Many of us have done things we're ashamed of, with transgressions ranging from the immoral to the downright embarrassing.
As a result, we're really good at keeping secrets.
But here's the thing about secrets – they can weigh you down and affect how you interact with the people involved.
Lucky for you, there's Reddit, where you can anonymously confess your deepest, darkest, dirtiest misdeeds
Redditor YourOwnBiggestFan asked:
"What is the most disgusting secret you're hiding right now?"
The Airborne Poop
"As a teenager I was abroad with my class. I shared a room with two other girls. One morning I went to the toilet and take a dump. I was shocked as I saw that the toilet flushing was not strong enough to wash it away. I panicked. So I grabbed it with toilet paper, wrapped it around and throw it as far a I could out of the window."
Waste Not, Want A Lot
"As a student with a sh**ty waitering job paying me almost nothing I used to eat the food my customers didn't want after I took their plates to the kitchen."
"Been there mate. It was like a second fu*king payday if someone forgot about their to go order."
The Ruff Diet
"My younger brother used to eat the dog food because he thought it would make him better friends with the dog."
"We began to leave a bowl out for him next to the dog bowl."
The Cruel Reward
"When my sister was younger probably around 2-4 age range, whenever she did something I asked her to do I gave her a dog bone as a reward. She never listened when we were younger but as soon as I started giving her dog bones she was a different person it was great. this was almost 20 years ago now and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren't for my meddling mom asking why her breath smelled like dog food randomly."
The Stripper
"A buddy of mine had a wife that used to be a stripper. She ended up leaving him for one of her patrons. Before she left him, she was impregnated by him (my buddy). She ended up marrying the guy she left him for and the newish dad is basically raising his kid. I'm still friends with both of them on Facebook since I was cool with both of them and her son definitely looks like him. This was maybe 7-8 years ago. I just shut the f'k up about the whole situation."
Broken Printer
"I secretly broke a 2500 euros printer, that is rare and precious, I just fixed it just enough that the second person using it got blamed for this and almost expelled from school."
The Alleged Liar
"My one friend has no idea that I've known that he doesn't have kids for months, also that I know he's been saying this and lying to everyone for attention."
"He tells a very convincing story. He goes into vague details, has a photo of the girl, says that she's been showing him fake paperwork as proof for the children. If what he says is true would be literally extortion. Everything. Little does he know that I've been watching closely and also researching to find this woman. I know she isn't real and that he's lying and been lying this whole time for almost a year. Nothing he says makes sense and it just keeps escalating which also doesn't make sense. I literally couldn't help myself but investigate."
"If everyone finds out that he's been lying this whole time it will spread like wildfire. He doesn't have many friends and the friends he did have stopped talking to him because of his compulsive lying."
The Condiment
"I loved ketchup so much as a kid that I used to have it with cereal sometimes."
"Ketchup was the first thing my son ever ordered at a restaurant. I said, He'll have some fries with that."
"Also, I managed to keep the fact that you can buy ketchup at the store from him until he was five or so. I let him believe you could only get it at restaurants."
george costanza ketchup GIF
Giphy
The Wandering Eye
"In biology class we were dissecting a pigs eyeball and my hand slipped and the eyeball fell on the floor and me being extremely lazy I kicked it under a cabinet and it lay there for 2 years until someone finally found it."
The Man, The Myth
"I made up a person. When I was in high school, I wanted to sound more popular so I made up a guy friend. He had am incredibly interesting backstory. This went on for years, well into college. I had the same friends so I couldn't just end the charade. The funny thing is all of these people: my family, my best friend, even my husband believe that they met this man. I never introduced them to anyone, but over the years, they all have different memories of seeing him. Finally, I just sort of phased him out, saying that we grew apart and lost touch. And yet, people will randomly ask me for updates on him. I just give vague answers and watch my husband smirk from across the room. My husband is the only person who knows the truth. I am so ashamed that I will never admit it. That lie was such a dumb thing that snowballed."
The Brown Lesson
"My wife went out drinking with co workers and got sh*t faced. I had to struggle to get her inside. Blackout drunk crying, puking, it was a nightmare and not the first time doing this. After putting her to bed, I sh*t on the drive way next to her car door and told her she did it while drunk and told her the neighbor saw her do it. She found it going to work the next day. She has not went out drinking since and this was 4 yrs ago if she does drink she's one and done."
Cheater, Cheater, Candy-Corn Eater
"We had a candy corn counting contest in like 4th or 5th grade where you guess how many are in the big jar. when no one was looking I carefully took the tape off the top thinking I was going to count them all or something and saw that they had written the total on the inside of the top so, being a genius, I took out about 30 of them, ate the evidence, and put my guess in for the number minus 35 - ya know, so it wouldn't be suspicious if i got it on the nose - not realizing they weren't going to recount them. The winner guessed it within 20 of the number on the bottom of the lid. So basically, I cheated, sabotaged and still lost and I kept all that stupidity to myself for all these years."
ABC Gum
"As a small I child I ate an old piece of gum from under a bus seat."
"I'd really like to exchange my mouth for a new one."
Hitting The Pavement
"One time, when I was like 9 or 10, I had to go to the bathroom really badly while my family and I were at a hotel pool. I didn't make it in time, so I sat on the pavement and just sh*t on the pavement. In my swimsuit. When no one was around I snuck to the bathroom and tried to clean it up the best I could. Never told anyone about that lol."
Clueless Dad
"When I was younger, I would steal coins from my parents and when I had enough, I would bring them to my dad and had them changed to paper bills and he would be so proud of me for saving coins that he would buy me ice cream or sweet bread."
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But sometimes, the wisdom imparted by friends isn't always helpful or relevant to the situation.
Curious to hear from strangers online who could do without specific knowledge, Redditor Saibotnl1 asked:
"What life advice can just f'k off?"
These Redditors have a problem with how certain people have on outlook on life.
Time To Rest
"Sleep when you’re dead."
"Cool, but you’re going to be dead a lot sooner."
– Tag2graff
Irrelevant Sadness
"People have it so much worse than you so don’t be sad!"
– notrachelmar
"To that I like to say, 'people have it so much better than you so don't be happy!'"
– ___jupiter____
Your Life Path
"Almost anything relating to what age you must be in order to buy a house, have children, marry, have a profession, or do anything else. Seriously, everyone's life is different from everyone else's. Make your life the way you want it to be. If you so desire. Up to you."
– Frn071
On The Contrary
“Cheaters never prosper”
"Yes, they f'king do."
– waqasnaseem07
People can get out of any situation they find displeasing.
But others feel people should just "stick it out."
Ignoring Bullies
"Just ignore bullys or get someone else to handle it for you. I have never seen this work, only makes it worse. The only effective way I've seen to deal with them is by not making yourself an easy target and make them scared to f'k with you again. If going psycho on their a** is the only thing they'll respond to that's their fault. Also want to add in schools they will punish you for self defense but that punishment is only sitting around a few hours in detention or sitting around at home with a suspension. The punishment is temporary boredom, it's absolutely nothing compared to being bullied and when it's over the important message will still stand that you will not tolerate being a victim."
– User Delted
Remain to be Miserable
"Stick it out"
"Whether that's sh**ty jobs, shi**y relationships, shi**y living situations..."
"By all means don't just give up on things when you face challenges, but if something feels wrong or is wrecking your peace then take some control and change it if you can!"
– petitezoey
"Easy for you to say," might be an auto-response to these suggestions for many people.
Invitation For Recklesslessness
"Live like everyday was your last"
Yall know what people do when they learn they have a single day left to live?"
– LimeGrass619
A Possible Consequence
"I did that as a teenager and ended up homeless and addicted to heroin. Didn’t pan out for me too well."
"19 years sober though today."
– Open-Section-7263
A Practical Approach
"If I knew with certainty that I had one day left, I'd double-check all my financials, my will, and my insurance policies, make sure my wife had all of my passwords and knew where all the money was, spend the rest of the day with her and the kids, then call the medical examiner and ask to lie down on the gurney so that when I die they won't strain their back moving my remains out of my house."
– Asteriad
Nose Stuck In A Book
"Work while they sleep. Study while they party"
"That's not a recipe for success, that's a recipe for a lot of white hairs, burnout syndrome and a stroke before your 40s..."
– Khomuna
Doesn't Apply To Everyone
"Do what you love and money will follow"
"I love walking my dogs and grilling food for my friends but That sh*t doesn't pay the bills as well as my engineering degree!"
– Elons_android
While people's intentions are good, they're better off keeping their two cents in their own pockets.
Not everyone likes to hear platitudes.
Sometimes, people just want to know they're not alone with their problems over listening to unlikely solutions that are nothing more than superficial pick-me-ups.
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