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It's hard having kids. Odds are if you have one, they're right next to you as you're reading this. You need to walk on egg shells, monitoring your every action, making sure you're the proper role model for them to look up to. Last thing you need is for them repeating what you say at home to their preschool class. Anyway, here's how you insult people without using any curse words!


Reddit user, u/thatude123, wanted a list of the best insults when they asked:

Without swearing, what is your favorite insult?

"I Envy Them So Much"

I envy everyone you have never met.

TheGarp

Pasta-Drive-By

Giphy

May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta

Jaeretto

Whoa, tenet said insult, not verbal homicide...

Emperor_Cartagia

Not Even Wheat, Just White Bread

You are the embodiment of wet toast.

Slymate

We'll Get Those Molecules Back Later

I enjoy saying that someone is a flagrant waste of perfectly good oxygen.

oatwife

Cultural, Verbal Smackdown

Sometimes in Australia, though it's not nearly as common as it used to be, you will hear "y'right mate?" Sounds caring and considerate, but it's all snark. It's short for "are you all right, or just soft in the head?" You can hear "you right mate?", and that's caring and considerate. They are actually asking if you are alright. But "y'right mate?" is our version of "bless your heart".

JimmyL2014

The One That Made It

50 million sperm and you won?

First_Fist

Tissue Wouldn't Even Break

If brains were made of dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

SgtSkillcraft

*mic drop

You're the kind of guy that would struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel

YboyCthulhu

Wow. THAT Dumb.

You're even dumber than l tell people you are

fixer941

No Spice. At All.

If people were spices, you would be flour

sonic780

Get It? Because You're A Child.

Giphy

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

TheFirePolak

I Need To Report A Homicide

Bless your heart

apalacrypto

My mother's family had the variant of 'Bless your little pointed head'

ScrappleJac

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If you don't have any experience with construction, it can be pretty interesting to watch those reality HGTV shows (I know I'm addicted at this point). Some of the best episodes can be the one's where they open up the walls to find the builder didn't do anything right, causing a huge blow to the budget. The drama!

As someone who doesn't know much about building, and is dreaming of homeownership, Redditor Vast_Recognition_682 asked a question I wish I had thought of first.

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Image by Dan Evans from Pixabay

Unless you've been a member of the armed forces, you may only know drill sergeants as uncompassionate leaders who yell at privates all the time.

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Image by PDPics from Pixabay

Sometimes, it becomes extremely clear that it's time to leave.

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Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Years ago I had a classmate who was a total daredevil... so much so that he would often injure himself. He once drove a bike in the direction of oncoming traffic, just for the hell of it. He got out of that episode unscathed––luckily. By contrast, I prefer keeping all my limbs, and still have them all. I wonder where he is now. Hopefully not too banged up. I did do some stuff unwittingly––like the time I stuck a fork into an electrical socket. I thankfully wasn't shocked too much. I was young and naive.

People told us all about the dangerous things they did when they were younger after Redditor Not-an-Ocelot asked the online community,

"What's the most dangerous thing you did as a kid without realizing?"
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