Emergency Room Employees Share The Funniest Reason A Patient Was Brought In
Photo by Owen Beard on Unsplash

Not asking for this to happen to anyone lucky enough to read these stories, but you would hope if you had to make a trip to the emergency room it would be for a worthwhile reason. Maybe you damaged your clavicle bravely fighting off some purse snatchers or injured your fibula rescuing your family from a sinking ship.

Not sticking something up your butt and getting it stuck there.

On purpose. Which happens a lot more than you might think.

Warning, some of these tales from the E.R. are NSFW.


Reddit user, SnooSuggestions5585, wanted to hear about the craziest things happening in hospitals when they asked:

"Redditors who work at the ER, what's the funniest/absurd reason someone was brought in?"

You would expect most of the injuries obtained in the E.R. to come from kids, right?

Sigh, Teenagers Gonna Teenager

"Over the course of an evening 9 teenagers were brought in by their parents for hallucinations. None of them were able to tell us what was going on and they trickled in over about 4 hours. The drug screens were negative but they were all pretty badly out of it. Finally one of the siblings was able to tell us they had all been at the same party. One of the teens had talked the others into trying mushrooms except they were mildly poisonous ones instead of the ones you take for “shrooms”. They were all tripping like crazy for the night and they had to stay in the ER until they were sobering up. It was amusing for the staff but the parents were quite irate."

Liz4984

Revenge!

"I’m a cop and was posted at the ER on night shift once and a woman came in because she got bit by a snake in her yard. She was panicking because of it. Her hand was really swollen. One of the nurses asked if she saw what kind of snake it was and she said no. A couple of minutes later these two boys, maybe 12-13 came running in holding a decapitated snake in pieces inside of a ziploc bag. They had rode their bikes from their house to the hospital to show the doctors the snake that bit this lady. Like these kids heard about what happened and went on her yard to kill the snake just to do this. It was funny and oddly heartwarming."

Amy-Paradise

​You really need to question the sanity of some of these people before they visited the hospital. Ask questions like, "Why weren't you brought in sooner for just being alive?"

Seemed Like The Right Call To Make At The Time

"When asking what brought him in today he said he was arguing with his sister about the car and how much this costs and carrying on, had to stop and ask him again why is he here, his reasoning was he was tired of arguing with his sister and would rather be admitted to the hospital.."

Lil-one

Wait Until All Of It Is Good And Out

"A woman came in after she cut her hand pretty bad making dinner. Instead of putting any pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding, she was just letting herself bleed into a large kitchen bowl."

Virtual-Cupcake-1510

With Friends Like These?

"Had a guy come in after smoking weed with his friends and then he also did PCP. His friends got very paranoid and he became aggressive towards them, so naturally they attacked him… with a samurai sword."

Current_Recording_64

And then there's these. The ones you were all waiting for with delightful, Schadenfreudian glee.

The sex ones.

Wait, This Happens So Often There's A Nickname For It???

"As a kid, my Mom's EMT stories seemed hilarious, but as an adult I don't think I'd have the patience to tolerate so many people's bullsh-t."

"That being said, here goes the story: they get a call that a guy has a sever nosebleed, is already feeling dizzy, losing a lot of blood and can't stop it. Needless to say they floor it, thinking the guy might bleed out, get there in very short time. They ring the doorbell, a guy answers."

"They ask him to take them to the victim, he says they're talking to him. Not one drop of blood on the guy's face or clothes or anywhere, cheeks all rosy, doesn't look like he's lost a lot of blood so they ask what the deal is. He says it's hard to explain but he was worried they wouldn't send him an ambulance if he was honest about his symptoms and he's in a lot of pain."

"My mom tells him to sit down and tell them about the symptoms while they take his blood pressure. Guy says he'll do all of that, except for the sitting down part. Now, I bet you all know where this is going... Turns out he'd been trying to convince his girlfriend to experiment sexually with him, she wasn't into it, was afraid it would hurt. So the guy says "if I show you on myself, will you do it?". She reluctantly said yes. So the guy lubes up a thin aluminum flashlight (2 cm thick, 15 cm long), bends over and jams it up where the sun don't shine"

"So they put him on a stretcher and the driver says into the radio "ambulance 98 returning, 28 year-old male with severe constipation and foreign object in his rectum. Uhm... it's a flashlight, in case it matters. So, uhm... Yup, you heard that right: we're bringin' you a firefly, stand by."

Corvus_Manufaktura

Don't Pick Him Up And Shake Him!

"My Mom worked in the OR and said there were soo many guys who ended up there because of things they "slipped and fell" on. The craziest one for her was the guy who "slipped and fell" on a snow globe."

craponapoopstick

He'll Follow You Until The Afterlife Fades Away

"I got admitted to the ED after a heavy leather bound photo album fell off the top of a free standing wardrobe during sex and hit me on the head."

"I ended up with 12 stitches and a multi layer closure and luckily missed out on a skull fracture."

"The album in question? The woman’s wedding day with her dead husband."

"We joked later that it was his ghost disapproving of our random horny moments."

W2ttsy

Wait For The Twist Ending...

"Girl came in saying she had a lump in her vagina. Very worried about it. Examination revealed nil abnormalities. On further questioning her new boyfriend said he felt it during sex."

"It was her cervix."

craycraxy

As always, all of the salutes and respect to the people we pay to heal us. The things they have to outright not laugh in our faces for must be a mountain impossibly high.

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