When someone catches you off guard or only sees a snippet of conversation things can get weird really fast. Sometimes these misunderstandings can be mortifying and often they lead to a solid laugh. Or both, you know like what happened between an old roommate and me involving a certain glow-in-the-dark adult item. But let me explain...
At the time I sold adult novelties for a MLM (Passion Parties) we hosted a ladies' night at the house where women got to look at products, try the lotions, and scrubs, and other more adult items. However, one game we played was taking a certain “member" that had a suction cup on the back (and glowed in the dark) and placing it somewhere in the room--first one to spot it during the party wins a body balm sample.
However, the ladies were having fun, and afterward, I was tired and did just basic clean up, dishes etc. I forgot about the game. So the next night I'm not home and get a message from one of my roommates. Her boyfriend found it and boy was he surprised!
After a long day at work was carrying a laundry basket and bent down to grab a random sock or something....he stood up and right at his eye level, jiggling a little from the movement, is an eight-inch, half glowing item starting him in the face. BOING!
Did I mention he was from a conservative small town in Pennsylvania? No? Yeah that made things interesting.
Also, he had no idea about the game, or that such things existed, only that a few ladies had gotten together for a ladies' night in. So he was a mixture of shocked, curious, and a bit concerned. That one was fun to try and explain. Still wish I could have seen his face.
Redditor smol_boi-_- wanted to hear everyone's embarrassing moments and asked:
"What's your best 'it's not what it looks like' story?"
“I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!”
“I was walking along one night with my wife and we bumped hips accidentally. I bumped her again, she bumped me back harder and it escalated from there. For my final victory I timed it just right to knock her into a lamppost so she fell over, laughing. ‘Whoop whoop’ a Police car had come up behind us and only seen the killing blow.”
“She instantly started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it that tears were streaming down her face and they grabbed me to stop me attacking her any more (I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!). It took quite a while for her to stop laughing enough to explain, longer still for them to believe us...” anomalous_cowheard
Add a shovel and some lye and you've got a party...
“Invited my friend on a hike, needed to get my bottle from the trunk. Forgot that I had to move some painting supplies earlier. The face when your tracksuit-wearing Eastern European friend opens a trunk lined with garbage bags, rolls of plastic wrap, and a hatchet in the middle of woods was priceless, but do not recommend. Hard to argue ‘is no problem, just had to move messy things, do not worry’.” NoMickeyMouseBusines
That was in the other bag...
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“When I was 16 my boyfriend's (now husband's) parents took me on a beach vacation with them. His dad was kind enough to carry my luggage to my room and his face was bright red. I just thought he was hot..."
“But my boyfriend came in and goes 'soo.. my dad says your luggage is vibrating'. I had one of those handheld face washing devices that you put a little makeup remover pad on in my bag and it had turned on. His poor dad thought I had brought a sex toy, so I actually had my bf take it down and show them what it was so they wouldn't think poorly of me lol. We all had a great laugh." Pham-Poet
It's ok he's my dad...
“A few years ago I went with my dad and my then baby sister (I was 17) to get a cake and once we did I was holding her while my dad was paying. The cashier called my sister cute and said I looked good for someone that just had a child.”
“Being the genius I am I laughed and said I was only 17 and the cashier instantly went wide eyed assuming something you could guess about my dad and my relationship (he has a good amount of white hair so he looks fairly middle aged in comparison to me). Before I could say anything she was sort of stuttering/avoidingly asking if we were a thing until I explained that he was my father and that the baby I was holding was not my daughter lol.” Radhihowru
The forbidden scratch...
“My manager was working in the office one weekend and had bad eczema. As no one was around he dropped his jeans and started going to town on his thighs. A cleaning lady walked in, took one look at him and walked out again.”
“What makes it worse is on the Monday, his manager wanted to speak to him about a completely unrelated "sensitive issue" - he thought he was getting fired” appocomaster
It wasn't fisting...really!
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“FINALLY!!!! I can tell my stupid story. I've suffered from left leg sciatica since I was about 14. Turns out I had something wrong with one of the facets in my lower left hand spine (since corrected with surgery)."
“In high school, I discovered the only way to heal a flair up was to have someone legit dig into my left butt cheek. Instant pain relief as the muscle calmed down and the nerve relaxed."
“Once in 11th grade, I had my girlfriend over to my parents house and we went downstairs to watch a movie. While we obviously messed around down there all the time, this was actually very innocent. I had a flair up and she offered to "massage my a** cheek" to help with the pain."
“I laid Across her lap face down while she went to town. Felt soooo good to not have my leg be on fire. Anyway, dad walks downstairs and in the dark. He immediately screams 'whoa omg I'm sorry!' And runs upstairs. I had to go and explain what was up. I'm almost 30." Awit1992
“Don’t worry I won't tell your mother...”
“In high school, borrowed my parent's van to take my gf on a date. We went out for dinner and then to a friend's for a bonfire. she changed in the van from a skirt/tights to sweatpants in between.”
“Next day my dad pulls me a side and he's holding her tights. I start saying, ‘it's not what it looks like’ but he cuts me off and just goes on about ‘I want to make sure you guys are being safe, don't worry I won't tell your mother, etc.’” zcmini
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain...”
“Driving back to college from my grandmas house, holding my hand up to my ear to hear myself better as I practice for a choral performance a couple days from then. Cop pulls me over, is surprised to see that my phone is actually packed away in the back seat when he asks me to retrieve it.”
“Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain the thought process behind hearing yourself better when holding a hand to your ear.”
“After a long stoic pause I panicked and couldn't think of anything else to say so I went ‘just try it!!!’ And started singing on the side of a two lane highway in the middle of bum f**k nowhere. He let me off with a warning.“ SynchronizedCalamity
“I live in not the best neighborhood in Brooklyn and a few weeks ago I was walking my girlfriends small black 3 legged dog late one night. There's a lot of guys that hang out by a busy corner drinking/smoking on their stoops, one of them went to take a leak by a buildings trash area.”
“He was facing the building with his back to me. So, as he was peeing, Pepper (the dog) decided she was going to be stubborn and just sit down. I kept trying to get her to get up so we could go home. As I was calling her and telling her ‘come on, lets go’ the guy peeing locked eyes with me through a mirror that was in the trash pile.”
"’Ey, yo WHAT the F**K’”
“He couldn't see the dog I was talking to because she was 10 ft behind me in the shadows. He thought I was trying to fight him WHILE I was watching him take a leak. Not at all the case.”
“As he was zipping up and turned around Pepper hopped up and trotted by and broke all the tension. He was like ‘oh sh*t, my bad! I didn't know you were talking to the dog‘. We laughed about it and carried on our separate ways.“ FlatbushRocknRoll
Who even does footsies anymore?
“Was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and his friends. All of a sudden his friend yells 'No! No, no, no, no! Nooooooo,' while looking at me in horror. I then respond 'What's the matter,' smiling and trying not to laugh at his randomness."
“He then screams 'STOP PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME!' After a really awkward 5 seconds he realizes it was my dog nudging him wanting to get his attention."
“I took out my little baggie of salt...”
“When I was traveling around the Netherlands, I kept breaking out in canker sores. My mom always told me that rubbing salt on the canker sores helps them heal quicker. So as I was traveling, I put a little bit of salt in a ziplock baggie and carried it around with me.”
“Well while I was sitting on the train, I took out my little baggie of salt and started rubbing in on my canker sores. People kept giving me the DIRTIEST looks and months later after telling this story to a friend, I realize it's because it looked like I was gumming cocaine.” superrach
Looked like a couple of bears and not the scary kind...
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“Me and my friend were working on our motorcycles, fixing some electrics. We needed some acid free vaseline for that, to keep them from corroding. We decide to step on our motorcycles and head for the hardware store.”
“By the checkout, 2 25 year old dudes in all motorcycle gear, getting a tin of vaseline, and a 18ish cashier girl. It dawned on us when we got a startled look from the cashier, and after that it was all jokes. Good times.” ZZrenz
He was just cold...
“One winter morning it was laying on my bed facing down watching cartoons on the tv. It was so cold that my hands were hurting, so I decided to put them under my body just below the stomach to warm them up. My dad walked past my room and saw me, I remember he reacted very surprised and came into the room and sat right next to me. Ladies and gentlemen this is when I got the so famous ‘talk’ because he thought i was beating my meat.”
“I was the most confused boy trying to understand why he is talking about touching my PP and women. It was so horrifying i had to explain myself that i was only warming my hands!! He still doesn't believe me. Cheers.” Pure_Statsitician919
Somethings you just can't explain away...
“As a young mechanic in the 80s, I was test driving a customer's car when it stalled and wouldn't stay running a block and a half from the shop. My boss eventually arrived, and I had him go back to the store to get a long piece of vacuum hose and a large can of carb cleaner, which burns like fuel in the engine. I connected the hose to the intake, ran it inside the car, and was able to spray carb cleaner into the intake to drive the car back to the shop without us calling an expensive tow truck.”
“However, when I was almost there, the straw that pushes into the spray nozzle popped out, causing me to spray a LOT of carburetor cleaner into my pants. When I pulled up to the shop the burning sensation was just starting, so I sprinted to the bathroom, dropped my pants, and was splashing water on my junk at the sink in the employee bathroom while making dramatic noises of agony.”
“Suddenly the door opened and I found myself face to face with a diminutive old Japanese man. He took in the scene of me howling and splashing my junk messily, his eyes widened, and he shut the door quickly all in less than 3 seconds. When I came out a few minutes later there was no sign of him.” MentORPHEUS
No, really officer!
“Me and friend 1 went over to friend 2s house. He was still in the shower so we decided to climb in the window by his front porch. As friend 1 made it through the window I made an offhand comment about the people in the car down the street probably think we're breaking in.”
“Two minutes later the cops are knocking on there door. We were just laughing while we waited for friend 2 to get dress and tell the cop what had happened.” RonaldMikeDonald1
It wasn't that kind of movie...
“OOO!!! I got one for this! I was a freshman in college and some friends of mine (one year behind me, so seniors in high school) were in an English class called Film as Literature where the final project is a student movie. They decided to do an old black and white noir aesthetic but the script was slapstick comedy a la Naked Gun.”
“They needed me to fill in as a police officer to pull over and arrest the femme fatale character because plot. So we slap a green spinning light on top of my car as the siren (remember, black and white movie) and at night had me pull over my friend and forcibly remove her from the car, handcuffing her and ‘arresting’ her by putting her in the backseat of my car (smashing her head on the car door along the way).”
“Somewhere around take 3 or 4 of this, an older lady comes down the road and stops us mid scene. The woman refused to talk to any of us except our femme fatale to ensure she was safe, but the absurdity of why we had our friend handcuffed and were repeatedly stuffing her into the back of a PT Cruiser was a highlight of the film. I think the lady even got a shout out in the credits.” SoCalHomestarmy
“Ah, that's where it went"
“I took the girl I wanted to date and her best friend, who was cute in her own right to a Ren-faire. They both dressed up really well for the faire. They got changed after in the car before we went out to dinner because the costumes were restrictive. All went very well.”
“The three of us had a blast together. A month later I go for a flight review for my pilots license. The instructor goes to sit in the passenger seat of my car but I have a local map book there. He goes to close it up, and my friends bra falls out into his hand. ‘Ah, that's where it went’ was all I could get out to his raised eyebrow.” Starrion
The universe got jokes...
“Late night dinner with the family, we come out to get in my Green 97 Honda Accord. Except it's not my car. It's a bait car. 3 squad cars pull up to "catch" me with 3 kids and my wife. I explain the situation and point out my car a few yards away. Cops look at each other, the kids, and then throw up their hands and walk away. I know I ruined a perfectly good sting because I subsequently lost that car to...wait for it...auto theft..” accidentalpyro
Why are kids so weird sometimes?
“I had once tied my best friends hands behind his back with packing tape for a walk to the shop. Don't ask why because I don't even know, it was just kids being stupid.”
“As we were walking down the road with him walking in front of us, a police car pulls into a bus stop and calls us over. Of course, my best friend doesn't see or hear this, so he's just wandering away with his hands taped behind his back until we get his attention and call him back to explain we were being dumb.” mikeybinns
“...pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin."
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“I was probably 14-15 years old and mowing the backyard. As I'm mowing I feel something in the right leg (thought area) of my jeans. I stop pushing the mower and stand still to see if I get what I thought I felt when it moves further up my thigh. I press it against my leg and unbutton my jeans. I manage to reach in with my free hand and pin whatever the hell this thing is against my leg so I can finished getting my pants down on the right side.
My pants fall to my ankles as I grab a huge cockroach off my leg and chunk it. Right after I do and before I can bend over and grab my pants, my mom walks around the corner and stops dead in her tracks.
She was born in Japan, "What you doING?" I told her there was a roach in my pants. She doesn't say anything else, just turns and walks back into the house.
I don't know what she came out there for and if she believed me, but even now I can't imagine what plausible explanation she would have accepted for her son to be standing next to a running lawnmower, with his pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin." knobbydaddy
Note to self--avoid public place when you can't help but be awkward. What's your most embarrassing misunderstandings? We'd love to hear them in the comments.
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For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...