It's hard having kids. Odds are if you have one, they're right next to you as you're reading this. You need to walk on egg shells, monitoring your every action, making sure you're the proper role model for them to look up to. Last thing you need is for them repeating what you say at home to their preschool class. Anyway, here's how you insult people without using any curse words!
Reddit user, u/thatude123, wanted a list of the best insults when they asked:
"I Envy Them So Much"
I envy everyone you have never met.
May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta
Whoa, tenet said insult, not verbal homicide...
Not Even Wheat, Just White Bread
You are the embodiment of wet toast.
We'll Get Those Molecules Back Later
I enjoy saying that someone is a flagrant waste of perfectly good oxygen.
Cultural, Verbal Smackdown
Sometimes in Australia, though it's not nearly as common as it used to be, you will hear "y'right mate?" Sounds caring and considerate, but it's all snark. It's short for "are you all right, or just soft in the head?" You can hear "you right mate?", and that's caring and considerate. They are actually asking if you are alright. But "y'right mate?" is our version of "bless your heart".
The One That Made It
50 million sperm and you won?
Tissue Wouldn't Even Break
If brains were made of dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
You're the kind of guy that would struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel
Wow. THAT Dumb.
You're even dumber than l tell people you are
No Spice. At All.
If people were spices, you would be flour
Get It? Because You're A Child.Giphy
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
I Need To Report A Homicide
Bless your heart
My mother's family had the variant of 'Bless your little pointed head'