Sexuality, gender politics, gender relations, race relations, sexual fascinations. That is our world in 2019.

Heck it's always been our world but for so long we were a bland mash of amish puritans about discussing certain topics.

The cat is out of that bag now. People want to discuss and compare heterosexual and homosexual norms. Now things have gotten dicey here and there because some people may be just a tad too sensitive and some of those asking.... really need to think before they speak. But there is nothing wrong with polite curiosity.

Redditor u/hey_ya2585 wanted to open up a forum to discuss a few topics regarding the lives of homosexuals by asking.... What is a personal question you've always wanted to ask a gay guy, or gal but thought it was too private to ask?

Other dudes....

Does the idea of being with a woman intimately gross you out in the same way a heterosexual man would react to having sex with another dude? ThatKiwiBloke

No, it doesn't gross me out. I just don't find women sexually attractive, so I don't want to have sex with them. So I would describe it as just being disinterested. assasamealassasameal

The Pick Ups....


Is it easy to pick up a dude to hook up with? I feel like most hetero guys would bang most hetero women who showed a vague interest, lol. So finding a dude to bang - it's gotta be like shooting fish in a barrel right? PM_GUITAR_PICKS


Do you feel like people should care that you are gay?

Like when somebody tells me he is gay I say something like cool and continue the conversation. Would something like that bother you? TravelAsYouWish

The Power....


What the heck is a power bottom and also what is the deal with bears? I am one apparently and I get hit on a fair amount. I am a fat hairy man. what about that turns your crank? Is it the gut?

Edit for response- Thank you so much for all the replies. I have had self-confidence issues so it's good to know that these guys just want jump my bones. That's kind of nice. I'm straight and married but it's still nice to know. glarfnag

Confidence Game. 

Why can't everyone have as much confidence as the 3 gay men that tried hitting on me at a bar a few months ago? even though I'm straight I felt pretty good about myself after the 3rd guy tried his luck and I had to turn him down.

life would be so much darn easier if people would hit on each other like those gay guys did to me. ThatKiwiBlokeThatKiwiBloke

Sexy looks.... 

Occasionally I get a feeling looking at a dude like "damn I'd love to look like him. Damn if I were into men this would be my idol." Do gay men get the same feeling when looking at stunning women? Naturage


Who farted first?

In heterosexual relationships the man typically farts in front of the woman first. Any time I meet a gay couple my fiancé hates it because the whole way home she has to listen to me debate myself about which one of them farted in front of the other first. TheJuiceGrenade

Ol' Flaccid. 

Well I'm a lesbian so the whole being-attracted-to-a-man thing is very foreign to me. So I'm sorry if this sounds weird or rude or whatever.

But like, are you sexually aroused by plain ol' flaccid penis? Or even erect penis? Like, does the sex organ itself turn you on? Also, is there a specific, idk, "sculpt" that you prefer or is considered better by people attracted to men?

Edit: I love this thread, y'all are cool. reallarrydavid

Now I'm gay!


When was your first moment of "Oh, I'm gay now."? I am personally questioning and am wanting to get a gist of when I might confirm for myself. Farabel

Other People's Issues.


Do you have to deal with a lot of homophobic people? anda1fderBlaue

In my experiences, no, but i have a very understanding and close group of friends. I do know people that definitely have though. hey_ya2585

How do you Know?

Do you know fairly reliably if a guy you meet is also gay? Spuzzell

What context am I meeting this guy? For a date? then yea, lol. Out in public, sometimes yea, they're outwardly effeminate... but then there are guys like me that nobody knows until I tell them. hey_ya2585

Ok thanks! Follow up, is there a subtle way of communicating to a new date if you're a top or a bottom?

Does it matter hugely if both partners prefer being the same one? Spuzzell

To Do it or not to do It?

My wife's brother is gay and I'be always wanted to ask him how does spontaneity work? Like in a hetero relationship there isn't really any prep work that needs to go into vanilla sex. But if you want to avoid any accidents you need to prep. So say you meet someone and immediately hit it off. Do you do everything but or just say forget it? Am3ncorn3r

Some Thoughts. 

  1. So, how often do you get crushes on straight guys? Is that a common thing, and if so, what do you do about it?
  2. Can you tell when another guy is gay/bi? Have you ever been wrong?
  3. Do girls really feel more comfortable around gay guys than straight guys? steamtrekker

The Good Part.


What does it feel like to be on the bottom? I've never actually done it. PM-ME-Y0UR-W0RRIES

What I Like....

Do you feel there's a difference between what women find attractive in men versus what gay ppl find attractive in men? brotherkaramasov

Not Everybody. 

Was your family/ friend's supportive when you came out? lillybayb93

Who Am I?


I'm gay myself. But if I ever did have children I have no idea how our child would refer to us. Dad and papa? Pops? Murdock07? No idea. Murdock07

The Sir names....

When you're in a long-term relationship and receive invitations addressed to both of you, do you prefer the invitations be addressed to 'Mr. John Smith and Mr. Bob Jones,' 'The Messrs. John Smith and Bob Jones,' or, informally, 'John and Bob'? Would marrying said gentleman change how invitations should be addressed? Whose name should come first; should it be alphabetical, the one the host or hostess knows best, has known longest, the one who is oldest first, etc?

The book Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids About LGBTQ+ Families and Friends is available here to help you start your own dialogue.


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