Camila Quintero Franco/Unsplash

This article is an ode to the "OMG/WTF" injuries that hurt so much worse than we were ready for. I'm talking stepping on a lego, stubbing your toe, breaking a nail across the nailbed, papercuts in the webbing between your fingers ... we're about to get gnarly.


Reddit user FreshwaterOctopus asked:

"What is way more physically painful than it should be?"

It's a carnival of mundane terrors below.

That Same Spot

Nicole Kidman Reaction GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

"Biting the same spot in your mouth over again."

- Contriived

"If I bite my cheek once, I know that I will bite it at least five more times throughout the day."

- nonessentialnpc

"Currently been suffering this hell for the past week. I thought it had finally swelled down and gone away today then chomped right back down on it again restarting the entire cycle again."

- MJ_is_a_mess

"I'm an epileptic and I frequently bite my cheeks during my seizures."

"The inside of my mouth looks like The Joker scars because of how much I chomped and chomped, I've even had to ask nurses to use cuticle scissors to cut out loose pieces of flesh because I kept biting down on the when I closed my mouth normally."

"You aren't lying about this."

- Common-Lawfulness-61

Plaguing Me For Months

america ferrera pimple GIF Giphy

"I have had this recurring tiny zit in the crease of my nose that just kept coming back because I couldn't properly pop it and it wouldn't come to a head. It was one of those ones that's way too deep under the skin."

"It was unreal how much this tiny thing hurt."

"The last time is recurred I finally broke the top layer of skin and used a pair of tweezers to push/squeeze it out, using all my might it seemed like."

"I had tears pouring out of my eyes it was so painful."

"But eventually, out popped this teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, white plug. It was instant relief but I was like:"

" '…that's it? That's all that's been plaguing me for months!?' "

"Ridiculous."

- username deleted

Paper

big bang theory paper cut GIF Giphy

"Paper cut"

- MrBirb_

"I've only gotten a paper cut once in my life, and that was when I was into origami."

"Before then, I had always thought cartoons were stupid, and that there's no way paper can cut anything. I was like:"

" 'Haha! You foolish drawings! Paper isn't metal! Look at how light this is!' "

"Guess what? Got a f*cking paper cut."

"That sh*t hurts so goddamn much!"

"I shall never ever toy with the paper gods again. That demonic spawn of the wood pulp shall never again penetrate my fortified appendages!"

- oceeta

"Ah yes, a Tree's revenge."

- byby935

How Toes Go

Freedom Feet GIF by Hysteria Giphy

"Ingrown toenails!"

- 9mmway

"I suffered with two for years, often cutting the ingrown section out myself, it's a wonder I never ended up with a severe infection. (Never do this)"

"I had to have the nail bed surgically removed and it's been smooth nailing ever since"

- Charlie_Brodie

"I remember making fun of Diego Maradona when he had one during the World Cup. Karma caught up with me and I got one not long after."

"They are debilitating."

- bigwilliesty1e

Smell The Pain

The Brady Bunch Football GIF by TV Land Classic Giphy

"Unexpected hit to the nose. Doesn't even have to be that hard. Makes you tear up even as a sting fills the front of your face."

- Wild_Preference_9749

"Fun fact: that weird smell you experience after a hit to the nose? That's pain. You can literally smell the pain."

"When you get hit, the rapid firing of the nerves in the nose also affects the smell receptors in your nostril; you notice a smell that you couldn't detect before you were hit."

"It's similar to how repeated head trauma can reduce a person's ability to smell."

"As someone who backs for a cheerleading squad, I can confirm that I get the pain smell for about an average of 3 days a month"

- boopadoop_johnson

A Fishy Flop

Sexy Spongebob Squarepants GIF Giphy

"That f*cking muscle cramp you get in your leg out of nowhere while you're sleeping!"

"I swear to God it's so painful I jump around in my bed the same way a fish does when it's pulled out of the water."

- Boring-Working-5509

"Seriously the worst! Especially when you sense it coming and your just sitting there like 'oh boy here we go!' "

- Gronagen

"Next time it happens, just force your heel down hard and quick (not like "I'm gonna strain a muscle quick" but forceful), and it kinda 'resets' the muscle."

"It hurts like hell briefly which is why I recommend doing it quickly, like pulling off a bandaid."

"Do not under any circumstances point the toe down, pointing the toe down makes it worse!"

- Atiggerx33

"An ex taught me about standing up when the cramp hits and it was a life changer."

"I used to roll around in bed in agony just rubbing and squeezing my calf in agony and it always felt like an eternity."

"Standing up seemed to go against every instinct one would have in that moment, but it just goes away almost instantly."

- fokkoooff

The Hangover

Confused What Happened GIF by Google Giphy

"Being hungover in your 30s."

"It didn't even come gradually, One Sunday you're walking on sunshine and the next you walk through the valley of the shadow of Death."

- scxiao

"It was the biggest shock of my life."

"I used to go hard and never ever had a headache or anything, then one day I have a couple glasses of wine and the next day I spend the day on bed recovering. WTF"

- hanhanjackiechan

Being Backed Up

Sesame Street Dancing GIF Giphy

"I had my first bout of baaaddddd constipation last month. I never realized it could be that painful."

"Sure, I've had a hard time on the toilet, but the feeling of touching your stomach and everything is hard and swollen and blocked … next level."

"I wanted to kiss the feet of the laxative manufacturer that eventually gave me some relief."

"By the way, it turned out my liver was swollen and was compressing my intestines. Worth the trip to the doctor. Lifestyle changes ahoy."

- NoCauliflower1474

"Yeah, my first extreme constipation experience was on chemo. Never knew it could hurt like that."

"The anti nausea meds caused it, but being on chemo and everything I was unsure what is going on. I had extreme pain and was in tears at the doctors, who scolded me for not taking something for it."

"But I was scared as I read in my pamphlet that I should not take over the counter laxatives or even pain killers. It was a bad and humiliating experience."

- stellamcmillan

Shins Are A Design Flaw

music video wobbly legs GIF by Lady Gaga Giphy

"Hitting your shin. Why were we built with zero shin protection??"

- nate6259

"Had an accident some time ago where I hit my shin. Unfortunately the impact was enough to basically delaminate a big chunk of skin from my shin down to the bone."

"Built in protection would have been much appreciated."

- lbretto

"I agree. Stupid design fault. Shins need more meat."

- Bodom3875

Pregnancy Sucks

Asian American Dance GIF by NETFLIX Giphy

"Pregnancy."

"I don't know if it's normal, but everything that f*cker did hurt."

"He kicked my bladder, he kept a foot in my lungs and one in my stomach so I couldn't breathe or eat. Dragged his feet down my ribs every chance he got."

"Tried to stretch far enough to break out. Squished my intestines to the point I would go two or three WEEKS without being able to take a sh*t."

"And no doctor would take any symptoms of anything, even if it wasn't pregnancy related, seriously. Yes, even if they existed before because I guess everything is normal for pregnancy."

"I get the birth part sucks but the pregnancy is supposed to be at least mildly pleasant right?"

- kitcat7898

Excuse us... we're going to go invest in bubble wrap and neosporin now.

And some pain killers.

... and laxatives. And that little grippy thingie to lift ingrown nails.

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