical issues, we want them taken care of straight away.
The problem with that is, that depending on whom we're getting information from, we tend to believe in the initial diagnosis or remedy because we trust the professional sources and we want quick solutions.
But do doctors and health specialists always know what they're talking about?
Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
Strangers online shared their medical horror stories when Redditor Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo asked:
"What is the worst health advice you've been given?"
Not doing further research into something that raises eyebrows can be a fatal mistake.
Turns Out It Was Brain Cancer
"i went cross eyed and my primary said 'could be a sinus thing, get some mucinex.'”
"turns out it was glioblastoma."
– Guy_Faux
"Wow, that's an absurdly sh**ty doctor. The same thing happened to my mother and it was quickly determined that it was stage 4 lung cancer. She made it about 3 months after that. She was 48 and I was 18 so the idea that any doctor would ignore that is infuriating to me."
– Frisky_Picker
Second Opinion Saves Lives
"My primary doctor kept telling me that nothing was wrong with my thyroid, and I was a hypochondriac."
"I had been told at 12 years old that I had thyroid issues and she told me that doctor was wrong. I had to see a whole other doctor to get a referral to the endocrinologist because she literally refused to refer me to one."
"The endocrinologist said, I had scarring all over my thyroid, I had Hashimoto’s, and my levels were horrible, and she didn’t know what the doctor was talking about. She said she was glad I advocated for myself."
– littlemybb
Tiny Grandchild
"I was not the recipient of this 'advice' but I had a coworker proudly say how small her new grandchild was when they were born and that her daughter smoked her whole pregnancy to try and have a smaller baby. This was in like 2010, not the 1960s for reference."
"ETA: smoked cigarettes. clarified since that can mean more than one thing."
– Emkems
Unforeseen Ailment
"Was sick for a year in my late teens. Saw multiple specialists to find the cause. Experimented with diet. Saw a naturopath that did some ‘electric pulse test’ thing that apparently gave indicators of organ health. After a few visits, and months of eating the weirdest sh*t, the test said things were improving (including my gallbladder). Months went on but I was still quite sick. I eventually ended up in hospital and one of my specialists decided to take my appendix out on a whim to see if it might help. Turns out I had something called a ‘grumbling appendix’ and it completely fixed me. Funny thing is, while they were in there, they discovered I was born without a gallbladder."
– Ok_Ear_8848
These are not appropriate remedies.
That's Not How That Works
"When I had an urinary tract infection someone told me to wash my vagina with vinegar..."
– _Puke_Bucket_
"And maybe add some diced onions and tomatoes to make a refreshing Mediterranean salad."
– Bos_lost_ton
Pushing Through
"Just push through whenever you're sick. If you can get to a doctor's office for a doctor's certificate you can get to school/college/work."
– BoyMonday
"My childhood pediatrician told my parents that 'A sick child never smiles.'”
"I tend to laugh/smile when I’m nervous or uncomfortable to self regulate."
– pinotproblems
"A doctor once told my parents that a child who isn’t crying can’t really be hurt. Because of that, it took me days to convince my parents to take me to the doctor after I fell on my arm because I wasn’t crying. It turns out it was broken."
– slowsunslumber
"Ignoring" The Problem Isn't A Solution
"A friend of mine was in horrible pain, and was repeatedly told (by multiple doctors) that she should stop complaining and just get used to it because periods are painful and that’s the way it is."
"After being blown off for years, she finally got a doctor to take her pain seriously- and it turned out she had severe endometriosis. The surgeon said it was the worst case he had ever seen in his career, and was horrified that it had gotten so advanced with no one listening to her."
– sapphireblossoms
Choking On Blood
"The school nurse telling me to tilt my head back for a bloody nose. That was an awful experience."
– hypo-osmotic
"I do like doing this because when I cough up the blood I can pretend I’m in a period drama and I have tuberculosis."
– OrangeTree81
These Redditors discovered that all pain is not necessarily "normal."
The C-Word
"Doctor said certain pain is normal as you get older. Turns out it was cancer."
"That's a fibrous strip of breast tissue, you're too young to have breast cancer."
"Delayed diagnosis by 6 months. I was 31."
– juniper_max
Thinking Twice About Back Pain
"I got from a doctor, 'everyone has back pain. There’s nothing wrong with you, just use a heating pad.' It was kidney stones."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
"Yikes, I am so sorry."
"I had a kinda similar experience. I went to the doctor for a morning appointment to get some persistent, worsening back pain checked out. Doc asked me where my back pain was, looked me in the eyes and told me I was fine and must have just slept wrong. He shut me down when I tried to advocate for myself."
"That night, I was admitted to the ER due to the crippling pain I was in. Turns out I had a serious kidney infection that was turning septic."
"One of the ER staff who helped me told me if I had waited another 24 hours, my kidneys would have shut down and I very likely would have died from organ failure?!"
"I’ve been dismissed by doctors over and over again in my personal health journey, and it is so frustrating and scary, as they’ve dismissed me for 'being dramatic' when there’s actually something very serious going on with my body."
– Yarr0wFeather
Vitamin D Overdose
"If you have pale skin, get just a little sunburnt every day so that your skin will 'learn' to get a tan. That’s how everyone else does it."
"My Solar Keratosis skin cancers would beg to disagree."
– comfortablynumb15
As much as we want to believe our doctors when they give us a health assessment and assure us we're "fine," you should never ignore your inner voice telling you that something is not right.
Your conscience is there for a reason.
Even if a doctor tells you it's okay to ignore the problem, you should think twice about ignoring your gut feelings.