Sexuality, gender politics, gender relations, race relations, sexual fascinations. That is our world in 2019.
Heck it's always been our world but for so long we were a bland mash of amish puritans about discussing certain topics.
The cat is out of that bag now. People want to discuss and compare heterosexual and homosexual norms. Now things have gotten dicey here and there because some people may be just a tad too sensitive and some of those asking.... really need to think before they speak. But there is nothing wrong with polite curiosity.
Redditor u/hey_ya2585 wanted to open up a forum to discuss a few topics regarding the lives of homosexuals by asking.... What is a personal question you've always wanted to ask a gay guy, or gal but thought it was too private to ask?
Other dudes....
Does the idea of being with a woman intimately gross you out in the same way a heterosexual man would react to having sex with another dude? ThatKiwiBloke
No, it doesn't gross me out. I just don't find women sexually attractive, so I don't want to have sex with them. So I would describe it as just being disinterested. assasamealassasameal
The Pick Ups....
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Is it easy to pick up a dude to hook up with? I feel like most hetero guys would bang most hetero women who showed a vague interest, lol. So finding a dude to bang - it's gotta be like shooting fish in a barrel right? PM_GUITAR_PICKS
Speak.
Do you feel like people should care that you are gay?
Like when somebody tells me he is gay I say something like cool and continue the conversation. Would something like that bother you? TravelAsYouWish
The Power....
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What the heck is a power bottom and also what is the deal with bears? I am one apparently and I get hit on a fair amount. I am a fat hairy man. what about that turns your crank? Is it the gut?
Edit for response- Thank you so much for all the replies. I have had self-confidence issues so it's good to know that these guys just want jump my bones. That's kind of nice. I'm straight and married but it's still nice to know. glarfnag
Confidence Game.
Why can't everyone have as much confidence as the 3 gay men that tried hitting on me at a bar a few months ago? even though I'm straight I felt pretty good about myself after the 3rd guy tried his luck and I had to turn him down.
life would be so much darn easier if people would hit on each other like those gay guys did to me. ThatKiwiBlokeThatKiwiBloke
Sexy looks....
Occasionally I get a feeling looking at a dude like "damn I'd love to look like him. Damn if I were into men this would be my idol." Do gay men get the same feeling when looking at stunning women? Naturage
Gas!
Who farted first?
In heterosexual relationships the man typically farts in front of the woman first. Any time I meet a gay couple my fiancé hates it because the whole way home she has to listen to me debate myself about which one of them farted in front of the other first. TheJuiceGrenade
Ol' Flaccid.
Well I'm a lesbian so the whole being-attracted-to-a-man thing is very foreign to me. So I'm sorry if this sounds weird or rude or whatever.
But like, are you sexually aroused by plain ol' flaccid penis? Or even erect penis? Like, does the sex organ itself turn you on? Also, is there a specific, idk, "sculpt" that you prefer or is considered better by people attracted to men?
Edit: I love this thread, y'all are cool. reallarrydavid
Now I'm gay!
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When was your first moment of "Oh, I'm gay now."? I am personally questioning and am wanting to get a gist of when I might confirm for myself. Farabel
Other People's Issues.
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Do you have to deal with a lot of homophobic people? anda1fderBlaue
In my experiences, no, but i have a very understanding and close group of friends. I do know people that definitely have though. hey_ya2585
How do you Know?
Do you know fairly reliably if a guy you meet is also gay? Spuzzell
What context am I meeting this guy? For a date? then yea, lol. Out in public, sometimes yea, they're outwardly effeminate... but then there are guys like me that nobody knows until I tell them. hey_ya2585
Ok thanks! Follow up, is there a subtle way of communicating to a new date if you're a top or a bottom?
Does it matter hugely if both partners prefer being the same one? Spuzzell
To Do it or not to do It?
My wife's brother is gay and I'be always wanted to ask him how does spontaneity work? Like in a hetero relationship there isn't really any prep work that needs to go into vanilla sex. But if you want to avoid any accidents you need to prep. So say you meet someone and immediately hit it off. Do you do everything but or just say forget it? Am3ncorn3r
Some Thoughts.
- So, how often do you get crushes on straight guys? Is that a common thing, and if so, what do you do about it?
- Can you tell when another guy is gay/bi? Have you ever been wrong?
- Do girls really feel more comfortable around gay guys than straight guys? steamtrekker
The Good Part.
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What does it feel like to be on the bottom? I've never actually done it. PM-ME-Y0UR-W0RRIES
What I Like....
Do you feel there's a difference between what women find attractive in men versus what gay ppl find attractive in men? brotherkaramasov
Who Am I?
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I'm gay myself. But if I ever did have children I have no idea how our child would refer to us. Dad and papa? Pops? Murdock07? No idea. Murdock07
The Sir names....
When you're in a long-term relationship and receive invitations addressed to both of you, do you prefer the invitations be addressed to 'Mr. John Smith and Mr. Bob Jones,' 'The Messrs. John Smith and Bob Jones,' or, informally, 'John and Bob'? Would marrying said gentleman change how invitations should be addressed? Whose name should come first; should it be alphabetical, the one the host or hostess knows best, has known longest, the one who is oldest first, etc?
The book Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids About LGBTQ+ Families and Friends is available here to help you start your own dialogue.
The excuses people use to dismiss behavior range from mundane and meaningless to the sort of leaps normally reserved for kangaroos and Olympians. It's sometimes amazing that these excuses work - but they do.
Some of them work so well that they're just sort of "accepted." That, obviously, kind of sucks and is something we should avoid - so let's talk about 'em.
Can't swerve around what you don't see, ya know?
Reddit user TMTtasmachine asked:
What's the biggest excuse used for a-hole behavior that shouldn't be accepted as much as it is?
... and away we go.
Jerk Privileges
" 'That's just how they are.' "
"One of the biggest enablers for tantrum throwing, bullying, etc. is that they get treated with kid gloves to avoid dealing with them." - alexrt87
"Oh my God you hit the nail on the head. Whenever someone says 'that's just the way they are' I say:"
" 'Yes, that's the point! Glad you noticed too! Now is it okey-doke for them to be jerks they have special jerk privileges? Or maybe they are just people and should treat everyone else as such?' " - notatrumpchump
"It depends on how it's said."
"People are the way that they are, and you shouldn't be surprised when they continue to be that way."
"This, obviously, doesn't excuse it - but people also shouldn't be surprised when a bad person continues to make bad decisions. Neither should we waste space in our minds being bothered by it." - unlawfulfoxy
Harassment Isn't Humor
season 2 lol GIF by ShamelessGiphy" 'It's just a joke, bro.' Harassing people isn't humor." - loading__99
"Schrödinger's Douchebag"
"A guy who says/does offensive things and decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him." - Eatsleeptren
"Dude, legit had someone come up to me and start shouting in my face, calling me Madison, pretending I was cheating on him. Literally the most crowded location outside a theater, everyone staring at us, looking at me like I was some horrible cheater while I was out with my then fiancé."
"I started hyperventilating, my fiancé nearly decked the dude, and then someone shouts 'CUT' like this is some big 'YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA' moment and everything's supposed to be okay."
"I burst into tears."
"It was the most humiliating moment of my life, and thank god my then fiancé, now husband is not the type to overreact or jump to conclusions, or be abusive. Imagine how bad that could have been for someone with an angry or abusive partner."
"Prank videos are a plague on the internet and there is a REASON so many of them are fake, or involve actors." - Darkovika
Stay Sober, Then!
Drunk Drinking Beer GIFGiphy" 'I was drunk / high / etc.' "
"Then don't drink?! Stay sober if you can't NOT be an a**hole!" - BasedBenjamin
"Alternately, I hear a lot of 'I'm a happy drunk!' "
"Yeah, according to your drunk a$s. That doesn't mean you're not an ahole. Not remembering is not an excuse either." - PepeBabinski
"I was that guy. I swore I was a 'happy drunk' - and I was. It was everyone ELSE who was miserable while I was happy."
"I was also loud, obnoxious, and I wouldn't remember sh*t the next day."
"Quitting drinking has been one of my best choices of my life." - TTungsteNN
"Help"
new girl coach GIFGiphy" 'I'm just trying to help you' " - Miserable-Air1234
"Every time I've heard this, they're manipulating me while helping only themselves." - mykittenfarts
"My Mom to a T. Everything she does is better than anyone else's and she always gets pissed that people don't praise her for 'helping.' "
"She's now a certified (by herself) psychic and I have come to the conclusion that she's not a covert narcissist but an obvious one. I really wish I was joking." - Silent_Discussion657
Parenting Problems
Leave Me Alone Run GIF by TLC EuropeGiphy"Any variation of 'I'm a Mother/parent.' "
"Had some lady cut me in line at a coffee shop and she hit me with 'I'm a single Mom of 3!' as her excuse."
"Ok? And? I was still here first." - maid-for-hire
"I'm a single mom and I f*cking haaaate when other single moms/parents pull that sh*t to get special treatment."
"Last week, I was having a rough morning, my kid was being difficult, and I was running late. I was rude to a cashier over a minor inconvenience."
"Not only did I apologize for my shitty behavior, I wrote corporate to let them know how professional and patient she was while I acted like a f*cking toddler."
"Was being a parent part of the reason I was frustrated? Absolutely. Was it an excuse for that behavior? HELL no."
"I acted like a b*tch, and I called myself out, and I apologized. I still feel bad about that - I rarely let things get to me to the point I snap at others." - ClusterfckyShtshow
"Wow. I'm a Mom as well and tired but it doesn't give anyone a right to use it as some sort of ploy to get away with stuff."
"Like, mice become Moms about 12 times a year. You're not special 🤣" - SpoonLoops
Believing Your Boss
The Office Monday GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"I had a boss say some really racist sh*t around me one day and the next day, out of nowhere, he says:"
" 'Don't believe half the things that come out of my mouth!' "
"It was not really an excuse, more like trying to cover for himself after the fact, but still stuck with me." - sirlongbottom441
"Report them to HR. Seriously." - kokichi--ouma
"Looking past the racist stuff for a bit, that's not a very encouraging thing to hear from a boss…" - WonderfulBlackberry9
Bad Day Again
Bad Day Reaction GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy" 'I'm having a bad day/week' "
"Okay, so you decide everybody that you interact with deserves the same fate? Get out of here, dude." - myordinaryexistence
"We all got stress, don't take it out on me. I get some people have stress bad enough for it to be passable every once and a while (family member passing, etc) but general, stress should not lead to you being a jerk to me." - willsimpforfree
"Damn, I'm definitely guilty of this. Usually I remember to apologize after but at this point I've learned to just avoid the situation in the first place by minimizing my interaction with people if I'm in a shitty mood." - nozzzrul
"Reminds me of when that White boy went on a murder rampage and killed a bunch of Asian women & that a-hole sheriff gave a press conference telling the media that the 'poor boy had a bad day.' "
"My idea of a bad day involves going home after a rough day at work and just staying in the house."
"Apparently, I should change my ethnicity from Asian to White and go on a murder rampage, see if my @ss gets a sympathetic sheriff to say on my behalf that I had 'a bad day.' " - kingkazul400
It's Not An Excuse
Season 2 Reaction GIF by FriendsGiphy"This won't go down well, but using depression as an excuse. As someone who suffers from it, it's still not ok to treat others like sh*t" - Rainbowwallstickers
"Could not agree enough. My partner has a 'friend' who treats everyone like sh*t all the time, has no consideration for others and openly mocks people in public."
"She gets so much grace from those around her under the guise of her 'mental health.' It's so infuriating watching an adult woman never have to take responsibility for her actions." - 34boor
"I get there are some things you can't control, but you are still responsible for keeping that sh*t in check and if you're aware of your mental illness, you should be aware of how you approach people and situations."
"I'll admit I used to be guilty of using my mental illness to be an @ss, but now I'm trying to better myself" - VeeSquibbles
Florida Gonna Florida
Looney Tunes Florida GIFGiphy"People are letting Florida off the hook way too damn much. And I live in Florida."
"Just because it's hilarious doesn't mean it isn't still completely f*cked up." - AlphaWhiskeyOscar
"The phrase 'Florida Man' is almost always followed some heinous way a Floridian is being an a$$hole." - PepeBabinski
"I'm also originally from Florida, and that state has serious problems. We need to pay attention to it." - [Reddit]
Moment of honesty ... as a Floridian ... yeaaaah, I'm gonna have to agree with that last one.