Humans are a mess. That is the first life truth we should all accept and embrace. Insects shake their heads at us in disbelief. 2020 has proven we are in need of some restructuring and life assistance. And all of that knowledge can leave a harsh taste in our mouths. But we have to drink the kool-aid -the good kind- and listen. To be human is to be in a constant state turmoil, it's just how we deal with that turmoil is what matters.
Redditor u/Quotestrav wanted us all to take a seat and let's sip some scolding hot chamomile about the facts of life by asking.... What are some bitter truths about human nature?The Cover
jean claude van damme rage GIF by hero0fwarGiphyWe often use anger as a cover for everything from sadness to fear because we feel more in control with that emotion.... and that normally makes the situation worse.
Justified
We often justify things that are clearly wrong.
Sometimes that's the only way we can deal with it. Some things are too big for any one person to take down. When a bunch of us get together, we can yell really loud to make change happen. But for any one person, it tends to be easier and safer to believe that the bad thing isn't so bad. It's one of the reasons change is hard.
The Battles
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it."
-- Jack Handey
Did you know that monkeys actually wage "war" and have some leaders in their groups? I forget which type, probably a chimp, but the researcher who studied that ended up getting depressed for a while. The chimps would even selectively target and kill each other somewhat strategically.
Truth Hurts
point lol GIF by Shalita GrantGiphyThere's always going to be someone who will try to take advantage of you or ruin your life no matter what.
Betrayal....
Most humans will betray their values to satisfy a basic need. If you understand how to meet someone's highest need, you can easily influence that individual's behavior. Unless your basic needs are met, it's impossible to pursue a higher level of consciousness. But if I have the luxury of contemplation without worrying about a need for safety, food, etc., what excuse do I have but to lead a life based on values and principles, rather than solely in pursuit of a selfish need?
Don't be Miserable....
Everyone can be toxic, if you allow them to be. Best thing to do is know who's right for you and who's not. Fix your life and choose the right people.
My wife can't seem to understand this, there are a number of people I have said I want nothing to do with because they are not right for me. Life is short and I don't want to spend it with people that are not right for me.
Apparently I'm miserable and intolerant.
Doing the Work
Relationships (all relationships) require investment.
It's easy when you're friends at school or work. The second it becomes inconvenient though things start fizzling out. Why? Because no one makes an effort. If you really care about someone - say it or show them. Even if its just a random text once in awhile, it's those little investments that continue to nurture the connection.
There are so many friendships I used to have that I just let dwindle to nothing. It's no one's fault, but our own - both sides play a role, but at the end of the day you can only control your own actions.
Bye
cardi b ok GIF by PepsiGiphyOut of sight, out of mind. Friends drift apart.
I am learning this hard among the pandemic. Especially when people have their own families to take care of. Enjoy your friends when you have them because they don't last forever.
You have no idea....
That we are, all of us, under the right circumstances, capable of murder.
When I was in an abusive relationship I was extremely close to this point. I was in a foreign country, no friends, no family, nobody I could run to. I had nothing left. Every time he hurt me I often considered stabbing him to death so I could be free. The only reason I didn't was because he was a foot taller and 200lbs heavier than me.
He could've easily killed me, dumped my body somewhere, and gotten away with it. Obviously I eventually got out of there and that country, but sometimes I still think about how close I was to being ok with the idea of killing someone to save myself.
Fool
Yes Please Smile GIF by DreamWorks AnimationGiphyIt is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.
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Redditor onlyusemefeets wanted to hear about the worst of everyone's family, so they asked:
"When did you find out that someone in your family is evil?"
The Reddit community rose to the occasion to shed some light on their family skeletons.
Money Issues
Wild West Fighting GIF by Buyout FootageGiphy"When they ripped apart 3 generations of my family almost immediately after my dad died for a measly $37,000. He's a millionaire. That kinda money is pocket change to him."
Good Lord
"When my 11 year old cousin got cancer."
"Her mom and boyfriend were shooting up her pain medicine. My cousin was in so much pain, she told her Doctors. Thats when the doctors stopped giving her mom a prescription and the nurses dispensed her pain meds at the hospital. Unfortunately they could not keep track of medication while at home so they reported it."
"CPS removed her. She died shortly after in foster care. Parents were never charged."
dead-parrots
Death
"When my dad died of covid my Aunt tried to say she was entitled to some stuff of his since it belonged in the family. She even called a lawyer on us and it was big deal and my mom didn't need to deal with that trying to raise 3 kids on her own so f**k her. She still bothers us about stuff and all it is like plates and some pictures and some other things."
"Sunken Cost Fallacy"
"My brother's addiction has led to him spinning some ridiculous stories. I'm not sure if he is very convincing or if my father chooses to believe him because of some 'sunken cost fallacy,' or he genuinely refuses to give up. But my brother has told lies and stories about me and my siblings to the point that he's the only child who talks to my father anymore. He convinced my father that I forced him to do drugs."
"But I knew my brother was evil when scared away my sister with physical violence. Last month, he went missing for a weeks only to turn up after flipping his car high on pills. My father doesn't know it yet, but my mother is planning on leaving him because my father chooses my brother over her. No one can convince my father that he's enabling. No one can convince my brother to stop. Hard drugs really destroy entire families."
sleepypanda59
A New Family
Frustrated Skip Bayless GIFGiphy"When he purposely excluded his 4 year old son (from a previous relationship) from his wedding to his new spouse, deleted all photos of his son from his social media, and legally signed away all parental rights. He has since had 2 more kids with said new spouse."
FeminaCanadiana
How can parents act that way?
Failure...
"I don't know about evil, but my dad got remarried and has a kid and stepson with his new spouse. All of that would be fine if he didn't pretend that none of us (offspring from first marriage) exist so he can pretend this family is the first family and we never happened."
"Once this realization hit me, I stopped contacting him, and once I stopped putting in the effort, everything else dissipated. We haven't spoken at all. He does not care in the least. I honestly believe that he wishes we never even existed. He is a failure as a father and as a man."
Raindrops_On-Roses
Oh Brother
"When my husband's brother (1 of 5 siblings) said he couldn't make it to our house to plan their mother's funeral because he had to work. Meanwhile we found out he wasn't working because we caught him on ring doorbell entering the moms house to rifle through it while the rest of us were planning the funeral at my house."
Legitimate_Energy257
The End
"When my ex said 'you've been a godsend, I want a divorce.' I had taken time off from work to take care of her parents. She told me this right before her dad died, and she inherited. She found a boyfriend while I was with her parents. She got the house by declaring I had abandoned it. I was with her parents."
rollercoaster_5
Evil
Season 5 Nickelodeon GIFGiphy"When my dad tried to throw my 6 month old sister when he was drunk. That man is a monster in disguise"
iinattanii
So many people really need to be screened for their abilities to raise kids.
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...
Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
Akiram
Be Clear
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
"Wouldn’t recommend."
sadbudda
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
InternationalMouse56
Confusion
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
ZidanSufuzki
For Life
Corona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Stupify_Me
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forever
married single ladies GIFGiphy"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
dirtysecretsofmine
Hey Buddy
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
MarthaTheTRex
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
Professional-Help114
Taking Chances
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
lifehappenedwhatnow
Developments
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
playswithf1re
In Sync...
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Gwywnnydd
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
PodcastingPodcastGuy
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
