the whole caboodle......

I married into an Italian and Greek family. Very affectionate, does the cheek kiss thing upon greeting and departing, the whole caboodle--I came from a no touch home. We didn't kiss, hug, shoulder pat or touch each other in anyway shape or form, so it took me a good amount of time to get used to this type of behavior.

There was a point in the summer when I was still new to the family that my FIL went in to kiss my cheek and I turned to kiss his and we accidentally brushed lips. We immediately drew back from each other and he poked fun at me for "not turning the right way" only for me to die a little inside. No one else was there to witness the destruction of my soul.

But I will never forget that for as long as I live. Fluttermun

At School....

When I was 11 I did a crap at school and it clogged the toilet, someone thought it was bark from the playground and told the teacher. After lunchtime the teachers set up a meeting with the classes they were allowed to use the toilet and told us that whoever put the bark in the toilet had to own up or our camp would be cancelled. I was way too embarrassed to confess in front of the class and I felt horrible.

I think one guy ended up confessing to get the class out of trouble (actual legend). I decided I would tell the teacher after school, but then the cleaner came in and whispered something to the teacher in charge and the teacher told the class it was a big understanding. I wanted to die, I think I'm over it now, but that haunted me for a long time. _Rosie_10

Hey Matt....

I was really drunk once, and I got a phone call. I thought the caller ID said 'Matt', which was the name of a good friend at the time, so I yelled 'what's up you sexy fool!' into the phone. Turns out it wasn't Matt, it was 'Mark' who was my boss at the time, calling to ask if I could come in that evening to cover a shift. He was very old school, late fifties, no sense of humor. The awkward silence before he awkwardly pretended he hadn't heard it will haunt me forever. kingofvodka

"Hey, you wanna trick or treat with them?"

Trick or treating with my little brother as kids.

This woman several houses down is standing on her porch looking directly at me and hollers "Hey! Do you want to trick or treat with us?"

My brother is across the street, so I holler uncomfortably loud "Hey, you wanna trick or treat with them?"

I turn back to the woman and she goes "Oh...actually I was talking to those people" and points behind me to different kids.

ಠ_ಠ I died that day and my corpse has walked the world for 17 years since. blyat56

"Animal Farm book"

I had to help a few teachers for a day at school. I was asked to grab an "Animal Farm book" from a classroom.

I got to the classroom, asked for "Anna McFarnbook" at least 5 times, then realizing 30 minutes later that I completely misread the call. poetry-divided

Hey Nemo....

I had a mate in high school who's dad had recently passed away from cancer.

A group of us were hanging out at lunch break and somehow we got onto the topic of finding Nemo. I dunno why but I blurted out "imagine if nemos dad was dead!"

The room just went silent and then I made it worse by immediately going "sorry ......"

Possibly the cringiest moment of my life. I still have no idea why I said it. BlueManRagu

Not my proudest moment.

There's a woman I go to school with. We have mutual friends and I find her physically attractive, but despite that my feelings toward her are... a mixed-bag (for lack of a better term).

During freshman year, I was leaving a room one day and almost walked right by her. When I noticed it was her, my brain and heart panicked simultaneously. After duking it out, the two came to the conclusion that the perfect response to this dilemma was to start laughing. Maniacally.

She stopped, turned around, and stared at me. Other people who left surrounding rooms stopped to stare at me. I was so mortified, but I couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure I was still laughing as I made my escape.

Not my proudest moment. Viaotic

"So, I like you and stuff."

I was once convinced to ask out my crush in school. I was 15 (now 20) and my best friend said "If you don't ask her out I'm telling her you'll like her". So I built up all of my very limited confidence, walked up to her, stuttered massively and said "So, I like you and stuff." As a man who's now got a lot more confidence with women, it's embarrassing when this is mentioned. jamiev99

New Years Eve!!!

Just last week on New Years Eve, i told a waitress about how my parents were suspicious of me using weed because the old 5 brand green apple gum left a suspicious smell. I said that to a complete stranger. I kick myself everyday. bessonovafan6454

Kill Me!

Yes and its almost always the same situation. The first time a girl got me off I said "Oh man, now I have to change the sheets.". She laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. Pajosan