People Share The Most Hilarious Pick-Up Lines They've Ever Heard
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Trying to make a love or lust connection isn't always an easy trick when you're face to face these days. Maybe that's why the online or app connections have exploded.

At least then when you crash and burn in your attempts there are no witnesses, just a screen. So your shame is hidden.

You always want to be suave and sexy in that first impression. You only get one introduction and chance so you want to make it count.

You want your words to be funny, charming, brilliant and hot. That is a whole lot to cover in one pick-up line. Can it be done?

Well, we're about to find out...

RedditorPMme_bobswanted to hear some of the best ways people tried to make a connection, they asked:

"What’s your best worst pickup line that would never get you laid but is hilarious?"

I always just said... "Hey you. Wanna do it?" It worked... a lot. I don't like to waste time. I get paid to be funny, so when it's free I cut to the chase.

***THE FOLLOWING IS A LITTLE SCANDALOUS!***

Low Interest

Hilary Duff Lol GIF by YoungerTVGiphy

"Are you a 0% APR car loan? Because you seem to have no interest and I don't understand how." ~ Ok_Coconut_1773

F5

"'Are you sitting on the F5 key cause that butt is refreshing.' I used it once and it caused a lot of confusion until I explained it and then he laughed a lot." ~ I-like-bagels15

"You just stole that from that Side-men tinder pick up lines video." ~ Witrom

"I’ve never seen that video actually lol. I googled “pick up lines” when I was 14 and that was the one that stuck. But I’m sure others have used it." ~ I-like-bagels15

Organs

"You remind me of my appendix. You give me this weird feeling inside and I want to take you out." ~ kingJoffi

"I had a woman I matched on tinder use the appendix line on me. I followed up with 'I'm pretty sure I am your appendix, I don't want to do anything useful, then burst inside you.'" ~ midget_rancher79

Hands Off

"Hey gorgeous, wanna go antiquing? Cause I’ve got some junk that hasn’t been touched in years." ~ LexSenthur

"I want to point out the cleverness of this comment and the post in general - probably won’t help you if you’re single, but if you’re married it might make your wife laugh enough to get you sex" ~ TheTinRam

US

Captain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy

"I put the 'STD' in "stud" and now all I need is 'U.'" ~ ntruncata

Ok, that last one shouldn't be funny. But it really is. I snorted a bit. The others aren't bad either.

Ideal

Marvel Studios Reaction GIF by Disney+Giphy

"My ideal body weight is yours on mine." ~ starsinmysoup

You get an "A"

"Are you my homework? Cause I’m not doing you but I definitely should be." ~ LKAM22

"Related, I always liked to ask a dude if he'd help me with a math problem. If he says yes, I follow up with 'If a train leaves Portland going south at 80 mph & another leaves San Francisco going north at 90 mph, how long will it be before you take me to bed with you?' Usually gets a laugh." ~ OpossumJesusHasRisen

The Strangest 'Wrong Number' Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Before we all had caller ID, wrong numbers phone calls were commonplace. But now that almost everyone screens their calls, it's wrong number texts that have ...

Bear Talk

"Back in the day I gave a buddy a pick up line to use. 'How much does a polar bear weigh?' He said it to a girl nearby and she’s like 'Idk like 800 lbs?' And he responded, 'yeah that’s what I was thinking, around 1,000 lbs…' and proceeded to chat her up! smh." ~ AskmeaboutUpDoc

Lip Action

So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy

“'You have great hair can I touch it,' then touch her moustache.' ~ Unusual_Researcher_7

Mike?

"Cute thing looked at me and said 'Mike?' (which is not my name). My response was, 'No, but I'll change my name if you want.' She gave out a gut laugh and walked off. Months later she saw me again and started laughing the instant she saw me. I made an impression, just not the one I wanted I guess." ~ glm409

So Mitch...

"Hey girl, are you an obelisk? Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through the process of elimination." ~ ImpracticallySharp

"Why did I just read this as if it were a Mitch Hedberg line?" ~ PigeonToesMcGee

"Obviously the basic structure of it is very Mitch, but it also has the quality of simultaneously sounding like both something a smart person would say and something a dumb person would say which is also somehow very Mitch." ~ Borkz

Bob

"My college room mate: Hi... you're cute! My name's Bob. How do you like me so far? Sadly he was serious." ~ anon04

"Interesting interesting. Which part would you say specifically, caused that?"

"Ahhhh I see. On a scale of 1-10 how enthused would you say you'd be to continue this conversation with 10 being very enthused, and 1 being not at all enthused?" ~ IHazMagics

Look it Up

Giphy

"'Hey I think we've met before. I've seen you in the dictionary next to the word wow!' This was one of my High School freshmen. He did not get her number." ~ Frankfusion

DAM!!

"Hey girl, are you a concrete arch-gravity embankment in the Black Canyon on the Colorado River, on the border of Nevada and Arizona, constructed between 1931 and 1936 during the Great Depression and dedicated on September 30, 1935 by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt? Because DAM!!" ~ walterpsherman

Perfect Timing

"I overheard a girl in a bar telling her friends goodbye. I simply leaned in and said, 'Don’t go.' It worked. It worked so well!" ~ PalmettoShark

"Timing and spontaneity is everything here. A few beats too late and you’ll seem creepy as f**k listening in on their conversation." ~ kyoorius

And tootpaste?

"This one technically did get me sex. I met a girl at a dance at 15 years old. I asked her to dance during a slow song, and during our small talk, I asked, 'so… what color is your toothbrush?' Just the dumbest most ridiculous question I could think of. Fast forward 8 years at our wedding, and my new wife asks during our first dance, 'so what color is your toothbrush?' I’ve never been so in love." ~ mitch3758

Electric Shock

the brave little toaster GIFGiphy

"Hey babe are u a toaster, cuz a bath with u would send straight to heaven." ~ hobbsy187

"My Tinder used to read: 'I like my men like I like my toasters: turned on and in the tub with me.' It either worked or it made them very uncomfortable (aka it worked)." ~ inSkrekption

Oh Gramps

"My husband recently bought a few pairs of overalls for working on the house/yard/car. I told him it reminds me of my grandpa, who wore only overalls unless he was going to church on Sundays. Now, when my husband puts his overalls on, I whisper seductively into his ear, 'Hey, Grandaddy. You got some hard candy in those pockets for me?' He does not find it sexy." ~ EngineeringQueen

The Climb

"Not mine, but witnessed a man sub 5 ft tall walk up to a 6ft plus tall woman, look her up and down and say 'I'm gonna climb you like a redwood tree.' Not that I had ever seen from him. The guy wasn't exactly smooth though, so I think it was more his delivery than the line itself. I feel like it could be solid line with better delivery." ~ Wallypog

Foolproof...

"Hey, if I asked you out on a date, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question? If they say yes, then that means they'd say yes if you asked them out. If they say no, that means they'd say yes if you asked them out. It's foolproof!" ~ TheFiredrake42

Y'all are scandalous and I'm living for it. I may try some of these.

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.

People Divulge Their Favorite 'Rich Person Hobbies'

We've all played the "What I would do if I was rich" game.

Admit it.

You've imagined a trillion scenarios for what you would do (after you paid off your debt, of course) with wads of cash. In your imagination, you've given money to friends, started charities or businesses, and probably bought your fair share of imaginary real estate.

And that's all just the basics. We haven't even gotten into all the rich-people hobbies you could take up like SCUBA golfing, sailboat customization, or learning how to melt down antique jewelry to make gem-encrusted bongs for yoga Wednesdays at the gym-slash-coffeehaus.

Keep reading...Show less
People Share The Best Ways To Say 'I Love You' Without Actually Saying It

When it comes to expressing love, there is a multitude of ways to go about it. Most people stick to the classic: using the words "I love you."

But that's not the only way.

Using thoughtful gestures, love languages, special messages, or even just remembering little details about another person are all great ways to express love.

Keep reading...Show less
People Confess Which Types Of People They've Lost All Respect For

Humans, we fall in and out of grace with one another constantly.

But there are reasons.

At first, you can really like someone.

Enjoy their company and spend tons of quality time with them.

Then one day, they drop the facade and show you some true colors.

Then respect goes out the window.

Keep reading...Show less
People Explain Which Animals Get An Undeserving Amount Of Hatred

So many animals are only dangerous because of their need for survival or hunger.

Humans make the relationship with the animal kingdom worse.

Is there no way to co-exist?

Keep reading...Show less