Steve Debenport/ Getty Images

It's hard having kids. Odds are if you have one, they're right next to you as you're reading this. You need to walk on egg shells, monitoring your every action, making sure you're the proper role model for them to look up to. Last thing you need is for them repeating what you say at home to their preschool class. Anyway, here's how you insult people without using any curse words!


Reddit user, u/thatude123, wanted a list of the best insults when they asked:

Without swearing, what is your favorite insult?

"I Envy Them So Much"

I envy everyone you have never met.

TheGarp

Pasta-Drive-By

Giphy

May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta

Jaeretto

Whoa, tenet said insult, not verbal homicide...

Emperor_Cartagia

Not Even Wheat, Just White Bread

You are the embodiment of wet toast.

Slymate

We'll Get Those Molecules Back Later

I enjoy saying that someone is a flagrant waste of perfectly good oxygen.

oatwife

Cultural, Verbal Smackdown

Sometimes in Australia, though it's not nearly as common as it used to be, you will hear "y'right mate?" Sounds caring and considerate, but it's all snark. It's short for "are you all right, or just soft in the head?" You can hear "you right mate?", and that's caring and considerate. They are actually asking if you are alright. But "y'right mate?" is our version of "bless your heart".

JimmyL2014

The One That Made It

50 million sperm and you won?

First_Fist

Tissue Wouldn't Even Break

If brains were made of dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

SgtSkillcraft

*mic drop

You're the kind of guy that would struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel

YboyCthulhu

Wow. THAT Dumb.

You're even dumber than l tell people you are

fixer941

No Spice. At All.

If people were spices, you would be flour

sonic780

Get It? Because You're A Child.

Giphy

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

TheFirePolak

I Need To Report A Homicide

Bless your heart

apalacrypto

My mother's family had the variant of 'Bless your little pointed head'

ScrappleJac

Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

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But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.

And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.

So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.

That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.

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