People Who've Almost Been Murdered Share Their Survival Stories
I live to tell...
We live every second of everyday on borrowed time. What they say is true, we start dying the second we're born. And we avoid crisis and death more times than we realize. One of the main causes of death that is always lurking near is evil. Fact. People are crazy and there are way too many people willing to exterminate the life of another. How many of us have tales of escaping death at the hands of another? Far more people than we'd like to believe.
Redditor u/Robz05 was hoping people would be willing to share some stories of hope and survival by asking... Have someone you know ever tried to kill you? And why?One of my favorite shows of the past decade was a creepy tale on FOX called "The Following." It starred Kevin Bacon and it was about a cult of serial killers. It used to come on at 9pm on Mondays. I would take my dog on a really long walk at 8 because I refused to go out after 10pm once the show was over. It reinforced for the me the fact that crazies are everywhere. Need proof? Listen...
Blades
When I was about 4/5 (f) (I had dreams about it growing up and then was told the whole story when I was older) my half brother (who has empathy issues and poor choice skills; 16 at the time I believe) was playing a game where him and his friend were bad guys and me, my sister, and our cousin had to run from them. We were also playing in an abandoned shop our grandparents owned.
Well he ended grabbing one of those sharp circle blades you cut wood with and threw it at me; slicing my head open. He then proceeded to scoop me up and climb on the roof while I was bleeding in his arms. My grandpa had to climb onto the roof and take me from him so I could go with the ambulance.
Vehicular
Someome decided to string a thick line of wire across a dark single lane of an unlit country road at the night. The plan was to take out a vehicle in the hopes of killing the people inside. Well, the people inside were my mom and me, and the attempted murderer... he was good old dad. A true narcissistic psychopath who despite his serial infidelity and his pathological liar, who decided he could not take the hit to his pride and ego of mom filing for divorce first.
Her saying she was done before him was an unthinkable situation in his mind. He decided he would rather play the role of grieving widow then rejected husband. And as for me, he knew how he could use the death of his daughter to manipulate women in sleeping with him.
Fun Times
My dad's mother tried to drown me when we visited her (for the first & only time ever again), because she didn't like that I was born a girl :). She wanted a grandson. From what my mother says: My dad's mom let me swim in her pool, 'cause hanging out with adults is boring (they were there to talk about her husband who had died recently, my dad's dad). My parents were inside with her in the living room. She said she wanted to check on me & she'll be back in a minute.
Much more than a minute passes, Ma starts getting worried. Dad goes to see what's up. Closer dad got to the backporch door, heard splashing, saw her trying to drown me in the pool & my dad knocked her to the ground. Yelled for my mom. Ma snatched me up & took me to the car as I struggled & cried, trying to breathe again.
Filed a police report & they never made contact with her again. Fun times.
Duck and Cover
car GIFGiphyMy ex husband and I had been separated a few weeks. I arrived home late at night from work. My work shift ended at 11:00 p.m.
I didn't notice his car in the parking lot as I walked toward my apartment until he gunned the engine and drove straight toward me. I ducked into the entrance alcove and his car struck a parking barricade and the curb and some landscaping before it stopped within 2 feet of me and the building. I ducked inside and called the police (not for the first time).
Ok, see there? You can't even trust the people closest to you. You just never know what kind of warped mind is too close for comfort. This thread is making think about hitting up the shooting range. Or maybe I'll go back to church. Ask God for some shelter. I'll continue...
Under the Water
When I was around 7, an older kid at the local pool was trying to teach me how to do something (dive, I think?) but I wasn't catching on fast enough for him.
So, naturally, the best way to express his frustration was to try to drown me.
Chopped
Not intentionally, but my dad ran me over with a boat once. The propeller went all the way up my side. Surprisingly, didn't really cut me though, just left a line of crazy bruises and a couple of scratches from my knee up to my shoulder. Still hurt like a witch.
That was Then...
Mine isn't so much an attempt to kill my brother, it just could have ended that way. Anyway...
When I was around 10 and my brother around 4, we shared a room. He would drag his red tricycle into the house and up to our room and ride it in circles in said room. One night mom yelled up the stairs that dinner was ready and we needed to come wash up for dinner.
Broham parked his trike right in the doorway, I was annoyed by this and proceeded to push him and his trike down the stairs. He held on for dear life and rode that thing to the bottom like some kind of trike pro, then slammed into the door at the bottom of the stairs. He got hurt, but nothing was broken. Just some cuts and bruises.
We are best friends now.
The Last Call
This man my mom was with kidnapped me when I was two years old. I've always joked about it because the guy was just a loser alcoholic and I assumed he did it just to upset my mother. When the cops found us, we were at his favorite bar. What kind of idiot kidnaps someone and then goes to a place where everyone knows that you go? That's why I never took it seriously.
Well, two weeks ago, I'm texting with my older brother and I made a joke about him kidnapping me. I said something like "what was he planning on doing? Raising me? Killing me?"
He was maybe ten or eleven when this happened, so he remembers a lot of that day. He told me that I'm lucky to be alive. Apparently, he planned on killing me. My mother had lied to him and told him that I was his kid. In a brief moment of clarity, he pieced together that the timing was off and I wasn't his. He went to that bar so he could get drunk enough to go through with it.
I still can't really believe it.
Liar
Looney Tunes Reaction GIFGiphyMy mom's mom did not like me. At all. I always tried to be polite and pleasant and helpful. One day when I was about 16 she asked for my help with an outlet she had been fixing. Of course I ask if she'd turned the power off. She said yes. She lied.
PUSH
I'm so glad you asked!
I was ten years old. After school with a couple of neighbor friends. We walked a block to the corner store for snacks. Walking back home, we're standing on the corner. Next thing I know I wake up in the hospital. Find out I was hit by a 30mph mack truck. Kid next to me pushed me into it.
Told police I , "darted into traffic and turned around to taunt them." Ten years later I found out from a mutual friend the kid admitted to pushing me. That kid is currently in Indiana State Prison for two counts of armed robbery. He's still "innocent" for pushing me.
(Currently looking for legal help before offender is freed in 2026. He will hurt somebody else).
I Can Taste It
My mother-in-law did something to me the first two times I went over for dinner. The first time she put an allergen in the food, and then when I asked before eating (as I always do anywhere I eat) she lied about it. I could clearly taste it and had a really bad reaction, then she suddenly remembered that it was there. The second time, we reminded her of the allergy, she cooked food with the allergen in it, but then admitted it before I started eating.
Just Eat It
A kid a used to hang out with in my neighborhood wanted to test my peanut allergy, so she deliberately ate a PB&J before seeing me and was very adamant on sharing a soda. Another kid was in on it, and when I drank from the soda after she did they were both wide eyed and asking me if I felt ok. Luckily my allergy was not extremely sensitive so I did not have a reaction and I was completely fine. The other kid told me about a year later and that's the only reason I knew. I stopped talking to both of them.
Don't Shoot
What Did I Do Love GIF by juliaveldmancGiphyNot intentional. But my idiot friend negligently discharged a .357 magnum in between my legs.
It blasted a bunch of mud and dirt up right into my business and actually hurt my testicles and for a second.
Ramming for Me
I was riding my motorcycle home from work, when all of the sudden this van starts aggressively blocking me from passing him. No matter what I did he would block me over and over. He was literally swerving from lane to lane to block me out. Finally, I passed him and then made a poor decision. I gave him the finger for blocking me.
He immediately floored it and rammed me from behind causing me to veer into another lane and slam into the side of a semi truck. I managed to save it through sheer luck. I unfortunately never got his license plate number but it was the closest I've come to being murdered.
No Air
Not me, but a cousin of mine when he was a kid tried suffocating his younger toddler sister with a pillow to make her stop crying.
He didn't know it would kill her though. They're both fine today.
Freedom!!
My ex-husband was a controlling a**hole who eventually cheated on me. When I found out, I told him I was taking our kid and leaving. He seemed cool with it, even to the point where he was willing to drive me to my friend's house to pick up empty boxes to pack my crap.
On the way there he told me I was never going anywhere again.
After he attempted to kill me, I walked a mile and called the cops from a daycare that I found. They picked me up, took me home, and found him and told him he had to be out of the house for 24 hours so I could pack my crap.
I called my mom, who sent my sister and nephew to drive eight hours to pick me up with a Uhaul.
I never pressed charges because it would have meant staying in that city in order to do so, and I was terrified and alone.
That was almost 14 years ago. Life is much better now.
Leaving Me Behind
Can't be proved but my ex husband - I had some work done on my teeth under general anaesthetic, wasn't supposed to be left alone. He laid me out in front of the gas fire and went out to do whatever... I woke up hours later to an empty house and the smell of gas everywhere. I used to chalk this up to him being thick and self centred but realistically... he had no need to leave that long when he was supposed to be keeping an eye on me, and he seemed really surprised to hear from me when I called, thinking back on it.
Frenemies?
Two friends i had snuck into my bedroom one night and tried to hang me from my bedroom door. They locked the door to stop it from opening and woke me up to brag about how easy it was. I started banging on the wall while choking to wake up my other housemate. Their ego is why I'm still alive.
Only One
country music baby GIF by Toby KeithGiphyWhen I was a baby and my brother was toddler, he tried smothering me with a pillow lol. My mom found us in time. I guess he took "there could only be one" seriously.
Everybody always seems so innocent. Clearly it's all an act and a plot. When you can't even trust grandma, there is no hope left. I would say recommend reading this thread to a friend, but not in the dark. Bless those that are still able to tell the tales.
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- People Describe The Dumbest Way They've Almost Died - George Takei ›
- People Describe The Closest They've Ever Come To Death - George Takei ›
- People Share Survival Myths That Can Actually Get Someone Killed - George Takei ›
- People Who've Had Near Death Experiences Share Their Stories - George Takei ›
- People Break Down The Scariest True Stories They Know - George Takei ›
- People Who've Known Murderers Describe What They Were Really Like - George Takei ›
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!