People Share Questions They Have Always Wanted To Ask LGBTQ+ People
Can we all have a little discussion?
Sexuality, gender politics, gender relations, race relations, sexual fascinations. That is our world in 2019.
Heck it's always been our world but for so long we were a bland mash of amish puritans about discussing certain topics.
The cat is out of that bag now. People want to discuss and compare heterosexual and homosexual norms. Now things have gotten dicey here and there because some people may be just a tad too sensitive and some of those asking.... really need to think before they speak. But there is nothing wrong with polite curiosity.
Redditorhey_ya2585wanted to open up a forum to discuss a few topics regarding the lives of homosexuals by asking...
"What is a personal question you've always wanted to ask a gay guy, or gal but thought it was too private to ask?"
"Does the idea of being with a woman intimately gross you out in the same way a heterosexual man would react to having sex with another dude?"
"No, it doesn't gross me out. I just don't find women sexually attractive, so I don't want to have sex with them. So I would describe it as just being disinterested."
The Pick Ups....Giphy
"Is it easy to pick up a dude to hook up with? I feel like most hetero guys would bang most hetero women who showed a vague interest, lol. So finding a dude to bang - it's gotta be like shooting fish in a barrel right?"
"Do you feel like people should care that you are gay? Like when somebody tells me he is gay I say something like cool and continue the conversation. Would something like that bother you?"
"What the heck is a power bottom and also what is the deal with bears? I am one apparently and I get hit on a fair amount. I am a fat hairy man. what about that turns your crank? Is it the gut?"
"Edit for response- Thank you so much for all the replies. I have had self-confidence issues so it's good to know that these guys just want jump my bones. That's kind of nice. I'm straight and married but it's still nice to know."
"Why can't everyone have as much confidence as the 3 gay men that tried hitting on me at a bar a few months ago? even though I'm straight I felt pretty good about myself after the 3rd guy tried his luck and I had to turn him down. Life would be so much darn easier if people would hit on each other like those gay guys did to me."
"Occasionally I get a feeling looking at a dude like ]'damn I'd love to look like him. Damn if I were into men this would be my idol.' Do gay men get the same feeling when looking at stunning women?"
"Who farted first? In heterosexual relationships the man typically farts in front of the woman first. Any time I meet a gay couple my fiancé hates it because the whole way home she has to listen to me debate myself about which one of them farted in front of the other first."
"Well I'm a lesbian so the whole being-attracted-to-a-man thing is very foreign to me. So I'm sorry if this sounds weird or rude or whatever. But like, are you sexually aroused by plain ol' flaccid penis? Or even erect penis? Like, does the sex organ itself turn you on? Also, is there a specific, idk, 'sculpt' that you prefer or is considered better by people attracted to men?"
"Edit: I love this thread, y'all are cool."
Now I'm gay!Giphy
"When was your first moment of 'Oh, I'm gay now?' I am personally questioning and am wanting to get a gist of when I might confirm for myself."
Other People's Issues.Giphy
"Do you have to deal with a lot of homophobic people?"
"In my experiences, no, but i have a very understanding and close group of friends. I do know people that definitely have though."
How do you Know?
"Do you know fairly reliably if a guy you meet is also gay?"
"What context am I meeting this guy? For a date? then yea, lol. Out in public, sometimes yea, they're outwardly effeminate... but then there are guys like me that nobody knows until I tell them."
"Ok thanks! Follow up, is there a subtle way of communicating to a new date if you're a top or a bottom? Does it matter hugely if both partners prefer being the same one?"
To Do it or not to do It?
"My wife's brother is gay and I'be always wanted to ask him how does spontaneity work? Like in a hetero relationship there isn't really any prep work that needs to go into vanilla sex. But if you want to avoid any accidents you need to prep. So say you meet someone and immediately hit it off. Do you do everything but or just say forget it?"
"So, how often do you get crushes on straight guys? Is that a common thing, and if so, what do you do about it?"
"Can you tell when another guy is gay/bi? Have you ever been wrong?"
"Do girls really feel more comfortable around gay guys than straight guys?"
The Good Part.Giphy
"What does it feel like to be on the bottom? I've never actually done it."
What I Like....
"Do you feel there's a difference between what women find attractive in men versus what gay ppl find attractive in men?"
"Was your family/ friend's supportive when you came out?"
Who Am I?Giphy
"I'm gay myself. But if I ever did have children I have no idea how our child would refer to us. Dad and papa? Pops? Murdock07? No idea."
The Sir names....
When you're in a long-term relationship and receive invitations addressed to both of you, do you prefer the invitations be addressed to 'Mr. John Smith and Mr. Bob Jones,' 'The Messrs. John Smith and Bob Jones,' or, informally, 'John and Bob'? Would marrying said gentleman change how invitations should be addressed? Whose name should come first; should it be alphabetical, the one the host or hostess knows best, has known longest, the one who is oldest first, etc?"
"Open honest communication can change hearts and minds. The book Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids About LGBTQ+ Families and Friends is available here to help you start your own dialogue. Do you have any questions to add? Drop them in our comment section below."
Depends... (Pun Intended)
"Does pooping hurt the next day? I don’t mean this in a judgmental way at all but I have never wanted to do it with a woman in the butt because it seems sooooo painful and I’ve really been drawn to it."
"If he's thick or big and doesn't use enough lube, sure, but only a tiny bit. It isn't even a little painful given practice/time/lube, but again, depends on penis-size."
"Going to get buried in the comments, but wanted to point out an awesome show on ABC (Australia) called You Can't Ask That. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuJH4aU4svlkybwUXF2ed0dGiJ2J7P1b3"
"Each episode is a marginalised group (gays, disabled, immigrants, etc) and they have people write in anonymous questions and they have a small group of those people answer those questions candidly. It's basically this AMA, but for all kinds of groups. Thanks OP for your post and thoughtful responses to all the questions."
"This is more of an in general question, about kinda... myself? So: I am a straight(?) Guy, but I can get aroused to fembois/penises/Mtf trans. But the male body does not arouse me at all, only the penis. Does that make me bi, or what could this be?"
"It doesn’t really have to be anything. People are so quick to put labels on things that they don’t take time to realize that it doesn’t really matter. You can have sex with whoever you like and that doesn’t change your sexuality or who you are. Important thing to remember is just have fun, be safe, and love yourself. Don’t label anything if you don’t want to. Cause labels really don’t matter. At the end of the day you’re still 100% genuinely you."
Bi the way...
"I did ask this to a bi person but might as well. Do you get horny for someone to put a penis in your butt and for you to put your penis in someone separately?"
"Edit: I realised I am bi and yes... this does happen."
"As a bi guy there are 5 different types of horny, step on me girl, I wanna do it with you girl, I want you to do me guy, I wanna do you guy, and that one time I ate a slice of red velvet cake and I got an erection because it was so good."
"I'm a mother of a gay son (14). He hasn't started dating yet but has had several crushes. What do you wish your parents taught you about dating as a gay teen? I'm also a bit stumped on the whole birds and bees talk. He got the traditional birds and bees talk when he was younger, but I'm not sure how to prepare him for future sexual encounters other than telling him to wear a condom."
"I don't really think there are special rules here for gay kids vs straight kids when it comes to being an idiot teenager dating. The best you can really do is raise a kid who is confident enough to say something or bail on a situation that they don't feel comfortable with, yeah?"
"The heartbreak and pain are features of the experience and you won't do him any favors by sparing him those youthful heartaches. Maybe steer him towards PFLAG or some kind of LGBT youth group so there are people he can talk to or network with -- your resources are going to depend highly on city here. Oh, and above all, watch out for suicide since his chance is between 60 and 80% higher than the other kids. Sorry for scaring you with that one. The Trevor Project - GLSEN - PFLAG"
"PM me if you wanna bounce anything off me."
Killin' ItDance Dancing GIF by tv2norgeGiphy
"How the hell y'all always kill it on the dance floor? I've met 12 gay dudes in my life and every single one of em freakin' owns the floor like it has their name on it. I just flop around and call it dancing."
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Purposefully inflicted pain.
One of the most famous examples I can recall is that walking on coals nonsense.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?!
That and Bikram yoga. Good Lord the heat.
The things humans will put ourselves through is astounding.
The things we can actually withstand is kind of amazing though.
Redditor Ok_Security_8657 wanted to hear about the times we've had to suffer through, so they asked:
"What is the most painful thing you've ever experienced, *on purpose*?"
Let's see what stories Reddit had to contribute.
Twice?!Season 2 Couch GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"Novocaine doesn't work on me. For submarine service you have to have all of your wisdom teeth removed. The Navy does not use anything other than novocaine. They only pull two at a time though. I went back the second time."
"I cut my thumb pretty bad years ago while using a knife in my kitchen. And looking at the salt shaker on the counter I got the idea to literally. Pour salt on a wound. It was like an electric shock was sent through my nervous system. A short but very intense feeling of pain. Use salt water/saline instead."
"Technically it is an electric shock as salt has negative ion that if the condition is correct it would shock your nerves."
"I have a friend who got a lung biopsy WITHOUT numbing and pain meds. She was 14. She said she wanted to 'feel it' like the biopsy on her knee (which did, in fact, use drugs). She says it was the most painful experience of her life. She had 26 cancerous tumors big enough to show up when on the scan of her lungs. She is happily married, alive and well, and a total bada**."
"I cut my arm open trying to catch a falling glass once. Saw the insides. To be thorough, I cleaned the wound by alternating squirting isopropyl alcohol and hydrogen peroxide in it. A little later my surgeon friend told me soap and water would have been good enough to clean it. Welp."
"Next time use coffee grounds. I've also heard of people using chili powder but that seems like it'd be nasty."
MotionlessJake Johnson Pain GIF by New GirlGiphy
"IUD fitting. Thought it was all fine because I didn't have too much pain during the procedure... 12 hours later I could not move from the pain and had to get my mum to deliver pain killers to my flat at 7am next morning bc I'd gone through everything we had."
Painkillers 24/7 for somethings please.
WHITE HOT AGONYmadeline kahn flames GIFGiphy
"Recently, I had a couple plantars warts cut out of my feet. The shots they use to numb you suuuuck. Went right into the bottom of each of my feet under the big toes. WHITE HOT AGONY. Thankfully, the pain doesn't last very long, and the operation was pretty much painless after that."
"Getting my eyes washed after being Pepper sprayed. We were given a chance to experience the proper stuff while in military. My mind went 'Hell yeah, that will be cool!' Well, got sprayed, had to walk 5 meters to a person holding a water bottle so he could rinse my eyes. Motherf**ker had warm/hot water in the bottle and he poured it to my face."
"It burned even more and I got waterboarded at the same time."
"I've heard that you can experience pain that makes you fear you will die. Maybe, but at that moment I learned that you can feel pain that makes you fear that you might not die, and you have to suffer that pain."
"The most painful experience of my life was passing a kidney stone, though whether or not it can be considered to have been experienced on purpose is debatable. I certainly contributed to its development through my choices, but that’s another story."
"On the other hand, I had an ingrown toenail removed before."
"After removing the entire side of the nail, the doctor chemically burned the exposed nail bed with a chemical called phenol. Even though my toe was entirely numb, it was the most white hot searing pain ever. It hurt so bad it took my breath away. The best part is that the toenail came back, and I’m getting it done again in two weeks."
"Decided I had to tell the woman I fell in love with that I had feelings for her. I knew before I told her that she would reject me. She was not in a mentally healthy place and didn’t want to be with ANYONE. But I wanted her to know the truth. So I took the rejection like a man and we are still friends."
"Putting my wedding ring on our bedroom dresser (knowing my marriage was over) while my wife was across town doing a police officer she had met at the shooting range. I walked out of our house and have not spoken to or seen her since. That was over 40 years ago."
Bye ByeSad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy
"Putting my dog down. She passed in my arms. There's a song that I associate with her which I can't hear without tearing up, despite her exiting my life more than a decade ago."
These are some brave folks who have been through some enormous pain. We thank thank for sharing!
Do you have anything you'd like to add? Let us know in the comment section.
People Break Down Which Things Everyone Should Experience At Least Once In Their Lives
Especially in today's economy, with many of the stresses that appeared during the pandemic still hanging over our heads, it can be easy to forget to look for the joyful experiences in our days.
And some of these experiences can be truly life-altering, so much so that everyone should experience them at least once.
Redditor HappyNuisance asked:
"What's something everyone should experience at least once in their life?"
Mend a Broken Heart
"Heartbreak... it sucks and is one of the absolute worst feelings you can imagine but it helps if you experience that younger in life rather than, at say, 60 because it helps you grow as a person!"
Provide Hospice Care
"I have a weird one... When someone is in hospice and needs 24-hour care, if possible, take them into your home, learn all you can about what to do so you don't need hospice coming out whenever something comes up."
"We did this for my mother as she died of pancreatic cancer back in 2010 and my kids (ages six and nine at the time) got to see and experience a loved one's death. They saw it wasn't scary or anything to be afraid of. They learned the true meaning of compassion, love, humility, and respect."
"I consider it an honor and a privilege to have taken care of my mom while she was on her deathbed."
Reconnect with Nature
"Go camping. Spend some time in the wilderness with no electronics, no demands, and (hopefully) no stress. Just detach from the modern world for a short while and enjoy the return to nature."
Disconnect from Technology
"Being well and absolutely disconnected. No phones, no GPS. I last had that experience in the early 90s. Being somewhere with someone you trust and the two of you are the only people who know where you are and what you are doing."
Visit Another Country
"As an American, an extended stay in a foreign country. Being stationed in Europe for several years was mind-blowing. You really cannot grasp the completely sheltered, ethnocentric bubble that we Americans live in until you are able to spend some extended time outside of it."
"Also, as an American, it is difficult to grasp how truly ancient Europe is, and similarly, I noticed that non-Americans have difficulty grasping how truly enormous America is."
"Hunting, fishing, gardening, gathering, whatever it takes to supply yourself with a food source, independently, for at least a few days. It really opens your eyes to the time and labor required to feed one person, let alone billions. It also makes you acutely aware of the delicate balance we live each day with food supplies."
"Experiencing a major sporting event in person. For me, the most important memorable ones were football, both European and American. I was fortunate enough to experience the World Cup in Germany and have been to several NFL games in the U.S."
"It is incredible to be in a massive arena with 80,000 other humans, feeling the energy, feeling the ground shake. It gives you a bit of insight into what it must have been like in the Roman heydays of the Coliseum. It also helps you to grasp the enormity of a natural disaster, when you see what such a large number of people actually looks like."
"I could go on for days, lol (laughing out loud)."
Immerse Yourself in Another Culture
"Another culture. And I don’t mean as a tourist where you have all the comforts of home. To fully absorb and immerse yourself in the lives of that culture. To eat their foods, drink their drinks, and do as they do."
Go Scuba Diving
"I went night diving on my honeymoon in Bonaire and saw the ostracods (little bioluminescent shrimp) lighting up the water all around me. The most beautiful, magical thing I have ever experienced."
Remember to Do the Silly Things
"On road trips through the Midwest, I play a game called Transition. It’s where we try to find a cow 'in transition' which means the cow is either getting up or sitting down."
"Think about it. You always see cows sitting or standing. Have you ever seen a cow get up or sit down?"
"Now go and have 'fun' with that, Reddit."
"Gratitude for being alive. And I don't mean it like after a near-death experience. I'm talking about the epiphany you get doing the simplest task or after a bad day. The sudden realization of being alive and being able to feel however you're feeling at the moment is something everyone should experience and be grateful for."
See a Solar Eclipse
"Witnessing a total solar eclipse."
"Totally life-changing. Even having a full understanding of what is happening, I totally get how people over the millennia would find this to be an omen from the gods."
Feel Financial Independence
"Even if it's only for a short period of time: full financial independence while being single. You can pay your own bills, you have your own place, and you have full freedom over your free time."
"Whether it's staying in and binge-watching Netflix, or going out and sitting amongst strangers, your time is your own. No kids. No spouse or significant other. I find this is when you really get to know and understand yourself."
Gain a New Perspective on Home
"Everyone should experience the joys of traveling to a foreign land at least once in their lifetime, even if it's just to realize how much they love their own toilet."
"Imagine discovering new cultures, cuisines, and the thrill of trying to communicate with locals using just charades and a phrasebook. Trust me, it's a life-changing experience that'll give you a new appreciation for your home and a killer accent to boot."
Don't Miss Out on the Ocean
"I took a friend to see the ocean for the first time, something I had seen regularly since I was a child. He was awestruck and we just sat there watching for about an hour."
Listen to the Sound of Snow Falling
"The sound of it snowing. I laid on the ground, in the snow at night in the Alaskan wilderness, in December, it's so peaceful."
Give Thanks Instead of Regrets
"Last year I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. In the days and weeks leading up to my kidney removal, I would get up early and just sit outside on our porch swing and watch the sunrise."
"So many mornings I just sat in silence and realized how much I would miss the sounds of morning birds, the breeze, the sun touching the tops of the trees, and the rest of life waking up. I realized how much I would miss living. I couldn't imagine not experiencing life and everything it brings you in every moment if you only take a moment to appreciate it."
"I know this isn't quite the reason you meant, but it was the first time in a long time a really felt connected to everything and it has made me more thankful for those little quiet moments."
All of these beautiful sentiments are relatively straight-forward, if not simple, in principal, but their impact is powerful and can leave a person forever changed.
Imagine how fulfilling it would be to cross all of these off of your list.
Guys Divulge Which Things All Men Secretly Do
When it comes to certain behaviors, it's a gender thing.
Our different anatomy makes men specifically do things–like adjust their crotch area in public or just give up altogether and spread their legs while sitting on a subway train to make themselves comfortable.
But it's not just about moving a stuck testicle.
There are other peculiarities exclusively associated with men.
Curious to find out more about what else men typically do, Redditor Sythanytx asked:
"Guys of Reddit, what is one thing that all guys do?"
Here's some behind the scenes examples of what guys do concerning what's between their legs.
"Pretending to put our hands in our pocket when actually we're actually trying to untangle our underwear."
"The side step to unstick your junk from your thigh."
Here's what happens in the men's room.
"Give each other space at the urinals. 9 times out of 10, the only time you will see 2 guys using directly adjacent urinals is when there's no other choice. Otherwise, the rule is every other urinal, and we're pretty good at it."
Focus On The Task At Hand
"The stare blankly at the wall when peeing at a urinals."
"Looking to the side is punishable by death."
These behaviors occur before accomplishing a task.
"Pressing the trigger on your drill a couple of times as soon as you pick it up."
"What my brother calls the 'guy check.'"
"We slap our pockets to make sure we have our wallet, keys, and phone."
Maybe it's a guy thing.
Clearing The Path
"Kick rocks off of the sidewalk or down the street."
A Boulder Move
"enjoy dropping big rocks into water etc."
Hear Him Roar
"One time I was in a walking path that crosses over a lake. Two little boys were running to the shore and back up to toss in rocks. I walked down to the shore picked up a bowling size rock and threw it off the bridge for them. I was a god in their little eyes. Lol."
"I have no idea wtf is going on in most of my friends personal lives... Known them for years."
"Critically think if the next woman that talks to us is flirting with us or is trying to be a friend.... usually we fail anyways."
Here's a twist, if you will.
It's no secret men have an advantage with peeing while standing.
But here's my personal secret, and it's not something all men do.
At home, I pee sitting down. It's for a sanitary reason. I don't want to make a splash and have micro droplets accumulating on the bathroom floor, because, gross.
I wish my husband felt the same; but, I can't complain.
He always puts the seat back down for me when he's emptied out.
People Divulge Subtle Signs That Someone Grew Up Poor
It is estimated that nearly 37.9 million people in the United States currently live in poverty.
A shameful statistic, to say the least.
Challenging as it is, however, growing up poor is nothing to necessarily be ashamed of, as many influential people in this world came from humble beginnings.
Even so, many people who grew up poor and found success and financial stability in adulthood still try to hide their childhood from others. But those in the know, or who had the same experience, tend to notice the subtle, tell-tale signs of those whose childhood was anything but luxurious.
Redditor Puzzled-Painter3301 was curious to learn how people could tell if someone grew up poor, leading them to ask:
"What's a sign that someone grew up poor?"
Their Relationship With Food
"When you can’t finish a meal, pulling it apart to at least eat the meat because 'that’s the expensive part'."
"Or just force feeding yourself any meal you buy because you have to feel like you didn’t waste."
"Being hypersensitive to any light left on, door left open, opening the fridge too much, running water too long, etc, because you’re trained to minimize utilities."
"Never pouring more than 1/2 a glass of any drink when at someone else’s house (except water) because you don’t want to be seen as wasteful/gluttonous."
"Making weird snacks out of food that isn’t supposed to be a snack - ex."
"Eating dry ramen noodles like chips, Kool Aid with sugar and your finger to make your own fun dip, eating Kraft cheese slices/cold hotdogs/other things that are normally just a part of a meal."- kountryt
"Scanning the menu for the cheapest options possible when at a restaurant."
“'It’s ok the soup is really enough for me.'”- Call_the_Green_Man
"I grew up poor and my husband grew up middle class."
'Whenever we have guests, I am constantly asking people if they got ENOUGH food."
"'Is anyone still hungry? I can make something else!'"
"My husband will inquire about the quality of the food and if it is to everyone's liking."
"I think when you grow up poor, food is very much quantity over quality."- NoMaineKoonsAllowed
Resistance To Let Go
"Never replacing anything unless there’s absolutely no way to use the old thing anymore, and going to absurd lengths to keep something 'still useable'.”- boymanpal
"Odd hoarding behaviours of things you probably should have gotten rid of out of fear you won’t be able to replace them easily."
"I keep a stack of boxes broken down because there’s still this fear in the back of my mind that I’ll have to move again at a moment’s notice."
"I make a decent salary now and have lived where I am for nearly 7 years, but I still can’t part with those boxes despite the space they take up."
"Under the bed, behind the chest of drawers."
"Yeah. I still have ‘em."- Mr_Lumbergh
"Difficulty throwing things away."- OldSamVimes
"Not that wealthier people can't be sentimental.'
"But my dad, whose parents grew up in the rural South during the great depression, wants to keep every little thing of my mom's."
"He would prefer to keep her bedroom as is."
"I always wondered why he wanted to keep it like that."
"But then I realized, the only thing we have left is my mom's ashes in an urn."
"There was no funeral, no memorial, (she didn't want any and there was no one to come anyways) no tombstone."
"Nothing that feels tangible, personal, etc."
"We don't have the luxury of beautiful personal mausoleums, or headstones, or anything else in the Western death culture."
"My mom's bedroom, and all her stuff is the closest we will ever have to a memorial for my mom.'
"It's a tomb, without a body in it."- InsomWriter
Always Looking For A Sale
"Never buying clothing at full price."
"It just feels illegal."- Totally-trapped
Justifying A Purchase
"For me, I have what I call 'poverty mentality.'"
"While I can afford new shoes and clothes, they have to be falling apart for me to replace."- ciarrabobeara
Appreciation For Nice Things
"Still being marveled by an ice maker and side by side doors."- Difficult_Let_1953
"Realizing I wanted to have the house that all my kids friends came over to hang out at because that wasn't really an option for big chunks of my childhood."- sykojaz
Strictly Sticking To A Budget
"Immense financial anxiety."- natandsneks
Hiding Their Smile
"In the US I’d say poor dental history or teeth."
"Dental work is a luxury."
"Overall, I’d say many hoarders grew up poor because they are so afraid of not having something if they’ll need it so they keep everything."- Leadsingerofthebandd
Should we notice people doing these things, it is of the utmost importance not to judge.
In fact, one can only admire people with an undying appreciation for beautiful things and who never underestimate the value of one dollar.