"Honesty is the best policy" is the kind of oversimplification that gets people in trouble. It's easy to remember, it's only a few words, it generally is a pretty good take on things!
But it's half the story. It doesn't account for safety & security, mindfulness, or the idea that not everything needs to be said.
It's kind of cute when kids volunteer their nobody-asked-you opinions on things like the best dinosaur ever. It is way less cute when a grown-man offers his nobody-asked-you opinions on things like:
- your body.
- a thing you did "wrong" that they can't or won't do themselves.
- who/what their "best" was; extra points if it wasn't you.
A Reddit user opened several cans of worms when they asked:
What are some things that a guy should never ever tell his wife?
You can absolutely bet that this didn't stay "wife."
The stories, fam. I just ... you'll see. Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, other gender-fabulous partners; turns out exactly nobody is immune when a guy is deeply committed to sticking his foot in his mouth.
So since we're all about stuff in mouths, let's ease into this awkward by starting the article off with everyone's favorite passion: Food.
It's The Kids Who Really Suffer
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"I didn't get to try my mother's lasagna till I was twenty years old."
"Why? My father, in a temporary bout of insanity, whilst eating my mother's home made said to her"
" 'This is really good lasagna, but you know who makes REALLY good lasagna? My ex wife.' "
"Still married, but he'll never live it down. Also, no lasagna for him - which meant no lasagna for me." - Tanisis22
"First time I ever tried shepherd's pie made by my mum was a few days ago when I (33) was visiting for dinner."
"Why do you ask? Dad (a man who can't cook, mind you) told her just after they were married that it's not the way his mum makes it."
"It was so damned delicious too!!!!" - Cheap_Brain
"I didn't have enchiladas until I was 7 because when my parents first married my dad said they were different than his mom's." - DDChristi​
Moms Apples
Apple Pie Eating GIF by Anne Arundel Community College
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"My dad, who doesn't bake anything and barely cooks at all, while eating a slice of my mom's homemade apple pie:"
" 'You don't cut the apples right.' "
"And that was the last apple pie she ever made for him. Around 40 years ago." - Joe_Canada99
But Wait, There's More!
Who doesn't love having their appearance commented on???
10 / 4
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"I once heard my stepdad say (my mom was standing right beside him) that his ex wife was a 10 in looks but a 4 in personality. He then said my mom was a 4 in looks, but a 10 in personality."
"He thought it was a compliment."
"Aaaaand he still hasn't lived it down, but his story has changed over time. My mom is now a 7 in looks lmao." - J33P88
"That Surgery"
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"Dad was drunk one night when I was 16 and said to mum that she was 'a fat f*cking cow' and wished she didn't get 'that surgery' as it was what made her fat."
"She had breast cancer. The surgery was to remove the cancer. She had a tissue expansion, which made her D cup breasts become E cups for a period of time and dad hated it." - EnchantedvortexEV
A Lil Disgusted Tone
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"Not my husband, but an ex boyfriend."
"I dressed up for a dinner out, feeling super cute in my new dress. So I come up to him, smiley face and all."
"I didn't even asked him how I looked. Did not intend to."
"He just said, with a disappointed face and a lil disgusted tone:"
" 'You really wanna know what I think about your outfit?' "
"He's the ex for many reasons, but this one still makes me angry when I think of it. F*cker." - Youre_late_for_tea
No More Modeling For Him
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"I was modeling some new lingerie for my ex husband and asked 'Do you like what you see?' In a flirty come get it kind of way."
"He looked up from his phone, gave me a once over and said 'I'd like you to lose some weight.' đź’” " - MangoMorning1913
A New Complex
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"My ex boyfriend told me he was glad my boobs weren't 'any smaller than they already were' and also that they were 'too far apart.' "
"Cue the complex about my boobs I never had before that comment :') " - t00manycooks
... or whatever is happening with these responses...
Stephanie?
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"When I was pregnant with my daughter, maybe ten-eleven weeks and really wacky hormonal, my ex suddenly looked up and said:"
" 'I know! If the baby is a girl we should make it Stephanie after my one true love.' "
"My name is 100% not Stephanie." - Bratbabylestrange
The Best "Give The Hardest Job To the Laziest Person" Success Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
And Michael
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"An ex once told me he loved me almost as much as the ex that broke his heart."
"He continued to update me as I got closer to 'that mark' and finally once I surpassed that mark. I was young and naĂŻve and he was my first boyfriend."
"I dumped his a$$, am married now, and I think he's still sulking around wondering why nobody falls for him. F*ck you Michael." - kneecoall
And Patti, Too!
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"Dad didn't say this one TO my stepmom, but she heard it. I want to preface this by saying he was a known womanizer."
"Anyway, one time we were at a BBQ at one of his friend's houses. One of the guys who had served overseas had a much younger beautiful Asian wife."
"My dad had been drinking beers all day and at one point pulled me aside on the deck and said something like 'when Patti (stepmom) dies, I want to go to Thailand or the Philippines and find a girl like that.' "
"We turn around and standing right inside the screen door holding a tray of food to bring outside….my stepmom and her sister." - PurgatoryMountain
Let's wrap it up with some unwanted sexual criticisms:
A Better Cowgirl
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"Few months into the relationship, my ex told me I'm bad being on top and his ex was amazing at cowgirl position. I was so upset and ashamed I ended the video call abruptly."
"He then apologized by saying 'but you're much better at oral than she was' as if that would erase the hurt. I never ever rode him again after that, even after he'd apologized numerous times."
"That single comment alone obliterated my confidence and comfort in having sex with him, cause I couldn't shake the thought of him thinking of his ex whenever we had sex."
"It didn't help that he kept saying my thighs were too big and I should eat less and burn more fat on my legs."
"I did ask him why would he compare me to his ex - he said he was just being honest."
"He told me how he doesn't like sugarcoating words and lying to me, so he'd say his 'honest opinions.' Told me it might seem harsh but he never meant to hurt me and that it was all to 'help me become better.' "
"In other words, he was being a total a**hole and proud of it. That's why he's an ex now." - nosebearnosebear
OK no, I lied. We can't go out like that. Let's have a palette cleanser.
Shout out to these wholesome responses. Thanks for saving the article.
A Lesson Well Learned
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"I'm a stay at home mom. My husband once, ONCE said 'well you don't work' in regards to something I wanted to buy for the kids."
"That Saturday I left him with the kids alone with a list of things I do every day to complete and came home after bedtime... there was never a comment about how I 'don't work' again." - Brotherfingeryou
Whistles
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"My wife is a TERRIBLE whistler, but only whistles when she is extremely happy. I will never tell her how bad she is." - smartin9806
Adorable Satan
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"When I lived in a foreign country and I was still learning the language I meant to say to my girlfriend 'you're so f*cking cute'
"But I actually said something along the lines of 'you're as cute as Satan.' "
"She was confused like ... 'What the f*ck did you say to me?' "
"Awkwaaard." - Mazurcka
So ... here's to sincerely hoping you take all of this to heart. Use it as a "what not to do" guide. Learn from their mistakes. Please?
Ok!
Cartoon Yes GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Breastfeeding, sure no problem. Changing diapers on the table/booth/chair, no freaking way. There's a reason most bathrooms have a change table."
- LuntiX
Be Clean
"As long as you don't leave your dirty flip-flops on the table that's disgusting."
"Last week I was at a cafe terrace and I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby and afterwards changing the diaper on the table (which was a tad odd since they have a nice changing room there). After she left I noticed she left the dirty diaper on her plate, didn't even bother to close it up."
- domin8r
Silence
"A baby can't scream with a mouthful, so I'd say it's a win-win."
"My son used to do the same. The thing is his twin would get right to feeding and would stimulate the let down on his boob too, so it would be 20 seconds of screaming and 30 seconds of vague drowning noises before he clicked that food was happening."
Who Cares?
"The baby's gotta eat. Plus I don't even pay enough attention to other people to even notice or give a crap either way."
- Jikal
"I agree lol!! I've noticed moms breastfeeding their babies at a restaurant maybe a grand total of TWO times in my whole life, and I go out to eat all the time. However, I ALWAYS notice when a baby is screeching so loud nobody can enjoy their meal."
"I don't even mean just crying, I mean that SCREECH they do sometimes where if you're anywhere close to them you can't even continue talking, you just have to stop and WAIT for the kid to finish. (I promise I don't hate kids LOL this is just my opinion)."
No Adults
Oh No You Didnt GIF by happydogGiphy"Acceptable if she's breastfeeding her baby, weird if she's doing so with her husband."
- maajyc
So far, so normal. Stay in your own conversation. If you're that interested about another person, you're sounding like a stalker.
Whateves
Let It Go Whatever GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy"The more it happens the less people will care."
Couple Issues
"I was once breastfeeding my daughter on the beach, aside from my boob being *kind of* out (mostly blocked by the baby) I was wearing shorts and a shirt, more covered than most of the people on the beach. Apparently a dude started watching me that I didn't notice and his girlfriend took offense to it."
"She started to approach me, but my mom was with us and gave her the stink eye to end all stink eyes. I have to think if they had been just a little more exposed to breast feeding this wouldn't have been anything. I'm also 99% sure that incident resulted in the couple fighting."
When in Public
"I walked with my head down the majority of my life because I felt like everyone was staring at me as I'm a very tall female. Started looking up a few years ago and realized how very wrong I was. I cared WAY more about this made up scenario in my head while assuming the worst and causing MYSELF to feel shame over it- than anyone else ever cared about my height. We're all busy doing our own thing and I don't think MOST people care about women breastfeeding in public as people think they do."
In the UK...
"I went to a mall in London, England once with a room dedicated for baby care. There were comfortable chairs and a microwave and sink. There were also little rooms with rocking chairs and low light floor lamps. Now, I would feed my baby wherever the hell I needed to, but this was luxury."
Free!
Mothers Day Mama GIF by reactionseditorGiphy"I'd rather a happy baby having a meal than a hungry miserable baby screaming and crying for nourishment. I am however against the restaurant charging an opening fee."
It is what it is. Be free ladies. Whatever keeps the kid quiet, works for most of us. Do as you need.
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Reddit user QadeerRay asked:
What is an item you think should be free?
The responses were honestly a lot more varied than I expected. I was positive I'd see someone mention the places that charge you for using rain water - the literal water that falls freely from the sky - but there's a lot here that I hadn't even thought about and honestly, I'm kind of salty now.
Come, be salty with me.
Notifying People Is Expensive
creepy grim reaper GIFGiphy"Death certificates." - redrivverrunning
"For me they were $16 each - and every single company that the deceased has an account for needs a copy."
"I learned to go in person to places like banks as much as I possibly can. They make a copy and give it back to me, that way I can avoid mailing it for them to keep forever so I have to buy even more official copies." - classic_elle
"In the state where I live, they charge you $20 for the first certificate and $3 for each additional one so the funeral homes generally suggest you go ahead and order 5-6 more than you think you'll need after figuring out their accounts and stuff because it's still cheaper than getting a single extra at a later time." - SilverDarner
"The UK government does have a service where you inform them of a death, provide them with the certificate, and they'll make a best effort to inform all of the person's banks and pension providers. It doesn't have nearly the number of companies being informed that I would've liked, but it's a good start."
"What confuses me is that other companies aren't jumping at the chance to be on the notification list... you'd think it would be in their best interest to be notified if one of their customers died so they can clean stuff up on their end. But oh well." - SweatyOctopussy
"Not really, (at least in the US) they would really only need to stop billing/autopay once they are informed of the death and it is confirmed. The longer they can go without that confirmation, the better it is for their bottom line."
"Source: Work in corporate America" - TheLastFartan
Looking At You, Nestle
3D Loop GIF by Pi-SlicesGiphy"Drinkable water. Looking at you, Nestle. The company has a history of taking over water sources and that whole formula thing was gross." - Whit-Batmobil
"Nestle financially pushed for hospitals in 3rd world countries to start new born babies on 'free trials' of formula feeds so the mother's weren't feeding & their milk would dry up. Essentially forcing them to buy & continue using the formula forever."
"To make matters worse, this was done in areas with no safe drinking water so babies that were only a few days old were giving formula mixed with unsafe water & many got sick/died as a direct result when their mothers could have just breastfed them safely and for free."
"Even when Nestle was alerted to this (as if they didn't already know) they refused to change their tactics. The company is scum." - now_you_see
In Public
bathroom GIFGiphy"Using public toilets in Europe." - pretty_pumpkin
"Personally, here in Germany I find it is counter-intuitive. I think people resent having to pay for a toilet, and treat it like 'Alright, you're going to charge me €.50 for a pee, I'm going to get my money's worth then and just piss everywhere, because f--- you for making me pay to pee.' "
"This I find is especially true with toilets where the cleaning is 'automated.' On the other hand, you go into a lot of department stores, or a mall, etc, the toilets are often attended to by a person sitting just outside the entrance. Payment is usually optional (i.e. there is no turnstyle you have to unlock by putting money in), but it is typical to put €.50 or so in the dish on your way out... and in those cases I find the bathrooms very clean."
"Other bathrooms, particularly those along the autobahn, are actively serviced, but have a payment turnstile thing you have to go through. You can then use the receipt from the turnstile at the fast food and snack shops which are a part of the building, and you'll get the amount you paid at the bathroom deducted from your purchase."
"But overall public bathrooms are just terribly hard to find (paid or otherwise). Public pissing is common and basically unavoidable. You see it and smell it regularly." - Mozambique-Ready
Insulin
michael douglas greed GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Insulin industry is actually hijacked by three companies and they're doing all they can to keep it's price high."
"It's not a luxury. It keeps people alive! Show some humanity."
"• Eli Lilly, Novo Nordisk and Sanofi are the three companies that dominate more than 90% of the world insulin market by value. This means that they can set prices as they wish."
"• Production cost of insulin is about 2% of it's market price."
"• Unlike any other medicine, there is no generic insulin. Insulin is still under patent after 37 years. 'Big three' producers are abusing legal loophole for over 4 decades. (Known as Patent evergreening)."
"• These companies make profit of worth billions. Not to mention they're spending millions on lobbying politicians and donating to other decision makers to keep quiet."
"• They pay another companies not to enter the market. Or they sue them. That's what happened to company called Merck. Sanofi sued them." - DogDisguisedAsHooman
Standard Bathroom Care
tampons ugh men GIF by DiggGiphy"Uhm tampons and pads in public restrooms, schools, etc. Freak I'm a penis carrier and even I think that sh*t should be free."
"You would be mad if you went in to a public restroom and there was a coin slot for the f*cking toilet paper."
"I don't think they should be free off the shelf. Everything requires money to make so in reality nothing is free, but this should be standard care in every bathroom just in case." - TripleThickBacon
We're Not Here For Fun
season 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy"Hospital parking. Oh, dad's dying? Doesn't matter. 5 bucks." - bdd4
"Where I live you go in for free, but they do charge to leave. If you get your parking validated, (pretty much just saying you had a reason to be there as a patient or visitor) you get to leave for free."
"They had a huge issue with people parking there for free, but not even being there for the hospital. Just a place to park as they did business or shopping downtown where the hospital is located." - Howling_Fang
"You're gonna love this. We as hospital staff have to pay to park the hospital as well!"
"I am close to graduating from a medical program and some area hospitals hire from graduates of our school's program over other applicants so they have meetings at our campus about working there and benefits, etc"
"the cheapest parking package they offered, which is still a MASSIVE hike to the door is $50 a week, the most expensive being $100 a week."
"They made it a point to highlight that their staff ride all the city buses for free with our ID cards and they bring you to the front door, so that's something at least." - xBlackx_xDahliax
The Dreaded Paywall
Pay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy"Scientific articles. They're mostly behind a paywall."
"You can either subscribe to certain journals so that you have access year-round ($ depends on the specific journal), or you can pay for access to one article at a time. The latter is usually about $30-$50."
"As a scientist, this has always irritated me. People on social media everywhere reference blogs and other non-scientific articles, which are, of course, ill-informed and non-scientific."
"We should be linked to science journals when we Google - but then every time we're interested in some topic, pay $50 to read about it?? That's ridiculous."
"Even news media reporting on interesting results from science pubs get the results mucked up. You really can't trust anything but the peer-reviewed paper itself." - BrahmTheImpaler
"I firmly believe this is one (of many!) reasons why the US is full of anti-science/anti-intellectualism rhetoric."
"We keep information locked behind paywalls, creating yet another socioeconomic barrier for attaining knowledge. Even if the desire to learn is there, it means incredibly little without the ability to access the information." - sayhellotojenn
Buying My Info Back
Confused Always Sunny GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy"Schufa Auskunft."
"This private company in Germany just collects all your information (like a credit score) without your consent and the you have to buy all that info back from them because otherwise no landlord will ever accept you."
"There is a free Schufa you can request that once a year (so bad luck if your search for a home takes over a month) and it's also not the full one. Some landlords still demand the full one." - GreenKangaroo3
Seeing Is A Luxury?
Glasses Seinfeld GIFGiphy"I have insurance and I still have to pay (in my opinion) too much to just be able to see."
"It's not a luxury, it's a basic need. Also, my sight changes all the time so I can't even get a nice pair and be set for the next few years. If I'm lucky I'll get to keep a pair for 1,5 to 2 years before I absolutely need new glasses." - Proper-Literature173
"I think it's weird that vision and dental are separate from health insurance. Like seeing and chewing are just vanity." - FistedTate
"I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this, I passed 3 waters and chicken nuggets. Why does it cost money to see? And I have 20/20 vision so this doesn't affect me." - Tian_Lord23
So tell us, what you YOU make free for everyone if you could?