Working in an emergency room can be dark, somber yet an often hilarious experience. The one true thing about life is it's absurdity and unexpected happenings. Those on the front lines of health see it all and live to tell about it. Nurses are warriors and sometimes their jobs, while disturbing, can be a comedy show set up.
Redditor u/ddelGuy wanted the nurses out there to tickle our funny bone by asking.... Nurses of Reddit, what is your funniest emergency room story?
Shattered.
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I have a friend who is a nurse and she said they once had to deal with someone who had inserted a magic 8 ball up their butt. Most horrifying was someone who inserted a lightbulb but it shattered. XtraFalcon
Sporked.
My ex was a nurse and she once attended an emergency surgery of a guy who had been stabbed with a spork- the spoon-terminus, mind you- and the instrument was still stuck in his chest when he arrived at the hospital. For some reason, on the fork-side of the spork there was a little piece of Wiener Wurst attached.
The surgeon's hand trembled from laughter during the whole operation. When asked during recovery about what happened, the guy said he'd slipped while eating dinner and fell on the spork but the authorities suspect there was something more sinister going on. EPIC_BOY_CHOLDE
The Scene Stealer.
We had a dad bring his kid in, cause she had weird red areas on her belly. He screamed at us, cursed and made a BIG scene, claiming his kid would "fade into unconsciousness" and we are just watching her die. Don't get me wrong, if she'd had altered mental status I'd have been concerned, but the kid was dancing around the examination room and had no signs of problems whatsoever, while we had actually sick kids waiting.
Well, dad insisted to get an ultrasound for his kid with internal bleeding. When the ultrasound gel was applied, we wiped off the red color that she probably got from a new shirt or toy or whatever... He was embarrassed. At least. bringmeagene
Home Care.
Not sure if it counts because it's not in the ER, but it still makes me laugh.
Student nurse here, I work in home care. I once got a call from a client who was freaking out because a friend brought her home and now her friend said she didn't feel well, to the point she wasn't responding anymore. So here I go, rushing over, thinking about the questions I need to ask, things I need to observe, possible outcomes etc. I arrive at the clients house, my client comes running to me: "come fast come fast! there she is! she runs to the couch and starts rubbing a pillow. Turns out she was hallucinating. princessfailure
I Fainted.
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Not my story, but here it goes. Couple arrive late night in the ER, him with a bleeding sore penis, her with multiple head injuries and a burned back. After being treated they eventually tell the story to the puzzled nurses. He was frying eggs when she decided to surprise him with oral sex, during the action he dropped the eggs on her back, she bit him and he started banging her head with the pan to stop. meshmel1
"the other jelly had seeds"
Not an emergency but funny story... My twin sister is a nurse and when we were in college she had a patient during an OB/GYN clinical who was said she was using grape jelly as lube because "the other jelly had seeds." She thought food jelly and petroleum jelly were the same thing. kerriging
Holding the Code....
Not a human nurse, but a vet nurse- A hysterical man came in carrying his dog, and we prepared for an emergency situation, except he then tells us the following: that the dog went over the fence in his yard and into his neighbor's house (a neighbor who doesn't like them very much to begin with), climbed on top of his desk and ate the code-device for his bank. Now he would like to get it out and replace it before the neighbor took notice 😂. AsthmaticWolf
"Pull your waistband down."
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Not a nurse but I bet she told everyone... because she was cracking up at my innocence.
I had the need for a poison ivy shot and my dad told me they shoot your butt. Im like 15. So nurse says "time for your shot, can you/
Me: pants down; butt out...
"Pull your waistband down."
The funny part is I kicked my shoes off as well. Like I was about to get all naked and comfortable for a one second shot. We all laughed real hard at that. She had the pants down before but never the shoes kicked off. RacinGracey
TWO SHAMPOO BOTTLES.
My mother used to work away, but due to the inconvenience of driving all the way across town coupled with a promotion, she works from home. A patient came in complaining of constipation. Right on cue he pooped out TWO SHAMPOO BOTTLES. They were about half the height of normal ones, but not half the width. GiggityMerf
"I'll tell ya one thing, sex is out of the question"
I was on a clinical for paramedic school. I was in the room helping 2 nurses insert a foley cath on a 90 year old female. She had came in after a fall and had a dislocated hip. The nurses are prepping everything trying to get her ready and she suddenly sits up and says in the calmest possible voice "I'll tell ya one thing, sex is out of the question" and lays back down and goes back to screamin' in pain. jesus-christ-of-ems
I won $150 that day!
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I used to work in the ER sometimes... and when we would pull stuff out of people's buttholes it would get washed and sterilized and put in this box under the Triage desk.
When a new person started we would run a pool on who could get the newbie to use something out of the box first... I won it once by taking the staples out of his stapler and then casually mentioning that "Hey, there is a stapler in the box under the triage desk". I won $150 that day! hokeyWB
Seeing Red.
Not my story, but heard it from my cousin. She was training for her nurse diploma at the time at a local hospital. So there is this old guy (70-80) coming in the ER with a big wound on his leg and he had to go for surgery. My cousin tried to prepare him for the surgery and asked him to remove his boots and clothes, so he can change into proper clothing.
The old guy started yelling and cursing because he didn't want to get his boots off. Several doctors came by to calm him and he started to fight them too. After some time when he calmed down they injected him some anesthetic in order to remove his boots without him flipping over. It turns out he was ashamed to take them off because he had his nails painted red. SteliosTh
What an idiot.
Not a nurse but an MA and I once had a patient that was a catholic priest that developed a skin rash... he was treating it with that spray Clorox cleanup solution which of course only made it worse. When asked about the rash, he said he caught it from his wife and then pleaded with us not to report him to the head guy at his church since he's not supposed to be married.
Obviously we can't report things like that due to privacy laws. Turns out his "wife" was a hooker that was also one of our patients (unbeknownst to either of them). FYI/ Clorox spray, when applied liberally and directly to your genitalia WILL cause burns. What an idiot. trontellix
Oh Meth....
I work inpatient but here are some stories.
The patient had a UTI. She told me that a previous nurse had told her to wipe front to back and how ridiculous that was as she had wiped back to front her whole life and was fine. I asked her if she had ever had a UTI before. She said "Oh yeah, all the time."
Had a patient who was coming down off of meth. He insisted that he had been kidnapped because a hold had been placed (for very valid concerns about violent behavior). He called 911 and said he had been kidnapped.
The police arrived to make sure everything was alright (make sure that someone hadn't actually been kidnapped). When the patient saw the police his response was not "I have been kidnapped please help" but to try and attack the police. We managed to disengage him without anyone getting hurt. As soon as they left he demanded to use the phone to report his kidnapping. a098273
"fat Mary Poppins"
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I was in charge one day and was called to rescue my rech who had been pulled to sit with a psych pt. I go down and he's pale and shaking, and his patient is straining at his leathers and screaming.
I told the patient to calm down a sec so I can talk to my tech just to be a smart butt and he actually did! I told my tech to chill and call me if he needs me. I then told the patient I was done talking and he could go back to making a ruckus if he wanted. The meds had kicked in though, and he just called me "fat Mary Poppins" as I left. CrochetyNurse
"I REMEMBER!!!"
Not ER, but once I took care of the same 2 patients for 3 days in a row, and they were separated only with a curtain. On the third day the nice old man gets distraught and goes "Nurse! Nurse! I'm so worried I haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days!!" I go "what do you mean? You just had one yesterday." And he relaxes and smiles and says "oh, I guess I forgot." From behind the curtain my other patient yells "I REMEMBER!!!" 😂 Notexpiredyet
damn diarrhea....
Or that time a nice fella taking a colonoscopy prep overdid it, and got to vomiting... just when the diarrhea kicked in. Eventually, exhausted and empty, but feeling better, he thought he'd try to get approved to go ahead with the colonoscopy instead of wasting the prep. GI said ok, if he went to the ED and got checked out for dehydration/infection.
He hopped into the shower, cleaned off in a hurry and came to see me. Having failed to notice that he used his teenaged daughters fancy silly glitter body wash. This big, macho muscular conservative looking 50 year old man, glittering like Edward from Twilight. Once he heard the workup was ok and he was clear for the scope, we all had a great laugh. procrast1natrix
Still Barefoot?
I had a manic guy on a psych hold who eloped. Ran like a gazelle out to triage barefoot in only his underwear. Once there, he stopped and weighed himself. Then, faced with his choice of two convenient doors out to the lobby, he instead climbed up onto the counter and thru the little triage window, ran outside (still barefoot) and stole a police car. procrast1natrix
Not the Butt!
My mom has been a nurse for my entire life and I remember when she did her stint in the OR at our local hospital. She told me some guy came in complaining of pain in his butt but would not specify to the female nurses what happened. Being that the OR was a zoo they implored the man to be honest just because they didn't have many men working on the floor and since he was not in crisis he may have to sit for awhile.
Finally the man broke down and told them he was home watching some adult films (this was the early 90's) when he got curious about a certain thing he saw a male performer do but unlike the professionals this guy couldn't get it out and it was currently stuck in limbo.
My mom never specified what was shoved up his there but she said he got lucky they were able to get out completely. godbullseye
Go Fish.
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Or that time someone had an allergic reaction, and for some reason brought in live mussel for us, which hr thought he had reacted to. In a little jar full of water. Like a goldfish or something. We kept our little mussel friend for most of a day in the charting space. He did not contribute meaningfully to the workup or treatment plan. procrast1natrix
Any other nurses have a tale or two?
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...