When someone catches you off guard or only sees a snippet of conversation things can get weird really fast. Sometimes these misunderstandings can be mortifying and often they lead to a solid laugh. Or both, you know like what happened between an old roommate and me involving a certain glow-in-the-dark adult item. But let me explain...
At the time I sold adult novelties for a MLM (Passion Parties) we hosted a ladies' night at the house where women got to look at products, try the lotions, and scrubs, and other more adult items. However, one game we played was taking a certain “member" that had a suction cup on the back (and glowed in the dark) and placing it somewhere in the room--first one to spot it during the party wins a body balm sample.
However, the ladies were having fun, and afterward, I was tired and did just basic clean up, dishes etc. I forgot about the game. So the next night I'm not home and get a message from one of my roommates. Her boyfriend found it and boy was he surprised!
After a long day at work was carrying a laundry basket and bent down to grab a random sock or something....he stood up and right at his eye level, jiggling a little from the movement, is an eight-inch, half glowing item starting him in the face. BOING!
Did I mention he was from a conservative small town in Pennsylvania? No? Yeah that made things interesting.
Also, he had no idea about the game, or that such things existed, only that a few ladies had gotten together for a ladies' night in. So he was a mixture of shocked, curious, and a bit concerned. That one was fun to try and explain. Still wish I could have seen his face.
Redditor smol_boi-_- wanted to hear everyone's embarrassing moments and asked:
"What's your best 'it's not what it looks like' story?"
“I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!”
“I was walking along one night with my wife and we bumped hips accidentally. I bumped her again, she bumped me back harder and it escalated from there. For my final victory I timed it just right to knock her into a lamppost so she fell over, laughing. ‘Whoop whoop’ a Police car had come up behind us and only seen the killing blow.”
“She instantly started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it that tears were streaming down her face and they grabbed me to stop me attacking her any more (I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!). It took quite a while for her to stop laughing enough to explain, longer still for them to believe us...” anomalous_cowheard
Add a shovel and some lye and you've got a party...
“Invited my friend on a hike, needed to get my bottle from the trunk. Forgot that I had to move some painting supplies earlier. The face when your tracksuit-wearing Eastern European friend opens a trunk lined with garbage bags, rolls of plastic wrap, and a hatchet in the middle of woods was priceless, but do not recommend. Hard to argue ‘is no problem, just had to move messy things, do not worry’.” NoMickeyMouseBusines
That was in the other bag...
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“When I was 16 my boyfriend's (now husband's) parents took me on a beach vacation with them. His dad was kind enough to carry my luggage to my room and his face was bright red. I just thought he was hot..."
“But my boyfriend came in and goes 'soo.. my dad says your luggage is vibrating'. I had one of those handheld face washing devices that you put a little makeup remover pad on in my bag and it had turned on. His poor dad thought I had brought a sex toy, so I actually had my bf take it down and show them what it was so they wouldn't think poorly of me lol. We all had a great laugh." Pham-Poet
It's ok he's my dad...
“A few years ago I went with my dad and my then baby sister (I was 17) to get a cake and once we did I was holding her while my dad was paying. The cashier called my sister cute and said I looked good for someone that just had a child.”
“Being the genius I am I laughed and said I was only 17 and the cashier instantly went wide eyed assuming something you could guess about my dad and my relationship (he has a good amount of white hair so he looks fairly middle aged in comparison to me). Before I could say anything she was sort of stuttering/avoidingly asking if we were a thing until I explained that he was my father and that the baby I was holding was not my daughter lol.” Radhihowru
The forbidden scratch...
“My manager was working in the office one weekend and had bad eczema. As no one was around he dropped his jeans and started going to town on his thighs. A cleaning lady walked in, took one look at him and walked out again.”
“What makes it worse is on the Monday, his manager wanted to speak to him about a completely unrelated "sensitive issue" - he thought he was getting fired” appocomaster
It wasn't fisting...really!
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“FINALLY!!!! I can tell my stupid story. I've suffered from left leg sciatica since I was about 14. Turns out I had something wrong with one of the facets in my lower left hand spine (since corrected with surgery)."
“In high school, I discovered the only way to heal a flair up was to have someone legit dig into my left butt cheek. Instant pain relief as the muscle calmed down and the nerve relaxed."
“Once in 11th grade, I had my girlfriend over to my parents house and we went downstairs to watch a movie. While we obviously messed around down there all the time, this was actually very innocent. I had a flair up and she offered to "massage my a** cheek" to help with the pain."
“I laid Across her lap face down while she went to town. Felt soooo good to not have my leg be on fire. Anyway, dad walks downstairs and in the dark. He immediately screams 'whoa omg I'm sorry!' And runs upstairs. I had to go and explain what was up. I'm almost 30." Awit1992
“Don’t worry I won't tell your mother...”
“In high school, borrowed my parent's van to take my gf on a date. We went out for dinner and then to a friend's for a bonfire. she changed in the van from a skirt/tights to sweatpants in between.”
“Next day my dad pulls me a side and he's holding her tights. I start saying, ‘it's not what it looks like’ but he cuts me off and just goes on about ‘I want to make sure you guys are being safe, don't worry I won't tell your mother, etc.’” zcmini
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain...”
“Driving back to college from my grandmas house, holding my hand up to my ear to hear myself better as I practice for a choral performance a couple days from then. Cop pulls me over, is surprised to see that my phone is actually packed away in the back seat when he asks me to retrieve it.”
“Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain the thought process behind hearing yourself better when holding a hand to your ear.”
“After a long stoic pause I panicked and couldn't think of anything else to say so I went ‘just try it!!!’ And started singing on the side of a two lane highway in the middle of bum f**k nowhere. He let me off with a warning.“ SynchronizedCalamity
“I live in not the best neighborhood in Brooklyn and a few weeks ago I was walking my girlfriends small black 3 legged dog late one night. There's a lot of guys that hang out by a busy corner drinking/smoking on their stoops, one of them went to take a leak by a buildings trash area.”
“He was facing the building with his back to me. So, as he was peeing, Pepper (the dog) decided she was going to be stubborn and just sit down. I kept trying to get her to get up so we could go home. As I was calling her and telling her ‘come on, lets go’ the guy peeing locked eyes with me through a mirror that was in the trash pile.”
"’Ey, yo WHAT the F**K’”
“He couldn't see the dog I was talking to because she was 10 ft behind me in the shadows. He thought I was trying to fight him WHILE I was watching him take a leak. Not at all the case.”
“As he was zipping up and turned around Pepper hopped up and trotted by and broke all the tension. He was like ‘oh sh*t, my bad! I didn't know you were talking to the dog‘. We laughed about it and carried on our separate ways.“ FlatbushRocknRoll
Who even does footsies anymore?
“Was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and his friends. All of a sudden his friend yells 'No! No, no, no, no! Nooooooo,' while looking at me in horror. I then respond 'What's the matter,' smiling and trying not to laugh at his randomness."
“He then screams 'STOP PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME!' After a really awkward 5 seconds he realizes it was my dog nudging him wanting to get his attention."
“I took out my little baggie of salt...”
“When I was traveling around the Netherlands, I kept breaking out in canker sores. My mom always told me that rubbing salt on the canker sores helps them heal quicker. So as I was traveling, I put a little bit of salt in a ziplock baggie and carried it around with me.”
“Well while I was sitting on the train, I took out my little baggie of salt and started rubbing in on my canker sores. People kept giving me the DIRTIEST looks and months later after telling this story to a friend, I realize it's because it looked like I was gumming cocaine.” superrach
Looked like a couple of bears and not the scary kind...
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“Me and my friend were working on our motorcycles, fixing some electrics. We needed some acid free vaseline for that, to keep them from corroding. We decide to step on our motorcycles and head for the hardware store.”
“By the checkout, 2 25 year old dudes in all motorcycle gear, getting a tin of vaseline, and a 18ish cashier girl. It dawned on us when we got a startled look from the cashier, and after that it was all jokes. Good times.” ZZrenz
He was just cold...
“One winter morning it was laying on my bed facing down watching cartoons on the tv. It was so cold that my hands were hurting, so I decided to put them under my body just below the stomach to warm them up. My dad walked past my room and saw me, I remember he reacted very surprised and came into the room and sat right next to me. Ladies and gentlemen this is when I got the so famous ‘talk’ because he thought i was beating my meat.”
“I was the most confused boy trying to understand why he is talking about touching my PP and women. It was so horrifying i had to explain myself that i was only warming my hands!! He still doesn't believe me. Cheers.” Pure_Statsitician919
Somethings you just can't explain away...
“As a young mechanic in the 80s, I was test driving a customer's car when it stalled and wouldn't stay running a block and a half from the shop. My boss eventually arrived, and I had him go back to the store to get a long piece of vacuum hose and a large can of carb cleaner, which burns like fuel in the engine. I connected the hose to the intake, ran it inside the car, and was able to spray carb cleaner into the intake to drive the car back to the shop without us calling an expensive tow truck.”
“However, when I was almost there, the straw that pushes into the spray nozzle popped out, causing me to spray a LOT of carburetor cleaner into my pants. When I pulled up to the shop the burning sensation was just starting, so I sprinted to the bathroom, dropped my pants, and was splashing water on my junk at the sink in the employee bathroom while making dramatic noises of agony.”
“Suddenly the door opened and I found myself face to face with a diminutive old Japanese man. He took in the scene of me howling and splashing my junk messily, his eyes widened, and he shut the door quickly all in less than 3 seconds. When I came out a few minutes later there was no sign of him.” MentORPHEUS
No, really officer!
“Me and friend 1 went over to friend 2s house. He was still in the shower so we decided to climb in the window by his front porch. As friend 1 made it through the window I made an offhand comment about the people in the car down the street probably think we're breaking in.”
“Two minutes later the cops are knocking on there door. We were just laughing while we waited for friend 2 to get dress and tell the cop what had happened.” RonaldMikeDonald1
It wasn't that kind of movie...
“OOO!!! I got one for this! I was a freshman in college and some friends of mine (one year behind me, so seniors in high school) were in an English class called Film as Literature where the final project is a student movie. They decided to do an old black and white noir aesthetic but the script was slapstick comedy a la Naked Gun.”
“They needed me to fill in as a police officer to pull over and arrest the femme fatale character because plot. So we slap a green spinning light on top of my car as the siren (remember, black and white movie) and at night had me pull over my friend and forcibly remove her from the car, handcuffing her and ‘arresting’ her by putting her in the backseat of my car (smashing her head on the car door along the way).”
“Somewhere around take 3 or 4 of this, an older lady comes down the road and stops us mid scene. The woman refused to talk to any of us except our femme fatale to ensure she was safe, but the absurdity of why we had our friend handcuffed and were repeatedly stuffing her into the back of a PT Cruiser was a highlight of the film. I think the lady even got a shout out in the credits.” SoCalHomestarmy
“Ah, that's where it went"
“I took the girl I wanted to date and her best friend, who was cute in her own right to a Ren-faire. They both dressed up really well for the faire. They got changed after in the car before we went out to dinner because the costumes were restrictive. All went very well.”
“The three of us had a blast together. A month later I go for a flight review for my pilots license. The instructor goes to sit in the passenger seat of my car but I have a local map book there. He goes to close it up, and my friends bra falls out into his hand. ‘Ah, that's where it went’ was all I could get out to his raised eyebrow.” Starrion
The universe got jokes...
“Late night dinner with the family, we come out to get in my Green 97 Honda Accord. Except it's not my car. It's a bait car. 3 squad cars pull up to "catch" me with 3 kids and my wife. I explain the situation and point out my car a few yards away. Cops look at each other, the kids, and then throw up their hands and walk away. I know I ruined a perfectly good sting because I subsequently lost that car to...wait for it...auto theft..” accidentalpyro
Why are kids so weird sometimes?
“I had once tied my best friends hands behind his back with packing tape for a walk to the shop. Don't ask why because I don't even know, it was just kids being stupid.”
“As we were walking down the road with him walking in front of us, a police car pulls into a bus stop and calls us over. Of course, my best friend doesn't see or hear this, so he's just wandering away with his hands taped behind his back until we get his attention and call him back to explain we were being dumb.” mikeybinns
“...pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin."
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“I was probably 14-15 years old and mowing the backyard. As I'm mowing I feel something in the right leg (thought area) of my jeans. I stop pushing the mower and stand still to see if I get what I thought I felt when it moves further up my thigh. I press it against my leg and unbutton my jeans. I manage to reach in with my free hand and pin whatever the hell this thing is against my leg so I can finished getting my pants down on the right side.
My pants fall to my ankles as I grab a huge cockroach off my leg and chunk it. Right after I do and before I can bend over and grab my pants, my mom walks around the corner and stops dead in her tracks.
She was born in Japan, "What you doING?" I told her there was a roach in my pants. She doesn't say anything else, just turns and walks back into the house.
I don't know what she came out there for and if she believed me, but even now I can't imagine what plausible explanation she would have accepted for her son to be standing next to a running lawnmower, with his pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin." knobbydaddy
Note to self--avoid public place when you can't help but be awkward. What's your most embarrassing misunderstandings? We'd love to hear them in the comments.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.