Love is complicated. It's not like the movies. It's more like a Taylor Swift song or an Adele album. That's why they're so popular! Relationships can be difficult to navigate, especially if one partner can't pass strangers without falling into a bed. What's better is the excuses one uses for cheating. People are shocking.
Redditor u/sirkeylord was dying to know... What's the worst excuse you've heard for cheating?
50. What else?
My favorite: "the only reason I didn't cheat on you the last 3 months was because the job I had didn't give me an opportunity."
Another favorite: "well, I gave her a ride home and she didn't have cash, what else was I supposed to do?"Hilarious_83
Well, what else was he supposed to do? NOT cheat!? Don't be ridiculous. MattNemo
49. Written in the Stars...
My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017. SaltyStrength
Was she a fire bender and lost her powers or something? grantchart
48. Pig!
Giphy"My wife was pregnant, so I wasn't getting any." my_future_wife
Ironic considering the best sex I ever had was with a pregnant girl. 10/10 would do again. Sporaticeratic
47. Whack!
Ex girlfriend cheated when I fell asleep. . . said "since I wasn't responding, she assumed I was doing the same, so she cheated." Whack. drusey3
Well yeah, people who cheat assume everyone else is cheating. She was probably being honest when she said that. carnivoreinyeg
46. Well if you didn't have fun...
"I didn't even enjoy it because I was thinking about you the whole time and I felt terrible." btallredi
Have heard a variation of this. It made the situation worse because not only was he claiming to be thinking of me throughout the whole thing, but then ALSO making the decision to continue. Like halfway through, "Wait what about my partner.... naaaaah imma keep goin." nice_ghosty
45. Damn Tinder...
"I'm just on tinder to confirm that there's nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more." pdxcranberry
I created a fake tinder profile so my wife and I could see what it was all about - we met long before tinder was a thing. While scrolling through, we came across my brother's girlfriend's profile.
Fortunately though, she'd just forgotten to delete her profile. Thehotnesszn
44. Excuse me?
College roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend.
He started to rationalize that "you need to cheat to stay faithful." Sully1102
43. No Tarts for you!
A friend in college cheated on his girlfriend because she told him he had to stop eating pop tarts to lose weight, and he didn't know how to break up with her. When she found out, he straight up told her to her face he couldn't give up pop tarts. I wish that was a lie, those things are high as hell in calories. Krunzuku
42. The Spirits told me to.
GiphyMy buddy's dad was diagnosed with Colon cancer. He starts going to chemo and his wife starts going out with some other guy. His sister found out his mom was cheating on his dad so she told my buddy and he sat his dad down and talked to him.
Dad confronts cheating mom and she says (paraphrasing) "my fortune teller told me that the best way to get over your death would be to start something new with someone else."
Now mind you, his dad is not dead, or really even close. The cancer is responding well to chemo, and he's been slowly getting better. She literally tried justifying cheating on him because he might die....
She no longer lives in the house, and she, best to my knowledge, has been ex-communicated from the family. Reddit
41. How touching...
"It's not like it meant anything." Oh good, glad we cleared that up. Maxmoose800
Same. That actually made it worse to me. Like damn, if you would've been madly in love with him and just couldn't restrain your emotions, I mean I would still hate you but at least it would've been better than "I don't have to care about someone to f**k them even though you and I are together" haha. Nickbotic
40. Office Drama.
My ex: "he (her boss, married with 3 kids) offered me a (higher) position in the new company he was going to work at." Don't know, I ended the relationship and didn't look back. Pokemongolover
39. 2 Days.
Bestie was in the hospital having emergency surgery. Her family told her then-bf Sam, he never responded or showed. Cheated on her with a girl from high school, claiming "Well she didn't answer for 2 days!!" Yeah because she was nearly dead, forget you Sam. P_princess
38. Damn Penis.
Giphy"A penis has no conscience."
My late brother-in-law used that one. I used to think "Yeah, but the penis its attached to is supposed to." What's worse is my SISTER excused him by claiming (1) he had self-esteem issues and cheating made him feel better about himself (2) an accident left him with the emotional maturity of a 17 year-old so he couldn't control himself and (3) all men do it. sadjenny
37. The Monogamy Disease.
When they get caught, they try to play the "humans aren't meant to be monogamous" card. I'm like "if you don't believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place only to cheat later? You could join a free love hippies commune at any time. But that's not what you did."moderate-painting
36. It's Always Stress.....
My ex-wife's. We'd been together since before university, been together through university (different uni's, same city), then got engaged and married after Uni. When I got my first actual big job after my graduation job a couple of years later we had to move across the country. She had been excited about the move, found a new job and got really involved in choosing the apartment we'd rent whilst we got set up and planning kitchen items she'd buy with my extra pay... it all seemed good and she genuinely seemed pretty excited for it.
About 2 weeks before the main move (I was already working there and commuting back and forth) I find out she's cheated, and then that she's cheated in the past and then that she cheated a year or more ago.
Her excuse: stress. Worried about moving to a new city? Bone a guy. Worried about your new job? Bone a guy. Worried about exams? Bone a guy.
She genuinely tried to make me feel sorry for her that she got so stressed that she had no option but to go and sleep with other people. I agreed with her that if that were true she had real problems and needed help, but disagreed that it was going to be my problem anymore.
It was a long time ago now, but a real eye-opener about other people lol. Can't be too angry though as we got married too young and the years that followed my divorce were some of the best of my life. Plus if it weren't for that I wouldn't have met my wife or have the family I have now, so all for the best in the end. Jjex22
35. Out of Area....
Someone once told me, "It doesn't count if its in a different zip code." And I noped right the heck out.
A, S.O. I had once told me, "Well I wouldn't have cheated if you were around." When I was on a two week pre planned trip. And he couldn't see why I'd break up with him over it. whateverlizard
34. Nothing.
I (25f) was married for 6 years and caught my husband cheating his response "i got nothing." That was it. swalto203
I have the most wonderful wife and I can never imagine cheating on her, but if I did and got caught, that would absolutely be my exact response. "I've got nothin'." alwaysaproject
33. Not true.
Giphy"Everybody cheats."
No, no they don't. If they do, they are crappy. lookitsblackman
A pet theory of mine about how much people hate when someone who's been cheated on calls it out publicly (other than the general how dare you interrupt my day sort of thing) is that any time you call out your ex as a cheating piece of crap, at least 30% of your audience is like "hey! I resemble that remark!" Tadhgdagis
32. Nice Try.
"You weren't around and she reminded me of you so you should feel flattered." selahoya
This actually made me mad reading it. sirkeylord
31. I'm going to punch you.
"Kissing is like holding hands, so it's not cheating, friends sometimes hold each other's hands. Maybe if I were doing it with lots of guys everyday, but that was a two times thing! Also, it was only a oral, it's not like we slept with each other, that would be cheating."valyriaed
30. Otherwise Engaged.
I said to a woman once, I'm married and she said, "that's ok, I'm married too." Reddit
"I'm engaged." "So am I. I don't see either of them here, though, do you?"
You don't see me here any more, either. See ya. DadJokesFTW
29. Exercise.
GiphyIt was an exercise move that needed two people, to be naked in the shower. Reddit
And that's why I can't teach gym class anymore. spiritbx
28. Whoops....
I tripped and fell in between her skirt. Jimmy4SGF
And then tripped again for a good 50 times. And then fell on the floor and she tried to get up by standing up on top of me but she kept tripping about 20 times and then she started tripping faster for the next 12 times. After which she stopped tripping and walked away in shame while I sat there crying about how lonely I am. M0shka
27. Proof.....
"I felt like I wasn't good enough for you." wanalibi
Well... They proved themselves. sirkeylord
26. That Works?
"If you slept with me you'd be helping my relationship because we could have sex and then I'd go see her and last longer in bed."
Shockingly enough I said no. nochedetoro
I wonder how many times he tried that line and if it ever worked. Hopefully not. hobbitdude13
25. Dead Love.
I actually just found out I got cheated on a couple of days ago. Her excuse was "the relationship was dead" well maybe for you it was.
Safe to say, it definitely is now. Solar_Maniack
24. Taste the Rainbow....
"We were having a great time hanging out and she brought me Skittles!" Reddit
Who wouldn't sell off their relationship themselves for a bag of skittles?? Reddit
23. Gross....
"She came into my bedroom and took her clothes off. What was I supposed to do?" marcvsHR
Kick her out and report her for sexual harassment? Reddit
22. That's why you should floss....
GiphyOne morning I went to brush my teeth and my toothbrush was wet... I found that odd, so I asked my girlfriend if she used the blue toothbrush, she said "yeah" all casual. I said that the pink toothbrush was hers and she played it off like she didn't know.
I suddenly realized that we had been using the same toothbrush for a few weeks and it kind of grossed me out. That started a very small argument. I went to work as did she, but she didn't come home that night. The next morning I called her out and she admitted that she slept with another guy that didn't think she was gross. atlasbranded
21. Oh Ross....
"I thought we had been on a break." CheshireGrin92
WE WERE ON A BREAK!! RaeVonn
You ever looked back at that character he is the worst, Ross was a "nice" guy if I've ever seen one I mean this is a character who lied about annulling a marriage because it was injuring his self esteem. livingdeadfreak
20. It Always Counts....
I was told that cheating isn't a real thing unless you're married. danoll
I've heard that one! And the guy who said it for years, who would use it as an excuse to cheat on his girlfriend because they weren't married, as soon as he got married, he was cheating on his wife too! keetstreet
19. Untied.
"I'm young and don't want to be tied down to somebody."
That's fine, but instead of cheating on somebody who thinks you actually care about them, specify that you're not looking for anything serious to begin with. holuvate
18. One Way or Another....
Giphy"One thing led to another..." as if it was just inevitable and couldn't be helped. Reddit
Adolf Hitler was a promising young art student. One thing led to another, and the United States dropped two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan! the_twelfth_dr
17. Lazy Answer.
I didn't think I would get caught. sarzec
"I thought you'd left!" - said to my college roommate when she left a party at her boyfriend's house, realized she'd forgotten something, went back and found him in his bedroom with someone else. She dumped him and it became a running gag for us to yell it at each other at random times. "Hey, can you get my lunch from the fridge for me?" "I thought you'd left!" Reddit
16. Call God.
She was Christian, I was not. She basically told me God made her cheat on me because he will not bless mixed religion relationships. So it was my fault. wall_of_swine
I think she needs to take another look at the commandments. Wheatley67
15. Classic....
''Drunk'' Aurhs
I think about 90% of the times an excuse is used for cheating, it involves alcohol, as if somehow that doesn't make it count. sirkeylord
14. Closed....
Married friend of mine agreed to a threesome with hubby once. He then started sleeping around with other women when she wasn't present, claiming that she agreed to the threesome so it's okay and she can't be mad. Sadly she stayed with him and now they're in an "open relationship," meaning he can bring women home but she can't sleep with anyone else. She's miserable. enematowel
13. Be Detailed....
A friend of mine: "How could you? I trusted you!"
Her (now) ex: "If you didn't want me to cheat, you should have said so!"
Really have to have a twisted mindset to believe cheating is the default option. 😐 Callentino
12. Fool!
GiphyShe was contacting him a lot and when I found out that it had led somewhere and confronted him on it, word for word he said he 'didn't want to be a fool to her.' I was like, 'You didn't want to be a fool to HER? You're being a fool to ME!' Eskatrene
11. But we decided....
Her "Remember we talked about having an open relationship!"
Yeah and I said I'm not comfortable with that and you said ok. Had I known that ok was code for "I'm going to sleep with two of my coworkers at the same time while you're at your cousin's funeral" Then I'd have told you to screw off when you brought it up instead. RC_COW
10. Cured.
My girlfriend at the time and I were at a concert. I lost her for 1 set and then caught her making out with her friend. She told me she had cancer and wanted to experience as much as she could before she died. We then broke up (of course) and months later she told me that a priest cured her cancer and that she wanted to get back together. thicccdoggo
9. The Ex.
My ex husband cheated on me with some married woman because he didn't like how her husband talked to her. Well he probably talked to her like she was crappy because she was crappy. Throwawayxxx8
Probably something like "Yeah, you like that, you damn moron?" kaloonzu
8. It's Me, not you...
That it was my fault she slept with three different guys, because I didn't do enough for her
Yeah, paying the rent, and for her car, and going out to dinner once a week (minimum) as well as spending what time I could with her wasn't enough apparently.
Followed up by "well I was going to end it anyway so it's not really cheating, we're more like roommates I'd say, I was gonna suggest we just keep living together even after this."
Like... after 6 years I was supposed to want to be room mates/friends with her? Just so I could pay for everything still? zornyan
7. A Fairytale...
Giphy"It was a mistake, I messed up. she didn't mean anything anyway."
We had sex, he said he loved me. the next day, while i worked a 14 hour day so i had the next day off to spend with him, he went on tinder, found a match, set up a bowling date, took her home and had her stay the night. all the while texting me telling me how much he couldn't wait to spend the next day with me. i told him i hoped he found the Cinderella of his dreams. BirdDog360
6. Grow up....
Not an excuse but I had my coworkers tell me I was being "childish and immature" for saying cheating is 100% a deal breaker, and unforgivable.
They said there are "certain circumstances" that make it forgivable.
And I told them I don't care what the circumstances are. Once you break someone's, someone you supposedly care deeply about, trust like that? It's done. No repeats, no second chances. You cheat? We're done. End of.
They still called me childish and naive. These are people in their 40s. rizcriz
5. Beware the Demon....
In high school I dated this guy who was pretty mentally unstable. He claimed he had a demon inside of him (100% sure it was some multiple-personality disorder or something similar) and he said that his "demon" needed to find a mate too, and it wasn't fair for him to be stuck with me too like his "host," my bf, was.
Well I was 15 and stupid (and terrified of being dumped) so after a lot of crying and pleading for him to not cheat, I eventually gave in.
Man if I could go back in time and slap 15 year old me. SharpieScentedSoap
4. Makes Sense....
The ends justify the means, basically. Kid was a prick.
"The grades are more important to me than learning. My dad has a job position for me even if i get caught. I'm good at it too. I made straight A's last year and didn't study at all" SearchingForKokomo
3. I just heard....
"I'm sorry, I've just never had anyone interested in me before."
Um... hey fool, what about me?
He told me this after I confronted him after a friend told me. catcatmewow
2. Get a Therapist....
She talked to five dudes behind my back and screwed 2 others, for months, what did she say to me "I had to do it, you know my secret"
("What secret that you're an attention seeker?" this was via text and I had cut her off)
"I have trust issues"
2 days later she had a new boyfriend, after threatening to kill herself over me, claiming she never loved me, blaming me for her problems, and threatening me, fun times. SupremeMemeCreamTeam
1. My Bad....
Giphy"You're always working and I'm lonely! It's not like I slept with anyone, there's no one on there anyway!"
Said by my ex-fiance when I caught him on a dozen dating sites, sexting and trying to talk a bunch of BIGGER women into sleeping with him. I mean he wasn't lying, I was working all the time so I could, you know... MAKE MONEY FOR US TO LIVE ON. Screw me right?! I guess if I'd paid more attention to him he wouldn't have "had" to seek attention from other women.
Damn boob. nymphaetamine
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.