Wikipedia Commons: Alex E. Proimos
We've all had those "face palm" moments, where you can't believe what someone just said or what what you just said. Sometimes, they even reach, "Why the hell did I say that?" levels of awkwardness. Reddit user, AyBake, posed the following question and got a multitude of responses:
"What was the worst "why the f*** did I say that" moment?"
So, SO Hard
Teacher asked me working hard or hardly working?. I had a brain fart and said Im hard. One of my friends heard me say it, Ill never live it down. Excal1pr
Honestly, We Would Have Simply Screamed
My wife walked in on a burglar in our living room earlier this month (she's fine, he ran away and didn't get anything or hurt anyone). When she saw him there she screamed "F***ing excuse me!"
For days after the event she's been like "Why was I polite???" Circleseven
*Sound Effect!
In 5th grade we were at an assembly where they told a story and would hold up cards for the audience to yell. When they held the card that said "GASP" everyone gasped while I screamed the word gasp as loud as I have ever screamed anything in my life. larksideoftheloon
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At Least They Still Got Married
My then future mother-in-law asked me how I like my steak at one of my first sit down dinners with my then fiancs family.
I said: If it bleeds, Ill eat it. And then I... winked. God dammit. simple_polejam
Punk-tuality Is Key
I was interviewing for my first job, I was probably 15-16 and nervous as hell. It was a job bussing tables and washing dishes at the golf club/catering area.
During the interview, the interviewer asked, "are you punctual?" I replied with, "I think you can tell from my appearance that I'm not punk at all, and I don't really like that kind of music."
Next question, "are you frequently on time to appointments?" And I answered normally, thinking it was just the next question... rhcpbassist234
The Lesson? Honesty Is Not Always Best
At my first interview for a large retail store I responded to the "what's your biggest weakness? " question with (in a slight fake southern drawl, for some god forsaken reason) "I'm not really, what you call, a people person"
Needless to say, I didn't get the job. Hidden_Samsquanche
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Less Friends = Less Problems
Was at the liquor store a while back, making small talk with the cashier during checkout. Dude is telling me about how one of his friends got hit by a car down the street a few nights ago - no major injuries were sustained, but they still got hospitalized and freaked everyone out. My response? "Haha dang, well maybe you should have less friends!" My ears started burning immediately and he kind of lets his voice trail off while finishing up the transaction. I later called the place, asked to speak to him, and apologized profusely for saying such a stupid thing. He was laughing about it, thankfully, but agreed that it was out of left field and that he had no idea how to respond. Good times. aman1420
Maybe Just Say, "Thank You, Come Again!"
I am a waiter. I try to hold the door open for every guest I wait on as they leave. One time I was holding the door for 3 women I had just waited on. One being an elderly lady, and using a walker. As she is waking towards me she says, "Thank you honey for getting me so full, and being so good to me." Before I tell you my response I will try and justify it by saying if you work in customer service you know we have a mental catalog of phrases we use in certain situations. Well, I turned to the wrong page and said, " No problem ma'am. So full you can barely walk, huh?" All 3 women looked at me in disgust. The elderly lady's walk got much faster as one hugged her in consolation. The other lady, I'm assuming her daughter, said to me, " She is 89 years old thank you. We are very proud of her." I began to try and explain myself, but she wasn't having it and walks away. Bam_Bam_Boone
What A...Cute? Baby?
My wife and I were having dinner with her boss (B) and B's husband and new baby. The baby had a loose pocket of skin on her head. My wife had mentioned it before, so I was aware but not really thinking about it. I couldn't see it at the angle that the baby was being held at.
[Boss] moved the baby to hold her with the other arm, and I saw it move. It was like a large, fleshy blister. It covered half of the back of her head and was partially full of fluid. As the baby was moved, it sloshed.
I quietly exclaimed, "That baby needs a hat!" [Boss] shot daggers out of her eyes at me while her husband suppressed a laugh. Nesman64
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Oohhhhhh...
I once started laughing at a sweet little girl pretending to be a horse.
She was not pretending to be a horse. She had a severe spinal deformity. FogInTheDog
Sometimes All You Can Do Is Walk Away
I was a math tutor for grade school kids at a franchise place. One day a middle school aged girl came in several hours after the time she usually does (we didn't do appointments, the kids usually followed routines though). So I asked why she was coming in later than usual just making small talk and she said she went to her grandmother's funeral that morning. So I said, "Well, at least that's better than doing math on a Saturday!" trying to joke around. She kind of sheepishly faked a smile and I immediately realized I'm a f***ing idiot and walked away instead of apologizing. I just didn't speak to her again for a while. Because I'm an idiot. IHadACatOnce
Of All The Things...
An ex was explaining she was self-conscious about something, and it was slightly odd, and I intended to say something reassuring and comforting. What I actually said was, "That's strange, of all the things you could be self conscious about." Her face dropped and I realized immediately what I said and unsuccessfully tried to backtrack. phantastic_meh
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Linda, Linda, Linda!
On the morning of my wedding, the third time I'd met my soon to be mother in law, I was understandably jittery about the day. Probably not at the top of my game.
So, I warmly greeted her by saying "Hi Linda! It's so good to see you!" She's quiet for a moment, and then says "Actually, it's Laura." I knew it was Laura. I have no clue why I called her Linda. I was mortified, and felt like I had only one way out of the situation. I replied after a pause, "No.. I'm pretty sure it's Linda.".
To her credit, and to this day, whenever she calls me she tells me it's Linda, and I've never called her anything but that since. hughnibley
They Might Have Great Sales, Though?
I once complimented a girl I know on her cute outfit and asked where she got it. She named a plus size store. For whatever stupid reason I replied, "Really? I need to gain a bunch of weight so I can shop there!" I immediately realized what I had said, and we looked at each other for a moment, looked away, and sat in uncomfortable silence for the rest of class because I'm a jerk. phinnaeusmaximus
A Yes Is A Yes
I've told this before but I'll never forget it.
I took my girlfriend to a very beautiful park and served her a gourmet picnic. After we were finished I nervously took her hand in mine and asked her to marry me. I mumbled, or her ears failed, or I don't know what but she replied with "Sure, whatever" obviously missing what I had said. In my mind I thought "Andrew, you idiot. You screwed this up." But out of my mouth came the words "No, you idiot. I'm proposing."
Yes. I called my wife an idiot as part of my marriage proposal. After that I kind of blanked out until I saw her crying and saying yes over and over again. Our 18th anniversary is coming up in the spring. andrewse
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Muy Problema
I've had so many in my life but one that sticks out ismy 7th grade teacher was telling us about her sisters wedding in Mexico it was the first day back from summer vacation.I raised my hand and waited for her to call on meI then asked if they had "Mucho Sexo"immediately kicked out of class.
Now here is the thing, on Letterman the night before a guest was telling him about his Mexican wedding and Letterman asked if they had "Mucho Sexo" and got huge laughs.
Not everyone watches Letterman, especially not my teacher. Quadrapolegic
Nothing Looks Good On You...Wait?
About seven years ago, trying to find an original way to compliment my gf, now wife, Told her You look good in nothing
Fast forward an hour later.
OH S***! No, I meant that you look good naked! DrStupid87
Um, Yeah, Got Nothing
At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn't see her. I pointed to her and asked, "Do you not recognise her bent over?" To which she responded "Do you?" cmndrloki
A Wife's Sympathy
Not me, but my husband.
He was out drinking with his friends, a girl comes up to him asking if he wants to dance. What he means to say is "I only dance when I'm drunk, and I'm still sober", but what he actually said was "I'm not drunk enough to dance with you".
I wasn't even there and I can feel that poor girl's self esteem drop every time he tells the story. LizGlob
Um, Yeah, Got Nothing
At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn't see her. I pointed to her and asked, "Do you not recognise her bent over?" To which she responded "Do you?" cmndrloki
A Wife's Sympathy
Not me, but my husband.
He was out drinking with his friends, a girl comes up to him asking if he wants to dance. What he means to say is "I only dance when I'm drunk, and I'm still sober", but what he actually said was "I'm not drunk enough to dance with you".
I wasn't even there and I can feel that poor girl's self esteem drop every time he tells the story. LizGlob
Do Who?
I was in spanish class (I suck at spanish). We were going around the room saying what we were going to do after school and then saying who we wanted to speak next. Im a dude and I was sitting next to my friend (f) Ill call her hanna.
My plan was to say I was going to do homework and then say hanna so shed go next, but I forgot the homework part and just said in Spanish, after school Im going to do hanna. The whole class started laughing(including the teacher). I wanted to die. mb171
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Sometimes, Honesty Works
Job interview was quasi "good cop/bad cop" I guess you could say. First interviewer came out with some pretty tough questions and I was already a nervous wreck for the interview, as I had applied for something well above what I was qualified for and got the right person's attention.
I. F***ing. Bombed. I felt like a total idiot for even thinking I had a shot.
Interviewer #2 comes out and I just blurt out "Boy, did I f*** THAT up!"
He has a good laugh about it with me, we bulls*** around for 20 or 30 minutes and I started the next week. Still not sure how or why. kylew1985
What? What??
Co-worker's 8.5 month pregnant wife was strolling into the office when my 19 year old mouth said "You're almost as big as your husband". Thought nothing of it until an hour later when my co-worker and I had a chat about hormones. ih8hdmi
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Absolutely...
My friend was talking to me about some random stuff while she was getting changed, and I wasn't really paying attention. My replies were mainly yeahs and nos. I heard her ask me something (but I had no idea what), so I just smiled at her and said 'absolutely' and hoped for the best. Turned out she asked me if she looked fat. facesosunny
Don't Ever Stop
I was just at a wake three weeks ago for my aunt. I flew across the country on the red eye to make it, and I was in understandably rough mental shape because of all of that. I was talking to some family friends, and I said "I'm so tired, I feel like I could die." Upon realizing I said that, I then said "I'm mortified." Upon realizing I said that, I just said "I can't stop why can't I stop" until the folks I was talking to took over, said some nice things, and cheered me up. Bearstronauts
Absolutely...
My friend was talking to me about some random stuff while she was getting changed, and I wasn't really paying attention. My replies were mainly yeahs and nos. I heard her ask me something (but I had no idea what), so I just smiled at her and said 'absolutely' and hoped for the best. Turned out she asked me if she looked fat. facesosunny
Don't Ever Stop
I was just at a wake three weeks ago for my aunt. I flew across the country on the red eye to make it, and I was in understandably rough mental shape because of all of that. I was talking to some family friends, and I said "I'm so tired, I feel like I could die." Upon realizing I said that, I then said "I'm mortified." Upon realizing I said that, I just said "I can't stop why can't I stop" until the folks I was talking to took over, said some nice things, and cheered me up. Bearstronauts
You Look Like A Blueberry!
Back in high school, my sorta-girlfriend (we'd been dating for maybe 2 months) invited me over to her house to hang out at their pool and with her family. I went.
The dad was very intensely Baptist (of the common sort in the South) and, on my first date with his daughter, had asked me to explain why I deserved to go to Heaven. But I sort of got along with them, because I'm generally good at getting along with most of anyone, so I was having a good time that day.
Girlfriend, her parents, and I started playing some board game together. There was some friendly banter and smack talk going on. Gf and I had watched Anchorman a few days earlier, I'm pretty sure, so I started repeating some of the quotes from what movie back at her for the banter. I knew it was a little risky since the parents didn't let anyone watch anything that wasn't A Walk to Remember or "Seventh Heaven," but whatever, there was enough background noise where I got away with it a few times.
But then came one of those moments where all background and conversation noise ceases, which coincided with my telling my girlfriend to, "Go back to your home on Whore Island."
I muttered a thing or 2 about "being from a movie we watched" which barely helped anything since they definitely saw me as corrupting their good Christian girl from there on out. sertorius42
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And, The Best Of The Worst...
Company thanksgiving dinner. Siting next to a group of women complaining about their exes. One of them said something along the lines of, "He's still got his hand and a bottle of lube so he'll be happy."
I replied with "To be honest, we don't even need lube most of the time."
Right as everyone in the whole room stopped talking for some reason... aydeos
H/T: Reddit
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.