Parents Explain Why They Actually Disowned Their Child

Parents Explain Why They Actually Disowned Their Child
Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

Warning: Some sensitive material ahead.

Cutting the emotional cord with someone you love is an incredibly difficult decision. It's even more difficult when they're your parent––or your child, in this case––because society places pressure on people to put forward the appearance of the perfect family. But things are never that black and white, are they?

The stories shared were heartrending and challenging ones after Redditor NotAnyOrdinaryPsycho asked the online community,

"Parents who disowned their child: why?"

"He didn't learn the lesson."

"My dad's parents disowned him for marrying my mom. My dad threatened to disown me if I went to Chinese medical school. He didn't learn the lesson."


It's always a tragedy when history repeats itself.

"My parents worked tirelessly..."

"My parents disowned my oldest sister. She always struggled growing up more than us (she became a teen mom with a bad older dude, partied a lot, etc), but my parents helped her a lot. They do okay for themselves but had a no-co-signing rule for all six of my siblings and I. Still, they co-signed for her house so she could get a head start.

She didn't pay the mortgage for almost 3 years before my mom got served in front of all the other nurses at her work.

My parents worked tirelessly to try to work out deals where my sister and her family kept the house and got some leniency, but to no avail, because my sister never showed up for court dates. During this time, she paid $12k for IVF and got pregnant with her fifth kid.

When my mom demanded some of the money back, she accused my dad and my brother of beating her sons when my parents took them to Disney World (he didn't) and said she'd file a police report if he asked for money again. They kept asking, cause it wasn't true.

She awkwardly joined us for Christmas and punched my brother in the face during the meal for "humiliating" her oldest son by asking him if he wanted to work at my brother's company for good pay. Her oldest son is in and out of jail, and my brother was trying to help him after his release, but her son said he didn't want a job and got mad. She then called the cops and told them the same brother had illegal guns in his truck, and they came on Christmas night and searched his truck (no guns found!)

Needless to say, she is not welcome anywhere near any of us and my mom still cries about it, but refuses to talk to her again."


"We were given relatively equal opportunities..."

"My parents disowned my (half) sister. We were given relatively equal opportunities, but she enjoyed hanging out with trouble makers and "bad boys," sort of thing I guess. She ended up getting pregnant/marrying a guy who was a lower-level guy for a well-known organized crime family.

My parents gave her their old used car to help her get to school and continue trying to get an education... but she didn't change over the title/registration. She dropped out and let her guy drive the car downtown one night and ended up gunning someone down over a drug deal or something.

People saw and reported the car. Police came to my parents' home (still registered owner) and pretty aggressively pressed my dad thinking he was the shooter. That was it, we haven't spoken to her since. I believe their mob guys had made some very credible threats against my parents to keep their mouths shut and not cooperate with the police about the murder. We moved away to put some space between us and all that mess.

The guy got away with the killing (and loads of other crimes, like I said he was somewhat connected), but died by the time he was 30 from a (presumably drug induced) heart attack. At least that's what my family who still lives in that area told us.

I honestly hadn't thought about my sister in probably 10-15 years prior to this post reminding me I had one..."


"My father-in-law..."

"My father-in-law has disowned his children for the following reasons (and these are just the ones I remember):

  1. Getting married without his approval
  2. Refusing to break up with their girlfriend when he said to
  3. Working for a Democrat

My FIL has control issues."


We can see that.

He should definitely get some help... but there's probably a complicated story there, too.

"She hid it..."

"Not me but an acquaintance of mine was disowned by her parents because her parents are legitimate racists and she fell in love with a Hispanic dude. She hid it for about two years and when they found out the entire family disowned her for it."


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It continues to astonish me at how quickly some people will disown their children over who they happen to fall in love with.

"I love my son..."

"I love my son, but he abused me. When he turned that violence on to his sister by choking her, I had to say 'Good-bye.'"


An immensely difficult decision. It sounds like it was the right choice.

"I caught him..."

"I caught him when he lunged for his sister. Routinely attacked us. He went to his Mom's where he attacked his new stepfather until the stepdad left.

My son and I don't speak."


Another sad element to this: There are people out there who could never hope to understand the circumstances that push someone to make that decision.

"My ex-wife..."

"My ex-wife disowned my son.

We both married young when I was in the military (high school sweethearts). She became pregnant 6 months into our marriage. I don't think she connected with him at all after he was born. The most she did with him was Instagram photoshoots where she painted herself as #1 mommy. When he turned 3, I left the military. A year after that, she ran for the hills. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I sat down with her at a local restaurant to talk about divorce plans. We split all of our financials and material items down the middle. We finally got to custody for my kiddo (something I dreaded to discuss because fathers never gain custody in my area) and she tells me "I want absolutely no responsibility." I was taken back and I asked if she was sure. She was. That one sentence hurt me more than anything else that happened during that time. My biological father wanted nothing to do with me and now I was seeing it happen with my own child but with his mother. I received full custody and she married within a year afterward (she had another child too). Her parents try their best to be a part of his life but she still does her best to avoid him. He's 7 now and used to it, but I know it weighs heavily on him."


It sounds like that child is lucky to have you. Silver linings, internet stranger.

"He died this year..."

"Not the parent, but my mom ceased all contact with my much older half-brother from a different dad. He was a violent, angry addict; would steal from and beat up my grandparents and my mom. She finally had enough. He died this year and it's the first time my mom had seen him since she cut him off 15ish years ago. I now have my own kids and I've always supported my mom's decision. That said... I feel so, so sorry for her, more so than when I was "just" her kid. I can't imagine ever reaching that point with my kids and I'm sure she never did either."


While I can't relate to this topic myself, I can't even imagine how devastating it would be to bring someone into the world only to feel they're a detriment to your health and well-being. And on the other hand, I can't imagine bringing a child into the world only to abandon them with no questions asked.

Have a story of your own? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments below.

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