It's kind of cute when kids volunteer their nobody-asked-you opinions on things like the best dinosaur ever. It is way less cute when a grown-man offers his nobody-asked-you opinions on things like:

- your body.

- a thing you did "wrong" that they can't or won't do themselves.

- who/what their "best" was; extra points if it wasn't you.

A Reddit user opened several cans of worms when they asked:

What are some things that a guy should never ever tell his wife?

You can absolutely bet that this didn't stay "wife."

The stories, fam. I just ... you'll see. Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, other gender-fabulous partners; turns out exactly nobody is immune when a guy is deeply committed to sticking his foot in his mouth.

So since we're all about stuff in mouths, let's ease into this awkward by starting the article off with everyone's favorite passion: Food.

It's The Kids Who Really Suffer

"I didn't get to try my mother's lasagna till I was twenty years old."

"Why? My father, in a temporary bout of insanity, whilst eating my mother's home made said to her"

" 'This is really good lasagna, but you know who makes REALLY good lasagna? My ex wife.' "

"Still married, but he'll never live it down. Also, no lasagna for him - which meant no lasagna for me." - Tanisis22

"First time I ever tried shepherd's pie made by my mum was a few days ago when I (33) was visiting for dinner."

"Why do you ask? Dad (a man who can't cook, mind you) told her just after they were married that it's not the way his mum makes it."

"It was so damned delicious too!!!!" - Cheap_Brain

"I didn't have enchiladas until I was 7 because when my parents first married my dad said they were different than his mom's." - DDChristi​

Moms Apples

"My dad, who doesn't bake anything and barely cooks at all, while eating a slice of my mom's homemade apple pie:"

" 'You don't cut the apples right.' "

"And that was the last apple pie she ever made for him. Around 40 years ago." - Joe_Canada99

But Wait, There's More!

Who doesn't love having their appearance commented on???

10 / 4

"I once heard my stepdad say (my mom was standing right beside him) that his ex wife was a 10 in looks but a 4 in personality. He then said my mom was a 4 in looks, but a 10 in personality."

"He thought it was a compliment."

"Aaaaand he still hasn't lived it down, but his story has changed over time. My mom is now a 7 in looks lmao." - J33P88

"That Surgery"

"Dad was drunk one night when I was 16 and said to mum that she was 'a fat f*cking cow' and wished she didn't get 'that surgery' as it was what made her fat."

"She had breast cancer. The surgery was to remove the cancer. She had a tissue expansion, which made her D cup breasts become E cups for a period of time and dad hated it." - EnchantedvortexEV

A Lil Disgusted Tone

"Not my husband, but an ex boyfriend."

"I dressed up for a dinner out, feeling super cute in my new dress. So I come up to him, smiley face and all."

"I didn't even asked him how I looked. Did not intend to."

"He just said, with a disappointed face and a lil disgusted tone:"

" 'You really wanna know what I think about your outfit?' "

"He's the ex for many reasons, but this one still makes me angry when I think of it. F*cker." - Youre_late_for_tea

No More Modeling For Him

"I was modeling some new lingerie for my ex husband and asked 'Do you like what you see?' In a flirty come get it kind of way."

"He looked up from his phone, gave me a once over and said 'I'd like you to lose some weight.' 💔 " - MangoMorning1913

A New Complex

"My ex boyfriend told me he was glad my boobs weren't 'any smaller than they already were' and also that they were 'too far apart.' "

"Cue the complex about my boobs I never had before that comment :') " - t00manycooks

... or whatever is happening with these responses...

Stephanie?

"When I was pregnant with my daughter, maybe ten-eleven weeks and really wacky hormonal, my ex suddenly looked up and said:"

" 'I know! If the baby is a girl we should make it Stephanie after my one true love.' "

"My name is 100% not Stephanie." - Bratbabylestrange

The Best "Give The Hardest Job To the Laziest Person" Success Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

And Michael

"An ex once told me he loved me almost as much as the ex that broke his heart."

"He continued to update me as I got closer to 'that mark' and finally once I surpassed that mark. I was young and naïve and he was my first boyfriend."

"I dumped his a$$, am married now, and I think he's still sulking around wondering why nobody falls for him. F*ck you Michael." - kneecoall

And Patti, Too!

"Dad didn't say this one TO my stepmom, but she heard it. I want to preface this by saying he was a known womanizer."

"Anyway, one time we were at a BBQ at one of his friend's houses. One of the guys who had served overseas had a much younger beautiful Asian wife."

"My dad had been drinking beers all day and at one point pulled me aside on the deck and said something like 'when Patti (stepmom) dies, I want to go to Thailand or the Philippines and find a girl like that.' "

"We turn around and standing right inside the screen door holding a tray of food to bring outside….my stepmom and her sister." - PurgatoryMountain

Let's wrap it up with some unwanted sexual criticisms:

A Better Cowgirl

"Few months into the relationship, my ex told me I'm bad being on top and his ex was amazing at cowgirl position. I was so upset and ashamed I ended the video call abruptly."

"He then apologized by saying 'but you're much better at oral than she was' as if that would erase the hurt. I never ever rode him again after that, even after he'd apologized numerous times."

"That single comment alone obliterated my confidence and comfort in having sex with him, cause I couldn't shake the thought of him thinking of his ex whenever we had sex."

"It didn't help that he kept saying my thighs were too big and I should eat less and burn more fat on my legs."

"I did ask him why would he compare me to his ex - he said he was just being honest."

"He told me how he doesn't like sugarcoating words and lying to me, so he'd say his 'honest opinions.' Told me it might seem harsh but he never meant to hurt me and that it was all to 'help me become better.' "

"In other words, he was being a total a**hole and proud of it. That's why he's an ex now." - nosebearnosebear

OK no, I lied. We can't go out like that. Let's have a palette cleanser.

Shout out to these wholesome responses. Thanks for saving the article.

A Lesson Well Learned

"I'm a stay at home mom. My husband once, ONCE said 'well you don't work' in regards to something I wanted to buy for the kids."

"That Saturday I left him with the kids alone with a list of things I do every day to complete and came home after bedtime... there was never a comment about how I 'don't work' again." - Brotherfingeryou

Whistles

"My wife is a TERRIBLE whistler, but only whistles when she is extremely happy. I will never tell her how bad she is." - smartin9806

Adorable Satan

"When I lived in a foreign country and I was still learning the language I meant to say to my girlfriend 'you're so f*cking cute'

"But I actually said something along the lines of 'you're as cute as Satan.' "

"She was confused like ... 'What the f*ck did you say to me?' "

"Awkwaaard." - Mazurcka